Last Name ?
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31143
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Topic: Last Name ?
Posted By: Bubie
Subject: Last Name ?
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:30am
Hi Ladies 
Me and my partner are in a ruck atm with deciding the last name of our baby boy due in April. I know most of them take the dads last name but untill we get married later on down the track if it happens of course ( we are only 19 atm) i would really like our baby to have my last name untill then. The problem is my partner said i can choose but if i choose it to have my last name he will need some time to get over it, he would be abit gutted 
Also even tho i know nothing will split me and my partner up, a feeling inside of me is wanting our baby to have my last name untill we get married incase we do split, as i have heard it's easier to have custody of your child if it has your last name ? Not too sure on that tho. What would you do in my situation ? Also my partners parents can be really hard to get along with sometimes and of course atm they naturally think our baby's last name is my partners so i think i may be a little stubborn and want it mine aswell because of that 
Any advice or help would be really appreciated ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:41am
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I don't know much about this but "think" that if you are planning on staying together longterm anyway then you may as well give the baby his surname as it would cost you to change the baby's surname to his "if" you get married. Could be very wrong though! -------------  
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:44am
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Yeah it will cost down the track if you get married.
Pretty sure surname has nothing to do with custody as he'll be listed on the birth certificate anyway, which is legally binding. Have you thought about baby having your surname as a middle name? |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:44am
I dont know much about it either but he could be feeling that its more your baby than his. I'd be tempted to give him the fathers name...you can always change it later if you break up....or how about using your surname as a second middle name...then he has both
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:45am
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SNAP Emz
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:48am
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I'm assuming the father's name is not hideous
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Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:51am
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Yeah it does make more sense to do it now instead of later i guess Lol no his last name isnt hideous I just didnt want him to feel upset or anything ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 9:53am
If it makes you feel better....bubs will have YOUR surname in the hospital
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Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 10:02am
I didnt know that  Haha for some strange reason it does make me feel better lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: xLUCKYx
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 10:16am
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My partner and I aren't married yet - engaged though and I have given both the kids my surname. It was never a question of me and DF splitting at all. But when we get maried DF will take my name too - he didn't want the kids to have his family name either as he doesn't want them (or him) to be associated to his family - not HIS family (Mum, Dad, Sisters, Brothers) but his extended family have a bit of a reputation......
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Posted By: rachndean
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 10:33am
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Bubie, I was in your situation when pregnant with my DD. I was engaged to her father, and so we decided to give DD his surname as I would be taking his name when we married. Unfortunately I split up with her father, and I am now remarried with 2 children with my husband. I am happy that I gave DD her dads surname, for her sake as well as his. We are now looking into hyphernating her surname with ours, so that she shares a surname with her dad, but also with her brother and sister.
I think that her having his surname is important to her now that she is old enough to understand. Hope this helps
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 10:38am
Yes, and it's first name with be "Baby of..."  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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nzpiper wrote:Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 11:04am
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Hey I'm also 19 and sorta had the same problem!
We've agreed to have DPs last name for our wee girl. My family was a bit gutted as they still hope DP and I will break up even though we've already been together 3 years! 
We've talked marriage and stuff but have agreed to do that later on. Have you thought about having both last names? And you can always drop one later or not...? Also when I was born my parents weren't married and I took my fathers last name. They split a wee while after I was born and I had my last name changed to my mums just before I started school. If anything I find it a pain as I constantly have to provide my new birth certificate to prove I've had a name change! Also re the easier getting custody, it doesn't matter what the last name is. My mum got full custody as once they split he wasn't really interested. In fact I never saw him again until I was 15, and that was a mission for me as I had no idea I'd had a name change or what his last name was! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 11:23am
Isabelle was Baby of .. Elias was Elias (they asked if he had a name when they were making the card) ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: BerryBliss
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 11:36am
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My kids have both our last names (hyphernated) thats another option for you.
We chose to do the hypernated thing as we were both young (i was 18 and dh was 22) and we loved the idea of baby having both our last names. Now DH and i are married we have the same hyphernated name as our children. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 1999 DS 2003 DS 2006 DD 2009 |
Posted By: JodyR
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 11:45am
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I agree with the others, hyphernating both last names might be the best compromise if they go well together and with the first names you have chosen.
The comments about what will be written in the hospital made me smile, it always reminds me of my friend. When she was born her parents had been convinved they were expecting a boy and hadn't chosen any girls names (this was before scans, I am that old) and so the nurse said the would just write "Baby ..." on the wrist tags etc. Unfortunately their surname was Sample so for the first few days of her life she was known as "The Baby Sample" in the hospital. ------------- Ally and Elisabeth, our stars in the sky, and Joseph, our ray of sunshine. 
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Posted By: Freesia
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 11:53am
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I found this a really difficult decision too. On my side of the family there isn't anyone to carry on the family name hence the main reason why I wanted my daughter to have my last name. I also like my name better than his and wouldn't change my name even if we got married.
To me though, it came down to the fact that it was more important to DP that she had his last name than it was to me. Although he would've gone along with it, it would've upset him quite a bit whereas it's something I could live with fairly easily. I do have to say though that it is a real pain when I'm filling in forms and things and have to write out two separate names for us both. Or having to spell out 2 sets of names when on the phone and enrolling her somewhere. It'd be so much easier if her name was the same as mine. -------------  
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 1:11pm
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Hey, I've been mulling that question over myself, because me and DP aren't even engaged and we are both young and a bit marriage shy.
I like my last name for its uniqueness however I do feel a bit sorry for any kid landed with it cause its different spelling and kids can make fun of it. On the other hand his last name is just so... "common". In the end I think we are going with the hyphen.... they (him and his family) have left the decision up to me but his MIL will be very disappointed if she doesn't have his last name lol. I don't think he cares though.... ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 1:18pm
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DP and I arent married and arent planning on getting married. Our DD has his surname as a middle name and my surname as her surname.
It helps that his surname is a difficult one but even if it wasnt I think I'd have insisted on my surname just to be obtuse. Preggy hormones and being a raging feminist and all  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 1:39pm
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I think there are some really good suggestions so far and it is a difficult decision.
Personally I would give him your surname until you are married. I was in a similar situation when I was having my first at 18, but since I had a girl, it figured she would be changing it anyway when she got married. She has a hiphenated name with my maiden name and her fathers name. She doesn't want to change any of it now that I am married with a different surname. I don't mind as she is old enough to make that call herself now. Good luck with what you decide. FYI I liked the suggestion of his surname as a middle name... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 2:13pm
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Thank you so much girls, yeah my last name is the only one left to carry on the generation, so if we dont use my last name then it will be finished aswell. I do like the suggestion on using both names, The only problem i have with it as i am not sure how it is written as i have never seen one before lol, we already have a middle name picked as my partner wanted it to be the name of his dad that passed away when he was younger, so i agreed that he could have that as a middle name ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Freesia
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 2:23pm
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Our surnames would sound really stupid if hyphenated so we never went down that route, and I remember a girl in school who had 2 hypenated (long) names and she could never fit it in the spaces available on forms. Would your names work alright together?
It's a bit trickier because you're having a boy I think. I still wonder if I'll raise the issue again if we ever have a boy. I really feel bad about letting our name die out whereas DP's family have heaps of boys to keep theirs going. -------------
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 2:25pm
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Well, as much as I hope you don't break up , anything is possible , especially at 19 .
I think your best bet would be to have a hyphenated surname, my daughter has mine and her fathers,it was her bio father first, my maiden name last, now that im married, (not to her bio father) all we've done is dropped my last name , so she has her bio dad's last name first , and my DH's (her dads) name last . ------------- 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 5:51pm
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Could baby have your surname as a middle name and have your partners as the surname.
My daughter and I are hypenated, we weren't married when she was born, and hadn't been back together that long either so we decided that she'd be hyphenated, once married I was hyphenated. My youngest son has DH's surname. My oldest (from another relationship) has my maiden name.. all a bit of a mish mash really, but I felt strongly about keeping my surname so my oldest still felt connected to me, as there was no way at that time that he wanted to take DH's name. I guess eventually once DD is older she may decide to drop my maiden name, I'm fine with that too. Since we've now been together 10years and nearly married 6. It comes down to personal choice really.. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 6:37pm
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My DS has my surname even though DH and i are married. I never wanted to change my name and was always clear that my children would have my name.
My mum was a solo mum and we had my dad's surname even though i've hardly ever met him. It was a bloody terrible name too and i changed it when i was old enough to. When it came up when we were pregnant i said that that was how it was going to be. DH was a bit put out but i said he could change his name to ours if he felt strongly about it, he said he wouldn't feel like himself with a different name. I said well that's my whole point! I thought his family would be a bit funny and they were a bit, but they think i'm a raving feminist anyway as we share the household chores,cooking etc 50/50 so i think they just got used to it. If you do have the baby have your name be prepared that people will ask why - i'm always happy to tell them why, but it's none of their business really. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 8:35pm
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I agree to go for the double barrelled last name. That way both you and your partner have "equal share" in the babies name rather than it feeling like it's one or the others and with double barrelled you can drop one of the names if you wish. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Katep
Date Posted: 25 January 2010 at 8:44pm
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Regardless of whether you are together or not, the baby's dad is still his/her dad. And I can only assume he is going to be a great dad (otherwise you wouldn't be together) therefore why wouldnt the baby have his name?
But yes, using both names is a nice compromise. As long as they are nice names... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Mum to the Gorgeous Leah! 7 months |
Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 8:25am
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Yeah they are both nice names, guess we are lucky there It wouldnt matter that our baby would be called Riley Christopher "......" "......" Which would mean it would have a wee bit of a long name ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 9:18am
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if there is any thought in your head that you may not end up marrying the father of your baby i would give him your last name. if you separate from him and you want to change the last name back to yours (if you gave him your partners last name) you would need his consent to change it by deed poll. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 11:54am
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DP and i already know that we are getting engaged and married after baby (time to save $$ and no way i could handle planning a wedding at the moment lol) so we are giving bubs his last name, as when we get married ill be taking his name anyway.... just easier for us, less hassle for us especially since we know we going to get married.
would you take your OHs surname when you married? if so, then why don't you give bubs your surname until you get married, then change both at the same time? and if you gave bubs your surname, and took DPs name... might be a bit odd with your kid having a different surname (not saying its wrong, just that you may have to explain alot lol) is your last name able to be made into a middle name? so you could have OHs dads name and your surname as 2 middle names with OHs surname? Bubie - we are having Riley as well lol. middle name is going to be James (turns out its a family name on both sieds of our family lol so works out well  hehe)
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:02pm
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DP and I aren't engaged yet..but we've known that we'd get married for many years. I was 19 and DP 17 when we first got together, and fell pregnant at 21 and 19 respectively. DS has his father's last name, and any future kiddies that come along will also have DP last name. I guess in a sense I'm kinda traditional and think that is how it should be....But in saying that I'll probably hyphenate mine and DP's surname's when we get married...not sure though. I think in the end it really does have to come down to compromise...Baby's as much your DP's as he is yours..... ------------- 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:18pm
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Seriously Bubie...it's not too long!! My nephew is has his first name, 4 middle names and then a double-barrelled surname His sister has a first name, two middle names and then a double-barrelled surname.
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Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 4:08pm
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Yeah i know me and my partner will be together forever, he always said we would get married later on, still apart of me that is waiting for that to happen I think the best thing for us is to have two last names for bubs, or just his, then that way he wont feel like it isnt his baby ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mizpix
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 4:12pm
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Good discussion ladies
Am trying to sort this out myself. I was always going to use my partners name for baby's surname, but now we have split and not much likelyhood of getting back together so am not sure. His surname is much more practical than mine, to be honest I dont think he's going to have a big part in the child's up bringing so why should carry his name. Can use Dad surname as a middle name as it is a normal mans name anyway so thinking I might do that ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2920e5" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: Booski
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 8:35pm
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Bubie you can have two middle names if that helps in your decision?? I am married but I won't ever be taking my husbands name - don't see why I should! I thought perhaps I might feel different once we had kids but I don't really care! I am like some of the others a family of girls so none to pass our surname on. My daughter has my surname as her second middle name, and I purposefully chose a first name that went with both of our surnames so that she can chose to have either last name when she's older. ------------- 
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 11:02pm
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DD has two middle names, and DPs last name. We thought it would be mean for her to have three names and a double barrelled last name. He told me after the fact that he wouldn't have cared so much if she had my name as she will eventually lose the name anyway. He also thought it would be good for her to have my last name as his is an island last name and he didn't want her to be treated differently because of this, or held back in anyway. I consider DD to be more a E**** because we spend more time with my family then his. She is also first grandchild in my family. Wish he had told me all of this before we did the birth certificate. Damn him! I figure if she really wants to adopt my last name then she can, just not have it on the birth-cert iygwim. Also when we get married I will probably double barrel our names so we share the name and I get to keep my own identity. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 8:56am
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Mizpix - I would probably do the same. If I wasn't with the father of my unborn baby, or if the father didn't have anything to do with my child afterwards, then I would have my last name as theirs as well. Bubie - I'm still waiting too!!....always thought I'd be on of the ones who's with their partner for 2 years and then get popped the question.............6 years down the track I'm still waiting lolz.......been popped the quesiton numerous times...just not with the ring!!...though I think that'll happen this year FX lol -------------
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Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 8:57pm
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Eva - Yeah my partner poped the question on me a couple of times and i always thinks he means it but then he never says anything about it after i say yes and then it's all forgotten about on his side It's one of those things that i just cant wait to happen, but the more i wish for it the longer it seems to get lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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