Tips for dealing with tricky in laws...
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Topic: Tips for dealing with tricky in laws...
Posted By: Maya
Subject: Tips for dealing with tricky in laws...
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:03pm
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What are your tips for dealing with tricky in-laws? Meddling mother-in-laws, silly sister-in laws, fussy father-in-laws....
Go on, I know some of you have them  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Replies:
Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:06pm
Nod and smile  ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:07pm
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Drink lots of wine , nod and smile ------------- 
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:10pm
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Alcohol and biting your tounge! -------------  
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:16pm
| I find a simple "Thank you Sir" works great when FIL says something that makes me want to throttle him. If he continues I use "thank you Sir, but on the next subject....." |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:19pm
Peanut and kelly already gave my methods! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:21pm
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Living 12 000 miles away really helps as they can't see you stick your fingers up at them over thephone, although it's a bit tricky to hide on MSN ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:23pm
I second this as well as screening your phone calls. |
Redbedrock wrote:Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:45pm
| Smile & say nothing |
Posted By: ohanlon82
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 12:50pm
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BOOZE ------------- http://lb2f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/RPaODBg.jpg |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:08pm
| Ignore them. I just go on as if they've said nothing at all. And in extreme circumstances, I tell DH to talk to them - things like his mother introducing the girls as "her" children I can't ignore (and have already had words about it with her which seem to not make any difference). |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:13pm
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Laugh, nod and smile a lot. Might make you look like an idiot but it seems to work! Or act like you didn't hear them. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:25pm
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Well I have a "neat" relationship with my outlaws (NOT!) It's not only them it's the extended family in the UK too that have total disregard for me and my kids. I choose to ignore the extended family, don't send emails/photos or anything, the less they know about me the better.
I put on my best actress mode when I'm around the outlaws.. as they have gotten older they seem to have got worse... Imposing curfews on DH and I stating when we have to be home to pick the kids up if they are looking after them for the night. We chose to ignore it one time and OMG she flipped her lid so we promptly left after picking the kids up 45mins late. Ummm I don't let them boss us around anymore, especially when it comes to the kids. Now that we live in the same place as them, we actually see them less, which is fanfrickentastic! As for the BIL - he's useless, we never see him so don't have to worry about him at all. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:26pm
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Ahhh , the MOLE huh Mel ? -------------
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Posted By: noisybaby
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:34pm
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Avoid them like the plague but if all else fails just sit there and say nothing unless you have to defend yourself or they say something to really get up your nose then get right up them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:45pm
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I don't know, but would love to find out!
Don't see FIL although he always rings up drunk so that creates interesting times in our household (DH gets quite upset by it). BIL is fine but NEVER leaves (like he'll stay all night on a weeknight - also a drinker). MIL moved from 4 hours away to 900 METRES away from us  Which is great for the 2 days she'll look after the kids, but she pops in every damn day. I have to make sure I've parked the car in the garage and locked the doors (and not go into the front rooms) so she doesn't come in all the time
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 1:58pm
Live on the other side of the world in a totally different time zone, so when they are awake, we are asleep.  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 2:29pm
| Shock tactics are fun as well. Like one time when MIL said something pointed like all of her friend's kids are having babies (she is gagging for us to have one) I said "well, we don't like children". That shut her up. |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:08pm
i tend to take the head on approach im a confrontational person (IRL lol not really online) so if they say anything out of line i tend to snap back and put them in their place
Iv always had a HARD relationship (if you could even call it that back then!) so im very intollerant to the b**lls**t! now. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:23pm
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Well, my parents in law are both dead, and DH's family live all over the place, and I have no issue wit them.I do however have to watch one SIL and one past SIL treat my mother like sh*t and see her left out of family stuff as they only like their families involved, (xmases etc) so I can see the other side of the coin, seeing how upset that makes mum. i know she can be difficult (understatement) but it comes out of wanting the best for her children, and its also just the way she is...
I basically suck it up (I have a so so relationship woth one SIL and ok with the new SIL) but like I said I suck up any differences and try to put myself in their shoes. No,they don't do things like I do and aren't afraid to say, btu then again I am the same to them, I guess, so its a matter of put up and shut up as its only a short amount of time. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:59pm
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keep them on other side of city as much as poss!!!
Invent coffee meet ups so i dont have to do half a day at their house!
smile and wave...just smile and wave - then vent on an online forum!
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 9:37pm
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I'm thankful that my Inlaws are in Auckland, neither drive & they wasted all their money so can't afford to come down & see us.
I am now getting to the point of being rude on the phone when SHE (MIL) rings up wanting to speak to DH and then vents at me. I don't play into any of her crap anymore & I tell her straight. I used to be nice & polite but that never helped. If she's on the phone to DH she never asks after me so why should I bother. It's been a long build up to get to this point but after one vent to many I'm beyond it. I'll be nice in person & bite my tongue somewhat but that doesn't get tested very often. So in summing up (had a crap day) avoidance is the best way of dealing with them ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 2:11pm
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Avoidance (helps that they live on the other side of the world), then smile, nod and carry on regardless. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 5:33pm
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I don't say anything anymore. I answer their questions about the kids, and when they ask how I am I say fine - that's it. I smile politely and just don't get into any in depth conversations with them.
I can't really do much about the nasty things they say though. I go to visit them with DH, for DH. Last week we went to visit.. I walked into their lounge and said gidday, walked past DH's Grandad and he yelled "Hey - who's are those funny legs?" I said "Exuse me?" He said "Stand up, show everyone those funny legs" I was almost in tears. DH did make a comment to him that he had big tree stump legs but it didn't make me feel any better. Losers! I already have a complex about my legs as it is! |
Posted By: tropics
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 9:15pm
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OHHHHHHHHHHHHH EMMA! you know you dont want to get me started on this one! ------------- http://lilypie.com">    [/url]
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 28 January 2010 at 9:38am
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Avoidance. When we are around them and things are getting awkward, I bail and take a few deep breaths somewhere, LOL.
When less-than-sensible advice is offered or they tell me how I should be raising my kids differently, I just smile and say, "yeah I've heard of someone else doing that too..." and brush it off. If they persist then I say something like "that's something to think about. DH and I decided to do it this way, because...". They can't keep pushing if you have promised to think about it
I'm pretty lucky that I get on with my IL's most of the time... and in general DH wants about as much to do with them as I do! DH's BIL is tough to be around... I've just learnt to say no and politely refuse when he puts the pressure on for stuff and ignore his insults and jibes. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 28 January 2010 at 1:08pm
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I use lines like "thats nice" and " I'll have to remember that one, thanks" alot- all the while Im gagging on the inside
------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 29 January 2010 at 4:40pm
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Not in-laws but my parents have been stopping with us, from the UK too, for the last 2 months. Nod and smile worked for a couple of weeks, but I was going to explode in the build up to Xmas, so something had to give. As with Fay, i gave them very clear guidelines of Fay's routine, my routine and boundaries, after a few teething problems things have been a lot more stress free in the last 6 weeks. I intend to do the same with the out-laws when we go to the UK in June now. Why i ever thought of it sooner i will never know.
so to sum up I set consistent ground rules for them and when it was understood that I was in charge with these things no more problems, so I guess treat the olds like toddlers and you will have no problems ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 30 January 2010 at 5:48pm
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Mine is when they pick at my faults I pick at theirs. My FIL leaves himself wide open for them all the time. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Disco
Date Posted: 30 January 2010 at 10:32pm
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INlaws are amazing eh!
well have a MIL visit coming up in about a months time. From the the Uk for a month, bringing her new man :0 lucky enough DH told them we didn't have enough room for them to stay with us this time, we don't and we work from home so 24/7 in each other's pockets is not a good thing. Wonder what the first comments will be. Last time it was how fat we both had gotten, on the first night too! lovely eh!! alcohol usually helps but can't this time as BFeeding, i guess DD will keep her distracted! disco 
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 31 January 2010 at 9:18am
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This is why I wanted daughters - I don't want to be the MIL!
MIL used to dirve me mad with all her comments, I snapped back a few times, then used to pass her straight to DH as soon as she called. She told one of the DH's brothers and his wife that I don't seem to like her ... so now I'm polite when she calls but try not to get into too long a conversation. When we see her I pass the kids over, as shes only interested in them anyway, and that seems to keep her happy. so no real advice as I haven't done too well with mine. Looks like I need to avoid her more or drink more .... ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |