When number 2 is really number 3
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31310
Printed Date: 26 July 2025 at 1:13pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: When number 2 is really number 3
Posted By: jessiesmum
Subject: When number 2 is really number 3
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 3:04pm
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Ok this might be a bit odd because I have a fantastic 2 year old daughter and am 22 weeks pregnant. But last June I had a miscarriage and I was devastated! Luckily we conceived very quickly (we have had fertility issues) with this baby but I'm surprised how sad I still feel as I approach his/hers EDD.
The odd bit is that I feel like I'm not giving my lost baby it's due when people talk about me having number 2. Does anyone else feel the same way and how do you deal with it? |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 3:56pm
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you could always correct them and say well actually its my third pregnancy... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 6:58pm
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I correct people - This is my first child, but my first pregnancy gave me an angel. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 11:36pm
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I also correct people, I don't say anthing about my two very early mc but when it comes to the amount of children I have.
I always say, I have a Daughter, Son & another Son on the way. They then ask about ages and I say, Anika would have been ..... however she passed away and then that normally answers the question. I hate it when people forget about Anika. Makes me so mad, she is and always will be my first born and nothing will take that away from her. Good luck and so sorry to hear about your loss ------------- 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 02 February 2010 at 12:08am
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I correct people.. if they ask if J is my first I tell them no we lost our first..
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Posted By: jessiesmum
Date Posted: 04 February 2010 at 8:21pm
Well, I corrected someone today and another friend said that if I counted a miscarriage as my second baby then maybe she should count a blighted ovum they found when they scanned her with one of her children. OUCH!! And she wasn't saying this in a sympathetic way. I am so shocked!!  The worst thing was that she posted it on my Facebook page..
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 04 February 2010 at 8:52pm
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I think if somebody responded like that, I would simply state that if she loved, cherished and wanted her blighted ovum to hold in her arms, and to grow up to be a beautiful person, then Yes, she should feel the same way. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 February 2010 at 11:03pm
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well not much of a friend then ... thats a bit callous! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: shellgirl
Date Posted: 05 February 2010 at 5:53am
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You would think someone who had had a loss would understand how hurtfull that repsonse could be (regardless of the circumstances of that loss).
I am 12 weeks with my 2nd pregnancy and lost the first at 8.5 weeks. As we tell people about this one, I almost always tell them about the one we lost last year. It's really important to me to acknowledge my angel as otherwise it makes me feel as I should be ashamed of it. I haven't had any negative reactions to telling about it, and in fact many people then feel comfortable to share there own mc stories. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jessiesmum
Date Posted: 05 February 2010 at 8:54am
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Congratulations Shellgirl! It's funny how a subsequent pregnancy almost gives you permission to tell people about your miscarriage, I've been the same.
I guess I'm quite sensitive about it as my EDD was next week. I'm still trying to think of a way to deal with her comments, other than deleting them off Facebook. I don't think she saw it as a loss as she was also carrying a healthy baby. It was one of those incidental findings on her nuchal fold scan. It might have been more of a loss to her if she had been hoping for/expecting to see twins. |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 05 February 2010 at 12:25pm
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Shellgirl Im the same, I try to be open about our MC as Im sure there are many other there who feel so alone by the whole process, and even raising awareness for others (since Im the first one of my friends to have a baby, even the first one of my family (and Im the youngest!)) so that they know it happens and that if it does happen to them that I am here and I can talk about it.
Gosh Jessiesmum, that is horrible!! What a B with an itch! ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 February 2010 at 8:54pm
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I was only 7 weeks when I miscarried our angel baby, but she's still very much in my mind, and altho I don't usually point it out to people when we are talking about numbers of children, most of my friends are very aware of our angel baby (I didn't cope very well afterwards ).
Altho having the gremlins evened the odds somewhat - I got two babies for the one pregnancy  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:16am
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Jeepers thats a bit harsh... nice friend! -------------
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:18am
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Jeepers thats a bit harsh... nice friend! -------------
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