URGENT HELP! What are my options?
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Topic: URGENT HELP! What are my options?
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Subject: URGENT HELP! What are my options?
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:22pm
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Right without going into TOO much detail i'll explain the situation as briefly as possible.
I was in a relationship for 3 months from Early Oct to Early Jan just gone. During that period we managed to move out of our mouldy damp home and we needed to replace our bed which was absolutely covered in mould/mildew and making us very sick. The ex (whom i was dating at the time) opted to buy us a new bed for the new house, he paid $699 and I didn't get a say in what bed, because he had the idea that eventually it was going to be 'his bed' too. Bed was purchased and put into his name. Fast forward to now things have turned sour, he and his meddling mother are making my life absolute hell and aside from that, are harping on that I owe them $699 for the bed. I don't have ANY money to my name, nor do my parents have that kind of money lying around to help me out. Dad could use his credit card or get a loan, but i don't see why he should have to. I told ex's mother to organize to pick up the bed, and then I owe them nothing. I'd rather sleep on the floor than have to deal with them again, she has declined me and told me her, her husband and the ex DONT want the bed, and that I will have to sell it on TM, and then pay the remaining balance of the $699 back to them. I hate the bed, its too firm and its giving me chronic back ache, so all other things aside I will have to get a new bed anyway. What are my options? What are my rights in this kind of situation? Bearing in mind that the bed is in ex's name, so i have no warranty or guarantee on the bloody thing, no receipt. I'm looking into changing my mobile and landline numbers, and tempted to see if im able to get some kind of order out so they can't just show up on my doorstep. It has turned into total harrassment now, it's not even funny! I have been told by a family member that EX bought the bed, not me therefore gifted it and I don't owe them anything, if they want the bed they paid for then they can come pick it up, and that I don't owe anyone anything ...I'm really torn. I just want them out of my life. What would you do? Edited: to remove my ticker |
Replies:
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:26pm
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I'd say you dont owe them anything either!
Its not like a car or a house even. He bought it for you and then moved out. He doesnt want it. If he wants its sold then he has to come and take it and sell it himself. you dont owe him a cent. Worse case scenario as far as I can see it is that they will take the bed and you will be on the floor (but then you could buy a cheap second hand one or borrow a mattress, air bed etc). But you DO NOT OWE HIM MONEY!!!!! I'd start putting money aside to buy a bed for yourself when you need to but I'd just do nothing in the meantime. |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:27pm
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I would tell them to come pick up the bed and sell it on TM themselves if they don't want it. Get someone to help you move it outside and leave it there so you don't have to talk to him!
I've got no idea re the gifting thing (although it sounds reasonable) and if it were me, I'd just want to be done with it and get rid of it. Then look for your own new bed on TM or get one on HP. Sorry you are dealing with this  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:29pm
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Ohh I should add, we were never living together. He stayed over once (one night and that was it)
Sorry should have made that clear in my post. Very short brief relationship, certainly never got that serious! |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:31pm
| And I can share my boys King Single with him for the time being, problem is they are refusing to pick up the bed, said its up to me to sell it and give them the money. |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:38pm
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If he has taken out finance for the bed which is in his name then he is legally the one who is obliged to pay the finance company, not you, end of story. Assuming that is, you didn't also put yourself down as a guarantor/joint party?
Don't let them bully you into trying to get money for it because they have no legal right to do so. As for the gifting thing, I wouldn't even worry about that if you want them out of your life for good. Especially if you don't like the bed anyway.. If you know someone that can put it in a van and take it to them, then you should try and do that. Once it's dropped off to them, then tough sh*t. Definitely worth you getting rid of it so as not to have any obligations floating around. FFS 3 months, what a psycho!!!! |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:39pm
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If they refuse to pick it up then scr*w them, they obviously don't want it! Give CAB a call, they should be able to tell you what your legal obligations are (if any). But since he never lived there, I'd be leaning towards the bed is actually yours since it's in your house, regardless of whether he paid for it.
I agree, you definitely don't owe them any money. If they don't want the bed then that's their loss. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:41pm
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I doubt there are ANY legal obligations.
DO NOT BE BULLIED! |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:43pm
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You don't owe them anything. Ring them, tell them that the bed is availble for collection on X date, that you are not liable and will not be paying for it. Also tell them that once they have collected the bed they have no further need to contact you and if they do you will take actions to have a harrassment order taken out.
What a nut job! |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:46pm
Get them to ring me ... I will tell them what's what 
I personally, would tell them to go take a running jump .. they either pick the bed up or you keep it and owe them nothing, full stop, end of story. Also .. go down to your local court and get a restraining order, they both sound like fruit loops, you are a single woman living alone with a young boy with weirdos harassing you! ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:48pm
| Good call lilfatty! |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:50pm
------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
lilfatty wrote:Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:55pm
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If he brought on hp then its his responsibility not yours. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:56pm
I agree, he bought the bed, it's in his name, if he wants his money back then he should have to get the bed and sell it him self. Besides the bed wouldn't even be worth that much now so why should you have to fork out for it... Either that or I'd go and drop the bed off at theirs and then that ends the problem - they have no reason to contact you anymore, if they do it'd be harassment I'm sure as you owe them nothing!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 1:58pm
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I would also tell them they have 2 choices... either come and collect the bed or just F... right off and leave you alone. You have offered to give it back, if they don't want it then tought titties.
I would also change my numbers and get a restraiing order or soemthign out so if they turn up to harrass you after you have changed you # you can ring the cops and get them removed. Hugs to you! poor you, they sound like looneys. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:00pm
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what crazy people!! i agree with everyone else you owe them nothing. If they want the bed or want to sell they can pick it up and deal with it themselves.
good luck and be strong, you have done nothing wrong. -------------  
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:05pm
| I would hire a trailer or borrow a friend's and drop the bed off on their front lawn. That's crazy stuff, it's just a bed! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:07pm
if he bought the bed and its in his name, then he owns the bed not you, so tell him and his mother to get stuffed and dump the bed at his house  ------------- |
Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:07pm
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If you want something put in place ASAP then your best bet is to pop in to your local cop shop, and get a trespass order in place. If you want more details on this send me a PM.
A restraining order would take more time, and lawyers, and even though you could probably get legal aid it would be a more drawn out process. Horrible that he is putting you through this, his loss, obviously! ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:08pm
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Check out http://www.justice.govt.nz/courts/civil/civil-disputes/restraining-orders - http://www.justice.govt.nz/courts/civil/civil-disputes/restraining-orders for info on restraining orders. I think that you need to get tough and tell them there options are to pick it up or let it go. Their decision! Put a time limit on it though - tell them they have until the end of the week, then tell them to leave you alone or its restraining order time. A trespass order is pretty simple to organise and worth it if they keep hasseling you. At the end of the day you have to protect yourself and your gorgeous wee man. |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:20pm
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It's a no brainer to me Steph - take the bed back to them, especially if it's on HP. Ask around, there's bound to be someone who has a tow bar or a van.
As I have said to you before.. you owe them nothing, so get rid of the bed and hopefully the harassment will stop. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:21pm
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oh ok posted wile mel did..
what mel said! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:32pm
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Aww hun I really feel for you as I had to deal with similar crap from my ex.
Not really much else to add other than I totally understand that sleeping on the floor or sharing with your son is much more appealing than having to deal with other peoples craziness. Dump the bed on their front lawn! |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:33pm
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Yeah I'm with everyone here. Either offer them the bed back again as a last chance option or take it back to them. If you're really game, tell them to take you to small claims court. They'll get laughed out of the courtroom anyways. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 2:53pm
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Man, Steph! What a creep!
I agree with everyone. If it's under his name then it's his, done and dusted. You don't owe them a cent. I second (or third, or fourth....?) the idea of dumping it on their lawn if they don't pick it up within a time-limit you've set. Keep us posted  
*eta: I wonder what would happen if you called the finance company the bed is with and informed them of what was going on..  ------------- 
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Posted By: Zaylah
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 3:08pm
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I'm agreeing with everyone else.
I'd write them a short professional letter stating that they can pick up the bed on x day between x - x time. If they cannot make it on that day, they should contact you before x day to arrange an alternative time. Keep a copy of the letter and file it just incase! Also sounds like they wouldn't be too nice if you rang them. If they don't respond or pick it up in the time limit you set for them, write clearly in the letter that you have done everything you can to give them a chance to pick up the bed, and as the bed was a 'GIFT' you have no obligation to give them any money! Also agree with whoever said to ring citizens advice bureau, they should either be able to help or point you in the right direction. I'd personally be wary of dropping it off at their place, just incase they say they never got it or it got damaged by rain / animals / anything. I'm so angry for you - you poor thing! Not sure where in the country you are, but if you in Wellington we have a bed you can borrow if it comes to that. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 3:15pm
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Hey Ladies, thank you so much for your replies- it's made me feel very humbled and confirmed that I was in the right all along. I had told the mother yesterday to organize to have the bed picked up (If I had a towbar or knew of anyone with a van etc I would have given the bed back as soon as the relationship was over). She rung me this morning saying NO they wanted the money back ASAP all $699 of it and I was caught a bit off guard with that phone call.
I rung her at her workplace shortly after I posted this thread and told her to pick up the bed, or I take it that they're gifting it to me as she KNOWS I am in no financial situation to pay it back and could never get the full $699 if i sold it anyway. And that legally im not obliged to pay for it and never signed anything saying I ever intended to. HA! And after a few nasty comments between the two of us I came out better off, she said she will organize through her company to get it picked up, that she wasn't happy blah blah. I don't give a hoot anymore. I do find it rather amusing though that a 22yo male has to get his mummy to fight his battles for him! It took me 3 weeks just to get the msg across to him that I no longer wanted to be with him, constant phone calls and texts from him and him turning up on my doorstep uninvited. I'd tell him clear as day on the phone 'Get it through your head, I DO NOT want to be in a relationship with you' and then he'd keep trying to claim DS wanted him around and that he 'knew' i still loved him. Took a while to get it through his head that DS wasn't his child as well. But if only I could tell you guys the half of it! It is one messy messy situation that at this point, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel to. I just want it to go back to how things were, just me and my little man. Relationships and males are VERY overated! And then to top it off his mother is telling me how he's with a Psych team and getting counselling (many suicide threats when i tried to split from him) and how i've tipped him over the edge, and then he starts texting me again yesterday saying how he still loves me and thinks about me all the time. I told her this and she just went quiet, he's obviously telling her diff stories to what he's telling me ha! Not sure how many times one has to tell someone not to contact them! Now lets hope she doesn't phone me tomorrow morning with the same crap that they're not taking the bed again *rolls eyes*. Thanks for the links/info on restraining and trespassing orders, will certainly be looking into those and getting numbers changed. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 3:17pm
| Ohh and before I forget, he paid cash with it. One thing he was never short of was cash, which I soon found out the reason behind and which was why I opted out of the relationship. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 3:20pm
Good on you! How dare they try and bully you like that, I bet they thought you would just roll over and do as they pleased too ... ooo it makes me so  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 3:23pm
| Shoot how do I get rid of that ticker, so I'm not so identifiable to the outside world? |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 3:28pm
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At the top of the screen go into your profile and take out the code in the signature part. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 4:17pm
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LOL i couldve written that about 4yrs ago,!
let them have the bed tell them to come & get it, better off without hassle like that in your life hun, id change the ph numbers too if they are hassling you alot, i borrowed a bed from another family member for ages. remember you & your gorgeous boy are number 1, and neither of you need that in your life :) ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 4:20pm
| BuzzyBee, good for you for sticking up for yourself. I can read between the lines of your story and it sounds like you're well shot of him. Let's hope they pick up the bed ASAP and that is the end of it. |
Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 4:25pm
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what a dick!! and his mother - stupid old bag deserves her looser son back!!
Good on you - stand your ground and keep a diary of any nasty bits and threats etc - just incase you owe him nothing ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 4:26pm
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I am coming in on this well and truely late as it sounds like you're all sorted, but for what it's worth....
I would put everything in writing. Send a letter stating that the bed was given to you as a gift and that at no point until the relationship ended was there any discussion about paying for it. State clearly that you are in no financial position to pay for it. Write that as they are being unreasonable, you would like them to come and collect it. Give a couple of options for collection. Then I would say that, once the bed is collected, you do not wish to have any contact with either of them, as their hounding amounts to harassment. At the bottom of the letter I would write something like: "If you are unhappy with the above solution, I suggest you contact the Disputes Tribunal on XXX-XXXX, and they can appoint a fair and impartial mediator to help sort this out." Guarantee they won't! You might also want to think about having them sign something when the bed is collected. What a bunch of loonies! Alternatively, like lilfatty has suggested, give me the mother's number and I'll give her a call! |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 4:44pm
| Why don't you give us all her number, I'm sure that would get rid of them! |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 5:27pm
| Geez what a weirdo you definately did the right thing. Hopefully they get the freaking idea now. |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 5:58pm
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I'm amazed by the amount of support I have received on this matter, thank you all so much!
Fingers crossed come the end of the week the bed is out of my house and they are out of my lives for good! Now to get this ticker business sorted, ugh! ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 6:15pm
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Are you in chch at all Buzzy? I have a mint condition queen bed you can have and we'll take the other bed to their place and dump the bastard on his doorstep! ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 6:27pm
| Glad you sorted it chick. And woah, didn't know he wasn't your little boy's dad. Interrreeessstttting. Gossip session required. I am SO behind. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 6:28pm
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Meh , what a loon, and you can see where he gets it from , pity you had a bad run with him cos not all guys are like that, (eg my DH ) and not all relationships are like that , guys like that give decent guys a bad name .
Anyway , we might also have a bed for you you can have, its only a double , but you're welcome to it . ------------- 
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Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 6:48pm
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admitting i never read all the replies but I had a similar situation (although in alot longer relationship) it was a couch though.
He paid for all of it and when I left him I took it - at first he was fine with it as he got alot of other good stuff. but then he realised he could use it to get to me and kept bringing up that I owed him money for (granted not the full amount it was worth but i still couldn't afford to pay it) In the end I totld him to take me to court about it. It shut him up about that - although found something else to get to me. /if they aren't willing to come get the bed and you don;t want it anyway - no court is going to make you pay the full amount they will just tell you to give it back - which you have offered! As for a protection order for the harrasment - go for it, they get served with it and also told what will happen if they break it. It doesn't have to be physical just that you are getting harrased and its unwelcomed. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
876 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 7:14pm
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GET the trespass order, and go for the restraining. you never know what the nutters might do...or say, and if they do you can show the people in question the order, and the claims will be likely thrown out.
I'd be tempted to send a letter saying "your bed is at my house, i charge $30 a day for storage...you owe me this much money..." but then, i am vindictive. |
Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 7:15pm
Woah, his mother trying to put the guilt trip onto you is a bit much (well the whole situation is) but thats really over the top, I hope you do get a restraining order rather quickly  ------------- 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 9:26pm
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Let me know if you are stuck for a bed (lots of offers I know...) we have a double matress (but no base), but better than nothing if you are stuck.
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 10:44pm
| Tell them if they dont come around and remove the bed by x date you will have it collected by the city mission or something, Think of it like this.....he has left behind property that you dont want. He is inconveniencing you and he needs to sort it out. HE is in the wrong not you. Its not your bed, you dont want it, he needs to do something about it. If he doesnt want to sort it then you can do what you like....you will never be in any legal trouble over it. |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 11:06pm
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OK so that others reading all this dont rely on some of this advice - I just need to confirm to all those who are pushing for a "restraining order" - that the order is for people who have not been in a domestic relationship and it needs two "incidents"
a protection order is for persons in or who have been in a relationship - and can be for many reasons. hence a restraining order is not appropriate here. ALSO a trespass order just keeps him physically off her property - not anything else at all (eg phone calls, harassing her down street etc) and ive chatted with bizzy on this also....nuff said! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 11:23pm
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Here's a link from the Minisrty of Justice
http://www.justice.govt.nz/publications/global-publications/a/applying-for-a-restraining-order - Link Like Bombshell said, you need 2 incidents and they have to have happened within at least 12 months, so I dont think thats going to be an option. But you could always ring your local police station and ask what your options are regarding the harassment. It sucks your having to deal with this steph ------------- |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 09 February 2010 at 11:50pm
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Don't let them bully you! trust me, if you give in it will eat you up on the inside for years to come. If they don't want the bed you are certainly NOT obligated to pay for it. ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 10 February 2010 at 6:20pm
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You poor thing! What nutters!!
I would definitely report whats happening. At least then you have advised the police and a history has started IYKWIM Sounds like they may know him anyway 
Good luck hun
PS - do you listen to ZM?? They have a "Do not date him" section on once a week - maybe you should ring them and tell them his name ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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Posted By: bun_in_the_oven
Date Posted: 10 February 2010 at 6:26pm
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i would find great satisfaction dragging it out to the front lawn and burning it.... maybe email him a photo too hahahahahaa - Sorry i love revenge !!
what a nut case.. He is definately responsible for the payments. his name.. his bed !! Good Luck.. hope they leave you alone and you can get it all sorted soon
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Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 10 February 2010 at 6:32pm
Love it ROFL ------------- http://lilypie.com">
3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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