What do you do?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31579
Printed Date: 15 October 2025 at 11:50pm
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Topic: What do you do?
Posted By: RinTinTin
Subject: What do you do?
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 3:51pm
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Ok, so I feel like I'm not doing enough. I care for baby, day and night cause he's BF'd and DP works. Obviously DP spends time with him when he's home, like watch him while I cook dinner and bath him, change him, etc. In between I do washing, vacuuming, dishes, I cook dinner 99% of the time and most other housework. Every now and then I'll jump outside and weed a garden or mow the lawns. BUT, I dunno, I still don't feel like I'm doing enough or contributing enough to the house IYKWIM. I go out once a week for an hour to a mother and baby class. So I wanted to know, what do all you other SAHM's do? And in doing it, how to you settle your own mind into accepting that you ARE doing enough andd you've earned the right to sit down and rest? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 4:02pm
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You do more then me I live at my parents BUT in saying that I do the dishes when needed empty dishwasher do laundry if I can be bothered. Dad is retired now so he is here and sometimes does things sometimes doesn't. Told me off for turning the dishwasher on the other arvo because he had already turned it on. Yep ok I won't help anymore then lol. I cook dinner when I can be bothered but as we don't do our own grocery shopping alot of the time I have to wait till DP gets home to buy food for dinner. I wouldn't even dare venture to mow the lawn its ridiculously hilly. The boys even struggle with it. Other then that I take DD swimming, to the park, go for a walk (very rare), and just generally look after DD ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 5:02pm
I do what you do 
And my husband constantly and consistantly reassures me. It's the kid of life we both wanted for us and for our children, and I still feel bad for it. Hey, if you've sacrificed enough to be a SAHM, they you are as sure as heck allowed to enjoy the worlds most awesome (and most exhausting, and most thankless  job.
Actually the other things I found that helped were walking in the evenings, knitting, and scrapbooking. By doing this and starting to feel better about myself, I realised I was working freaking hard at home, and worthy of my 'job'. |
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 5:12pm
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I think you do more than enough!...I know that as SAHM's the tasks we do can seem mediocre.....but hey it's a 24 hour 7 day a week job that doesn't pay up! lolz...I do the majority of everything in our place too....on top of that I study full time, so I do twice as much "work" then DP. You deserve to put your feet up Missy! ------------- 
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 6:05pm
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Wow!! You certainly put me to shame!
I do the dishes, washing and vacuuming (although DF does too), I don't cook (even if I did it wouldn't be edible -------------  
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 6:30pm
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You put me to shame too!
I see my job as "running the house" and more importantly being Callum's Mum. I think I am comfortable with it as I hadn't worked full time for quite a while before I even got pregnant. My days are really full, mostly with taking C out to do fun things (swimming, the zoo, the Gardens, playdates or just going for walks) and I have a lot of friends in the same boat so I don't feel "different" for being at home either. I expect a fair bit from DH too - he clears up if I cook and he gets C up in the mornings (that's "their" time as they don't see each other in the evening). Like Flake, this is the life that DH and I wanted for our family. So even if I have a day (or a week or even a month!) when I'm feeling a bit worthless I try and remember that, and DH reminds me of it too. Look at it this way - being a Mum is your full time job. If you were in paid employment you would be entitled to lunch breaks, coffee breaks and you would get to leave at the end of the day too! That's how I "justify" having a break to myself ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 6:34pm
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Geez you do more than me! lol
I think you are doing just fine, if you did anymore you would pass out lol ------------- |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 6:50pm
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Good lord, you do plenty!!
Besides looking after the girls and ensuring they are fed through the day (which takes over an hour and a half itself just to feed them), I put the dishes in the dishwasher, and we turn it on at night and I empty it during the day (when I get round to it), I make sure there is always clean clothes for DH and the girls, even if it isn't folded (it's rarely folded), I vacuum (but not every day!) and I pull something out for tea, but DH cooks a lot of the time while I take care of the girls. We both bath the girls (cos we do it at the same time) and quite often DH gets sole responsibility at night for the girls, unless they're both playing up, then both of us have a go...that's also because at night they seem to want DH and just won't settle for me. Mind you, I also study full-time and work part-time...anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 days a week. And I don't clean up after DH. |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 6:59pm
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During the day I am home, so I wake up, do breakfasts, get J to school, come back, go to the Gym if its Gym day(Jackson goes to the Gym Creche) then come home and work on my business stuff while Jackson sleeps - then do a load of washing.. then its time to pick J up from school, so I do that, come home, do homework, make lunches, play with the kids.. then its time to cook tea, read stories to the kids, vacuum, fold washing and then pour myself a glass of wine and start working on my business until some ridiculous hour. I don't remember the last time I actually sat down to watch tv!!
And its not like DH doesnt do anything either. He works 7 days in a row sometimes. He still does the dishes if he is home during dinner time, and will bring in the washing, get Janaya's uniform ready, change the sheets if they need doing. He even cleans the toilet and the basin every second day. This week he is working 3-11pm so I have no help at all. But he has just finished 3 days off work so we both shared the housework during the day and school pick ups etc. |
Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 7:31pm
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For me DH is away for the majority of the summer and then for long stints in the winter too. I do pretty much everything, all housework and gardening and lawns, plus full time Mum to 14 month old DD. When DH is home he sometimes does the dinner dishes the following morning and also does all of the reno work that is needed on our home, which is ALOT! folds the washing for me while he watches sport on TV plus helps out with DD. The only things I do not do is put DH's clothes away I just don't like going into his drawers.
For me I feel that DH brings in the money and slowly but surely makes our home liveable and so therefore I run the house and keep things ticking along nicely BUT I am by no means the best housekeeper, especially living in a major do-up, so sometimes things do not get done, but as long as there is yummy food to eat, a cold beer in the fridge and a happy wife at home DH is more than happy!  I am in the process of becoming self employed so once I am working here & there, things will just have wait sometimes at home.
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:28pm
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I'm not a SAHM, but I just wanted to poke my nose in and say that I think being a SAHM is a hundred, thousand times harder than having a "day" job - being on-call 24-7 without a break is incredibly demanding, I know I couldn't do it. So big pats on the back from me -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:31pm
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Yeah I guess I feel like DP brings in the money so I have to contribute somehow. He is self employed and it's not the easiest life to live on a financial basis. I like the idea Flake put forward about knitting. I should get back into my knitting. I did it a lot at the beginning of my pregnancy but I knitted all girls stuff.  Then I found out we were having a boy and never got around to making any boy stuff. Without wanting to put DP down, he doesn't really give me any reassurances that what I'm doing is ok or sufficient. I don't think that's intentional on his part, probably just not something he has thought of doing. I'm actually too scared to ask if he thinks I'm doing enough in case he says I'm not. LOL. I'm hoping to get into some study soon but I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it. I want to do the Playcentre courses but I feel Mac is still too young to go to Playcentre. I might find another short course to do along those lines though. I think I'm just the kind of person who needs to keep going and going, to be occupied and if I find myself unoccupied I feel lazy. Does that make sense? I'm glad to know that you ladies think I'm doing enough. Might go chat to DP about it, he probably doesn't even know I'm worried about it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:31pm
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Thanks Emma ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:51pm
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Exactly.
And if this is how you both want it to be, I'm sure he'll be more then happy to help 'build you up' and let you know what you're doing wonderful. And heck, if he has some ideas for improvement, no harm in taking them on board! You sure do plenty, but knowing you are working on the things he really notices/appreciates will help make you feel better too
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 11 February 2010 at 10:33pm
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I do the same as you except I don't do the lawns, well sometimes I do. I do feel the same as you as my DH is self employed as well. I know he's making this huge effort to keep himself in work so that I can stay at home with the kids. I know I do more than enough & he said to me tonight that we've had great meals all week. I said that's what happens when I meal plan.
I make sure I have time out on the puter when Cooper is asleep. This will probably change next week as I'm doing my bit by looking after another child. Baking is a great way of filling up time, as is meeting "the girls" for coffee one day a week. I make sure I get time out by going to dog shows so DH has to do everything that day. Which will only be looking after the kids & no house work. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 9:21am
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You do more than your fair share IMO.. good on you, and you shouldnt' doubt yourself either.
I do washing every couple of days, fold it every other day. Clean up the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, throw toilet duck down the toilet every so often.... ummmmm cook dinner every other night (we share). Entertain the 2yr old while the others are at school..I think thats about it really. I also make sure I have "me" time, usually when Cooper is in bed, I'll catch up on my recordings.. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 10:26am
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I think one of the hardest things as a first time mum to learn to do , is to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to be busy , I think its often a guilt thing cos we are no longer earning money .
However , what you are doing is keeping the house run smoothly, if you weren' there to do all that , the house would be in a shambles , you do plenty , a lot more than me , and if you put too much pressure on yourself and do too much , you will miss out on important things like spending time with your son , and watching TV ... ------------- 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 10:30am
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it reminds me of that joke about the man who comes home and the kitchen has food all over the floor, dishes on the table, spilled drinks, the hallway has clothes strewn up it, the kids are naked in the backyard, in short the house is a shambles... his wife is in bed with curtains shut and when he comes in and says what happens she said ... well you know every day when you come home and ask what i did - today i didnt do it! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 11:14am
| Ha ha Bizzy that is very funny! |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 12:39pm
BAAAAHAHAHAHA! So going to try that oneday! I'll wait til Mac gets to that age where he can get into stuff and cause mayhem and I'll just leave him to it oneday. Oh, AandCsmum, I've just filled out my application form with PORSE to do my Level 3 ECE so I can start looking after a kid or something to bring in some money. Caitlynsmygirl - I think you're right when you say we feel guilty cause we aren't earning money anymore. I think thats how it is for me. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Bizzy wrote:Posted By: Caro07
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 1:13pm
Just wanted to add about Playcentre. There are always lots of babies at ours (granted - most of them have older siblings). We started quite early (DS was just 1) but did it for me really  I needed the outlet and to meet mums with children of a variety of ages.
Our playcentre is fairly relaxed and understanding that mums with young babies can't help as much on session too. ------------- Caroline, SAHM to 2 boys, S (4 years old) and J (2 years old) 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 1:17pm
I LOVE that joke!!!! I heard it aw while ago, on here I think and thought it was brilliant! ------------- |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 2:11pm
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Caro - I'm going to join Playcentre once Mac is a bit older. He's only just gone 2 months old. I think it'll be good for him and I. I want to do the courses that they offer, they're free and you get to do them with your bubba and if you complete them all I believe you're about on the par with a Qualified ECE Teacher. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 3:53pm
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DH had a month off work when DS arrived, so this is my first week on my own. All the housework is done and I have cooked dins every night. DH comes home and spends time with DS when he wakes up and baths him every day and cleans up the dinner dishes.
I feel exactly the same way you do - I feel so guilty whenever I sit down and do nothing! I am so used to working long hours at work and am not used to sitting down and watching TV or reading a book during the day, but what someone said was right - in paid work you are entitled to breaks! You definitely need your DP's reassurance and I think it is a good idea that you let him know how you are feeling I mentioned it to DH before he went back to work that it is going to take some adjusting for me and that I feel guilty and I have noticed he has made an effort to make me feel good this week. When I text him yesterday to say that DS was asleep in the afternoon (he hadn't been sleeping well during the day lately), he told me that that was great and that I could now go and relax for the afternoon. I ended up doing housework for a few hours, but it was nice that he suggested it!
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:10pm
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Firstly, let me just say you sound like you are doing an amazing job. DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF
You are doing more than should be expected of you, and IMHO being at home with a baby is one miiiiiiiilllllion times harder than working full time in an office (or whatever it was you did before baby came along). Sometimes it seems to me that people (men lol) really don't get it. I reckon that joke is exactly what you need to do sometime!! And can I just say.... think very carefully before you start looking after someone elses child. Especially given your wee one is still so tiny. It is hard work, and in my experience it is very easy to get taken advantage of. I looked after a wee boy for 8 months, and whilst he was a lovely little guy, it was very hard having to follow someone elses rules regarding the care of a child, all the while doing it in your own house. I think you have enough on your plate right now. Enjoy having a baby while you can, and try really hard not to feel guilty for being a mother. You have nothing to feel guilty about
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 9:36pm
You guys have all really made my day!  I feel a lot better knowing I'm doing sufficiently enough. Now to fend off my own feelings of guilt. I am sure I can find things to do that will occupy my brain without it being "housework". ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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