What do you think?
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Topic: What do you think?
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: What do you think?
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:18pm
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If a child refuses to eat their lunch at daycare (same meal as all the other children), should they then be punished by not being allowed afternoon tea?
I'm having huge issues with my son's daycare, and today I was informed that because he turned his nose up at lunch (two minute noodles, luncheon and mixed veges) he would not be offered afternoon tea. I'm fuming, as the thought of my little man not getting any food in his tummy since 9.30am this morning just breaks my heart. I actually don't blame him for refusing to eat that crappy meal!! I would too. What do you ladies think? Should I be making an issue out of this, or are they doing the right thing? ETA: I believe that he's already been punished by not having anything to eat for lunch, and that witholding afternoon tea as well is double punishing for one crime so to speak. |
Replies:
Posted By: becky
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:24pm
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Im sorry but that is bad IMO I am just in the process of putting DS in daycare and if they told me that they did not give him afternoon tea due to him refusing lunch I would pull him out!!
One thing children know is when they are hungry DS refuses to eat and I usually dont offer him something else straight away but will try again in half to an hour later. Day care should also do this esp with all the playing they do, and they probably dont get to graze as much as they may do at home. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:27pm
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NO WAY - and that lunch sounds awful! Ours always has cooked lunch....heck that is terrible!
also the afternoon tea tops them up - esp those who dont eat well at lunch Im guessing so punishing them by food restrictions is not good at all! ALso there should be alternatives for lunch - we have a halal / vegetarian one and a sandwich option at ours (so yes she has had a few marmite sandwiches at different stages for lunch!LOL!) but never been refused the afternoon tea etc!!! talk to the owner / manager and see what is going on....one food wise and two re the punishment. |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:28pm
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That's really bad! I totally agree that he's already been 'punished' by the natural consequences of having no lunch.
I would not be happy at all and would be having serious words to the daycare staff/management. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:29pm
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Your child your rules. Tell them straight off that that is not on and that he should be offered his food at afternoon tea. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:31pm
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I completely agree that witholding afternoon tea is being punished twice. Not only that, but I also believe that kids that age are too young to put the two things together (ie, lunch is way too long ago that they will even remember what they're being punished for).
I would speak to the centre manager as BS suggested and make sure they know what's going on. If they agree with the teachers  then I would be pulling him out.
And  at that lunch, is that what they call "cooked" lunch???
(ps, to clarify - i have been known to give C noodles sure, but I think that's a poor excuse for a cooked lunch when they're charging you for it!) ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:35pm
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I don't have a baby yet... but that doesn't sound on, I mean obviously if he doesn't want lunch they can't force it on him but thats just cruel to refuse him the next meal.
It's like they're trying to teach him if you don't eat lunch you don't eat at all, and while that may work it seems a little harsh iygwim... I would definitely talk to them about it ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:41pm
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Yeah thinking more about this, they really should offer the sandwich option if the kid doesn't like the 'cooked' lunch. I mean really, as adults we don't like everything and wouldn't be expected to eat whatever we're served up!! It doesn't mean we're 'naughty' for not eating lunch, it just means we don't like it!!! And it's not hard or expensive to make a boring marmite sandwich. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:42pm
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Agree with everyone else no way should they be with holding food.
Also what are you paying daycare for if they're not going to feed your son. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:43pm
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Nope that is not on. He may be going through a stage where he is not hungry at lunchtime and hungry at a different time. Report them if you have no luck with the head teacher. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:51pm
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two minute noodles, luncheon and mix vege is a pretty average lunch, high in fat and not very nutritious don't blame him for not eating it ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 4:55pm
Just read your other thread in the kindy section - if it was me I'd be seriously looking into changing centres. Is that a possibility? It sounds like you're not happy with how things are going there overall, and like they're not very understanding in trying to help your little boy  ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:00pm
totally agree ------------- 
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SMoody wrote:Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:07pm
I was actually just thinking this... Are you able to provide lunch for him at all? Or leave some snacks in his bag? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:34pm
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OMG! I would be furious and so upset.
I don't pay $245 per week for my child to eat a meal that costs less than $2 bucks! Plus their bellies are so small they need filling up more often. Disgusting! I changed my DS daycare for numerous reasons but one was similar. They gave him crap food and only popcorn for afternoon tea. The time I picked him up, he was ready to gnaw off his own limbs! Is it worth you complaining though???? Our last daycare had crap managers so was like talking to a brick wall. We now have him going to a chain daycare as I think they are more regulated IYKWIM (someone to answer to). Think you should look at changing hun! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:37pm
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Oh yes sir reeeee...do something about this!!. Take him out....but also take this up with someone in authority because if it's happening to you're boy, it is most probably happening to the other kids. That is sooo not on!...and I would definitely give them my piece of mind about it. ------------- 
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:47pm
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Thats disgusting - how can these people be trained childcare teachers!! ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: Manda08
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:52pm
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He is 3 nearly 4, he is too young to be punished for not eating his lunch! He should have been given something else, even if it was a piece of fruit or a sandwich! I would be speaking to the manager, and if you dont get her support, look for a new daycare.... ------------- 
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 5:57pm
Id be  and I would be telling them in no uncertain terms that at NO time are they to withhold food from my child. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 6:08pm
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What kind of daycare is that?
I think I would be withholding $$$ if they served that crap up to my child. I would look elsewhere, if they punish with no food when a child wont eat food what do they do about other things. I would have warning bells going off. I worked in early child care for for a few years & we would never of punished a child for not eating, but then we always made them hot nutritious meals. There are some really good centers our there & they may cost a bit more, but they are so worth it 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 6:18pm
| Thats so not on. At our preschool (kindercare) its a cooked vegetarian lunch and its soooo yummy but they would never withhold afternoon tea that is so wrong. Also some days kids just don't want to eat much and that is fine they shouldn't be punished for it. |
Posted By: FionaO
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 6:33pm
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Wow thats awful.
At our daycare food is just offered and its up to the kids what they do, how dare they, maybe he just wasn't hungry at that time. Its up to you to decide the rules, if you had said look he needs to eat his main meal first, but withholding food - just mean mean mean oh and wrong ------------- 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 9:03pm
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Thats disgusting, and I would be a bit sus (going by your other post) that they are maybe trying to push you into pulling him out? What a pack of assholes. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 9:42pm
I have to agree - sounds like they want to make his daycare experience as uncomfortable as possible. Have them up about next time he's there. Totally unacceptable behaviour from grown ups IMO! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 10:43pm
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I'm another on the OMG wagon!
Over the school holidays, I withheld food from my almost 6 year old, Id never do it to a 3 year old. I did it cause she had to learn set meals times & she knew she was allowed food at 10, 12 & 2.30, only took her a day & a half to realise I was serious. She was old enough to learn that concequence, a 3 year old is not! But no wonder your son is acting up...that is crap crap food. If you are feeding him low preservative foods, no wonder he's acting up at daycare after being loaded up with them! ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 12 February 2010 at 10:47pm
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I'm with Fats and Mel, I think (reading between the lines in your other post) that they are just being mean Which is a horrible thing to say and horrible for your DS, but that's just my gut feeling. I'd be calling them out on it too. And looking for another DC.
I think Kel is probably onto something re that sort of food and his behaviour if you don't feed him those sorts of foods at home... ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 11:46am
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Definitely not on. When my kids went to creche they had a rule that you had to eat fruit before the 'treat' of morning or afternoon tea and I now also do that at home.
I'm not sure I agree with the 'your child, your rules' because I would imagine that in a daycare with 20 odd kids, you need to have set rules that other children have to follow....but the rule of starving the child because they wouldn't eat lunch is not acceptable and very hard to understand that that would be there policy. Is this policy documented...if so, maybe make an offical complaint. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 1:21pm
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Yeah I'd be wild about that and I'd also be laying a complaint. I haven't got to solids yet with my man but I know when we were kids, if we refused to eat, we had the food taken away, had to sit at the table til everyone else was finished and we weren't alloowed anything else to eat until the next meal (which in your sons case was the afternoon tea). But the whole thing was, if you don't eat whats put in front of you then don't ask for anything else between now and your next meal. I'd also be pretty angry at them serving up such crappy food to growing children. Where are the nutrients that these gowing kids need??? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 1:47pm
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I'm an ECE teacher have worked in various daycares and kindy's for th elast 10 years.
They are NOT alllowed to withhold food from a child. It is a regulation that food must not be withheld or used as a form as punishment, just like they are not allowed to smack a child, we as ECE teachers legally can't reuse to feed a child under any circumstances. As centres are licensed by the ministry of education contact them and tell them what happened they should do a spot check. No centre is allowed to do this. This IS NOT O.k. Food should never be used to punish a child. Talk to the centre manger, lay a complaint and i would take it further if you get no luck form her. Be stong they ar ein the wrong. It is horrible and i'm ashamed as an ECE teacher, that this happens! -------------  
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 1:52pm
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just to add: Also ERO (education review office) ( part of the ministry of ed) would be horrified to hear of this. The centre would get into HEAPS of trouble. Tell them they legally can't withhold food!!!! -------------
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 2:20pm
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eww at 2 minute noodles..yeah cant say I blame your son for not wanting to eat that crap.
but yes I would be furious if they with held food from my child at the next meal cause she did not her lunch. you cannot make a child eat something but it is cruel to withhold food from them at the next meal. sometimes my daughter doenst eat breakfast but I always make sure she has something at morning tea. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 2:21pm
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I haven't read your other post (will go and find it though!) but I think withholding food is outrageous. It makes me very sad to think that carers would do that to a child. It's simply disgusting.
Sometimes Jackson turns his nose up at lunch and the carers at his day care tell me that they offered him a bit more at afternoon tea to make up for it. That's how it should be. It's completely normal for kids to be fussy or simply not hungry, but to starve them (which is effectively what they are doing) is completely unacceptable. No child should ever be punished by withholding food. I would definatly complain. Hugs to you. This would upset me so much. |
Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 3:37pm
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That is disgusting food, I can't blame him for not wanting it.
That is really sad, and totally mean to withhold food from your little man. If someone did that to my son I would be heart broken too. Make a complaint, and make sure you follow it up. I would expect nothing less then a formal apology that is for sure. ------------- 
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Posted By: sarahm
Date Posted: 13 February 2010 at 4:37pm
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Was just going to say exactly the same thing!!! If you want some help in knowing what to say etc PM me or Mel can give you my details ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 16 February 2010 at 1:05pm
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Thank you so much everyone. I have found another centre for him and he'll be starting there at the beginning of March. Unfortunately the new centre have a waitlist for the Tuesday that I need, so will have to find another option quickly for that day.
Mel and Annie - I actually think the same. I think they are actually trying to make his time there horrible, and purposely upset my sensibilites as a parent. I've been speaking to my mum about this - she used to be an Advocate at the Childrens Commission, and when I go in there today to let them know he will be withdrawn from the centre, I'm going to voice my unhappiness at what has been happening. I will also be putting it in writing, for the ERO, and the centre. There have been so many other things happen (physical restraint, pulling on clothes so he ended up with blood marks on his neck....) that I feel obliged to make an issue of it. Thanks so much ladies. Your comments and advice are fabulous 
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Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 16 February 2010 at 1:37pm
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wow sounds like that place needs to be shut down...they sound like they are real bullies.
Good on you for standing up for Joshy and you go girl, you make sure you put in the complaint and demand that something be done about it ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 February 2010 at 2:51pm
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yep what kazzle said... also if you need someone for a few interim tuesdays i am not too far from you and could help out if needed... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 16 February 2010 at 5:31pm
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I would take it as far as you can with this centre. Complain to anyone and everyone about the treatment of your son.
So happy to hear that you have found a centre that will take him. Good luck ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 16 February 2010 at 9:37pm
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Yep I agree, even letting the local paper know what is happening there as well might open a few more peoples eyes. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |