First-timer baby fears!
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31721
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Topic: First-timer baby fears!
Posted By: Pregwithnumber1
Subject: First-timer baby fears!
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 4:56pm
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I am excited about being pregnant and have wanted this for a long time. Now that I am, I'm scared sh*tless!
I love kids but admittedly am not that into babies 
I am quite nervous about having someting so delicate and vunerable entirely dependent on me 24/7! I am having some self-doubt and wonder how I'm going to cope etc and what could happen if I can't? Truly the thought of being home alone all day with a tiny baby freaks me out completely. Any other first timers feeling the same? God I hope I am going to be a good mum!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: MindyW
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:10pm
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I think the fact that you wrote that post worrying tells me that you will be a good mum. I'm the same. This is my firat baby too and though we tried for 23 months for my little treasure I have the same fears. I did fertility treatment and when I finally got my BFP confirmed by a DR I had a minor panic attack thinking oh crap what do I do now? What do I do if I cant get the baby to stop crying? Will I cope with the lack of sleep? Will DH be as scared as me?
I think its normal anxieties you're having, and though you may not be into little babies, it will most likely be quite different with your own! PM me if you want  ------------- My Beautiful Little Emily http://lilypie.com"> 
We've Waited for You Forever! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:16pm
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I had never handled a baby prior to Daniel. I was freaking out. I had no idea what to do. Had never changed a nappy, had never looked after a kid younger than 5 years old.
Its very normal! |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:19pm
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Gosh I was worse than Stacey...I handled babies & they screamed!
Maternal instinct is a funny thing. When you don't think you have it, it just kicks in & takes over. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:20pm
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I'm still scared sh!tless aswell
Felt real bad when at the hospital with my Mum visiting someone who just had her daughter, and she knew I was pregnant, she asked if I wanted to hold the baby (less than 24hours old) and laughed when I looked terrified and said no. I told her I was scared of dropping it lol Luckily she just laughed and said she was the same with her number 1. And maternal instinct just kicked in and she said she amazed herself by how comfortable she was with a newborn! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:38pm
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i agree with everyone...totally normal to feel that way !!!:) I was the same.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: KazS
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:41pm
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I had held one baby for about 2 minutes before Ashley my daughter was born - had only changed one nappy which had me dry wrettching and didnt have a clue what to do with a baby!
Hormones are a marvellous thing - the moment she was out and nursing it all felt right! you will be fine and will be a great Mum |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 5:44pm
Aw me too and I'm due next week, but keep telling myself - could still be 10 days over due!! 
I've only ever held a baby twice, 2nd time was a couple of weeks ago! DP and I's baby wasn't planned, but we're totally in love with her now! I'm feeling exactly the same way as you, nervous and having self doubts! A little freaked about having to look after someone so delicate and that's completely dependent on me all by myself!! But I'm also really excited about it too...!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 6:05pm
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I had never handled a baby for more then 5mins till I had Cody. But honestly as soon as you get that little person in your arms it all becomes natural instinct and you just know what to do.
I hadn't ever even changed a nappy till I had to change Cody's first dirty nappy by myself. And boy was it yuck, but I managed just fine. It is fantastic being a mum and when he was newborn I loved having him all to myself while DP was at work, still do (though it is good to get a break every now and then). If you need help just ask your family and friends for it. It'll be all good and you will wonder why you worried. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: 0mrs0ana0
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 6:40pm
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wow, glad i'm not the only one!
i'm freaking out too, wondering how i'll cope. i know it will be fine, but still freaking out! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 May 2012
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 8:24pm
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As everyone above has said, your instincts kick in.
But I just wanted to say...babies are a huge learning curve, and you just learn along the way. If you put the nappy on wrong, it's not going to hurt bubs, you just might have a bit of a mess to clean up later And even if you already have a child, the next baby could be completely different....so you're back at the start of the learning curve all over again (with another child to look after thrown into the mix)..
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 8:29pm
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I like what Mindy said... if you're worried, it means you care, which is what really matters. I worry too... and we were planning this for ages. I think it's pretty normal to be a bit nervous. -------------   
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Posted By: sunnyhoney
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 10:09pm
Oh crap! Just when I thought I had it sorted lol. ------------- Mum to: Joy Emily 1.05am 27/09/07 7lb 3oz Austin Paul 12.47pm 18/04/10 10lb 8oz |
minik8e wrote:Posted By: DonnaB
Date Posted: 17 February 2010 at 10:38pm
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Was so there 18 months ago..!!
My DP and I were all thumbs when it came to changing nappies, clothes even picking DD up was a mammoth task but like everyone else has said, it will come naturally and you just muddle through and do it your way... You'll be a terrific mum because you're already worrying and it's our job to worry.. 
You're in the right place too - Oh Baby has been nothing but solid support for me and you'll find a great deal of love and support coming your way. Congrats and enjoy your pregnancy..  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 8:47am
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There was another thread about this when I was 38 weeks pg... and I pretty much shared your sentiment. Now DD is 8 weeks old, how do I feel?
Well taking care of her has been pretty easy. You do learn how to change nappies, carry them etc, and I'm just starting to get the hang of what the different cries mean. So caring for her really did come naturally. But, I am more a kid person than a baby person, and it has been a bit boring feed-sleep-feed-sleep all day and night. It's getting better as she gets more interactive and I'm learning how to still be able to do some things for me. And I remember that actually she'll only be so little for such a short time that I really should take the time to enjoy it - so I am!------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 8:53am
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Oh, and also, I remember one day I was dressing her after the MW had weighed her, and I was apologising to DD for being so slow at it, and the MW said something like "she doesn't know you are slow... what you do, thats normal for her. She doesn't know or care that there are experienced mums out there who'd do it in half the time"
I found that quite reassuring ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MindyW
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 10:06am
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And if you get stuck with something there will kost likely always be someone on here who has had that problem or knows of someone who has had that problem. ------------- My Beautiful Little Emily http://lilypie.com">
We've Waited for You Forever! |
Posted By: MinaNZ
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 10:07am
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Wow so good to hear every mum feels the same. I too am a first time mum to be and in the past i've had plenty of experience with toddlers but very little with newborns.
When your looking after someone else's baby it's not as scary because you only have them for an hr or two then you give them back, but this time i can't. I just keep hoping that my natural instincts will kick in and the bond i have with the baby is so strong that it will be easier than i think. T_Rex i love what the MW told you, it makes sense and makes me feel better. The part that scares me the most is all the unanswered questions i currently have. I'm feeling very overwhelmed with the list of baby things we need to buy and things we need to know. Guess it will be a huge learning curve. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 10:22am
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re the second child thing.. i have found although he is quite different i am different too..far more relaxed and less stressed so that balances it out..
its ok too to find it hard..i was a nursery preschool teacher and even i found it super hard with my first for a while..but it does get better:) and they become an awesome little two year old like my little guy!:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 10:33am
Thats why pregnancy takes 9 months 
It gives you plenty of time to figure stuff out. We are nearly all clueless at the start. I sure was! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Pregwithnumber1
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 11:27am
Thanks for your messages and wisdom ladies. Yeah, it is just nerves - very common at this stage I hear - as all of a sudden I am looking and feeling very pregnant and I am 3.5 months away from a complete life overhaul! My fears have certainly come to a head recently as the 'great unknown' rapidly approaches and there is no burying my head in the sand now! 
I saw my midwife today, told her how I felt too, and she said essentially the same thing as you TRex - it is good to be nervous because then you go and find out and get informed. Knowledge creates a sense of empowerment and a feeling a confidence. Understanding and arming yourself with information enables you to relax, be prepared and believe in yourself that you can do this. You have time to prepare, so use it - the more you know, the better you will feel, the smoother the transition and the easier the adjustment will be when the time comes. Makes a whole world of sense really ! Fears are so irrational aren't they? But I guess they sometimes force us to act, which is a good thing!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 12:13pm
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It's so good to see that there are other FTM's feeling the same way. I was actually really excited and confident and not worried about anything until about 3wks ago when I got a big slap in the face by the reality stick......... OMG this isn't actually a dream and I AM going to be responsible for someone other than myself!! I'm now 8 days overdue and freaking out big time but have been reassured by the lovely ladies on OB that what I'm feeling is normal. And what someone said about worrying = you care is exactly what my Mum told me. She said she would be worried if I thought I was guna be the perfect Mum and had it all sorted. It pays to be afraid, its a HUGE life changing experience! Now I'm willing to grab it with both hands and be the best Mum I can be, and accept the fact that I WILL make mistakes, but that is what makes us better
Good luck! -------------  
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 2:19pm
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I felt exactly the same when I was around 38 weeks and the realisation hit that I was actually going to have a baby soon.
I wasn't really a baby person but moreso that none of my close friends had babies and I had never held a newborn and hadn't been around kids for years. However, when he arrived it all kicked in.. I was so worried I wouldn't know what to do with him, that I wouldn't be able to change his nappies, that I wouldn't be able to tell if he was hot or cold, how long he should sleep for etc etc. but it all just happens! Of course there are times when I think I don't know what I'm doing but we are all still learning (including DH)
All the very best to those that are pregnant, it will all work out, you'll see! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: troutpout
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 3:41pm
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Wow I'm glad that some other people are feeling the same as me!
I'm due in 10 weeks, and I'm totally freaked out! We've never had anything to do with babies, so this is all new. Makes it harder that we're from the UK, so me and DH have no family to help us! No free babysitting! Never mind, I'm sure we'll learn..... but still, eeeeeek! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: X
Date Posted: 18 February 2010 at 4:06pm
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We were exactly the same before we had DS. I had never held a baby or even been around little babies & I was terrified that I wouldn't know what to do. But once you hold that baby in your arms it's all fine.
And yep, it's a learning curve. DH & I used to joke that it was a good thing DS couldn't talk to other newborns because then he'd realise just what clueless parents we were. We said the other kids would tease him because he got the stupid parents. Babies are pretty resilient-we overdressed him, underdressed him, put nappies on wrong etc etc & he still turned out okay. All you really need to do is love them & the rest comes naturally. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 19 February 2010 at 2:13pm
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im still scared I held a nb last night and it felt so awkward... I dont know how I did it with Jake... mind you I was probably rougher with my own LOL. -------------   
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 19 February 2010 at 6:28pm
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I'm gonna be a first time mum too.
And I agree its a very scary thought to me, but at the same time it just seems so surreal atm I'm afraid baby will arrive and I'll still feel like I'm dreaming. However I'm lucky that my sister had a small baby and I've seen and held her a few times and changed and looked after her for a cpl of days the last time I was up there and it does sort've come naturally. I like older kids so I'll prolly be trying to speed up time to the toddler stage... awful I know. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 19 February 2010 at 10:31pm
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It's totally normal to feel this way. A little secret though - babies aren't as fragile as you think. Ok yeah you got to handle them carefuly and support their head and obviously you can't play catch with them, but seriously, they don't break Maternal instinct is amazing and I think everyone has it, just some mothers find it a bit harder to tap into it than others. Like smeone said, the fact that you have this worry just proves you'll be a GREAT mum! Good luck and if all else fails, OhBaby is here to help! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 20 February 2010 at 6:41pm
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Well, I have ten nieces and nephews and have been pretty hands on with them as babies and I was still sooooo nervous with this wee fellow. And I still am with some things hehe, but it is amazing how maternal instinct just comes in. I think the love you have for your baby helps.
My mum said that somes things will come naturally and some things you will just learn and that is very true. ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 21 February 2010 at 8:30pm
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haha, I was scared with Ty and Im scared with this one
Im still sort of scared with C , welcome to parenthood :-D ------------- 
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