Large families 4 or more kid’s
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32035
Printed Date: 23 July 2025 at 9:05am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Large families 4 or more kid’s
Posted By: ButterflyMum
Subject: Large families 4 or more kid’s
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 2:13pm
|
So we have well and truely decided we want more babies. However if one more person tells me I am mad, crazy, or then informs me just plain stupid for having anymore I think I might scream.. So ladies how do you deal with this? I want some good come back's oh and they also want to know how we can afford it like all of a sudden our finacial status is up for public discission maybe if i was on a benefit and just popping out kids, but my hubby work's full time and I pick up work where I can yes we are tight and sturggle, but we never go with out what we need and neither do our children. I also feel like i am not aloud to complain if I am tired struggling etc cause the first comment i get from most people is well you did choose to have your kids close. Well yeah I did but I am aloud to have a bad day like everyone else. Right rant over so advice comments etc and feel free to be honest Am I being over senstive? -------------  
 
|
Replies:
Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 2:23pm
|
I think your brave - and wish I could have loads too. Id be quite inclined to tell them not to be so rude or mind their own business
People look at me like Im nuts for wanting another even though Im only pregnant with number 2 so I cant imagine how friggin anoying it is for you. actually to be honest Id probably tell them to piss off ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 2:40pm
|
I think its wonderful you are having more babies, really it is entirely your business and if you and DH know thats what you want and that they will be well cared for , then I don't think its anyone elses concern , so tell them so .
I think because larger families aren't as common these days ,people feel like they can look down on it a lot more . There is no reason to say that you're children will be any less loved than children from 2 child families. I know a girl who is one of 8 , and she says her mum used to get "oh , but you can't possibly love the 8th as much as the first " Her response was "I guess you don't have 8 kids " Anyway , I would tell people its really none of their concern and enjoy having the family you and DH want ------------- 
|
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 2:55pm
|
Good for you people pass judgement regardless of how many kids you have, even if you don't have any, people are simply judgemental. Personally I was always envious of people from large families as they all seemed to have so much fun together. Motherhood is tiring period! Its the job and it doesn't matter if you are wealthy/poor have lots of children or only one its always tiring. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 2:58pm
|
Good on you!!!! I would LOVE to have 4 kids (am in ongoing negotiations with DH) and love big families! My cousin has 5 kids and they are all gorgeous, well behaved (but with attitude lol) and awesome children.
We have just started telling family that #2 is on the way. They all say "it's about time" ... but big families are the norm in my family and also for DH's family so noone looks at us sideways at all for wanting more. Tell the naysayers to p*** off!  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: 4monkeys
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 2:58pm
|
Hi - we're currently TTC our #4 and I get the same comments as you do. It's SO annoying. I haven't even told most of my fam/friends that we're going for our fourth as more often that not I get such negative comments back.
And the finances thing is SO annoying too! Like it's any of their business!! Yes, it will be tight, but, by the time they're all at school and REALLY costing us money, then I'll be back in fulltime emplyment and it won't be an issue. I figure a baby won't cost much extra at first - I already HAVE everything I could possibly need - cot, pushchairs, highchair, clothes, nappies (b00bs hehehe) - so it won't be an issue for a while. And you are SO still entitled to a bad day!! ((hugs)) and good luck!! I LOVE the idea of having a larger-than normal family and having them all nice and close (all going to plan, I'll have 4 under 6) |
Posted By: Henna79
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 3:06pm
Good on ya Deb!!! I am the eldest of 11 (age range of 30 - 6) and we never had any spare money to speak of and we are all great!! We all have loved being part of a big family and still spend as much time together as possible. Ignore the poo pooers! Mum had that all the time from her family and she just doesn't care. One thing I will say though is always make sure you look after yourself healthwise. We nearly lost Mum when she gave birth to no 11 mostly because she doesn't look after herself very well and was so stubborn she had to have her homebirth 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 3:46pm
|
Also , if you have say , 6 kids, imagine how many grandbabies you might end up with , oooh !lucky !!! I've always wanted to be a nana , can go "coochy coochy cooo" and tickle their itty bitty feetie weeties , then give them back !
For that alone , I think your plan of having a big family is a good one .  -------------
|
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 3:46pm
|
I would love to be part of a big family! I only have one brother and we are so different so don't really hang out much. I always think with more siblings to choose from it would be much more fun. I joke with my mum all the time about what happened to all of my cool sisters that I could have had
|
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 3:52pm
|
I am all for big families!....and though at the mo DP and I have said we'll have 4....I may try and stretch it out to 5. I come from a family of 7 kids...and absolutely loved it...even if I was picked on lol. We had a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and cars to get us around (though never the flashest lol), food in the cupboard. Our age range is (37-15) the older 4 were very close in age.....I came around 9 years later and then there were 5 year gaps between me and my lil sis, and her and our lil brother. My cousin has 6 children under 7 and she seems to be coping! Don't let people's comments get you down. Carrying a baby for 9 months, being a mum..is the most rewarding and important vocation in this world....and you do not need anyones permission to be tired!....just tell them to go suck a fat one ------------- 
|
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 5:21pm
More kids increases the chances of at least one of them growing up and liking you right??  ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
|
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 6:51pm
|
No you aren't being over sensitive. Honestly, people can be so judgemental sometimes it really pisses me off. None of their bloody business. What if you turned around and made some comment about the number of children they have/don't have or how they afford to do anything/or even that they have too much money. I don't think they would appreciate it, so why do they think you appreciate their comments?
I come from a family of seven (five kids) all relatively close in age - 27, 23, 22, 20, 18. I loved it. We had loads of fun growing up and are all really close. Money was scarce but we managed. And we all know our parents love us and are super proud of all of us! Feel free to rant all you want. Thoughtless comments like that really get my back up. There are a few people out there that want to put limits on the number of kids you can have (to avoid overpopulating the earth.....). Well, the five of us are very productive members of society thank you very much, moreso than some only children or two children families. My youngest sister is the most likely to be able to help the earth with her Environmental Planning and Resource Management degree - which she wouldn't be able to do if she hadn't been born because people "shouldn't" have five children! Good on you for wanting to have a larger than average family! You guys will have lots of fun! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 7:19pm
|
I think you are being over sensitive (sorry if I offend!) - it is your decision to make and if you feel secure in that decision then why be offended at others thoughts and opinions?
I must admit that I am one of those people that wonder how large families afford it in this day and age, but for me it is not just survival in the 'here and now' it is the future - school fees, uniforms, university, life insurance, health insurance, etc. I can see both perspectives as I am one of seven children (we had very little financially but had a wonderful family life and all that guff), but as a Mother I have decided to have an only child. I too get alot of opinion on my decision (you can't have a solo! The poor girl having no siblings. What if you both die and she's left all alone, etc etc) but TBH it is water off a ducks back to me as I am happy and confident with my decision. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
|
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 8:01pm
|
Good on you! I couldn't do it, as I need to work which isn't financially viable for us after more than 2 kids. I always saw myself with 4 when I was younger, now that I've had to go through pregnancy (child birth isn't that bad as it's over with pretty quickly) and the newborn stage I've reconsidered.
Having said that, I might be keen to have another batch in 5ish years when the other 2 are at school. I honestly don't know how people afford it either, but I would hate to think that (unless you are in poverty to begin with) that should be a deciding factor. You seem to be a great mum so why not share that with more and more kidlets?! Aww and Kelly, you've just made me want more babies after reading about being a Grandma! Maybe I'll just have to drum it into my kids that they need to have 5 kids each so I can have lots of grand-babies
|
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 8:58pm
I can't speak for ButterflyMum but what annoys me is not the content of other peoples opinions and thoughts - it's the way in which they make a comment about it.
I don't mind someone saying that they decided to have just one child because they didn't think they could afford more than one and it was the right decision for them and they are very happy. This is a very different way of putting across their opinion to "You're having ANOTHER one! Are you CRAZY?! How can you AFFORD it!" or as ButterflyMum was saying - telling her that she chose to have that many children that close together so she should stop complaining about being tired. Another example is perfect strangers saying to me, when they learn that there is only a year between me and my sister saying "Wow, didn't your parents OWN a TV?". How rude! Of course, I'm not saying that you make comments like that Lulu , but some people do make those kind of comments in that patronising way and while it doesn't affect my thoughts and opinions on family sizes (which is that anyone can have as little or as many kids as they want) - it does annoy me a little bit ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Lulu wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:34pm
I agree with you, too, Lulu. While I only come from a family of three, we were very, very poor, and while we didn't miss out on much as small kids, once we got to high school, it really hit home, as in one of us couldn't go to schol camp so the others sports fees could be paid and so on and so forth, it was that way for most of my teen years, and as much as we bring our kids up or we were brought up that the material things aren't important, once the peer pressure thing kicks in, it creates all kinds of drama. I have to admit, I am one of those people who think how in the hell can you (not YOU, Butterfly mum) afford to have more kids when you can't afford the ones you have now, but it isn't my decision, business or right to say anything, so I don't. Mind you I also don't think having children is an absolute right either. That said though, I am proud to belong to a wonderful preschool/church/school parish that has lots of lovely large families and I think they are all doing wonderful jobs, as i know you will too. One thing you need to keep in mind though is that now you have put it "out there" you will be a sitting duck for those comments so you might need to arm yourself with some one liners to shut folk up!
At the end of the day, wether you choose to have one child or eight, you will come under fire from those that think differently to you. Good luck! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 10:20pm
|
I come from a semi large (well these days!!) family of 4 kids. My partner does too. So I don't see any problem with it, sure my parents weren't rich when we were young but we got to do so much stuff that lots of other kids didn't and being 4 in 4 years we got along really well (with the odd bickering :P) and were best friends.
We don't want an only child as (in my opinion) she would prolly be lonely and I don't want a spoilt brat which most only children I've known personally do tend to be. I've managed to get DP to agree to 2 or 3 but who knows if I get to push it out a bit :D, we both want to do further study so our finances might be a bit tight but that is our business and as long as all the kiddies are loved and cared for then ppl should butt out of how many kids you "should" have. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: ButterflyMum
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 2:53am
thanks ladies I did say be honest. I love honesty even if its not what you want to hear the difference here is I asked for your opions's I have never asked for stranger's ones. Or in that matter family and friend's my 22 year old BIL thinks he should get a say as well lol. We do feel secure in our decesion. I think as Mum's woman we all have the point when we just know we are done and if after one you get that then great part of mr would love to feel if we stopped now we would be satsfied, but deep down I know we would alway's feel like someone is missing. Right back to bed. Thanks for the input from all of you love hearing from people who are from big families saying they loved it. -------------
|
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 12:28pm
|
You know what? Other people are ALWAYS going to have an opinion. About everything. Either you have too many children, or not enough.
'Really? Just the one then? Do you not worry he'll grow up to be lonely and spoilt?' or "Gosh! So many children!! How can you possibly afford to look after them all. Are you not worried they will miss out on things because you will be so poor?' Seriously, there are enough blimmin things out there making us feel like we are bad parents, that I think we should really just try and accept that everyone's family is different, and leave it at that. Good on you, I say. I'd love to have more children. LOVE it. I wish I could have at least three more. I grew up in a family of 5 children and big families rock. But I'm resigned to the fact that there will be no more babies for me, and I just adore having my little man and being able to focus solely on him. This is the family God has given me, and I love it regardless
|
Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:01pm
|
I'm froma family of 5 kids. Mum wanted more but the last one (6th) was stilborn at term and she just couldn't do it again. Yeah we had no money, had hand me downs didn't get to go to mcdonalds or holiday much. But we all new we were loved and we were warm and fed. I'm want 4, I tell everyone thats what were doing. I have a friend whos about to have her 5th and the odest is 5, she was a few more too. Honestly tell people just to shut up. Yes having kids is a struggle and there will be patches of finanial hardship and feeling like your unable to cope. But I bet theres more days where you love every minute of having that many kids around. There is way more fun having half a rugby team than a chess team. SOrry not to affend thos 1 child families.it's your life hun do what you want. Tell people that your family has fertility problems so you need to make up for your brothers and sisters not having kids. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel  07/08/2014
|
Posted By: Tassia
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 2:00pm
|
We have 4 daughters and we have the opposite. we have EVERYONE telling us we should have another as we are such great parents and we need a little boy. All our friends and family are telling my DH not to get the snip and just have 1 more. if I was a good pregnant person or had a surrogate I would have a bigger family.
There was only me and my brother growing up and when he died at 20 I have felt so alone and I decided the day I lost him that I was having more than 2. 4 is perfect for me at the moment and the sooner Dh can get the snip the better as I may waver and want another little one. ------------- 
|
Posted By: Tassia
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 2:00pm
|
We have 4 daughters and we have the opposite. we have EVERYONE telling us we should have another as we are such great parents and we need a little boy. All our friends and family are telling my DH not to get the snip and just have 1 more. if I was a good pregnant person or had a surrogate I would have a bigger family.
There was only me and my brother growing up and when he died at 20 I have felt so alone and I decided the day I lost him that I was having more than 2. 4 is perfect for me at the moment and the sooner Dh can get the snip the better as I may waver and want another little one. -------------
|
Posted By: mumoftwins
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 7:57pm
|
We are currently 17.5wks pregnant with #4. We have 3 yr old twin boys and a 16.5mth old boy so the comments we have had so far are more about gender then number! Everyone assumes I'm desperate for a girl and that is why we are having another baby. NO!!!! We have gone back for number 4, we want 4 children. If this baby is a boy then yay, I'll be the proud and happy mother of 4 gorgeous boys (plus we wont have to do anything to prepare!! All set for males!) If this baby is a girl, then yay we will have a gorgeous little girl, my boys will have a sister and I wont be the only female in the house anymore!!
Having spent the last 3yrs dealing with the stupid and thoughtless comments parents of twins get lumped with, if someone does say anything to me I feel is rude/inappropriate I just tell them the truth! No I'm not really hoping this baby is a girl, I'm hoping for a healthy baby. No I wont be disappointed if its another boy, boys are great! Yes this was a planned pregnancy, not that it is anyones business but mine and my DH's! Of course I know what causes it and yes we own a TV! The decision is yours and yours alone, no one else has any say in it, so ignore, brush off, or fight back when the comments are made, but stand strong and be proud of your decision!  
|
Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 10:03pm
|
We have 6 children. 10, 7, 4, 3, 21months and 3 months. I have became quite snappy at people when they made remarks such as dont you have a tv and would reply to them, yes we have a 50" LCD full HD tv that we paid cash for wat about you. Ive also had comments on how will we afford them all as they grow, people that couldnt understand how we could be so excited as I reached full term with our last baby, the list goes on. Its none of their business how we will afford anything, why do they need to be told that there is money set aside for schooling if and when they need it. Our children all get new clothes, have labelled clothing/bags, do at least 2 extra curricular activites (eg gym, dancing, music), go on all the school camps, trips, photos the list is endless. We badly wanted a large family that throughout our whole relationship we have worked to be able to live comfortably and have 6 children that we can spend quality time with. We have just reached another goal of buying a cafe, which will also give us more income and allow DH to spend a lot more time will all the children (he currently works nights and doesnt see our children at school as much as he would like). This has also pulled remarks such as your mad, how will you do it, wont you be tired. I got tired when I only had 1 child, and I get tired now no more no less. Sometimes you just have a bad day.
Our view is if you want something bad enough you find a way to do it. Im just as proud to be a mum of 6 as I was when I was a mum of 1. A mum is a mum and noone can take that away. I was an only child and DH was 1 of 6. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 11:02pm
|
I find it so funny that people assume if you have 2 or more of the same gender you must automatically want the opposite
I would never dream of saying to my friend that has three boys "oh you must be wanting a girl " Im more likely to just say "oh thats fantastic , another baby brother or sister for them to play with " I think at the end of the day .... "Be who you are and say what you feel , cos the people that mind don't matter , and the people that matter don't mind " -------------
|
Posted By: ButterflyMum
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 4:52am
|
yeah that was a classic when I was preggy with emily. O I bet you are hoping for a girl I was so honest tho and said na I actually find girl's scare me so another boy would be great. Don't get me wrong I love having my girl's, but I think people assume too much sometimes. Thanks for all the encouragement its been awsome made me feel a whole lot better about our choice. And so good to hear from people who are doing it and loving it. -------------
|
Posted By: Tassia
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 7:41am
|
I think we need shirts printed or saomething along the lines of please don't comment on my family/beliefs/children/childrens gender/my pregnancy/my finances or anyhtiny else!
Some people are just so funny like that! -------------
|
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 9:07am
|
if i started having kids when i was younger i would definitelty have more kids... i love being pregnant and i love babies - and i think i am getting better at parenting as we go along too.
When i was pregnant with eden lots of people would comment on about having a girl and even now they assume i got pregnant so i could have a girl, as if i could plan it... when in fact gender has never been an issue for me either and i would have been very happy to have three boys. I suppose you could handle the comments a couple of different ways. if it was a comment from a stranger you could act stupid and make out youdont even know how you keep getting pregnant... and if it was friends making comments then i think honesty is the best way - tell them our financial business is not anyone elses concern or the third option is just smile and nod and change the subject. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 10:56am
|
Strangers say the stupidest things. The #1 dumb arse thing I got asked yesterday when taking the kids to the mall was "Oh you must have your hands full!" Like DUH! Twins aren't THAT hard lol ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
|
Posted By: ButterflyMum
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 2:07pm
|
Emiloly
yeah that is a classic I have heard that with my 4 oh what a busy lady tou must be. Like really you think lol. -------------
|
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 3:11pm
|
I wanted to have another child and when I mentioned that I would get so you can have a girl, NO last thing I want to have is a girl. Good on you Deb, have as many as you want. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 3:20pm
|
Becks, My son was born on Valentines day too :) ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 8:50pm
Ha ha ha, if I had a dollar for every time I've been asked if we're going to "try for a boy"...
To me, four kids isn't a big family. Maybe coz I'm one of four kids, I don't know. We planned two and ended up with four, but after #3 we knew we'd have another, although the timing was a bit off lol! I get the usual comments ("you must be busy" etc.), not so much "don't you know what causes it", coz we did get a two-for-one. Life with this pack of hooligans is insanely crazy, I haven't had a decent night's sleep in 7 years and every day is a hundred miles an hour from woah to go, but the older the kids get, the more settled into it we become. They play together really well and are really close, and I can't imagine not having four of them. At this stage, we're not planning any more, but I'm young enough that we have the freedom to change our minds in a few years if we want to. I'm actually kind of excited about being past the baby stage now, watching their personalities develop and moving on to a whole new stage of parenting. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 05 March 2010 at 11:01pm
|
I have 4 kids - and I am the first one to say I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have four. Always imagined having 2. But curcumstances change and so here we are with 4 and I love it. Wouldn't be without either one of them.
BUT thats it for us - four is enough (for us) and so I got my tube tided with my ceasarean iwth Elodie (or Dh would of had the snip and still might to make doubly sure) I don't mind the comments people say to me about having 4 - infact I get a kick out of it. When I was pregnant people assumed it was my first and when I said Nope my 4th I loved seeing their faces - and infact I wanted to say it was my 10th now that would of been funny. All infact everyone has an opinion and I am the first to put my hand up and think your mad (in the nicest possible way ofcause) BUT its your decision and no one else (well your hubbies too) You are the one who knows your limit and I get you when you say 'someone' feels missing as that is one of the reasons we went on to have Elodie cause we kept on thinking someone was waiting to join us. I say go for it - if you are emotionally, finanically and well I know your a good parent so whats to stop you!
------------- http://lilypie.com">  
876 |
Posted By: Tassia
Date Posted: 07 March 2010 at 4:47pm
Yea I loved doing that too........ -------------
|
Posted By: ButterflyMum
Date Posted: 07 March 2010 at 8:36pm
yeah ditto I got that with Emily oh is this your first when I said it was my 4th I was then informed I looked too youg to have 4 lol I am 29 year old. -------------
|
Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 07 March 2010 at 9:49pm
|
[/QUOTE]
yeah ditto I got that with Emily oh is this your first when I said it was my 4th I was then informed I looked too youg to have 4 lol I am 29 year old.[/QUOTE] same except I was 29 having #6, the look on their face was priceless ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 08 March 2010 at 9:47pm
|
hehe I was a wee bit older than you girls having my fourth but I am blessed with young looking genes so they assumed I was younger - which I can totally handle ------------- http://lilypie.com">
876 |