Print Page | Close Window

Please help, I’m at my wits end :-(

Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32520
Printed Date: 16 May 2025 at 5:49pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com


Topic: Please help, I’m at my wits end :-(
Posted By: 1st_Time_Preggies
Subject: Please help, I’m at my wits end :-(
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 3:48pm
I have a 7 week old boy and I am struggling :-( As I have said in previous posts, he has always been a grizzly baby. I self diagnosed silent reflux (but I'm not even sure it is that!) and he is on 2.5ml of losec. It sort of seemed to work for awhile (but that could have been age or better winding??), and he starting sleeping during the day (he hardly did at all before!) and I thought I sort of had him sorted. Then he started waking at 4am and not going back to sleep. So I consulted a "baby expert" who came and gave me suggestions.

Previously I was already doing a three hourly schedule, one hour (give or take) up, two hours down. She was VERY pro this, to the point where he was "bad" if he didn't sleep the two hours of the cycle. She also said lots of babies are still hungry which is why they don't sleep properly. As I breast feed I have NO idea what he is getting but I found that hard to believe as he is WAY above average in weight gain and was a good feeder. She suggested "topping him up" with EBM but as he is still getting used the bottle that didn't work. Before she came he was feeding three hourly, sometimes getting two naps of two hours during a day, and sleeping from 8pm till midnight or so. Then waking again around 2 and 6am. Once I went on the losec he starting finding it hard to go back to sleep at 4am and it took ages to settle him. But during the day he was happy, and slept pretty good naps.

The "expert" said he should be sleeping longer at night and only waking once between midnight and 6am so to try "dreamfeeding". He doesn't suckle when he is still sleeping, so I had to wake him. It didn't extend his sleeping past about 1am, so I gave up, as I go to bed at 8pm and get a solid four hours which is the only time I do.

Then she suggested pushing his feed times in the night out by trying to put him back to sleep. I manage maybe an extra half hour or so by giving him the dummy (which he only holds on to for a few minutes before spitting it out) and rocking him. At the moment I have him sleeping from about 8.30pm till 1.30pm, and waking again around 5.30am ish. This means I am getting even less sleep as I am trying to push his feed times out by holding the dummy in and re settling him. Now he has trouble sleeping during the day, is grizzly on his play mat (which he used to love), and has started not feeding properly during the day either :-( On top of this, he seems so TIRED, sometimes not even lasting the hour up. I feel like I am in the vicious cycle of having NO idea what I am doing and making a total mess of things. I TOTALLY suck at this, and cry probably every second day out of frustration. And suspect I am mildly depressed as well. It all seems to much as times and I am not enjoying being a mum :-(

A friend has suggested I go to a strict routine (such as the Contented Baby) to see if he thrives on that and sleeps longer in the night. I don't know whether I should. I don't know WHAT I should be doing. I just want him to be happy and content and SLEEP so that I can do things for myself too. I don't even go out (and would love to!) as I spend my whole day either trying to get him to feed properly, or trying to get him to sleep.

What am I doing wrong? What should I do?? :-(



Replies:
Posted By: 1st_Time_Preggies
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 4:00pm
Oh I forgot to say, he has now started "cluster feeding" before he goes to bed (I used to just give two sides), taking 50ml EBM in a bottle (to get him used to the bottle), then both sides, and sometimes again with both sides. Problem is I can see he is TIRED, so the feeding is fussy and yawns so I think he should go to bed but he won't. Eventually sometimes I have to rock him to sleep. I didn't used to have to do this!

Also, if he wakes up before his "two hour nap" is up, what do I do with him till feeding time? I have tried playing with his, reading to him etc, but then I find he is TIRED straight after feeding so only stays up 1/2 an hour into feeding time, which mucks up the whole 3 hour cycle?? For example, he woke at 1.30pm today, when he is supposed to go till 2pm. Wouldn't go back down. Fed him at 2pm, but then he was showing tired signs at 2.30pm. Now he is asleep and due for a feed at 5pm. But I'm sure he won't sleep till then, so then we start the vicious cycle again! HELP!!!


Posted By: oscarboo
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 4:07pm
Sorry I am no help but didn't want to read and run. Sending you a big .

I can kind of relate to how you are feeling as I was like this when I had my little girl. I did end up with PND and it did all get better in the end. Hope things work out for you

-------------
http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">



Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 4:12pm
Firstly, - it sounds like you need them!

You are doing a great job. These first few months are blimmin hard work. You get so many different theories and suggestions, it can be really hard to sift through them all and work out what's right for YOU and your baby.

When you felt like things were starting to go right, did you feel like your DS was settling into his own routine? Do you LIKE routines? Or do you prefer to just go with the flow and take each day as it comes?

If you are struggling with this "expert's" advice and feeling like it's not working, perhaps switching to another "expert's" advice will only confuse things more and make you feel more stressed about it if it doesn't work out?

We used the Contented Little Baby book in the beginning but everyone's situation is different. I bought it as I've worked (as a nanny) with families in the past who've used it and loved it and I thought it would work for us. Then C was prem and already on a 3hrly feeding "schedule" when we came home so we adapted easily to the CLB suggestions. We did the "first week home" chapter for about 2 months though

The thing with advice from others is that you still need to filter it all and be prepared to NOT follow it if it isn't working for you.

Here's my take on what you've said (sorry for the novel already!)...
Go back to leaving your DS to wake when he's hungry at night. At 7 weeks, waking a couple of times to feed is perfectly normal. It doesn't mean you need to top him up with EBM or anything else!

Feed him if you need to in the night. Try and keep things dark (ish) and quiet and different to day time.

Think about what time works for your family to start the day. For us it was 7am (plus that's when it gets light here). At 7am every morning I would get up, open the curtains and gently wake C to feed him. Most mornings he woke around then anyway as it was getting light.

Then try and get him back to bed within the hour if he's showing tired signs. He might not even last an hour up at that stage, some babies don't.

In these early days, do what you can to get him to sleep. We wrapped C up and he took a dummy so that really helped here. I rocked him to sleep after his feeds at night if he didn't fall asleep on the boob. Try using a wrap or sling during the day, he might sleep better on you, specially if he's refluxy. I took Callum out in his capsule a LOT as being upright really helped his reflux and he slept well. Some days that was the only way to get him to nap! But it meant we got out of the house and I didn't go so crazy

Good luck. And well done if you've read this far

-------------
SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010


Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 4:21pm
You're not doing anything wrong love, and I'm sorry thing are so tiring and stressful for you right now.

I'm aghast at some of the advice this "expert" has given you, especially considering your son is still so little - babies are neither good nor bad, they are just *babies* !

It sounds like you actually had a pretty good rhythm going before this person recommended you change things, and I wonder - do you have a partner or family member around for support, so you could nap during the day when / if your baby does?

Do you have a sling? This was an absolute lifesaver for us when DD2 was born - DD1 started kindy when her little sister was only a week old, and we used the capsule for a while but then it got too heavy! If I didn't have my slings I'm not sure how I would have managed (with great difficulty I think).

Also, are you able to feed lying down? When my DD2 wakes early, I bring her into bed with us and we doze together as she feeds and sometimes this gets me an extra hour or so - and means we get up at 7am instead of 6!

IMO regulating feeds isn't always going to work, and besides - babies can't read the clock, they only know that they are hungry and hungry *now*.

Cluster feeding in the evenings is also very normal at his age, it is their way of 'tanking up' if you will.

If I were in your shoes (and this is just personal opinion), I would go in the opposite direction and just let go of the routine - at least the scheduled feeds part. We demand feed here, but we still have a "pattern"... wake / feed / play / feed / sleep... or wake / feed / solids / play / feed / sleep depending on time of day (she is 8mo though).

BIG hugs - maybe you need to consider seeing someone about the depressed feelings and the potential reflux, as you don't need the added pressure - I know just how challenging and miserable it can be when you feel so lost as a first time mum.

As I said at the start - you aren't doing anything wrong!








-------------
Mama to two earth walkers & two angels.

Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz

Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !!


Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 4:50pm
Hugs!!! I too am horrified at her advice! He's only 7 weeks!!!

When he wakes feed him, don't make him wait, cuddle & coo at him til you see his tired signs & put him back to bed. Don't over stimulate him with play & floor time. If he falls asleep on you, great, keep him there & cuddle him close & have a snooze yourself. You can put in routines later on.

Silent reflux is hard!!! I had a rocker which I had Cooper in next to me & if he starts stirring then I'd rock him back to sleep.

Maybe go back & see the dr & up the losec? I 've got no idea on dose at that age.

Also, don't expect him to sleep through! Not all babies do. Mine has only in the last few weeks!

I take it you've got his cot raised etc?

-------------
Kel
http://lilypie.com">

A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12


Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 5:29pm
my advice would be to forget what the "expert' said and go back to basics. try to keep bub up for only an hour at a time tho... night waking is to be expected at this age too so dont worry about that at all either.

if you are worried about reflux then dont self diagnose but rather go to a doc.

it is hard... put housework on hold and just spend the time relaxing and chilling with your bub. it wont matter if you cuddle or feed him to sleep at this age either.



-------------
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">


Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 6:22pm
You sound quite similar to what I was like a month or two back. I was getting so confused and getting quite worked up trying to get him to be on this 3 hour schedule and sleep for 2 hours and not knowing how to get him back on the routine as for the first month he pretty much was.   He never lasted more than 45 mins up so that really meant he needed to sleep for 2 1/4 hrs and that just wasn't going to work and I was spending so much of my time just trying to get him to sleep. I think I was taking the whole 3 hour thing to literally.

So my suggestions are:

Can you put him down earlier, rather than trying to keep him up for a whole hour if he's tired? I know it seems like he should be able to last at least an hour but so many babies just can't and then you're trapped in a cycle of having an overtired baby that can't sleep either - well that's what I found anyway. It makes it really hard for trying to go out but honestly only a few more weeks away and he'll be up for longer. My boy is now up for 1.5 hrs usually and that started around 3 months.

I also found writing down what he was doing helped and I could look back and say ok he roughly feeds every 2-3 hours on demand, doesn't matter if it's not all clockwork on the 3 hours. Maybe do the same with naps and you might see a pattern - maybe not right on the clock but roughly.   Like we pretty much have two small morning naps and then a big early afternoon nap and then a small one later on again.

I got a hammock and found that quite good for daysleeps and often if I go back in just before he wakes up and start bouncing it a little he'll sleep for longer. Well at least for one nap a day anyway, but worth a try as I found that even that one longer nap plus maybe an extra 10 mins on the other naps has made all the difference and he doesn't seem so tired anymore.

One other thing I liked was using the Dunstan Baby Language. There's some little clips on You Tube that has the different cries babies make so you know if they're hungry or tired or have gas etc.. eg a 'Neh' sound means hungry and an 'eh' sound means he needs burping.

It is so frustrating not knowing how to change things but I'm sure you're doing a great job and I found hitting that 3 month mark made all the difference - you're nearly there!



-------------
http://alterna-tickers.com">


Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 6:28pm

Originally posted by Bizzy Bizzy wrote:

my advice would be to forget what the "expert' said and go back to basics. try to keep bub up for only an hour at a time tho... night waking is to be expected at this age too so dont worry about that at all either.

if you are worried about reflux then dont self diagnose but rather go to a doc.

it is hard... put housework on hold and just spend the time relaxing and chilling with your bub. it wont matter if you cuddle or feed him to sleep at this age either.

totally agree with this! He's only 7 weeks old for goodness sakes....cluster feeding is sooooo normal and as for waking at night...jeez my 10 month old still wakes for 1 BF every night (at least) and at 7 months was just feeding around the clock!  Trying to keep things quiet at night will eventually help your wee babe realise there is a difference between night and day but that won't be for ages yet.

You really need to look after yourself hun and just attend to the needs of your bubba. Some of these 'experts' make me so cross in what they think little ones should be doing. I know I'm a hippy but jeez, wear your baby, rest lots, sleep when bubba sleeps, feed on demand and you guys  wil totally sort out a rytham that suits you both. (((hugs))) those first couple of months are hard!



-------------

http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">


Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 7:18pm
I just remembered one of the girls in our thread that was having problems with their baby waking up and not going back at night got told to try getting the baby up for 30-60 mins before you go to bed say at 10pm to play and see if that makes a difference.

Do you use white noise? That's always a goodie and also really good tight swaddling or if they come loose you could maybe try one of the special ones like a Miracle Wrap. The sleep store has a bunch of articles that you might want to read too.

-------------
http://alterna-tickers.com">


Posted By: Jaxnz1
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 7:53pm
Ditto to all of the above. It's bloody hard in the first few months......and you are doing an AWESOME job! You are not alone, I've often had days where I've thought I'm useless at this!

What worked for me was just following DD's lead during the day and don't get too hung up on routines. That will probably come later. I would also recommend waking him at the same time every morning, eg 7am. Then follow a strict bedtime routine, eg bath, story, feed, bed. We tried to do the bedtime routine at the same time every night. As was said above, keep night times quiet, dark and don't even make eye contact.
During the day I often offer DD more around an hour after she feeds. Plunket told me anything they have within an hour is classed as one feed.
Re the silent reflux, keep going back to the Dr to get some real answers. Maybe even try a specialist? Reflux is difficult to diagnose. Also give an osteopath a go, it's not cheap, but if it helps to settle him then it's money well spent.

DD is also waking before her next feed. She feeds 4 hourly and often only has a 45min nap after being up for 1.5 hours. I usually put her down for another 45min nap before her next feed. Eg today she fed at 7am, went down around 8:30am, woke at 9:15, got her up into her playgym etc, put her down again at 10:30ish when she was showing tired signs and she woke just after 11 for her next feed. I also got hung up on the whole 'feed, play sleep', but at the end of the day you just have to go with the flow. Easier said than done, I know

I hope things improve soon for you. Just remember IT DOES get better, just try and relax a bit (if you are tense he will pick up on this), and try and take time for you when he's asleep......the housework can wait!!

-------------



Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 9:20pm
I went through a similar situation and I know how hard it can be.

Two things I wanted to add to the advice above - in the end I think I just had to decide what felt right for me and stick with it. I am a routine kind of person so I found a routine that helped me cope with the day (for me it was the Baby whisperer's one) and worked at putting that in to place. Listening to too much conflicting advice did my head in and made me feel like a really crap mother and you don't need that at all. Try and work out (or imagine if it helps) what you would like your day to look like (remembering that when you have a baby nothing goes according to plan ) and implement things that will help you get that.
Also - one thing I did try which worked when my daughter constantly woke at 3.30am every morning (I think this is a Baby Whisperer thing but I can't remember) was set my alarm and wake up about 10 minutes before she would normally wake and rock/jiggle the bassinet and put the dummy back in before she woke to try and get her to stay asleep. Three nights of doing this got her over the hump of waking at that time and she slept till at least 4.30am for a while after this.

-------------
http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 27 March 2010 at 10:13pm
Everyone has given great advice.

Will just add don't worry about how long your baby sleeps during the day, just take notice of how he is when he wakes up. If it's been less than an hour and he's crying and grizzly when he wakes then he most likely needs more sleep. Try and get him back to sleep, feed if necessary - don't worry about 'bad' habits, he's too young to develop them.

If on the other hand he wakes up after 45 minutes and is smiling and making happy baby noises, then he's refreshed and you can get him up, even if he is 'supposed' to have slept for 2 hours.

Either way, try and get him back to bed within a hour of waking or earlier if you see tired signs. There is no harm done if you put him to bed a bit early, but if you're too late in getting him to bed then it can be really tricky to get them to sleep as they are too wound up and overstimulated.

I follow this and it makes life a lot less stressful, and makes for a happy mum and baby.

-------------
Two little girls under 2!



Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 3:27am
I agree with the previous advice, I'm sure the expert was just trying to help and it would have been great if she'd been spot on but it doesnt sound like she is to me, all babies are different and you need to find the right methods for your little one and what works in your family.

DS woke twice a night til he was 4 mths and once a night til he was 7mths. We didnt dream feed as found it made no difference, he'd still wake at 1am and 4am. Definately get a sling or carrier of some sort so you can get out of the house and baby can still be close to you and sleep - my friend BF'd her little one in his sling for months and months (actually I think she still does at 20mths!!), if you feel trapped inside with an unsettled baby your mood will deteriorate and baby will pick up on that too. Make sure you sleep when baby sleeps, dont worry about being up and tidy by 9am ... or 11am... or later even! You still need lots of rest especially to cope with the night wakings.

I brought DS to bed with me for night feeds until he went into his own room around 5mths, this is also great for those really early morning feeds so you can snuggle and doze together and with any luck baby will fall back asleep in bed with you.

How long does he sleep during the day for, if its just 45min cycles then he might need a little help to get thorough one sleep cycle into another one, a little rocking isnt going to hurt at this stage. We did all sorts of settling techniques at various stages and none of them have ever lasted more than a week or two as a 'habit'.

I think the sooner you give yourself and baby a little bit of a 'break' and just accept that the next few months are going to be working out a pattern that suits you both - you'll feel much better about things, dont put any pressure on yourself to be perfect and have it all sorted at 7weeks. These first few months are BLIMMEN hard but the wonderful thing is it DOES get easier - I promise and I dont know one Mother who wouldnt agree!!



-------------



Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 8:45am
Hi, I didn't want to read and run. So just wanted to say that my DS was like that, and I just went with it. I just feed him when he woke up during the night as it was really the only way to get him back to sleep, let him cluster feed if he wanted to and just kept an eye out for his tired signs. I tried routines and what not but it just didn't work for me. If I was tired then I would curl up in bed with DS so that I could feed him when he woke up and then he would go back to sleep. Oh and he was a bugger for doing 45min sleeps so having him in bed with me was a good way to get him to sleep a bit longer.

At about 8mths (once he started getting around and eating solids proberly) he started doing 2hr naps during the day and often (up till 2wks ago) was having one 4 hr nap a day.

Oh and I second the keeping things darkish. I was feeding DS in front of the tv at night which was keeping him awake, once I started feeding him in the dark and quiet he started going back to sleep after only a few minutes. Even now he likes to have his bottle of milk in the darkend room before having a nap.

-------------
http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 9:06am
Big hugs sweet x

Give yourself a break , ignore that silly woman. I see you ahve been given lots of advice, by lots of mums, and I agree with most of it too

The thing is your baby is just 7 weeks or so, he dosent need a routine yet, as Bizzy said I wouldnt keep him up for more than an hour. If he is gaining good weight there is no reason why he cant have 3 hourly feeds, but he is a baby not a clock, he will sometimes change his mind and he will have growth spurts
Unfortnately the 1st 12 weeks especially can be very chanageable and babies stop and start all the great things they do alot

I think more importantly if you understand that he dosent know he should do all this stuff and there is no pont in getting all upset because he picks up on that too, and try and relax.
Dont be so hard on yourself, babys are hard work and you dont have to be supermum and know it all, but I promise you , you know more about whats right for your son than that silly expert

Also, I dont know how much support you have in the home or from family, but maybe get a family member or friend in . Give your boy a good feed and then catch up on some sleep
Its surprisinghow much clearer things seem after a decent kip

Also parent port may help you - even just to vaccuum or hold bubba while you have a shower and do your hair

http://www.parentport.co.nz/contact.htm

Give them a call


-------------
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 11:02am

This sounds exactly like what its been like for us. I spent a day at Plunket to try to get ourselves sorted and perhaps in some sort of routine. They also suggested the 3 hourly schedule and last week when he had a weight check they told me to stretch his feeds out to 3hourly - this just doesn't work for us. He generally feeds every 2.5hours, sometimes every 2hours. The way I look at it is, sometimes us adults need more or less food during the day and the same with sleeps.

Often C will wake up 30min after having gone to sleep, but he wakes happy and smiling etc so I'm not too concerned. I've learnt to throw the books out the window and take "advice" with a grain of salt. Every baby is different, every family dynamic is different, you have to do what works for you and your baby. Unfortunately it is a bit of a trial and error thing for a while.

But, it does get better. We got to 10 weeks and everything just got easier. He was waking every 1.5h to 2h during the night and now he has stretched that out to 3h or 4h and I think the two main things that have contributed are 1. His age 2. Me, I'm a lot more relaxed and are just doing things at our own pace now, taking peoples suggestions on board but only using what works for us



-------------
 


Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 11:34am
Big hugs to you hun ! just what a new mum wants to feel huh ? like shes doing it wrong .
You aren't, parenting is a damn hard job , and every baby is different and what works for one , wont necessarily work for another .
What are you more comfortable doing ? the way you originally did it , or do you want to find another way , I think thats the first step .
The second step is to remember that as the others have said, is to remember that your baby IS young and demand feeding , cuddles etc wont make long lasting habits this early .
The 3rd and final step , would be to go and ask the "expert " just where the instruction manual that apparently must have come with your baby is , since she seems to be of the opinion that all babies must do things a certain way .

*hugs chick* hang in there

-------------




Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 11:58am
Just wanted to give you some I so remember feeling exactly the same way.

There is tonnes of great advice here, I really hope you start feeling better soon, try and go with the flow and not watch the clock. One bit of advice I was given all the time was take it day by day, but sometimes the days are just too long and merge into one another so my Dad actually said to me just take it hour by hour instead and that actually worked for me, by midday I had "survived" 6 hours and always felt like I had accomplished something by getting to that point which gave me the strength to get through the rest of the day.

Oh and another thing is when baby is napping during the day, take the 1st 1/2 hours to put your feet up and have a hot drink, watch some TV, read a mag or have a shower and then if baby is still sleeping after that tackle one chore that you want to do like the dishes or something, so you are getting some time out but also maybe getting something done around the house if the chores etc. are bothering you that is, otherwise just relax.


Posted By: 1st_Time_Preggies
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 12:20pm
Thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much for all your kind words and advice! I feel SOOOO much better!!!!! Not sure what I am going to do yet in regards to routine etc, but am going to TRY to chill and just take things as they come.

One more question about cluster feedings: do you allow your bubs to nap in between (say for 1/2 an hour) before giving more???


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 1:08pm
If my baby was asleep I didnt wake them end of story. At first it was a pain , sometimes she would wake just as I went to bed, but eventually she stayed asleep and I think this helped her to learn to sleep by herself, in adiition to giving her 5 mintues to self settle if she did wake when i wanted her asleep

Glad your feeling more positive hun x

-------------
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 1:35pm
You've had loads of advice, so it must be hard figuring out which to take. It's good that you feel encouraged and a lot of people have been in the same boat! I agree, those first three months are hard just getting to know your baby and figuring things out. We still have trouble getting Nathan off to sleep sometimes - it's just hard when they are this young. Sometimes it's mere survival, so hang in there!

Your baby's sleep at night is a very similar pattern to Nathan. I started him off doing a dreamfeed (after consulting Plunket) around 11:30pm (some people do it as early as 10pm). Because your baby doesn't dreamfeed, you can wake baby for that feed - I don't bother now trying to keep him asleep. It doesn't happen immediately but I would say try it one week. Whenever you try anything new, it needs to be at least one week before you know it does/doesn't work. For me, it worked but not at first - took a week, and Nathan now wakes up himself around that time. And then his morning wake-ups would get later and later but around the 5am mark - so 5-5.5hrs solid, sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. There are times where he wakes up at 3:30am then 6:30am (at which point I pull him into bed with me and we sleep for a few more hours). It's not great but unfortunately this is what they do at this age. Most of the time he does a good 4-5hrs straight, and that's what you can begin to expect over the coming months.

I'm told that only some babies sleep through the night earlier than 6mths old. And by "sleep through the night" they mean from midnight through to 5-7am. It's usually after they start solids that you can resettle them at night so they sleep through.

Unfortunately the lack of sleep at night comes with the territory. Your body will adjust. Try and have a nap during the day to help you - I do all the time. In terms of sleeping during the day: the more you get your baby into a rhythmic/cyclic routine, the more he will settle into a daytime routine. Every baby is different and they change. They may not last 1hr up... I don't think Nathan did at 7wks old. Then they change and before you know it they need to be up for 1.5hrs and not sleepy enough to be going to bed!   Look for your baby's tired signs and settle him when he is showing he is tired, eg. closed fists, grizzling, staring, rubbing eyes... Also remember that a sleep cycle is 45mins long and they often wake up around this time - so resettle with a dummy or white noise or rocking or whatever you use to get him asleep again. Sorry if you're baby's a girl - I can't remember and my baby's a boy so I say "him" all the time haha.

You will get through this time - persevere! Babies are little puzzles to figure out. Remember advice is great but if it doesn't work - try something else!

-------------
http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 2:16pm
Oh, I just wanted to add: DON'T (IMO) add in any bottles. Do it as a last resort when you're convinced he is not getting enough milk from you. Because it is a slippery slope and before you know it, baby prefers bottles to breastfeeding because it's easier and starts refusing the breast. That will just add to your troubles.

Instead, look at cues that might suggest that he is still hungry, eg. is he popping off the breast when you are feeding and grizzling? Or seems still hungry after you've finished feeding? You could try some EBM after you've breastfed immediately and see if he's still hungry. Chances are, he won't be. However, you can boost the quantity and quality of your milk by drinking plenty (I am bad at this!) and making sure you have a good diet - or drinking complan or taking multivitamins.

Nathan started doing 5min feeding at around 4mths and just yesterday, I had a couple of less wet nappies that concerned me. Normally I would do a feed when he woke up and 2hrs later (as he is awake for 2hrs), a feed before going to bed on the other side. However, now I am offering both sides when he wakes up and then a top-up before going down to bed.

Wet nappies, soiled nappies and weight gain all help to tell you whether he's getting enough milk. Don't be quick to go down the bottle avenue.

-------------
http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 3:10pm
Yes yes yes to what everyone else has said.
Don't go with a routine if it doesn't work for you - it will make you both miserable.

Like the others said try to keep him up for an hour at most at the moment. My Morgan was doing 45 min sleeps and she got worse before she got better (down to 30min sleeps). She did have reflux but she's also a terrible sleeper. Makes it hard to do the 3 hourly routine.

I've found now that if you get her down at the right time (easier said than done) then she will sleep for up to an hour most of the time but even that's not great.

With regards to top ups his weight gain would make me think he doesn't need them. But if you are going to do that make sure that you use your own expressed milk and express after the feed to match it. Otherwise like others have said it is easy to get into a downward spiral and end up having your supply drop.

Morgan is now almost 5 months old. She does 1 (and very rarely 2.5) hour sleeps in the day. She goes to bed at 7:30, has 160ml ebm dream feed at 11pm and sleeps through until 5am. She has only just started doing this without also waking up at 3am.

By comparison my first daughter was doing 12 hour sleeps from 3 months and always slept for 2 hours at a time in the day.

Babies are all different. Trying to fit them into a mould is impossible.

-------------



Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 3:38pm
I would always let DD have little naps during her clusterfeed, I just went with the flow during those horrid first few weeks. Keeping her up just made her overtired and grumpy, so I just put her moses basket in the lounge for 'rest time' in between, if she fell asleep, great, if not, she still had a break. We still use 'time out' (rest time) twice a day at 1 year old!

We used a bottle of EBM at the 11.30 feed (after the cluster-feed) since she was 3 weeks old so I could sleep until the 3.30 one, but that was the only time she had a bottle (and she dropped it at 7 weeks when she just slept through!). We have used b00b to 'shut the baby up' for the whole last year.

You are doing great, just breathe, it will honestly get better. I totally second (or third!) the sling, DD lived in hers for a few weeks during the day. Get a wrap or meitei so you can have both hands free to keep going with your day.


Posted By: Disco
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 4:21pm
Big hugs!

I had the same problems with DD, wouldn't sleep much during the day and normally not longer than 45mins. I found it impossible to stick to a clock routine and just did the loose eat, play, sleep in our own time. After I ditched the whole routine thing we were both a lot happier. The only thing i was definite about was bedtime, doing bath, feed and book, before letting her fall asleep in her cot by herself (that part took a while to master). Now she sleeps so much better during the day, anything from 45mins to 2+hrs but she did it in her own time.

She now is 4.5months old, sleeps from 7pm - 7am with a wake for a feed about 3-4am, on bad nights she wakes twice or three times but I send in hubby and he checks nappy, re settles etc. I think some babies need to learn how to sleep.

Other thing is with routines, all it takes is a growth spurt, teething, illness to throw it out of whack anyway. so don't stress! :)

he's still only little! every baby is different and the best piece of advice given to me is to listen to myself! i know my baby best after all :)

oh and try to sleep when he sleeps, really helps! we're just coming out the other end of waking 2/3 times a night for chats and cuddles!! it started to really affect me and can see why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture! once i started sleeping when she does, helped loads. also when it all gets too much, hubby looks her for the weekend, just handing her over for feeding. you'd be amazed at home much more sleep you can get when you don't have to worry about settling and changing etc!

life is better when we've had enough sleep :)

good luck! go with your gut!

also white noise! works wonders for us, worth a go!

disco:)


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 4:47pm
I was thinking about you while I was doing my shoppin g and was just going to say maybe EBM at say 10pm or so - but all the othee ladies have said the same

Thanks for starting this thread, its good to know its here for a revisit - even though I have done it all before Im sure In a few sleep deprived moments in the coming months I will forget my own advice and its great to hear other mums have the same issues

I second the white noise that disco suggested too - we used a little stereo that wasnt tuned in to a radio station so just static


-------------
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: Jaxnz1
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 6:01pm
Re the cluster feeding, I used to sit on the couch with DD and keep offering her feeds. She would often fall asleep in my arms for a while and then feed some more until she just crashed which was usually at the same time every night, was around 10pm during the first few weeks. Then her bedtime gradually got earlier until now when she goes down between 6:30 and 7pm. Make yourself comfortable, snuggle up with him and just keep feeding him. I gave up trying to put DD to bed as she just refused it until she was fully 'tanked up'. It makes the days seem soooooo long, but hang in there. Eventually he will start going to bed earlier.

I used to get DH to get fetch me things during those cluster feeding hours.

Another thing is I know it's hard, but try to enjoy him while he's still small. They grow up so fast and even tho my little girl is only 4 months, I look back at the first few weeks and wished I had those cuddles back. She used to sleep on my shoulder on the couch which she NEVER does now. She's very fussy about where she sleeps. So as hard as it is, try and relax and enjoy the early weeks.
Hope things are getting better for you!

-------------



Posted By: AuntieSarah
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 8:21pm
Just wanted to add my too. Lots of great advice here.

Moby wrap was an absolute saviour here, he had afternoon naps in there every day for a while.

One thing I was so stressed about that I definiely won't worry about with my next baby was causing 'bad habits'. Like sleeping in the wrap, feeding to sleep, etc etc. It really doesn't matter, I fed my son to sleep every sleep for a while and then when he was older and having less sleep we just stopped it, no big stress.

-------------
http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">


Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 28 March 2010 at 9:16pm
Originally posted by Shelt Shelt wrote:

Also - one thing I did try which worked when my daughter constantly woke at 3.30am every morning (I think this is a Baby Whisperer thing but I can't remember) was set my alarm and wake up about 10 minutes before she would normally wake and rock/jiggle the bassinet and put the dummy back in before she woke to try and get her to stay asleep. Three nights of doing this got her over the hump of waking at that time and she slept till at least 4.30am for a while after this.


Great idea! I do this for naps during the day but hadn't thought to do it at night.   Would this be from The No-Cry Sleep Solution? As I've got the nap version and she recommends that for cat napping.

So much great advice here

-------------
http://alterna-tickers.com">



Print Page | Close Window

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Copyright ©2001-2022 Web Wiz Ltd. - https://www.webwiz.net