I need some man related advice!
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Topic: I need some man related advice!
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: I need some man related advice!
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 11:39am
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So I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months. Not like boyfriend\girlfriend stuff, more just a casual thing. And we are both very happy with how it works with us.
At least we were. Until yesterday when I went and watched his vocal group performing at the Viaduct. I dunno, maybe it was just the situation at the time, but as I was watching him, I got this real rush of feelings.... I wouldn't say love, but a definite like a whole lot. Now I'm not sure what on earth to do. Do I tell him, do I not tell him? Do I wait til I see him again and see if I still feel like this? Do I not seem him anymore? Aaaaaaaargh!! Because it is such a casual thing and we both wanted it like that I feel like I so should not be feeling like this. Thanks everyone! |
Replies:
Posted By: music
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 11:48am
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I think you should talk to him and find out if feels the same way.
I dont think stop seeing will solve it at all. If he does not feel the same way maybe you might want to end it or carry on. hope this helps. |
Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 12:11pm
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DP and I started out "just casual" and as great as it works for a while there will always come a point when you really start feeling more for that person. I think it's just a natural progression but I do think that is the point when you do need to re-evaluate your casual status to help save hurt feelings.
I would let him know that you do have feelings for him and maybe just talk about what casual means to both of you i.e. would you/he be upset if the other saw another person? Doesn't mean you have to be super serious or anything just make sure you are both aware or what each other expects from this arrangement. If you are on the same page then great if not then it may be time to call it quits before hearts get broken. -------------  Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 12:43pm
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Yeah, I think you are right didi, thank you. Although how to broach it without it all getting super serious is going to be difficult. There was a time when I know he was interested in more than casual, but I was very clear on it not being more.
Thing is though, I do like it how it is right now. We see each other twice a week usually which works well for both of us. He's busy, I'm busy so yeah, it works. |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 1:09pm
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There's no reason not to carry on seeing each other only a few times a week though, even if you move things on from being "just casual" to being more exclusive or at least put it out there that you have feeling for him.
Eeek, nerve wracking though  bringing it up. I would be too afraid to say anything and make a d*ck out of myself. BUT I get the impression from on here JR that you're not as sooky as me, so I reckon you will think of the right thing to say! Good luck!------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 1:33pm
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men are really hard to read sometimes , he may feel the same about you ( have more feelings for you ) i think you need to have a chat about it with him . i hate making the first move or being the one that starts the serious conversations but my partners quite shy ( well hes not shy once he knows you well ) and i found it was me that had to ask all the important questions ( are we official etc etc ) or they would never get asked. Turns out for me he felt exactly the same way as i did but its still really nerver racking having to ask all those questions . ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 4:08pm
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Oh, believe me, I am a big sooky when it comes to matters of the heart LOL!
How's this for saddo behaviour... I've been perving on his facebook photos to see if my stomach goes all swoopy when I look at him like it did yesterday! It does 
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 4:21pm
| That's so romantic! Maybe just hint around at it and see if you get a reaction? My DH and I were friends for over a year before we got together and it just happened gradually, we started calling each other all the time and seeing each other more and more and it was pretty obvious from both sides when we realised things were getting serious. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 10:52pm
DH and I started out "casual" as well...neither of us were interested in a relationship... 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 11:16am
Aww yeah tell him, like the others said things don't have to change in terms of time. A friend of mine has been with her partner for ten years and they don't live together and only see each other a few times a week. Just do whatever works for you two.
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 12:40pm
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Oh go JR Yeah, I'd talk to him about it. How to approach the situation, I'm not sure. I personally work well in written format cause I always balls up verbal stuff. Personally though, if I were to find that he doesn't feel the same way, I would call it off to avoid my own feelings getting hurt. There is nothing worse than being with someone, wanting something more from them and knowing you can't have it. I've had this situation before and I called it off, 3 months later we were back together as an "exclusive" couple. He just couldn't be without me apparently  , but it took that break apart for him to realise it.------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 12:43pm
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i would just wait a bit and see if you still feel the same in a couple of weeks time... but dont stop seeing him as a friend. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 8:43pm
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Oh you is in looooovvveeee!!! Or maybe in like!
Just go with it, for all you know he might be feeling the exact same way.. I would definitely not avoid seeing him just because you know your feelings have changed for him! I dont' think you have to sit down and have a conversation about it just yet though... just enjoy being with him. Yay you! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: babyg
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 9:40pm
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My DH and I fell in love the night we agreed to 'just be friends'. There was no pulling away from the feelings, it was so strong ... we became an official couple a few weeks after that.
I would test the waters with him, maybe ask some 'future' questions and see if he goes there with you or backs off. Good luck, I hope he feels a similar way Keep us posted ------------- Ev, Mum to: Carys Ruby - 4 October 2007 Spencer James - 2 July 2010 |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 10:19pm
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Awww, thanks you guys :-)
Yeah, Mel, I've just had a conversation with Jo and she gave me the exact same advice. She also told me to stop over-analysing stuff. Haha, think you two know me too well
So yeah, I think I'm just going to go with it for now. Its fab how it is, and if things get more... I dunno, emotional maybe then I think I won't need to say anything. But gosh, its lovely to have a nice man to think about
And man oh man, but is he hot
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