Funeral - What would you do?
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Forum Name: General Chat
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Topic: Funeral - What would you do?
Posted By: sally belly
Subject: Funeral - What would you do?
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 7:39pm
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I'm just looking for some advice on this. I am not sure what to do...
My husband's grandmother died last week & her funeral is on Wednesday. Hubby is away so won't be going to the funeral. He wasn't particularly close to her and as a result I had only met her once. That aside, part of me feels like I should go on DH's behalf. I get the impression that MIL thinks I should be there as I have just had an email from her saying that if I am prepared to go to the funeral, she & SIL will be very willing to help with the boys. Trouble is the funeral is at 1pm, right on Liam's bedtime. Has anyone ever taken a 2 year old to a funeral? I can't imagine he'd be keen to sit still for terribly long  . The baby would hopefully be ok (it's his awake time) but I'd probably have to feed him during it. That should keep him quiet though I guess!
It just sounds like a recipe for disaster
Thoughts?? -------------    
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Replies:
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 7:52pm
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I would go if I was in your shoes - even if you have to excuse yourself and leave early for the kids, at least you went and showed some respect. That generation take great pride in the great grandchildren, so it will mean a lot. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 7:52pm
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At my grandads funeral my cousins took their kids but we left Daniel at home with the inlaws. TBH I thought it was kinda stupid that one of my cousins took his 2 year old (she would have been 2y3m or something like that). She was bored, she didn't wanna sit still. Its hard to keep them sitting in one spot very quietly. Even my other cousins kids who the youngest is 4 had a hard time sitting still and being quiet for it.
Everyone commented on why we didn't take Daniel but what my cousins were dealing with with their kids was the exact reason we didn't take them. Little ones don't understand why they need to sit and be quiet so they don't wanna. And its not just sitting still for 5 mins. Dunno if that helps, just my experience. eta: thought I'd add that my cuz daughter ended up having a tanty, so he let her go and she was wondering around the place back and forth to people she knew as that was the only way she was gonna stay quiet. |
Posted By: NikkiB
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 7:55pm
I'd go and take both boys with you. Take plenty of food (perhaps snacky food that they don't normally get) and sit close to the door (that way, if they play up, you can make a quick escape  )
Good luck. ------------- A very lucky mummy to two gorgeous boys: RB 3/10/2008 JB 29/12/2009 |
Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 8:08pm
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I agree with freespirit.
We took DD to my step-Mums funeral when she was 16 months. She sat at the back with MIL and I took lots of yummy food for her and a book etc. She was fine and I was sitting in the front row and never heard her at all. Many people commented to me how nice it was that I took her along. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 8:21pm
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We took Jack to DH's Grandfather's funeral when Jack was 2yrs (an a few days!), it was out of town, and it was hard but then I was also about 6mths pg as well. He only lasted about 5mins and then wanted to get up and play so I had to take him out and try and keep him entertained.
Does Liam sleep well in the pushchair? Could you go early and put him to sleep so that he sleeps through it? Maybe then if he wakes MIL could go to him? Or is there anyone you can leave him with? I think you need to do what is best for you and the kids, there is nothing worse than being on your own and trying to deal with upset or bored kids ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 8:22pm
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My niece was only 2 when my mum died, and they of course came for the funeral, I think in the end she was fine can't remember much as most of my attention was on her big sister who was 7 at the time. I think my SIL took her outside when she got restless - funeral was a church. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 9:36pm
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If it was close by, I would probably go. If I had to travel out of town then I wouldn't.
Is there a wake afterwards? Would it be an option to go to that instead, so once Liam wakes after his nap? ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 9:56pm
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We took DD 8mths and my brother took nephew 6mths to my cousins funeral recently. DD was fine just sat on my lap and played with the chair the texture interested her lol. We had her dummy ready if we needed it. Nephew was fine apart from the fact that he was farting bahahaha he was sitting behind mum and playing with her top as well. So I would think the baby will be fine. No advise on the 2yr old sorry, but I would sit on the aisle and near an entrance towards the back maybe if you do go so that you can make a quick exit if need be. Is 2yrold interested in things like car or have something he plays quietly with that you could possibly put him down on the ground with? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Danash
Date Posted: 29 March 2010 at 11:50pm
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We took Daniel and Ashlee to a close friends mums funeral (they call the close friend poppa) I had never met his mum but wanted to be there for him. DH came and all my family so we didn't have a sitter - Daniel was 20 months and Ashlee was 7 months. They were good most of the service but got grizzly towards the end (it went for over an hour) I sat at the back and took them out for a walk when they started grizzling. Dh came out at the end and I said to him what a disaster I wouldn't do that again. Then when I saw 'poppa' he was so grateful that the kiddies came he said just hearing them (the only noise they made was crying) lightened the mood. So I'm glad we took them. Good luck with your decision.
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Posted By: sally belly
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 8:06am
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Thanks everyone for your replies. It's good to hear from those of you have actually taken kids along before.
After managing to speak to DH last night we have decided the 3 of us won't go. I just feel that it would stress me out too much. If it was a closer family member then things would be different. Thanks again  -------------
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 8:29am
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My brother and I took our kids, then 2, 3 and 4 to my cousins funeral and it was a bit of a disaster, mostly because they slept all the way there and were full of beans when we arrived. Also, because there was three of them they egged each other on.
Having said that I would go to show support for your husbands family. If you have a pile of snacks and toys as distractions you should be ok, just sit near the back or aisle in case you need to make a quick exit. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 1:16pm
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Good decision sally belly, We took DS1 to my husbands uncles funeral, he was just 2 at the time. What a huge mistake that was! we had no one to look after him, he slept in the pram but woke as soon as the music started. i ended up sitting outside with him for all of it. it was in tauranga too, so a long trip!
For DH grandparents one's we didn't take him, was the best decision. he wouldn't understand why people are crying and would be upset to see people he loved cry. -------------  
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 3:02pm
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Personally I would go, out of respect for FIL/MIL who has just lost a parent.
Also I wouldn't see the kids there as a problem. An elderly persons funeral is generally a sad occasion but not a morbid one. It's more of a 'celebration of life'. What better way to than to have young children around. |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 4:09pm
| Hasnt your MIL said she would help you with the kids? That suggests she really wants you there and out of respect for the family I personally would go. Ive taken the kids to funerals when they were little and had no understanding and with the elderly funerals it was nice to see the generations and oldies love little kids. Even if you had to take them outside for most of it at least you would be there. |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 30 March 2010 at 4:29pm
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We took dd 22 mnths to her adopted Nans funeral. It was a mistake. It was right on nap time an everytime someone poke she clapped and cheered
Its hard to take small kids to that kind of thing especially if ots their naptime. I'm sure they will understand why you didnt go 
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