Absolutley Shattered.
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Topic: Absolutley Shattered.
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Absolutley Shattered.
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 4:59pm
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We are separating.
It hurts so bad. I just want to cry! But i cant. He wouldn't even spend Easter with us today because i have to work tomorrow. I cooked a roast chicken for dinner, all the trimmings, he told me he would be back and he isn't. I am falling apart. Why do i continuously let people walk all over me! I dont even know what to say, or do. I am trying to keep it together, even though i new this was coming, its still so hard. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:04pm
Didn't want to read and run - I don't have any words that can help, but am really sorry you're having such a miserable time   -------------   
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:05pm
Big  Kandice, so sorry you're going through this.------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:38pm
Hugs chick, go give that lovely little girl of yours a hug , that always makes me feel better  ------------- 
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:39pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:40pm
I have been hugging and kissing her all day, im sure she is fed up of it. Only 20mins until the bedtime routine, then i can bawl! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
caitlynsmygirl wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 5:46pm
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I bet she doesn't mind :-)
And I sympathise with that feeling , its horrible feeling like you cant cry when all you want to do is let it all out . -------------
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 6:43pm
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I can feel your pain as well. I have a good understanding of what you are going through at the moment. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 6:44pm
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------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Caro07
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 6:49pm
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thinking of you ------------- Caroline, SAHM to 2 boys, S (4 years old) and J (2 years old) 
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Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 7:18pm
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DH and I went through a really rough time last year so I understand your pain. Big hugs to you. I hope you have a friend or family that you can talk to or so they can give you a big hug
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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Posted By: NikkiB
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 8:21pm
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------------- A very lucky mummy to two gorgeous boys: RB 3/10/2008 JB 29/12/2009 |
Posted By: becky
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 8:58pm
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Hugs Kandice ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 9:15pm
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------------- 
 
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Posted By: popcorn
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 9:22pm
| oh sweet, i hope you can work things out xx |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 9:37pm
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We cant work things out. we have tried for so long. Some people here know the history and its been a very long time.
Its just really really hard. He has to find somewhere to live, and feelings are running riot right now. Thanks everyone for the hugs. I really could do with them. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 10:47pm
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((HUGS)) Break ups are never ever easy. But, you will get though it! Chin up, and remember that every new beginning starts with an end. ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 11:44pm
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------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 2:01am
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Kandice. I'm sorry you're going through this hun. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 6:37am
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Thanks everyone Does anyone know what i have to do to stop him taking Kylah? I mean like taking her and leaving. I am happy to work out an arrangement for him. But i dont want him to take her and stop me from seeing her. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 7:30am
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firstly hugs!!!! secondly dont let him take her anywhere until you have an order in place through the courts. ring first thing on tuesday and find out what you need to do to get a parenting order in place. you can come to your own arrangement and have it legalised through the family court or you can battle it out in court.........but if he takes her and doesnt give her back then you could be battling up to 6months through the courts to get her back, if at all...........
I think thats all correct, someone correct me if im wrong Goodluck and just remember things will get easier with each new day and you can then get excited about the new life and experiences you are gonna have in your life |
Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 8:53am
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Have a look at the Family Courts website, there is heaps of information on there and some booklets you can download and read.
Have you discussed visiting arrangements yet? This is probably a good start. You may find you are both agreeable about what you both want and can either have an informal agreement or a parenting agreement that just formalises what you have both agreed on. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 9:27am
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To you Kandice, and given what you have written over the last few years, you have tried so hard to make this relationship work. You both have a beautiful daughter together I guess if you are both focused on her welfare then you'll get through it and at least be able to be parents.
Would he really take her? Or is he simply hurting as well, men tend to threaten when they are. I watched my brother and SIL go through a pretty messy separation and divorce, through out it all the kids came first and they're doing great, and they still have a mum and dad who love them dearly. Wishing you lots of love, you will get through this, you seem a pretty strong woman. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: DaisyAngel
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 9:45am
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 1:40pm
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There are two orders that you can arrange. One is a Protection Order which means that when you ask him to leave your property he must leave straight away - this is something you should do if you fear for your safety or the safety of your child.
There's another Order called the Family Order - or it might be called the Parent Order (I can't remember). This means that your husband/partner (ex) can't take the baby away from you. It's not a custody thing, it's just that if you don't have this in place, by law, he could take the baby and not bring her back and there is nothing you can do about it. The police are not legally able to take the baby back to you as a mother. I have heard of a case where that happened and the mother's milk dried up so she was not able to breastfeed when she got her baby back - I could not imagine something so awful as having your baby taken from you. If that's a possibility, you must be terrified! I urge you to get support ASAP. I actually run a social and support group for single parents. The website I'll give you also has a link to the Facebook page. On the Facebook page (group) if you click on "Discussions" it will give you a list of resources. Those resources are amazing for a single parent. Actually I'll just add the list of resources link below underneath the website. You're welcome to look at both. There's loads of support out there, it's just a matter of reaching out. You are not alone!!! www.singlelatte.webgarden.com http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=133035500732&topic=9695 ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 2:14pm
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As other people have said, until you have a Parenting Order in place there is nothing stopping him from taking her and not giving her back. As stated, ring a lawyer first thing on Tuesday and start the ball rolling asap. You should easily qualify for Legal Aid so don't worry about that at all, your lawyer can sort that part out. If you were in AkL I could suggest some good places, so perhaps call your local Citizen's advice bureau, they will most definitely be able to point you in the right direction. What your lawyer will be able to provide you with is a 'Parenting Order' This can be obtained with or with out notice to your ex partner, depending on your situation. If he is abusive and you are at risk from him then you can also obtain a protection order. The best thing would be to talk to a lawyer and get it all sorted out in court. You can never be too careful. Good luck, and I hope that he can keep things civil for your girls sake.
((hugs)) ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 2:21pm
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Firstly, sorry it hasn't worked Kandice, I know you've tried so hard for so long
Secondly, if you fear he's going to take her then don't hesitate calling the courts or the police to get an emergency order in place - they can often do it regardless of public holidays/weekends. Secondly, get yourself a lawyer (CAB can provide cheap ones). You require a parenting order (just an interim one will get you through the next few months til things settle down) that state that he can't take her, and set times that he can see her if that's an option. You will then go for a full parenting order to be put in place down the track. If you have issues with shared property (and I'm guessing you would have shared property as you've been together for the required period of time) and he is being unreasonable, you can also get a lawyer to draft a separation and relationship property agreement. Good luck hun, let me know if there's anything I can do or if you want me to ask one of the lawyers at work about something for you
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 7:26pm
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There are definately no safety issues. I just dont want to loose Kylah. I feel like I have lost everything else and that would just kill me.
I dont think he would take her, but then again there have been a few things i never thought he would do. I am trying so hard to keep on at this because i know its the best thing for me and Kylah, its just so hard! Thank you everyone for your support. You are amazing. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 04 April 2010 at 9:46pm
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Good luck Kandice, things will get better. I know it's hard to believe that right in the middle of the heart ache, but it does get better. And your little girl would rather be from a broken home than live in one (~Dr Phil) ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 05 April 2010 at 8:49pm
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I just wanted to say GBH No advise for you having never been there. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 05 April 2010 at 10:59pm
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Thinking of you Kandice, you are an awesome mum to your beautiful wee girl Kylah. Keep being the great mum that you are ------------- 
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 06 April 2010 at 2:54pm
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you are a great mum, Kia kaha -------------  
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 06 April 2010 at 3:20pm
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I have a slight idea of what your going through but certinly not to this extent . its awful , just want to send you huge , there is always a light at the end of a tunnel even if it doesnt look that way at the moment , chin up hun . ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 06 April 2010 at 4:22pm
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You sound very brave. Must be a horrible scary thing to go through. -------------  
 
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