Having planned children young
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32758
Printed Date: 12 August 2025 at 10:46am
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Topic: Having planned children young
Posted By: _H_
Subject: Having planned children young
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 12:23pm
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So my DP and i are TTC, im 21 and he is 24. we havent told anyone that we are TTC and dont plan to until im UTD. we both know this is the right time for us to start our family but dont know what some of the people around us will think
my question is for people that have had planned kids young (ish) did you tell people (family/freinds) that baby was planned, unplanned or just not really talk about it? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 12:32pm
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I'm 20, DH is 26. We've told people this baby was planned, it just happened sooner than expected.
Some people just 'presume' this baby was a accident, so for a few people I've had great delight in saying actually NO this baby was fully planned. They don't need to know that it happened sooner than expected! Cos it was planned! I found a lot of people never said anything to our faces, but there was a lot of talk behind our backs about it... Not many people had the balls to say something to our faces 
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Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 1:59pm
Im 23, my DF is 24, everyone knew as soon as we got together last year that we would be heading this way soon. We got UTD on the 2nd month of trying and told everyone when I was 12 weeks. Everyone on both sides of our familes were great- This bubs is the first great grand child and first baby for over 13 years in my family so everyone was very very clucky! I dont think many people asked if bubs was planned, I think they just assumed it was due to how DF and I are together. I would tell them that it was planned, they will soon get over it, you guys are obviously in a good place if you are wanting kids and I wish you all the best  ------------- 
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 2:46pm
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We told our parents we were trying for a baby. Some were supportive some said we should wait a lil bit longer but only you know when the time is right we are both 22 now, was 21 when we got UTD but once we told them we were preggers they are all excited to be granny and grandpas and aunts and uncles etc. People even if they dont agree in the start will love it once they get used to it. it will also depend on peoples beliefs too like some say no babies before marriage and to be even pregnant when you get married isnt great but then some never get married and dont mind that either, so its up to your own morals and DP's As long as the baby is well loved and has all the basics to thrive and has been thought about thoroughly, theres no reason to not try for one.
-------------    CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 2:58pm
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DS was neither planned nor not planned. I was 21 and DP was 19 when we fell pregnant. My mum was not happy about it at first, had high hopes for me...uni, travel etc and didn't want me to follow the same path as my sisters (teen mums, no tertiary education, no travel). She had a major breakdown when she found out. but she soon realised the blessing that had occured and went on a buying spree, and even wanted me to have bubs back in my home town and to stay there for a few weeks. The rest of our families though shocked at first given our age, were really supportive. I'm almost halfway through my degree, DP is a good paying job, and though I'm still to do a big travel abroad.....dp if off half way around the world in 2 weeks time. So just speak honestly to those who ask, and no matter what reactions occur what you'll have in the end far outweighs any ridicule. Age doesn't define the kind of parent you'll be. ------------- 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 3:13pm
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**THREADJACK**
OMG Nic CONGRATS!!!!!!!! -------------   
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Posted By: RicKer
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 3:38pm
I was the same as HB. Kyra was planned but i fell pregnant earlier then expected. When i told people they were disappointed but they got over it. They had no other choice. The way i saw it was that i didn't care what people thought. It was mine and my partners decision and if anyone had an issue they didn't have to be apart of it. It would be there loss 
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Posted By: Sadistic_Cinderella
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 3:44pm
| My partner and I were both 17 and talked about having kids. We found out I was pregnant at just and told everyone it just happened but we'd been trying since we started going out. It depends on how your family will take it. We didn't tell anyone we had tried because we were so young. same thing happened with our second bubs who is due in August. |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 3:52pm
Guess im a bit of a people pleaser and dont want to disappointed. i know both families will love a baby (first baby in each family- though my brothers partner has a son but he came into our lifes at 8) but it might take them a while to get over the shock. and i know there will be talk at work  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 3:52pm
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lol thanks babe!!! and congrats on you newest addition!!! didnt know i had a stalker HIJACK OVER ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 5:48pm
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Baby Lily wasn't officially planned, while DP and I would like to have waited about another 5ish years before having a baby, we never ruled out the possibility of having one now, and we didn't really do anything to prevent it happening.
DP and I are both going to be 20 in a couple of months time, we're really lucky everyone has been very supportive of us, it makes everything a lot easier. Although like ooevaoo my mum was disappointed because she had high hopes for me too, so was my dad... But they were also very excited to be grandparents. DP's parents were thrilled, especially his mum as she always wanted a girl! Also she was the first grandchild and great grandchild! I know what you mean about being a people pleaser, I'm rather like that myself! Of course people talk when you choose to have kids young, but at the end of the day it's not really any of their concern! If you're happy with your decision then let them know and they'll (fx) soon get over it! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: floss
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 5:49pm
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I had Sienna when I was 20 altho we got married when I was 19, we told everyone we were trying I think they were more shocked when I told them I was preggy again the day after Sienna turned 1, as no one knew we had started trying again even though it had happened pretty much stright away. ------------- My beautiful big girl Sienna 15.04.06 Double the trouble double the fun Noah & Lola 10/11/07 |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 5:51pm
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oh and to answer your question, no one ever asked... I presume they all think she is an accident because of our age lol but I guess she was planned and always wanted, just came a lot sooner than planned iygwim!
Everyone knew dp and I would have kids one day as we've been together 3+ years whereas most of our friends haven't even clocked one year with someone. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 5:59pm
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Woah Floss how was it having 3 kids young?! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 5:59pm
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I'm 23, DH is 24.
The first we told them she was planned but early, this time he's 1000% planned. To hell with what anyone else thinks, I've made alot of decisions other people have doubted in my life (eg. married at 20) and it's worked out for us wonderously so there! Thats pretty much it, riled up a little more or toned down depending on who I'm talking to -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 6:08pm
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H, no one has really asked if bubs was planned, although after having a MC first I think everyone was waiting for us to have another!! I had just (like a few days before) turned 23 when we first got preggers, and will be turning 24 a few days before this bubs is due. Which I know doesnt sound too young, but we are the first in my friends, DH friends, and mums side of the family to have a baby (me being the youngest cousin!)
Anyway, just say bubs was planned (no point in lying, you will never remember what you said to who anyway!) and try not to worry about what others think. Most will be supportive, if not, screw them ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 6:43pm
| I think I was 21 when I got preggers. I just told them I was preggers and didn't go into any more detail than that whether it was planned or not. If people didn't agree with me being preggers that young I would have told them to go jump. |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 6:52pm
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I was young (19) when I got pregnant with my unplanned baby, 27 when I concieved my planned bubba , people had opinions on both , but then people always do , you will never ever please everyone , a decision like this is between your partner and yourself , you don't need to ask for forgiveness or understanding from anyone because if you are doing what YOU think is best for you .
------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: angel4
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 7:49pm
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People always have opinions.
Dh and i have been together since we were 15. Got pregnant with henry when i was 17, unplanned, although we both really wanted kids just hadn't decided officially to try. Everyone was shocked to say the least. We are both from quite strict, religious families. But everyone has been very very supportive. Kiara was wanted (oh so wanted by both of us) but we were a bit nervous to try so close to henry. Anyway she happened even though i was on the pill and breastfeeding (a surprise blessing). Dh is studying full time (has two more years to come out with his physics and forestry engineering double degree) and i am about to start studying full time and hoping to get into midwifery next year. The thing i find the hardest being a young mum is not what my family does and says. But more what strangers say to me and assume about me. People often assume i am a single mum and all sorts of other things about me too. Dh and i would like to actually 'try' for our next baby. Hopefully in a few years time. I personally don't think you need to tell people whether it was planned or not. If they ask i would be honest though. Thats what we have done. Our children were not planned but were more than wanted. P.S - i am a people pleaser too 
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Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 10 April 2010 at 9:26pm
Well said :) ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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ooEvaoo wrote:Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 11 April 2010 at 8:24am
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Both of ours were planned. I was 19 my partner was 28 when i got pregnant with our first, 21 and 30 with our second. No one really had anything bad to say and we told people they were planned if they asked.
We've been together since about 7 weeks before i turned 16. Good luck with your TTC. Oh and seriously don't worry about what people will think/say. It's your life your decision, and people will ALWAYS have an opinion (sometimes good sometimes bad) about choices you make. So you just have to do what's right for you. I agree that age doesn't define you as a parent.------------- 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 11 April 2010 at 9:02am
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Our first was unplaned! (pill baby)..i was 20 and DH was 18...we had been together for 4 yrs by then...
Second was very planned (took 2 yrs to concieve!!)...i was 24 DH was 22... third was planned but happened quicker than planed!... wev had mixed reactions...my mum was very supportive...DH parents - not so much!!!.. If people ask me i tell them straight up...both DH and I have good qualifications, we own our own home etc etc and we are great parents even though we started out young. I think if the circumstances are right then age doesnt matter....i say tell the ones who asked straight up
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 11 April 2010 at 9:35am
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People always have opinions and age doesn't seem to matter I'm 36, Dh is 34 and we've been married for 2 years and TTC for 1, and someone still asked me whether we wanted this baby. I guess some people thought cause we waited so long we didn't want them. Its just how things turned out, I didn't meet DH till I was 27 so having children young was never an option and I went through a lot of idiots before I found the man who I wanted to have children with. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: floss
Date Posted: 11 April 2010 at 1:38pm
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nkap9, having kids young was great, we had already brought our first house before we had Sienna, then with the help of my parents we built the house we live in now when I was 6mths preggy with the twins.
It was deff hard when the twins were born but I dont think that would have made any differance if I was older or not, now Sienna is turning 4 this week and Noah and Lola are 28mths its heaps eaiser and I'm studying nearly finished my first year of training to become a daycare teacher. So some of it was hard but we have amazing family and friends, sure we dont go out much but we always have friends around for dinner and drinks and they all have kids to so I dont feel that we have missed out onanything. ------------- My beautiful big girl Sienna 15.04.06 Double the trouble double the fun Noah & Lola 10/11/07 |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 9:18am
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First one I had just turned 21, been trying for nearly a year (well, couldn't really try as I didn't have cycles, so had been charting for a year!)
Second one tried for 8 months, I was 22, she's a clomid baby. Mum knew we were trying and even helped us pay for the fert treatment. Everyone else just assumed it was an accident and some people even said how I was ruining my career. We love having them younger - DH is 5 years older so he didn't want to wait and be an 'old' dad. Plus we didn't want to wait and then find we had more troubel than we did. |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 3:53pm
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I was 22 with my first and 25 with my second. The lacky (as I call him - gyne at the hospital) was very against me trying to have a baby after my first lap to remove endo but after I demanded a second opinion and got a very supportive lacky gyne who told me I was at the best time to try for baby. My dad was the most supportive person when we told everyone (could be because he had just had a near death experience). With Josh I had just been accepted back into teachers college, and he was an one night wonder conceived the night of friends wedding. When we told everyone with him everyone was so happy, apart from me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 4:48pm
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I had kids young although the first one was definitely not planned (I was 18, we had been together only a few months and he was supposed to be a good christian boy)
Fortunately that turned out to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.. we got married and are still married (happy.. or many not so much right now ;)) 5 years later. I had no idea where I was going with my life.. I would probably still be working in a supermarket right now all down and depressed. At 21 we decided to have our second.. I mean since we had already started there was no reason not to continue. I guess it would be really hard if I had planned to have a baby at 18 and then it all go pear shaped, I mean who knows when you are 18 what exactly you want to do with your life. If I were to do it over and actually 'plan' it, I would probably still want to have kids quite young, although maybe when I am past my teenage years. I do look back and think how nice it would have been to just have a little more time without children, to be able to just go out when we felt like it, to just enjoy it, and enjoy spending time with just DH. I would probably want to be married before having kids too, as that created a wee bit of drama in our families. I think there is nothing wrong with choosing to have children young, although myself I probably wouldn't 'plan' too while still in my teens. I think no matter what age people will have opinions and you quickly lear to ignore them and just be the best parent you can be... prove them all wrong ------------- 
 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 5:22pm
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I was 22 when I had Sam, and he wasn't planned, and to be honest I should never have been with his father, infact we had broken up a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant. I believe after all the stress and suffering during that relationship, Sam is the only good thing to come from that and he has a purpose in his life! He's bloody hard work and some days I want to tear my hair out, but he's so beautiful and so weird, I just love him to pieces. I feel a bit nostalgic towards my partying days. I wasn't a very maternal person before I had him and even afterwards I struggled a bit with being emotionally attached to a little human being that I created.
I had Jamie at 25, and he also wasn't planned. I had been with my DP for two weeks when I conceived him. I must get pregnant crazy easily as it only took one time, for both boys. I am still with his father and although our families were extremely shocked, they came around to the idea and we are all very close now. Jamie is his families first grandchild, so they just adore him. Our relationship is continuing to grow as we get to know each other better and adjust to being a full-blown instant family. We are getting married in 2012, but aren't engaged just yet. Jamie brought out the maternal side of me and we have bonded really well. Having a supportive partner and a great midwife meant that I was in such a good headspace to persevere and endure those first few months of breastfeeding and we are still going strong even though he hardly sleeps! Sorry, that was a jumbly mess, but even though my babies weren't planned, they are so very wanted, and I have no regrets whatsoever. |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 7:47pm
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Fell pregnant with Jude when I was 22 & DP 23. We had been TTC for 6 months. We took the approach that if people asked or made a comment about whether it was a planned pregnancy or not then we told them but if they didn't bring it up then we didn't either. I think quite a few people just assumed he was unplanned (including most of our families!). Whether a baby is planned or unplanned isn't really an issue to me but I guess people will always be curious. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: blossombaby
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 9:04pm
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we are 21 and 25(dp) baby wasnt planned .. altho having child always was just not just right yet. haha!!
we have been togetehr 3.5years. been preg has made us relise so fast whats important and how lucky we are to be able to have kids .. we both have good careers, a fantastic relationship and such great support from our close family and friends! im now 21 weeks and we are soooo excited! |
Posted By: kriss
Date Posted: 15 April 2010 at 10:28pm
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I'm 22 and DH 23, we have been together for 6 years and married for 2 next month.
Our DD was planned (fell pg at 20 and had her at 21), and we are currently TTC number 2. We don't really care what people think. If they asked, then we told them. But during my pregnancy I did notice lots of people looking from me with my big bump to DH and back again, then at our hands lol ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 Little Angel, April 10
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 8:55am
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Kriss I know what you mean in your last sentence about looking at your bump, your partner and your hands! I tended to notice it was more mums in their 30's and older women who did it. (no offense to anyone!!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 5:08pm
The worst comment I ever had and probably the ony one ever was some lady having a go at me for getting 'fat' to keep DH. -------------
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Posted By: kriss
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 5:11pm
Oh Daizy, that's a horrible thing to have said to you!! What a meanie 
 ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Little Angel, April 10
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Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 6:49pm
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Hubby & I planned to have kids young. I got preggy when I was 19 & had my boy when I was 20.
Now having just turned 26 I am due with our 4th and last baby. Nobody has really ever commented to my face about it and I don't see why they would... ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 7:03pm
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I had from some old bag in the baby store (not as staff member).
'The' looks, and then: "You're too young to be a mother' me: 'I've been married 2 years!' 'We'll you're too young for that too'. I just laughed. I'm sure it was meant with the best of intentions, maybe her own family went sour back in the day, because being a wife and mum at this age, while not uncommon now, was very much the done thing 50/60yrs ago! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 7:15pm
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I got the mutters under breath about "young solo mums living off the government"... She didn't look too impressed when I pointed out that my HUSBAND and I were paying for this baby, and I'm not 'living off the government!'
I go shopping with my Mum a fair bit (cos ya know, its her first grandchild and shes excited, and theres only SO much shopping my DH could handle) and even she commented on the amount of people looking at me, my tummy, and my ring finger... It's not quite so bad now the baby shops down here recognise my face being a smaller town and all, and now I actually have a bit of a belly! Not looking forward to the day I need to take my rings off my finger though!
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Posted By: kriss
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 7:15pm
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No one has ever told me that i'm too young to be married, but DH gets it all the time from 'friends' and colleagues, random people..... grrr!
During my pregnancy I got all the 'looks' in the book, and when buying our MB I was asking the sales asst questions about the pram and she was responding to my mum, as if I wasn't even there! I was the one with the bump, and I was the one paying for the darn thing. I just don't understand the rudeness  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Little Angel, April 10
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 8:46pm
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Gee, I wouldn't even have a clue how old someone is just by looking at them, so some people must think they are so blimmin clever when they make comments about ages!
Whose business is it anyway, I reckon if a baby has loving parents (or parent!) then it is pretty lucky regardless of age/marital status/gender/race etc! The funniest thing about the old people that make those sorts of comments -hello, back in the olden days people got married at like 20 and were popping out babies so how is it any different in these modern times! BTW I am 34 and honestly think good on ya to anyone who chooses to have a baby as it is the most rewarding thing ever but is also blimmin hard work. ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 8:47pm
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Im kinda of lucky because i look older then 21 but im not married (or engaged) even though we are going to get married but am planning to have a baby first. might be a good reason to talk DP into get me an engagement ring (we are kind of engaged but DP just hasnt officially asked me yet!)
Flake- its funny how times change because as you said 50years ago if a girl wasnt married with kids by 25 there was something wrong with her ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 16 April 2010 at 8:54pm
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I had to stop wearing my rings towards end of pregnancy so how would any nosy busy body be sure that was not the same for any pregnant women...so dumbo huh..and it is so not a big deal in this day and age to not be married. -------------
Oct 11
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