lots about 2nd birth! title wont let.....
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Topic: lots about 2nd birth! title wont let.....
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Subject: lots about 2nd birth! title wont let.....
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 4:22pm
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me fit it all in lol, it's going to be a bit of an all over the place post, and quite the novel by the time I have my thoughts in order. Okay...so...
DD is 18months ish (check the ticker  )
I went to a small country birthing unit, in a place I know very very well, and it made me feel the most comfortable. I had decided on gas and touch as pain relief, we had MIL, Mum, DH an MW present. Labour was established and progressing well when we turned up. I love this place because its A.) not a hospital, B.) quiet, C.) Roomy, & D.) the location. I love it even more when it's only now twenty minutes away as opposed to the hour it would take me to get into Chch central! Things went wrong. My birthplan wasn't followed, MW tried giving me herbal pills when I asked for gas, and my what was eyeing up to be a 6 hour labour stopped after I was pushing too hard for too long. What when wrong depends on who you ask. It ranges from me not knowing how to push, to the mw asking me to push at 8cm dialated. Anyways after well over an hour of pushing rightly or wrongly,( I want to say 3 but would have to check the notes). I was eventually transfered by ambulance to Chch Woman's. I was given a semi sucsessful epi for the pain, a drip to restart labour etc etc. Eventually DD was born using the ventouse (sp?), and I was forced to feed incredibly quickly by a student mw who didn't even have my permission to be in the room. I was pissed by this...I desperately wanted to feed but was so nervous about it and needed the skin to skin, and someone to teach me clearly, not haphazardly. So....there are obviously a few descrepencies with how that birth went. Thing is, I wanna do it again my way anyways. My mothers labours have all been simple and quick, the longest being 9 hours. Mine could have been, from what I can tell. No long term muscular damage has been done to my back as first suspected. Town is ages away from my place, and I want to stay close to hubby and daughter for recovery. After talking it over with my MW, the plan this time is going to be to hang out at my place for as long as possible. Too close to womans and I'm GOING to have that epi, and other medication. DH won't be as involved as he could be. ChchW is the super safe option yes, but we'd only be going because I've freaked myself into it and therefore I'm on the back foot before I begin. I could just go straight to the unit out our way, but then I may slow labour down by getting anxious about a repeat performance. The inlaws live crazily close, they aren't our neighbours but they may as well be! They'll be able to pick my daughter up at the drop of a hat. We can have the bath, our room etc to hang out in. I can use heat and touch, the two things I respond most too, we have the use of a tens machine. The MW will come out, and monitor from pretty early on in case she believes we need the trip to Chch, & to tell us when we have to go to the birthing unit if I can progress well at home. For DH, it means he can really be there for me without being concerned about others watching him, it'll just be us. (he's an incredibly intraverted fella). Am I stupid for even considering not going in to Chch? I mean, what if I really was at fault and I don't know how to push? And I think, although the birthplan as it sounds would be dreamy for me, that I need to thrash this out with a professional counciller of some sort just so that I can be 100% confident in my decision to avoid Chch womans, but who? and where? And has anyone else repeated the same birthplan after it went wrong the first time? Thanks for reading my rambles guys xox  -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Replies:
Posted By: Black_Friday
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 5:50pm
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Flake, you do whatever you feel is best. I have no prior experience to go on but have been told each birth is different. Sounds like you have some pretty decent ideas of what you want (and what you don't). And one thing you will have had out of the plan that didn't work is a good idea of when to tell people to back off and restate what you want.
I can't imagine from what you have written above that you would let other people hijack your experience again and your MW sounds supportive. It would be a shame to write off the opportunity to do what you want this time without giving it a go IYKWIM? And I don't think anyone "knows" how to push the first time. You know now how not to anyway! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel Baby Jan 2010
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 6:46pm
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Yep I think go with the home then birthing unit plan, as you know from your first experience you will go to the hospital if things start to go pear shape but I don't see the need to plan to go there, just know that it is always there as a back up. And you can always change your mind once in labour, nothing is set in stone.
I personally tried to go to a birthing unit for a VBAC but wasn't allowed so did birth at CWH with my 2nd child. My mw was awesome though, no univited students or anything like that and we just stayed at home as long as poss before making the 40min drive to womens. Then they had a 27 week lady in with triplets so I was the least of their concerns and got left alone which meant I was able to labour for longer than they normally let you and push for longer too (all under the careful eye of my mw of course). That's odd about the not knowing how to push cos as soon as it got to the pushing stage I found I didn't need to know cos my body did and just took over, I was just along for the ride, I would think it's the same for everyone not like anyone goes for pushing lessons or has a practice run. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 6:58pm
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Not knowing how to push? How weird. That just sounds like an excuse to hide another issue to me.
If thats what you wanna do, just do it. Just have your main plan and have your backup if things don't go right. You sound like you have it all covered anyway |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 7:29pm
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Can I ask which birthing unit it was? You do what YOU feel is right for YOU. Not anyone else! i mean, CHCHW is ages away, I have the same problem. None of this 'wait til contractions are 4-5 mins apart and then head in'. no, i'll have a baby in the car on the way if that's the case! lol ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 7:34pm
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Yeah I'd be questioning the "not knowing how to push" too. Strange thing to say! I agree, I had no idea what I was doing (we didn't even get to that in AN/hypnobirthing classes before Callum was born!) and my body definitely took over and I didn't need to know anything
I think your plan of being home as long as poss is a good one. If you MW is supportive and will be honest with you about whether or not you need to head to the birthing unit or CWH then I think that's great. The big thing is whether you truly trust her judgement, so you feel that what she's telling you is in your best interests IYGWIM? My labour with C was totally not how I expected it but I fully trusted my Ob and was really happy in the end with the outcome (healthy baby and reasonably straightforward delivery). Perhaps you could try something like hypnobirthing (even just reading the book) so you feel more confident about the delivery side of things? And more positive? ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: maya22
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 7:36pm
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My boy was born at 30 weeks, and if anyone didn't know how to push it was me! I never got up to that part of the book lol.
So I think that bit makes no sense, if you have the right people with you, and you are as relaxed and in control as you can be, then you and your body will probably get it together. The best place for you to birth is where you feel safe. |
Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 8:51am
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Ummm, not knowing how to push? That's a very weird thing to say!
Do you have the same midwife? From what you've said the one you had the first time didn't follow your birth plan. I think you need to do what is going to make you feel the most comfortable and safe, and trust that your body will do what is natural. At the same time, you need to trust that your LMC will get extra help/transfer to CHCH if and when it is appropriate. |
Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:44pm
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I agree, very odd! I had way too much epidural, so I had no idea when to push or if I even was half the time. We hadnt even discussed my birthplan properly, and things felt all over the place.
You will know what the best thing for you is, it is important to feel safe and comfortable. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 2:00pm
Thanks guys, Needed to hear I wasn't totally wack for trying to avoid heading into town again  I'm not sure those close to me may hold the same view, but I think I'm confident enough to stick to my guns.
Lol no definately not the same midwife, a completely different, far more understanding midwife. Of course I'm much more sure of what I need after last time too ------------- http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 2:33pm
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i think so long as you have a different mw then doing it as closely to your plan as possible sounds good. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 2:38pm
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And also Flake second labours are usually heaps easier all round. Unless your baby is in an unusual presentation it should be faster and familiar to you. I just had my second baby and i can't believe how much more confident i was with it all. I really recognised the different stages and that helped me judge how i was progressing etc.
I changed midwives for the second one cos i wasn't 100% happy with the first and my new one was awesome. Don't use that woman who told you you weren't pushing right again! That's her bloody job to teach you and coach you to do it. Stupid woman. You can totally do it! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: SophiasMummy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 9:08pm
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I think you can totally do it at the birthing unit, as long as you feel totally comfortable with your midwife, that will give you the confidence you need. I birthed at a birthing unit with my first and plan on doing it again, I totally trusted my MW to know if I needed to go to CWH (over an hour away). I was lucky to have a pretty straight forward delivery about 6 or so hours.
As long as you are comfortable with your decision that is the most important thing. As for the pushing thing my MW as always said they have never met any woman that did not know how to push! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Ashleigh
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 9:48pm
| sounds like it was the midwife not the location that didn't help things with your first labour! I had to have my son at chchwomens, and your mw is still "in charge" so location would probably not have made much of a difference! doesn't sound like it was a huge emergency getting to chch womens, so why not go closer and where you feel more comfy? I have heard good things about Rangiora birthing unit! (I am assuming thats where you are talking about?) |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 10:35pm
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She might be the other end and be out at Lincoln -------------
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 6:49am
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Yup I'm the other end, I live out past Lincoln
Thank you all so much for your support! I'm glad I'm not being stubborn against my better interest  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 7:35am
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The Rangiora one is bloody marvelous just on a side note ;) ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: notenufchaos
Date Posted: 08 May 2010 at 4:44pm
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totally go for what you feel comfortable with - with my first i never really got the urge to push i felt a little pushy but not the all encompassing i must push feeling i got with my second so it took me 1 hour 55 minutes of pushing to get my first dd out and ten minutes for my second. - Both home births - i really hope you get the labour and birth you want this time.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 1-25/05/2008 DD 2-2/2/2010 |
Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 10 May 2010 at 8:41am
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Hey flake, just as an aside - I mentioned to DH about your midwife telling you you didn't know how to push, and he just went WTF?! He is a dr and has delivered a few babies in his time, he was just stunned that a midwife would say that!
I also saw an article in a little treasures mag from june/july 2009 called 'Natural Birth - is it for me?" and there is some good info there about making the right choice for you. I could copy and send it to you if you like? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 10 May 2010 at 10:11am
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Aww Special K that is amazing and would be very much appreciated! I'll pm you my address ------------- http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 10 May 2010 at 10:46am
Sounds like not the best midwife  esp blaming something as ridiculous as not knowing how to push, and not following your birthplan where possible and not asking for permission for the student.
I too went to Lincoln and was transferred by ambulance to CWH due to complications... the transfer was so awful and so for me I know I hated that so much I'll be straight to CWH when I have another. But it sounds like you would find the birthing unit environment much more comfortable and nothing from your first birth seems to indicate that the birth would not be straight forward this time... esp if you have a better MW this time... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 12 May 2010 at 9:48pm
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That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard 'not knowing how to push' there is actually evidence that suggests in an intervention free birth sponatneous pushing is a lot better than directed pushing. Do you come into Chch at all? If you go to the New Zealand College of Midwives down Manchester Street (just by Bealey Ave) they have a wee library with a lot of great books. Ones I reccomend are Gentle birth, gentle mothering and childbirth without fear. There are always midwives lurking around that can help you chose some books and it is all totally free!
I personally think if you want a natural birth stay as far away from women's as possible. Also make sure you mw knows how much you want uniterrupted skin to skin for at least an hour as this is so easily forgotten. Last of all noone can guarantee a straight forward birth but the more you know and the more you trust your body to do it the higher chance of an intervention free birth
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 13 May 2010 at 11:58am
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Sounds like it is a good thing that you have a different midwife.
I say your birth plan sounds perfectly reasonable, and you can check any concerns out with your new midwife but she should be happy with it. If she isn't, find a midwife who is on board with your decisions. If things DO turn pearshaped then you have a plan in place for that, but hopefully not and you can get the birth you want! All the best. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |