Self settling
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=3350
Printed Date: 12 September 2025 at 12:39pm
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Topic: Self settling
Posted By: jax
Subject: Self settling
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 4:36pm
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Okay so, I might be wrong, so I just wanted to check... self settling is putting bub down for a sleep after their feed and / or play time etc, whether or not they are awake, and just leaving them to it for a bit if they start to cry - right ? (Then going back in, settling, and leaving them to it again... and repeat etc)
I mean, she's been having a bit more generally 'awake' time during the day which is fine with us, but we want to make sure she gets enough daytime sleep on the days she does this. The sleeping through that she's been doing isn't regular (yet! LOL), so I can't count on that. So, any advice is greatly welcomed, in case I've missed anything  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 4:39pm
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self settling is putting baby to bed awake, but tired, and allowing them to settle themselves to sleep. Others may not agree but I think it is easiest if you can get them into some kind of routine, so you know they are ready to go to sleep. Up to you whether you leave them to it, or go in every 5-10 mins - we used to do 10mins (had to build up to that tho emotionally!!) and a few seconds befor e10 mins were up she would be asleep... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 4:45pm
I'm not 100% she is ready for a routine just yet, but we'll see... I'm not actually entirely sure how to implement one  We have a rough 'cycle' going though, which is the feed / burp and change nappy / finish the feed / put down to sleep or play for a while THEN sleep... *usually* happens four hourly, but not always.------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 4:48pm
| we do the same with addison, unfortunately there have been to many grandparents, aunts, uncles etc willing to walk or hold her until she is asleep which makes it harder if Im home with Kobe and trying to play with him and sort her out so I make sure that I leave her to settle herself as much as possible. At the moment for instance she is basically asleep but every 5 minutes she cries out wanting to be picked up so I am in the bedroom where I cant hear her and not tempted, its hard but i want to get her to self settle so if she does wake in the night I know she can get herself back to sleep. |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 4:55pm
I'd like to get a routine going, but don't want to force it, it's just that it would be useful I suppose once hubby goes to work and maybe allow me a bit more time to get a few things done. But again, I'm still not too worried yet... well actually, I lie, if I wasn't worried I wouldn't have posted LOL It's just hard to know sometimes, isn't it?  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 5:02pm
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I started a routine at day 6 as follows:
7am up and bf, change, play on mat (its good if they have a good kick around to get tired) 8.30 - 10am sleep 10am bf, change, play 11.30 - 2pm sleep 2pm bf, change, play 3.30 - 5.00 sleep 5pm bf, play, bath, bf 7pm bed for the night Then she would only wake once, maybe twice for a feed in the night, we had the evening to ourselves and I could plan things around her sleeps during the day. As for starting it... I just started with the feeds at the right times and wakign her when she was due and it all fell into place within 2 days  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 5:07pm
| we have basically the same thing, but its 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm and 2am again. Hopefully it wont be long till we drop the 2am feed. She is often awake for a while after the 6pm feed and sometimes after the 10am one but otherwise she is feed, burped, changed, rest of bottle then quick cuddles and play then back to bed all within an hour at the very most. |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 5:16pm
So just to make sure I read it right, you had things on a three hourly cycle right? Hmmm... I like the basic form of your routine a lot, so I will file that away for reference 
I guess I get "what if" syndrome a lot, as in, "what if I start a routine like that but then she isn't hungry when she's due a feed" .... blah blah blah. Talk about an anxious over analytical new mum ! ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 5:17pm
Mind you, I like your routine cycle too Robyn, but not so keen on the idea of being up at 2am *and* 6am... hmm... we shall see ! Something will work eventually 
By the way, can you tell Erin is finally asleep now ? ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 5:18pm
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To quote a great artist of the eighties, (Frankie Goes to Hollywood,) "But shoot it in the right direction,Make making it your intention-ooh yeah, Live those dreams, Scheme those schemes Got to hit me, Hit me, Hit me with those laser beams...." Or maybe just the bit about RELAX. You're doing a great job with a happy baby and the routine will emerge (and change) as time goes on. Don't try and get her toilet trained, reading, playing the piano and everything else too soon - part of parenting is the fun of the journey and the bumps along the way. The bumps are easier to handle when you are relaxed and confident that you are doing well (which you are). ------------- |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 5:20pm
I think maybe mommy also just needs to make sure she has her own nap during the day too...  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 6:55pm
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For knowing when to put her down, watch for tired signs Jax... rubbing eyes and yawning and apparently jerky movements. (Tho they all seemed pretty damn jerky to me, so how you spot the difference is anyone's guess!)
I had Han on a 3 hourly routine too. And I was bad... used to get Han to sleep any way I could... most of the time it was rocking her to sleep in my arms. Started the self-settling thing when I got sick of that and she coped fine! |
Posted By: sleepy
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 7:09pm
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Ok - here's my question....I am trying to loosly follow the Contented Little Baby routine which is very similar to what you mention Aimeejoy BUT what happens if your baby doesn't self settle after 10 minutes??? What should the next plan of attack be... any suggestions would be appreciated? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 7:52pm
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that basically is the gina ford routine sleepy If she wasnt asleep after 10 mins I would go in and give her a little pat until she calmed down and then leave again - no eye contact no cuddles no talking etc. But we also used a dummy and it was and still is a lifesaver. My little disclaimer is that this is what worked for us and there are heaps of people who go by the other end of the scale and cuddle babes to sleep and dont let them cry. You just have to be confident in the decisions you make, try it for a few days and if its not working try something else until you are happy with how it is going. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 9:04pm
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at the age your bub is jax i think that their total awake time should be approx 1hr. and they will prob want to feed every 3-4 hrs. i found in the beginning with both my boys that they just fell into a routine. well toby i had to wake him 3 hrly for a couple of days to get him started. so i think it was sleep, wake up, change, feed and burp, change again and a little play and then back to bed. and then do it all again 3 hours later.
and yeah self settling is letting the baby settle himself. i did it with my boys, just put them into bed and leave them to it. i knew if they cried for more than a couple of minutes then there was something else they needed... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 9:11pm
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Sometimes Erin will spend a whole hour feeding, including her nappy change, or more ! Either that, or it will come in at just under an hour, but then she will be wiiiiiiiiide awake - and then we give her a bit of play time (tummy time on the mat or something) and try to settle her again. It's a bit of everything at the moment really ! She usually does want to feed every four hours, or at least that's roughly what we've been doing lately, but then other times it's every hour or two hourly... aaaaaaaargh. I think the other major thing that I haven't mentioned (although is probably fairly obvious by now), is that I'm not the most patient person in the world and should probably work on that as well ! Hahahaha. ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 9:15pm
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You know, everyone says self-settling is a great idea - and we still make sure Taine is awake when he goes down, but just read that babies who are picked up at EVERY cry, and supposedly more secure as adults. How they know this I have no idea as I lie on surveys all the time - but it just gowes to show that we should just do whatever we want and screw experts - unless they work for us, then it's okay!
We had Taine in a routine from about 1-2 months I think, but took about two weeks of following hard-core til it was second nature. Even now, he doesn't sleep at set times, but I know he'll get up around 6-6:30. he'll need a sleep between 9 and 10...and so on. edited to correct my crap mistakes that even i couldn't understand |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 04 August 2006 at 11:52pm
| after the 6am feed we used to quickly do the housework, put on the washing, vacum etc then go back to bed until the 10am feed knowing we were getting up to a tidy house. It doesnt take long till the 2am feed is dropped so you get to sleep from about 10.30 till 6am and then baby will naturally move the 6am out to 7am as they get older and also bring the 10pm one back earlier. |
Posted By: BabyCam
Date Posted: 05 August 2006 at 10:01am
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Hi
I've been trying to self settle Cameron, and going in after 10mins but its just not working, he has just been awake through his whole sleep this morning and its time to get him up again. He does stop crying but just lies there with his eyes open. He used to be a really good sleeper but its gone down hill in the last two weeks. I'm wondering now if he is not getting enough in his feeds. But when I pick him up (when he should be asleep) he doesn't give any hungry signs. Im not sure what to do, any advice would be great. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 05 August 2006 at 2:18pm
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If he isn't crying... maybe just leave him a bit longer and see if he will drift off??? I think the 10 minutes thing is for when they are screaming.
Or maybe he isn't tired enough. Put him down when you start to see tired signs and take note of when that time is and a pattern should begin to emerge. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 05 August 2006 at 3:19pm
| You could try following the routine apart from the time you put him to bed and wait for tired signs before you put him down. Some babies just don't need as much sleep. |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 06 August 2006 at 9:41am
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I have found that keeping to just a rough routine works for me.
I've had to tweak Blaire's routine a few times because I ended up heading back to part time work (feeding calves, milking cows etc) 3 weeks ago. Blaire wakes up around 7.30-8am has a feed, a nappy change, another feed then he goes back to bed. By then its usually 9-9.30am. He sleeps until 11am-12noon, then up for another feed & a nappy change. Then we have about 1/2 an hour playtime, then another feed around 12.30pm-1.30pm then he has a snooze until 2.30pm when I wake him up for a feed & nappy change before I start work at 3pm. He sleeps while I'm working until about 5.30pm, when I give him a feed, then he has playtime on his mat while I cook dinner around 6-6.30pm. After dinner he has a bath, a massage, cuddles with his big bro Alex & his Daddy. Then I give him his final big feed & aim to have him in bed around 8pm. Edited to add: I know it sounds like he is hanging off my boob all day but I don't mind considering he sleeps most of the morning while I do my housework & catch up on things. And then he sleeps while I work & also he sleeps all night so it works really well for me. Some days it doesn't work because I have extra things to do like shopping but because I don't make it a strict routine it doesn't matter. I have a friend who keeps to a really strict routine of sleep, feed, playtime. And she has to schedule things like housekeeping & family functions because if she upsets the routine she has one very unhappy baby. But thats just my observation, she doesn't seem to mind it. ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 06 August 2006 at 11:21am
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Jack had no routine at all until he started solids. If it was up to him he would of fed all day and most days he kind of did
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 06 August 2006 at 1:40pm
| We have been stricter on Addison getting herself to sleep in her own bed and after a couple of roughish days its actually working and she is back onto her routine and sleeping through to the next feed. I put her down teh minute I notice she is looking sleepy and even if she wakes and cries we just leave her, very tempting to pick her up but within about 5-10 minutes of grizzling she is asleep. Only problem we have is Kobe hates hearing her cry and will go and give her the dummy or pat her! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 06 August 2006 at 2:51pm
| Toni, that sounds like a great routine! and Han used to feed for around an hour to an hour and a half each time!!! I felt like I lived on the couch for the first 6 months of her life!!! |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 07 August 2006 at 9:07am
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Hahaha I know what you mean about living on the couch! I have the feeling especially since Alex is still having his share too.
Blaire's routine is pretty great for me....It keeps me sane most days anyway!  ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 09 August 2006 at 10:33am
| I seem to be just experiencing issues with ella, shes a mission to get to sleep sometimes it takes 2 hours to feed her, change her, burp her and get her back to sleep. And by then she sleeps for maybe 2 hours then wants up again for more food. I just wanna know how to settle her so she goes to sleep sooner then at least it would only take maybe an hour. |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 09 August 2006 at 11:05am
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Yeah I'm starting to have the same kind of thing Jess... so any suggestions from anyone would be good. Am contemplating contacting a Plunket centre. ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 August 2006 at 1:21pm
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I'd say do it! (The plunket thing)
I mean, I could sit here all day telling you the things I tried to do, but I can't remember which ones were magic and which ones weren't and knowing babies, it would all be different anyway! With Plunket (or La Leche League) I'm pretty sure you can organise an observation period and they might be able to pinpoint things that can be fixed. Wish we could all be more help!!! |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 10 August 2006 at 10:26am
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I can offer suggestions that worked with both my boys....Like Nikki said though, for different babies different things work.
When my boys were waking in the night I would feed them with just a very dim light on. Feed one side, one good burp, change nappy, feed on the other side, then one good burp then back to bed. Both my boys learnt to burp themselves around the 5-6 week mark by doing that. I made sure they were well wrapped & they had mittens on so if they did get their hands free then their hands didn't get cold (it was guaranteed they would wake up if they had cold hands I found), also there was no chitchat or anything & if they stirred during the night I could tell by their cry wether they were hungry or they were just stirring & weren't actually awake. I wouldn't even get up out of bed if they were crying unless it was a hungry cry. Both my boys slept through the night at 6 weeks old & Alex always has unless he was teething, sick or going through a growthspurt. So far Blaire is doing the same & its bliss for him to sleep 12 hours at night..... Just remember that alot of babies won't sleep through the night until much older. One of my friends has a 3 year old who still won't sleep all night. And sleep deprivation is a big part of parenting unfortunately. Make sure you ladies have plenty of sleep during the day when your babies are napping even if it means leaving the house as a pit ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: EthansMummy
Date Posted: 10 August 2006 at 10:31am
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I have a new mum(to-be) question - when you talk about routines etc do you wake your baby up or let them wake themselves? ------------- ** MUM TO ** Ethan 29/08/2006 Brooke 22/09/2008 |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 10 August 2006 at 10:42am
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Hi Linelle, me personally I leave bubs to wake himself.
Mainly so the get the sleep they need & also to encourage them to sleep as long as possible at night time. The only time I have woken my boys up is if they are asleep when I have to go somewhere. It doesn't happen very often though & then they both normally fall back asleep in the car anyway. ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 10 August 2006 at 12:35pm
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Yeh i leave Miss E to wake herself im doing demand feeding
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Posted By: kakapo
Date Posted: 11 September 2008 at 7:51pm
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