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DC when you don’t work..

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Topic: DC when you don’t work..
Posted By: emz
Subject: DC when you don’t work..
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:25pm
Why do some mothers have their kids in daycare over half the week (not talking kindy) when they are a SAHP?

I understand why you would want 1 day, maybe 2 if that was the minimum you had to take, but a friend has just enrolled her daughter in another day (so 3 full days) and will be enrolling their 2nd child when he turns 1 next year, for 2-3 days. She's not working, and complains about a lack of money, yet spends $35 a day on childcare for one child? WTF?

I'm starting to get really pi**ed at friends of mine who choose to be SAHM's complaining to me about never having free time when they only have 1 or 2 kids and have them in DC half the week anyway, and their spouses come home and get the kids ready for bed! They whinge about being tired and being a SAHM, yet only have to parent half the time. This is not what being a SAHM used to entail, and TBH I just find it lazy and a waste of money. God forbid I even take a day off on a DC day as I refuse to waste our hard-earned money so I can do jobs I should be doing in my own time.

Is our society becoming one of SAHM's needing this luxury? Or am I just bitter because I am basically a solo parent, working fulltime yet still see no need to waste our money on items like that when we have other bills to pay? Don't get me wrong, if I was rich, maybe 1-2 days a week would be great, but if you can't afford it, why whinge when you can do something about it?

Sorry rant over - feel free to whinge about something else that makes you irritable!



Replies:
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:27pm
I can understand if you are between jobs or it's a temporary situation where it would make no sense to pull the kid(s) out and lose their places in DC but otherwise I don't really get it.

l think I'd be bored to tears if I had the kids in DC and didn't have work to do.

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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:30pm
Yeah I definitely understand that too.

This mum just said to me that she's sick of her daughter sitting watching TV all day so she's going to put her in DC. Awesome parenting skills there!


Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:31pm
Yeah I get ya....Can't really say it's for socialisation cause there is lots of stuff you can go to, to get the kids out & about. Plus then there is Kindy.

I'm a SAHM but I look after another little girl just so I can justify being a SAHM.

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Kel
http://lilypie.com">

A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12


Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:34pm
I think a couple of days is ok for a break for sure.

but if your not working then i personally think its a bit lazy and self indulgent and also, why have kids if you cant be bothered looking after them.
I understand if you have to go to work, ive been there, but its a sad if its for your own selfish reasons

But then again everyone has different reasons so i dont want to generalise and say that about everyone.........

I would at the very least be studying


Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:36pm
Well, that's going to be me. Dan will stay in DC when I go on parental leave, which will be for about 7 months. We have decided to continue with it for several reasons - he's got great wee friends there (it's a small home based care), he does enjoy the socialisation (and really thrives in the smaller group rather than larger group settings), it is consistency for him, I want to keep his place for when I go back to work, I will still be studying, and I also want some time with just the baby (and to sleep). He'll be there probably 2 1/2 days a week but we'll change that if we need to.

It hasn't been an easy decision and I feel very guilty at times. As you say, I'm just at home and could look after him. However, we've decided that this is what will work best for us as a family and that's the most important thing.

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Mum to two wee boys


Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:40pm
Flissty - I can totally understand that side of things, I have friends that have kept places for a whole year because they love their DC's - I know I probably would too.

I am glad I'm not the only one of that opinion though - must admit I thought I'd get a bullocking just after I posted this


Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:40pm
PS Congrats on baby! Think that's the first time I've seen the ticker


Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:43pm
Thanks


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Mum to two wee boys


Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:45pm
Yea this errks me too , i have friends who are SAHM and have children in daycare 3+ days a week and complain about never having there own time ,. one friend of mine is  asolo mum and since her now 3 year old was 5months old she has been in daycare 40+ hours a week , this particular friend does not work or study , i have no idea how she can afford it as shes on the DPB . I have Amelia (10 months) enrolled into daycare 21 hours a week and i work 20hours a week ( have just gone back to work this week after a year maternity leave) so not only do i get no time to myself but the time i have to spend away from her is spent working my butt off , Amelias dad and i arent together and he pays absolutly NO child support whatsoever and has had her twice since she was born ( cple hours at a time) id give anything to be able to stay at home with her and not have to put into childcare at all but i want a financialy stable future for my child and the only way i can do this is by working . i get jelous at woman who can be sahm's , it just seems like a punch in the face to send their kids to daycare 3+ days a week , i would so rather be spending that time with my child!!!

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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:48pm
* i can totaly see where you are coming from Flissty - you will have a newborn baby , you will definatly be working and you will need rest!!!! lol , im aiming more at people with one or older children

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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:02pm
I totally get putting them in for a while like a couple of half sessions, being a SAHM isn't always a huge barrel of laughs and sometimes it is very easy to get fed up with your kids when you deal with them 7 days a week, which makes you not want to do fun stuff etc and having a break for a few hours a week is a good refresher. I put the boys in one day a week last year whilst doing work experience and when my work experience ended I kept them in because I found that day to myself really helped me cope with them better for the other 6 days and now they are in for two days but I am studying 25 hours a week so it's a bit different, but I do find my 25 hours at college like a break anyway. I work hard but it's quiet, I can pee by myself and have a cup of coffee when I want without toddlers hanging off my legs screaming.

I would however not have them in for 2 days if I wasn't studying and I certainly wouldn't put them in for 3+ if i was just at home. I still don't even like the idea of 5 mornings at Kindy when he is 4 and the thought of him going to school bothers me too.

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Posted By: blondy
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:06pm
I was going to say that I'm in Flissty's boat too - Nat's in fulltime care this year while I study, but come the beginning of next year we're hoping to keep her in 2-3 days a week while I'm at home with the new baby. It will be for about a year till I start at work fulltime Jan 2012 (assuming there's a teaching job for me ).

I know that Nat thrives where she is (also home-based care), and has built up such a great relationship with her carer and the other kids that I don't want to lose that, especially as we're hoping she plus new baby will both go there when I start work.

TBH, I don't know if I could cope with both kiddies at home all the time especially after having been back to 'grown-up land' this year

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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:09pm
Yea i totaly think 1-2 days a week is good if your a SAHM, it does get tiring doing it day in , day out , and you need a break sometimes , i do think its actually important for them as it gives them great social skills , i just think any more than that and maybe you should be doing some part time work or something

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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:12pm
I think thats kinda me!

DS1 goes 2 days a week and DS2 goes 1 day a week. I work a half day so have one whole afternoon to just me. I must say its bliss.

I kept DS1 in fulltime from the time I left work on Mat leave (30 weeks) until #2 was 6 weeks old and I highly recommend it to anyone that can afford it. It was awesome getting to bond with my baby.

I kept #1 in for 2 days a week because prior to that he had been full time and I really believe he would have missed it had I pulled him out of DC altogether.

I don't plan on returning to work at this stage but have both kids booked in for 2 days next year and will see what happens.

Each to their own I guess. We can afford it and I don't complain about money etc so I think that makes it ok

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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:20pm
I think if it's for a period of time like parental leave I can totally understand it. DC's have huge waiting lists and it would make no sense to take a kid out for that time.

Peanut you do work though - I don't think anyone would think having 1 afternoon off is excessive.
I very quickly found a kindy for Rowan once Morgan came along. It's hard to do two kiddies full time. Those 2 afternoons where I just have one kid is a godsend.

Not that anyone needs my approval anyway

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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:24pm
I dont really see the difference between 2 or 3 days really .. like its ok for them to go twice a week but not three times?

I never understood kidlets going into care for any days when one parent stays at home, I figure they chose to stay home to look after the kids so there break should be on weekends like other working folk.

However I have a different pov if one child was in dc and then mum had another and stopped working, then I can see why you would leave your first born in their routine.

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Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months)

I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog


Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:28pm
If I was a fulltime SAHM, I would probably look at it. I would love to have the girls in a DC for one of the days I don't work, just for time to "catch up". With study, work, looking after the girls, and the house as well, sometimes I just plain run out of time, so it would be nice to have some time to catch up on things without having to chase a child over the house, rescue something from the other child, trying to get them to sleep (at the same time!!!).....as well as everything else.

I also think it would be good for them to learn to interact with other kids besides each other.

But of course, I'm not in that situation, so this is just what I would like (DH refuses to have the girls in DC at all).


Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:29pm
Originally posted by lilfatty lilfatty wrote:

I never understood kidlets going into care for any days when one parent stays at home, I figure they chose to stay home to look after the kids so there break should be on weekends like other working folk.


It doesn't work like that a lot of the time though....


Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:54pm
Originally posted by lilfatty lilfatty wrote:


I never understood kidlets going into care for any days when one parent stays at home, I figure they chose to stay home to look after the kids so there break should be on weekends like other working folk.


In theory this is great but the reality is that the weekend is when the 'working parent' gets their break too.
My DH works 50+ hours a week, he deserves time to himself the weekend.

Having said that, I only have the girls in care for the hours that I work as I treasure my time with my kids too much.

Thankfully we can currently work our weekends that we both come away feeling relaxed. If that ever changes then I wouldn't feel guilty about having the girls in care for an extra day.

We're all parents, regardless of whether you're the money earner or the carer we all deserve to get time off to ourselves.

I think putting kids in DC for a day during the week while the SAHM does all the groceries, housework and get some down time is a great idea.
That is of course if you can afford it


Posted By: hcsmum
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 11:02pm
My DS is in DC 2 days a week, He's 3y2mths and started the day after he turned 3 He IS in there for the socialisation part of it, we have no car, I can't drive or walk all the way to the other side of town for us to attend playgroup/kindy, I also thought it was a good idea for him to begin before his new sister arrived, so that he wouldn't feel so left out. He is thriving, his speech has picked up, he's now day toilet trained (influence from other children and perserverence on our part) his manners have improved greatly and he is much better with the minimal visiting children that we have.

As for being SAHM and having my child in DC, I didn't have much choice, there is no kindy within walking distance.

My boy never.stops.moving it's a great energy burner for him, and it means that my daughter (3 mths) gets a couple of days focused on her, and good nap times which aren't interrupted by her brother.

My husband is not a great help, he works night shift and sleeps all day, the only thing he does is get the potatoes ready for tea, and he will read our boy a bedtime story - that is it and maybe some interaction on the weekends, but being programmed to work nights, he's asleep early am, wakes PM.

I NEED the break, I feel awful, but I also know that it is so much better for my boy than a snappy grumpy mum.

I also plan to put my girl in when she turns 3 as well, DS will be in school by then, and I will be returning to work. Simple as really.


Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 6:47am
I think the OP has a good point, if you cant afford it and you are not working in any sense while the child is in DC (whether it be traditional employee work, study, work for the family) and you have the audacity to complain about having no time for yourself and no money - then that person is probably a bit dim cos none of that adds up!!!

Not that sensible, caring parents have to justify any of their actions but leaving a child in DC while on Mat Leave or having them attend for social skills or just time out for the SAHP makes total sense - if you can afford it and find it works well for your family.

I'm a SAHM and must admit it would be very nice to have a 4 or 6 hr block of time to get a bunch of stuff done without a naggy toddler in tow. And I often worry that Hayden only has one proper little friend that he loves and isnt getting the 'right' amount of socialisation. But I'm happy to wait til he gets to 3yrs and gets the 20hrs free pre-school entitlement (UK), which should time in nicely with a second baby.

At the moment I'm finding I have to put the TV on much more than I'd like because I just cant seem to get anything done as DS isnt one for entertaining himself, need to get sorted for our holiday so needs must right now, a few hours of him away from the house sounds great.

Actually I dont know how I'd feel if it were reality LOL I leave him with DH happily enough but the idea of DC would take a bit of getting used to only becuase its not the norm for us.

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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:01am
Well id love to here what DP would say if i ask to put DD in d/c 1 or 2 days a week so i can clean & have me time. He would say yea if you have a job. Part of being a SAHM is looking after your kids.

Can you not clean & relax while your kids are at home? I manage to clean, cook, bake, play with DD, go on outings, and i still have time to relax for an hour a day on the com. Its really not that hard.

In saying that i do only have one child, when i have 2 children i might consider putting DD into daycare for a few days a week, but i think ill just drop her off to playcentre twice a week, for a few hours :)


Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:12am
It doesn't really matter to me what people do with their kids in relation to DC, however if you're going to moan about never having enough time or money - while your not working and your kids are going to DC then get some time management skills or get off your but and find a job.

People that winge about their situation and do nothing about that annoy me.

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Angel June 2012


Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:43am
I have a big gap between my two and have found a noticeable difference between parenting attitudes this time around, especially around daycare and 'me time'. Pre WFF and 20 hours free staying at home took a big financial sacrafice and it was recognised that taking your children grocery shopping, and involving them in the laundry, housework etc was all part of preschool learning. Now the attitude seems to have shifted and a feeling that daycare can provide and parents can't. Plus I think there is a bigger emphasis on 'me time' which used to happen when someone from playcentre or coffee group took your children home for the afternoon so you could have some time out. This happened regularly.

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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:01am

Originally posted by caliandjack caliandjack wrote:

It doesn't really matter to me what people do with their kids in relation to DC, however if you're going to moan about never having enough time or money - while your not working and your kids are going to DC then get some time management skills or get off your but and find a job.

People that winge about their situation and do nothing about that annoy me.

I totally agree with this. Also- and maybe this is slightly different- people who are still planning to have kids but before they're even pg say 'urgh I won't be staying home with them I'll be bored rigid so will be going back to fulltime work'...they annoy me.  Partly cos minding your own baby/child is not boring- its hard bloody work! And also if you don't HAVE to go back to work fulltime for financial reasons then whats the point of having kids at all? I"m not talking about Mums who are studying or working p/t or need the money so make the decision to return to work once baby is here. I'm talking about parents who PLAN both of them to be working full time before baby is even here cos they'd rather be working outside the home than in it.



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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:15am
Caden will be going into daycare/kindy a few days a week next year and probably just mornings to start with, it will be good for him to play with other kids and do all sorts of things and it will give me a break.
Isabella will go once I have had number 3(whenever that may be)

I enjoy being a SAHP but I need a break too and its not like Caden wont have fun at kindy.

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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:15am

Ha ha - there are a lot things women say that they will / won't do before having babies, I'm probably one of them - but now that babies are on the way - I'll no doubt end up eating my words as I'll have seen what its really like.

Ignorance really is bliss when it comes to motherhood and children.



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Angel June 2012


Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:42am
Woohoo apparently I'm a lazy parent..

Daniel is in daycare for 3 3hr sessions and I don't work. Once hes 3 his enrolled hours is increasing as their minimum hours increase and quite franky if someone told me i"m lazy cause I send my child to daycare they would get their head bitten off. I see it as no different to kindy and also no ones business to label me with that kinda crap cause I choose to do something different to them.

We chose to put Daniel in daycare for several reasons:
1. my own sanity, I need time away from him, that makes our time when hes home so much more enjoyable because I get some me time.

2. he doesn't become one of these kids that doesn't like being without his parents. i have a friend who had one of these and it was impossible for her to do anything without her child as they would be horrible for whoever had to look after them

3. socialisation. yes there are other things you can do with kids but frankly coffee groups etc bore the crap out of me

4. it means i dont have to do housework while daniel is here therefore his time when hes home isnt taken up by those household chores and hey i get all my household stuff done in probably 1/3 of the time it would take me when daniel is around


Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:49am
The reason why I have both my children in for a full day when I only work half of that is so that I can do stuff like get my haircut, nails done, appts etc. I don't see the value for my child to come to those sorts of things with me. I also don't want to ask people to look after my child (for free) for these things as I believe its not a "need". I tend to only use my "free" babysitting for vital type situations.

My #1 helps with cooking, cleaning, baking, shopping etc so is still getting those "learning" experiences.

I agree with those that said about the weekends but in the real world both parents are "working" all week. My DH gets his me time by playing rugby so gets all saturday afternoon and night for himself.

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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:51am
i think there is a big difference between SAHMs who put their kids in full time care, and those that have them in for part time hours. And I think OP mentioned that too.

I had Jake in daycare for one day a week while I was preggers with taine - once we came back from japan, and we both loved it. and I see your situation Stacey as similar. If you had Daniel in full time despite not working or studying (and assuming you weren't pregannt) then I would think differnlty, but your situation i think is not what OP is talking about.

I also find it strange ideas about planning for kids, but also planning for them to be in full time daycare from 3 months. it kinda seems to defeat the purpose of kids. the planning is what gets me i think...jake was in daycare from 3 months, however, we were not planning on a baby and couldn't get away with not working due to visa purposes.


Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:59am

I thought the OP was about mum's who put their kids into DC and stay at home then complain about not having any money or enough time.

I've never heard you complain about either of those things Stacey.

I too don't think DC is any difference to Kindy its a type of ECE same as any other. Something all kids can benefit from.

I do have friends who had their children in care from 3 months of age, cause they had to go back to work - the loss of their income would have been too significant and giving up a full time salary to be on the DPB doesn't make sense.



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Angel June 2012


Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 11:16am
Yeah I wasn't talking about people who have their kids in there and feel fine about it, it's those that complain and like Caliandjack said, do nothing about it, that irks me.

I personally think a bit of time to yourself, if you can afford it, is great. I've never had it except at weekends as kids have only been in DC for work purposes, but if we had the money, I'd be more than happy to have them there for a few hours so I can do gardening or watch a movie lol.


Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 12:22pm
I consider myself very fortunate to be home with Callum for these early years and have just done my last supply teaching job (last week! Yusss!) and don't plan on doing ANY more while we live here. However, I'm already looking into a nursery for Callum, possibly for the beginning of next year, mostly because all his friends are going to start and who will we socialise with then?! The thing I find most irritating here is that it's almost impossible to find a daycare that will do less than 5 mornings/week without charging you for the mornings you're not there And it's not like it's cheap (and no such thing as free hours at any age either!).

Anyhoo regardless of what I'm doing - and I'm really not bothered whether people think I'm lazy for it - it annoys me too when people moan about any situation without doing something to change it!!! Only YOU can be responsible for your happiness and your life.

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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010


Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 12:22pm
Originally posted by kebakat kebakat wrote:

Woohoo apparently I'm a lazy parent..

Daniel is in daycare for 3 3hr sessions and I don't work. Once hes 3 his enrolled hours is increasing as their minimum hours increase and quite franky if someone told me i"m lazy cause I send my child to daycare they would get their head bitten off. I see it as no different to kindy and also no ones business to label me with that kinda crap cause I choose to do something different to them.

We chose to put Daniel in daycare for several reasons:
1. my own sanity, I need time away from him, that makes our time when hes home so much more enjoyable because I get some me time.

2. he doesn't become one of these kids that doesn't like being without his parents. i have a friend who had one of these and it was impossible for her to do anything without her child as they would be horrible for whoever had to look after them

3. socialisation. yes there are other things you can do with kids but frankly coffee groups etc bore the crap out of me

4. it means i dont have to do housework while daniel is here therefore his time when hes home isnt taken up by those household chores and hey i get all my household stuff done in probably 1/3 of the time it would take me when daniel is around


me too josh is in 2 almost full days for the above reasons as well as i dont handle pregnancy well so it makes this pregnancy a little easier on me and it will give me 1 on 1 time with the new baby. I also wanted him to adjust to the daycare before she arrives so put him in earlier.

Yes it makes money tight but josh will be 3 beginning of next year and it will be free once she is a little older ill put her in so many hours as well when josh isnt so i can have time with just him. Josh enjoys daycare once im gone and i think its a good experience for him i dont want him to think he needs mum around 24/7

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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 12:36pm
I complain about our money situation sometimes. Yes daycare costs but I don't think I have to just hold back about feeling bad about having no money sometimes just because I'm a SAHM. I don't complain all the time but I do complain sometimes when there is something I use to have reguarly but don't get anymore (getting my hair dyed prof for example).


Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 12:48pm
I don't see what the problem is.. if they want to pay to have their child in DC then it's their business, and those SAHM's that do put their kids into DC, shouldn't feel they need to apologise or justify themselves to anyone.

I'd love nothing more for #3 to have the chance to go to DC up here, but unfortunately the waiting lists dictate otherwise.





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Mr Mellow (16)
Miss Attitude (8)
Destructa Kid (3)



Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 12:59pm
We're all different, if some SAHMs feel they need timeout for whatever reason and put their kids into DC that doesn't worry me at all... They're paying, it's their kids, and their financial situation... and really if someone feels they NEED the break then it probably helps them be better parents when they are with their kids.... I don't think it's anyones place to say they should be working, as long as they as a family are able to support themselves then IMO it's their business...



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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 1:27pm
I did want to echo what someone said (sorry, couldn't find it to quote) about changes in attitudes and that kids are missing out if they're at home all the time. I do think there is more pressure to "socialise" your children etc (and yes, I did quote that as one justification for keeping Dan in DC) but I don't think that DC is necessary for a child to develop normally, and I would hate for people to think that they *should* put their child in DC just for their development.

I also ditto what Tishy said about the weekends not being a break for the working or SAHP.

And I also think that, as parents, we're damned if we do, damned if we don't. Welcome to the rest of our lives!

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Mum to two wee boys


Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 2:11pm
I am lucky enough to be a SAHM. Once your kids no longer have naps things do get harded & finding "me time" can be nearly imposibable.

I love staying home with my kids & I love it when they go to kindy. This is the first yr that I have some free time where I have no kids.

When my youngest starts morning kindy that will be my time, not house work & stuff but it will be for me to do what I want, for years I put my kids first & soon it will be time for me.

I chose not to put my kids in DC when not working not just because of the money thing but I wanted to spend the first yrs with them & I have been lucky enough to do this.

But I would of used a DC if I felt the need, so totally understand why some do & it can be a long wait before kindy.

So each to their own.



Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 2:26pm
I also think the 20 free hrs & WFF has a lot to do with it.

When I has DS1 we did not get WFF & paid parental leave & 20hrs free so being on 1 wage was tough & I was lucky enough to be able to go back to my job part time in the weekends but not enough to justify staying home with no child & paying for them to go in to care.

Also if on the benefit you get so many hrs to free.


Posted By: kiwigal
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 3:36pm

Yeah I can understand where the OP is coming from there are some women out there that just want to have fun with their friends then they complain because they have got no money for other things. I couldn't do this as the whole idea of being a SAHM is look after your own kids during the day and take them to playgroup/kindy so they get that socialising. In situations where you have got a special needs child that needs that interaction then I can fully understand as to why they need to be in daycare. DS1 is autistic he went to daycare part-time from 21 months until he started school. It was a lot of money going out every week when and had a couple of part-time jobs to help to pay for it but in the end his well being was more important than money.

DD is 21 months and looking at sending her to kindy where some of them start at 2 instead of doing half days like how some of the kindys do she will be going to one that operates during school hours for at least 1 or 2 days of week and get to spend time with her on the other days she is at home.



Posted By: rorylex
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 6:17pm
i am on the fence, i chose to send my oldest to daycare when he was 3.5yrs after being approched by the daycare themselves at that point i also had a 2.5yr old and a 6mth old, ds1 was not toilet trained so kindy was not an option. at the same time i started playcentre with ds2 and 3. ds2 started daycare when he turned 3 but after 1 term decided it was too early and 6mths later has just started again and loves it but i still take them all to playcentre, i now have ds3 and 4 with me 24/7 which is why i have the older 2 in daycare as an alternative to kindy. i find it a little odd when parents put their kids in daycare b4 they are even 1yrs just so they can have a break.

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Mummy to 4 boys
Samuel - 18.6.05
Rory - 15.7.06
Mason - 13.06.08
Emmett - 24.01.10
Baby #5 - cooking


Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 7:15pm
Originally posted by caliandjack caliandjack wrote:

I too don't think DC is any difference to Kindy its a type of ECE same as any other. Something all kids can benefit from.


i disagree with this statement completely.
Or i suppose i should say that before the kindy structure started changing i did.

i dont get it at all. I dont get people who whinge they have no money for themselves but put their kids in DC while they do nothing. I dont get SAHP who put their kids in DC for "socialisation" while they stay at home and do nothing or go out socialising with their friends, in fact i dont understand DC at all for SAHP.   Thats just me though!




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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:00pm
Bizzy - I totally agree that kindy is or was at least quite different to DC, and I think kindy is great for kids. I also think the socialisation rationale is a bit of crock in many cases... but there are cases where DC does provide kiddies with those early skills. I do however, get why people would want some time-out and use DC for this... not all people get time off in the weekend as LF suggested, not all people have the ability to stimulate their children all the time, and not all people want to. Research has shown that the parents of DC kiddies spend 20% less quality time with their kids than SAHMs... which doesn't seem much less to me considering they were talking full time DC kids. If your gonna be a more engaged parent by having timeout I'm all for it!



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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:07pm
I feel it's none of my business who does what with their children, BUT what annoys me is a "friend" I have who has all 3 of her kids (aged 4, 2 & 7mths) in DC for at least 3 days a week each, she doesn't work, her husband only works part-time, & she whines to ME (sahm of 4, soon to be 5, DH works 50-90hrs a week, often at another end of the country for weeks at a time) that SHE has "no time to herself" or money. Does she think I will feel sorry for her?!!


Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:43pm
I haven't had a chance to read the posts, but I will go back and read them. As someone who is considering my options for JJ when number two arrives, I thought I would share my take on things.

Jackson will go to Day Care for two days a week when #2 arrives, and I am hoping that we can afford to make it three days a week. There are a number of reasons for this:

1) I consider day care made a huge (I would go as far as to say life changing) difference for Jackson's feeding. He didn't eat solids at all until he went to care at 1 year old, and the social eating side of things after his feeding problems have been enormously helpful. He still eats much, much better surrounded by other kids. I am nervous about having him at home full-time and what might happen to his eating and weight. I am hoping another few months of good habits will see us through.

2) Day care is an outlet for JJ's energy. JJ is amped all of the time, and stands out from other kids (incl. boys) his age in terms of his drive. He never walks, only runs. When he's home a lot he literally almost climbs the walls. Part of this energy comes from being really intelligent (well, I think, anyway) and his vocab has exploded since going to day care as well. How will he do being at home with me and a small baby for a good portion of the day, every day?

3) Jackson loves day care. He adores his carers and I love that we've found such a good 'second home' for him as I have to work full time. I definately don't want to lose our 'place' for him and keeping him there will help with that. When I am with Jackson I spend a lot of time educating him, playing with him, developing him and loving him. I don't see day care as a replacement for our role, but given our circumstances I see it as a very, very good option for us.

4) Lastly, and probably most importantly, I will have JJ in care partly to protect my own sanity! His feeding issues took a real toll on me.... I hid it well but I was very, very depressed a lot of the time. I struggled to cope and hated myself. I am hoping things will be easier this time round, but want to use day care as a way to help make it easier, because I don't really trust myself.

Having JJ in care will be a big hit to our finances, and definately things will be tight. I hate to think that people will judge me for this choice, or assume that I am a lazy or selfish parent. I don't feel great about it, in fact I feel very guilty with how I coped first time round, and how scared I am because of that this time. I rate myself as a good mum, and always thought I would be a natural, so when everything went wrong I was thrown. I would say it has destroyed a lot of my confidence in all areas of my life. I just hope people understand why we are doing this.

Edited to add: I am surprised reading back through the post by some people's absolute dismissal of people's reasons for utilising day care. Please don't lump us all in the "lazy or selfish or disengaged" parents pile.


Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 8:45pm
I need to get my IUD out... DH leaves the house at 7am and gets home at 7pm... I have no family here... all my friends are out of town or work... I literally have no one I can leave DS with so I can get the Dr to look at my lady bits... there are just some things a toddler cannot be involved in LOL... I see the benefit of having a few predictable hours so you can get certain things done

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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:20pm
How much IS daycare on average anyway ?

and stuff the kids being in there , I wonder if they would take me ? it looks like fun

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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:26pm
Jake started daycare at 18 months. Hes been in for an assortment of hours over the last year but no more than 2 full days and the full days was only coz daycare is a 40 minutes round trip from where we live. I would've preferred him to be in half days but it wasn't a sensible option for us considering the travel. We chose to do 2 days coz daycare said most kids find it easier to settle and be comfortable and we did notice Jake was more relaxed.
He was originally enrolled coz of my severe PND and also coz I feel its important to be able to leave him in a situation and have him settle in without needing me there (like someone else said). He stayed in there once I got pregnant coz it made sense for me to have a break.
Hes now old enough for the local preschool which he goes to one session a week, more if other kids are away. Preschool sessions are 8.45 - 12.45 M-F and as the days come available he'll be in 4 mornings a week.
I think the DC choice has alot to do with personalities. Jake is a total social-bunny and asks to go to 'shkool' to 'play with friends' while I need pretty regular alone time.

I love being a SAHM but I also work my butt off, not just parenting but making pretty everything we use from scratch, making a welcoming home for everybody and making sure everything in general runs smoothly. For whoever said that SAHP's should be happy with their weekends like any other working person - hmmm nice for you if you get a weekend but parenting in our house isn't any less of an effort just coz its a saturday/sunday! Our housework doesn't take a break either!!

As far as the OP is concerned I agree - people who make decisions then constantly complain to anybody who will listen about the consequences of those decision drive me nuts!!! Stacey, having the odd whinge about a tight money situation doesn't count

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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:54pm
Originally posted by Babe Babe wrote:


For whoever said that SAHP's should be happy with their weekends like any other working person - hmmm nice for you if you get a weekend but parenting in our house isn't any less of an effort just coz its a saturday/sunday! Our housework doesn't take a break either!!


Yip agree with this! Esp if the working parent is working long hours and aren't a lot of help in the weekends....when do SAHMs get their time out? fair enough if they want to put kiddies in DC for a bit.

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Oct 11


Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 9:58pm
Originally posted by TaliP TaliP wrote:

Originally posted by Babe Babe wrote:


For whoever said that SAHP's should be happy with their weekends like any other working person - hmmm nice for you if you get a weekend but parenting in our house isn't any less of an effort just coz its a saturday/sunday! Our housework doesn't take a break either!!


Yip agree with this! Esp if the working parent is working long hours and aren't a lot of help in the weekends....when do SAHMs get their time out? fair enough if they want to put kiddies in DC for a bit.


I soooo agree, my DF is a dairy farmer and works 60+ hours, usually starting at 4.30 and finishing after 6ish... 11 days on 3 off... his 3 off he needs to catch up on sleep!! so no weekend breaks around here... but DD2 is in DC 2 days a week, in which time I'm at uni...

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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 June 2010 at 10:29pm
haha kelly I reckon!! I wanna paint and play with dough n stuff

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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 8:18am
With the socialisation thing..

As a kid especially in those early years of school I found it very very difficult to make new friends or talk to kids I did not know.

My mum was a SAHM and me and my bro stayed with her. We played lots with our cousins of similar ages but it was a small town and didn't really interact with other kids outside the family.

I don't want Daniel to be like this cause if he were home with me all the time he would have a similar experience to what I did, which I'm not saying is bad I would just like him to have interaction with more kids so he hopefully doesn't have an issue making friends and being around new people like I did.

He goes to daycare and comes home and talks about his teachers and how he was playing with tarquin, david, eden, olen, toby and di. I love that he has little friends and when new kids arrive he seems to add to his little list of people.

Kindy and daycare maybe different but so is alternative pre schools like montessori. Out of kindy and daycare I'd prefer to have him in daycare even though it costs us.


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 8:26am
My daughter has just started Daycare - 3 hours three times a week which may increase once she has been there for a while
I have no family to 'give me a break' and yes I deserve Me time too - most of the time I am doing housework while she is away which is hardly sitting on my butt
Having time away from her makes me a better Mum, a better wife and generally a bit more relaxed - I love having silence in the house when she is away
The other thing is - Im not a trained childcare teacher - while I can do some things towards her developement - I cant do what a teacher does or give her the socialisation she will need to go through life
I dont actually think you can poo poo someone for making decisions about their children - they arent your kids - I have seen loads of things on here and have thought - are you mad - but who the hell I am to say your doing it wrong



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http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
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Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 9:30am
Man, I would love to be able to afford to put DS in daycare for a half day or two a week. He's at an age where he'd get a lot out of it, he is so curious and active.

As I have very little me-time, I'd adore a couple of hours to do whatever. DS hates shopping (except groceries) and plays up, so I have to squeeze in any shopping (birthday presents, that kind of thing) in the weekend.

And while DH is a great hands-on dad, the weekends are so not 'time off'. There are still meals to prepare, laundry to do etc. In the weekends, DS is so excited to see his dad that he is reluctant to nap and ends up being grizzly and tired. I actually enjoy the relative calm of a Monday.

We don't qualify for WFF or any free childcare hours but I'm determined to squeeze some money for some DC sessions when DS is two. And yep, I'm sure I'll probably whinge about cash then... but I won't do it here. lol.



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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 10:51am
Originally posted by JessDub JessDub wrote:

We don't qualify for WFF or any free childcare hours but I'm determined to squeeze some money for some DC sessions when DS is two. And yep, I'm sure I'll probably whinge about cash then... but I won't do it here. lol.


lol - we are in the same boat - but will get a little when number 2 arrives - its just enough to pay for daycare - yay!!
Maybe you should think about number 2 Jessdub

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http://lilypie.com]
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 10:58am
mind you i think that some kids are better off in DC than with their parents!

also it isnt necessary to always be actively teaching our children and making everything an educational experience. they learn from watching us and helping us and doing things with us. They learn to socialise by seeing us socialising and going out and doing things. I think we are doing our kids a big dis service by not letting them see and experience life with parents.

Once again though thats just my opinion...

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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 11:34am
Originally posted by Bizzy Bizzy wrote:

mind you i think that some kids are better off in DC than with their parents!

also it isnt necessary to always be actively teaching our children and making everything an educational experience. they learn from watching us and helping us and doing things with us. They learn to socialise by seeing us socialising and going out and doing things. I think we are doing our kids a big dis service by not letting them see and experience life with parents.

Once again though thats just my opinion...


I agree with that too, kids do learn by play and observation- but Milla was so bored with hanging out with me all the time and since she started care I get way more cuddles and our time together is much nicer. And why we are on a farm and she gets to explore and kick about - its good she gets to play on the slide etc
I am quite lucky to have a really confident friendly child though - some kids are more sensitive and shy so if that were the case for me i may have done things differently

To the OP - maybe you should tell your friend how you feel - it dosent have to be a lecture - just something like - hey you know you havent got it that bad - you get this much time to yourself and this much support from your partner

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http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 12:26pm
Originally posted by TheKelly TheKelly wrote:

How much IS daycare on average anyway ?

and stuff the kids being in there , I wonder if they would take me ? it looks like fun


You sound like my DH? He wants to go to DC as he thinks it looks more fun than work.

I pay $70 a week for for 3 full days including lunch but I do get $60 subsidised.

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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 12:27pm
I pay $60 for 9 hours

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http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 12:29pm
$48 for 9hrs


Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 12:38pm
I pay $121 a week - four full days, no subsidy but that is with 20 "free" hours. ( I work full time though)


Posted By: blondy
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 12:41pm
ours is about $225 for just on 40 hours a week atm, but at only $6 an hour I actually feel a bit criminal!

I did want to add too that as someone with no family around, I have no backup (except for DH ) or any time out except when she is in care, so having a carer that is like a second mummy to DD is such a gift for us.

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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 1:49pm
I rang a ABC one last week as I was looking at getting a part time job & it was $90 for 3 days & that included the 20hrs free.

DS3 goes to afternoon kindy 3 x a week & it is $5 a week


Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 1:52pm
We're under family start so we get 20 hours free til Jake hits 3 from them then it changes to the government 20 free hours.

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Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 2:48pm
Being blunt, who really cares what other people think of whether you use daycare or not? Those who are SAHMs and use childcare, please don't let anonymous women on an internet forum make you feel like you have to justify your child care choices, whatever they may be.

I can see why the OP was peeved though, people complaining about situations when they have made conscious choices and decisions to be in that sitation is annoying.

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Two little girls under 2!



Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 3:58pm
Like I said previously, it is more that they complain about having no money, then send the daughter to DC 2, will be 3 days a week because, in the mother's own words 'she's too full on to deal with full time'. Now I've known her daughter since she was born and she's not full on at all, she gets bored because the mother honestly sits on her butt all day.

So maybe this is more about - god I'm so sick of lazy parents who use any excuse under the sun to not be parents, but not work either, and then complain about their financial situations and children's behaviour

(not pointed at anyone - more thinking about the woman in question - and yes I've told her how lucky she should be and if money was that tight then maybe they could look at their financial situation - they pi$$ away a lot of her hubbys low income as it is.)


Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 4:16pm
[QUOTE=Bizzy]also it isnt necessary to always be actively teaching our children and making everything an educational experience. they learn from watching us and helping us and doing things with us. They learn to socialise by seeing us socialising and going out and doing things. I think we are doing our kids a big dis service by not letting them see and experience life with parents.
[QUOTE]
I agree with this as well...and also...if kids are ALWAYS having to be stimulated by others, does that mean they end up being needy kids who can't play games on their own.
I just wonder this coz kids these days always seem to be 'bored' and I just think ffs, go and use your imagination, imagine wasting away play time with being 'bored'. Stupid kids lol...don't they know they have the good times now!
Being able to play on your own is a really good quality!!!

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Oct 11


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 5:51pm
I guess some people just dont know how good they have Emz and some cant be helped either
Sounds a good place for her children to be if she cant be bothered with them
Just a shame you have to listen to it - I dont think Id have the patience

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http://lilypie.com]
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 6:36pm
Originally posted by Peanut Peanut wrote:

I think thats kinda me!

DS1 goes 2 days a week and DS2 goes 1 day a week. I work a half day so have one whole afternoon to just me. I must say its bliss.

I kept DS1 in fulltime from the time I left work on Mat leave (30 weeks) until #2 was 6 weeks old and I highly recommend it to anyone that can afford it. It was awesome getting to bond with my baby.

I kept #1 in for 2 days a week because prior to that he had been full time and I really believe he would have missed it had I pulled him out of DC altogether.

I don't plan on returning to work at this stage but have both kids booked in for 2 days next year and will see what happens.

Each to their own I guess. We can afford it and I don't complain about money etc so I think that makes it ok


this is me too.... i personally think each to their own.. for us Ethan has been in two mornings since he was one...for him and me to have a break and he loves it.. I was pregnant for most of it so it was great and since Liam has come along he has changed to a place that does 9-3 so he sleeps there and i get him after sleep ..its brilliant to spend time with just Liam.. an dwhen Liam is one he will be going..though I dont really want him going 9-3 two days which is minimum so will see what happens then.. when they are both in at least one of those days will be working though....

i can see both sides of it(sorry havent read whole thread) i can see why you would be mad when people complain about having no money but then I dont think it's lazy to want to have a break either and with my PND and the pregnancy it really was essential for me:)

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Mum to two amazing boys!


Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 6:36pm
re money I pay 40.70 for 12 hours.

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Mum to two amazing boys!


Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 7:00pm
I know for me the guilt I experience being a parent is huge! I always wonder if Ive done the right thing, feel guilty when I'm not with the kids or do this or that... I think saying some parents who use DC for a break are lazy is rather judgemental and will only serve to feed the guilt many parents already feel... I also think unless your with someone all the time, how would you know they just laze around... I just think don't see how it is anyones business but theirs and if anyone feels the need to have their kids in DC for any amount of time they have their reasons...


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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 8:40pm
Originally posted by kebakat kebakat wrote:

$48 for 9hrs


Have you checked to see if you are entitled to the 9hrs free thru Winz? Do they still have that?

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Mr Mellow (16)
Miss Attitude (8)
Destructa Kid (3)



Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 05 June 2010 at 10:16pm
Originally posted by .Mel .Mel wrote:

Originally posted by kebakat kebakat wrote:

$48 for 9hrs


Have you checked to see if you are entitled to the 9hrs free thru Winz? Do they still have that?


I checked this out recently and its 9 hours subsidised dependant on income level unless you are on assistance from WINZ - you can assess it yourself also to see if your in the ball park for it on their website

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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 06 June 2010 at 9:49pm
I paid $130 for 2 days for Jake (had lots of reasons for keeping him in when I had Morgan but not going to bother justifying it), and now that i'm back working part time and hes almost 3, it will be about $105 for 3 days (plus $198 for Morgans 3 days, less 10% 2nd child discount).



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DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs)


Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 07 June 2010 at 7:20am
Originally posted by .Mel .Mel wrote:

Originally posted by kebakat kebakat wrote:

$48 for 9hrs


Have you checked to see if you are entitled to the 9hrs free thru Winz? Do they still have that?


Didnt know it existed! but if its winz related i doubt we would have. But hes 3 in a few days anyway so will get 20h free at last


Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 June 2010 at 4:46pm

Money, I pay $32 for fulltime (50 hours). That is with 20 free hours and the WINZ subsidy.



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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!


Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 9:51am
Originally posted by TaliP TaliP wrote:

Originally posted by Bizzy Bizzy wrote:

also it isnt necessary to always be actively teaching our children and making everything an educational experience. they learn from watching us and helping us and doing things with us. They learn to socialise by seeing us socialising and going out and doing things. I think we are doing our kids a big dis service by not letting them see and experience life with parents.

I agree with this as well...and also...if kids are ALWAYS having to be stimulated by others, does that mean they end up being needy kids who can't play games on their own.
I just wonder this coz kids these days always seem to be 'bored' and I just think ffs, go and use your imagination, imagine wasting away play time with being 'bored'. Stupid kids lol...don't they know they have the good times now!
Being able to play on your own is a really good quality!!!


I think if kids get regular quality attention from their parents then they're usually good to play on their own. It has abit to do with personality too.
I personally don't think that kids are better off these days. People are so much busier, theres so much more to try fit in, theres lazy element to society these days, theres waaaay to much technology IMO and of course the obvious food issues, the root of much behavioural & emotional problems. Gone are the days of simple, healthy food, all day outdoor play, an available parent 24/7 in many cases (not automatically a negative just a fact of current society and its not just parents working - I'm currently 'unavailable' to my kids coz I'm concentrating on OB ) and toys that demand imagination and creativity. Anyway thats just a thought I was having

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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 10:58am
Wow - $32 for fulltime!!! feeling rather ripped off paying almost 300 for 3 days!!! (thats for 2 kids, but still!)

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DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs)


Posted By: Katherine
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 11:05am

Originally posted by freckle freckle wrote:

Research has shown that the parents of DC kiddies spend 20% less quality time with their kids than SAHMs...

Freckle, I'd like to see this research -- can you point me to a link or give me a reference to look up?



Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 11:10am
I kept Jake going 3 motnings a week when I had Charly becasue He is a real routine kid and I knew we would ride into trouble if I changed his routine in any way, and it worked well. When Jake turned 3 I put Charly in for a couple of mornings a week so I could dedicate a couple of hours a week writing and catching up on volunteer commitments. I also find it wasier to give the house a thourough cleanign without helpers, and I am a clean freak and tidy nut as well, so to have a clean house is important to me - although mess is no probs, we tidy that up every night. I digress.
At 4, Jake went into 5 mornings at preschool and two afternoons at barnardoes (I began working again then) and after his 20 free hours it was about $45 a week and Charlotte was the dearest at two longer days at about $50 with 2nd child subsidy, we paid fortnightly and it was around the $180 mark a fortnight.
Whe she turned 3, I made up her 20 free hours with a mix of pre school (runs like a kindy) and barnardoes as work is fairly flexi and I still have a day with her all on her own for us to do stuff,So she costs us nothing, Jakes 20 free ours covered his barnardos and the shortfall was $120 a term at pre school ($3.65 a session)
Now hes at school, we pay nothing!

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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P


Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 1:27pm

That is with the WINZ subsidy the $32 a week. We dont' pay anything for Andrew as he only needs holiday care due to our owrking arrangements Nigel drops him off at school and I pick him up after school. The subisty is done on our income and 2 children.



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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!


Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 1:36pm
Originally posted by Katherine Katherine wrote:

Originally posted by freckle freckle wrote:

Research has shown that the parents of DC kiddies spend 20% less quality time with their kids than SAHMs...


Freckle, I'd like to see this research -- can you point me to a link or give me a reference to look up?



i'm sure i heard it was the other way round.. i suppose too it depends on what you call quality time.

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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 1:50pm
Katherine, I definitely dig out the article next time I'm at uni... will prob be later this week...

Bizzy - the whole point of it (from memory) was that parents who work often make the most of the reduced amount of time they have with their kids and so the time they spend with their kids is a higher ratio of "quality time" than SAHMs... but like you say it is a lot about how you actually define "quality time"... as cleaning and everday activities can definitely present opportunities to spend quality time with kids if parents take advantage of these naturally occuring opportunities... It appears a lot of people try to do their household type activities when the kids are napping, at daycare, watching TV or at night, when IMO these activities can be just as stimulating for kids to work with you and "help" with daily chores... Of course they definitely grow out of that my 13 year groans at the thought of doing ANYTHING

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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 3:21pm
Originally posted by Bizzy Bizzy wrote:

Originally posted by Katherine Katherine wrote:

Originally posted by freckle freckle wrote:

Research has shown that the parents of DC kiddies spend 20% less quality time with their kids than SAHMs...


Freckle, I'd like to see this research -- can you point me to a link or give me a reference to look up?



i'm sure i heard it was the other way round.. i suppose too it depends on what you call quality time.


Exactly bizzy - Id take this with a grain of salt - every parent/child is different - dosent make either one preferable - it all depends on family dynamics

My time with my girl is so much nicer after daycare and I get huge cuddles when I go to pick her up .
She really appreciates me - instead of being bored - no matter how much fun stuff we do



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http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 3:31pm
Originally posted by Raspberryjam Raspberryjam wrote:



My time with my girl is so much nicer after daycare and I get huge cuddles when I go to pick her up .
She really appreciates me - instead of being bored - no matter how much fun stuff we do



that is the point, that even though parents whose children attend DC don't have the same quantity of time, they have nearly the same amount of quality time...

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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 5:01pm
she started care 2 weeks ago at will go 9 hours a week - so Im still a SAHM

I actually still think it depends on what quality time is for you, and the family dynamic

Does quality time mean giving your child attention when they ask you a question when you have just walked in the door and have to cook dinner for 10, or does it mean 20 books a day, or does it mean my kids ok cause he is home with me even though Im on the booze in the back yard

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http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 5:15pm
I said above in my post after Buzzi's that it of course depends on how they defined "quality time" (see above)... IMO quality time is time when you are engaged in a stimulating interaction with the child. I expect the definition was something along those lines, considering the point they were making is that SAHM may have more time with their children, but it's not always all quality time... I am not making a judgement of either SAHM or DC mums! and that is what I have been saying all along in this thread - what other families do regarding DC is totally their business and people do what works for them....



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mum to 3 lovely girls :D


Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 5:40pm
ok, i agree to that last line for sure, sorry exhausted, obviously not taking much in

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http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]
http://lilypie.com]


Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 5:53pm
jeez those dc parents would have to be staying up pretty late to have more quality time than the SAHM's i know. We do heaps together even though we also have alone time. i wonder what quality time is? We went to playground and farm (1.5 hrs), made and ate lunch (30 mins), did some gardening (30mins), wrestled & played in tunnel (20mins), read some books (10 mins), playdough (20 mins) cooked dinner (10 mins). About to have bath and then his dad will have quality time with him when he gets home. That's about 4 hrs a day quality time from me alone. Plenty of time apart too while i do dull things like hang the washing or look at internet.

i recently had a second child and looked at putting my older boy into DC 2 mornings a week to keep us both sane, but in the end i just couldn't do it. And things are fine now, we all muddle along together most days and don't kill each other. Saying that though i would LOVE a day (or half day) to myself. They usually sleep at the same time so i get at least an hour most days and on the weekend i go off for an hour or so to do my own things.

I think different personality kids suit different things, those full on kids may need socialising and exhausting a bit more than others so maybe daycare suits them. My boy is quiet and i thought he'd get lost. It's only a short time out of their lives, next year he'll be at kindy part time and no doubt i'll miss him and love it in equal parts. I'm lucky to be able to stay home with him now so try and make the best of it even though i often want to throttle him haha.

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Posted By: notenufchaos
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 7:14pm
ok so a lot of reading i skipped a couple of pages are there any SAHM's out there who have not ever sent their child/children to daycare? im a SAHM to two dd's a two year old and a four month old, im lucky enough to be a SAHM we make some sacrifices, but i love it. DD has never been in daycare and at times i feel bad about that as people are constantly asking me when i am going to send her and that the socialization is great etc etc.......

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DD 1-25/05/2008

DD 2-2/2/2010


Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 7:57pm
bubba - i've never sent DS1 or DS2 to daycare. That's my job! We go to play groups, music and see friends most days so socialisation is taken care of (and imo overrated).
My toddler also spends some days with a friend so also gets time without me. Best of all worlds!

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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 9:09pm
my kids have never gone to DC but are kindy kids. I havent sent them to kindy as a way of getting some me time but rather to get them prepared for school and being away from mum. they both started out going three afternoons a week and after they turned 4 they went five mornings a week, with lunch on two of those days. My oldest boy loves kindy and any chance he gets he wants to come in and play, even though he has been at school nearly 2 years. and so long as the kindy system hasnt changed drastically by the time eden is 3 then she will go to kindy too.

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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 9:26pm
bizzy - i think the DC thing only counts till they are 3 as then kindy starts. Kindy is totally different and like you say is prep for school. Then you're doing it for them and their best interests rather than your own. We signed my 2yo up recently and i had to drag him screaming out of there he loved it so much - roll on 3!

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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 9:32pm
yeah i know crafty1 - i was just replying to bubba2's question...   some peopel consider kindy/DC/preschool any kind of care as the same thing though... mind you DC can go past three.

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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:10am
Yeah Isla goes to daycare 18 hrs a week, and Im a SAHM, but shes 3 1/2 and would be going to a kindy if she was this age anyway. We just kept her on at her daycare where she was going one full day a week last year while I worked, rather than change her to a kindy since she was used to it and loves it.


Posted By: notenufchaos
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:56am
yeah i dont consider kindy day care, more a slow introduction to school, i will be sending my DD to kindy when she is 3, unfortunately the kindy she will go to no longer does afternoon sessions due to parents wanting it to be more of a day care so she will go three mornings a week 9 - 12.30 then when four five mornings a week 8.30 to 12.30 although they can go from 8.30 to 2.30 five days a week from 3 but thats too much IMO

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DD 1-25/05/2008

DD 2-2/2/2010


Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:50am
Personally I don't think yu get any medals for not sending your kids to any form of ECE, and I don't think it makes youa better parent either, nor do I think you can judge another without walking a mile in their shoes.
WE all do what is best for our families and ourselves.
I don't get why you would stick them in and them moan about the cost..
And I don't get why they would need to go all day every day if you are at home. I don't buy the socialisation thing either. Most kids get exposure to other kids via thing smums do with them. Neither of my kids have ever gone to a childcare centre. We have used Barnardoes home care and then the Pre School which is an actual pre school not a day care centre, its for kids over 3 and gets them ready for school, just like a kindy but a different name.

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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P


Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:31am
I don't get why so many people think kindy is soooo different to daycare and that its not really doing the same thing. Its a period of time during the day where your child is in a centre of some description with teachers looking after them. Daniels daycare has a introduction to school programme for the 4 year olds. The only real difference from daycare for older kids and kindy is the teacher staff ratios. He has free play, they do mat time and painting, play dough, activities in small and larger groups etc



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