What made you decide - SAHM or work?
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Topic: What made you decide - SAHM or work?
Posted By: LittleBug
Subject: What made you decide - SAHM or work?
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:40am
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I'm writing an essay about the factors that affect a new mother's decision about whether or not they will go back to work, in today's society. I would love to get some feedback from you lovely mummies!
What factors influenced your decision, whether you were a SAHM or not? What kind of pressures were put on you - financial, expectations from friends/family/co-workers, upbringing, etc.? Any input will be valued. Thanks in advance! ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:45am
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I was brought up with a part time working mum, she worked at the school we were at so could work while we were at school and take us there and take us home. I think the reason I am a working mum is that these days money is everything and 2 incomes in a house are great. it means we can have those luxuary items we wouldn't have if only oneof us was working. I am also the breadwinner in our house so me not working at the moment would mean greater financial pressures on us. No pressure was put on me to work other than from myself. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:45am
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Well I have always seen myself as a SAHM (since I was little I always wanted to be a mum) and my mum was SAH and we loved it.
Also DP was quite keen for me to be a SAHM coz he believes in parents raising the kids and not a teacher IYGWIM (and this is NOT a dig at anyone who puts their kids into homebased care or kindy or playcentre or anything like that!!!!! I know there are alot of people that have differing views to mine and people that wish they could SAH but cant for various reasons and I respect everyone and their ideas... this is just our opinion and what we wanted to do/believe) (please please please no1 get sh*tty at me... its not what i came here for!) and we are able to live on DPs wage in conjunction with the WFF tax credit. (If i had earnt more DP would have been a SAHD... but as it turns out he brings home the whole pig, i was only bringing home shaved ham on special...  lol)
ETA: Im looking into working from home though so we can have a little more sanity money (we have money left over every week for ourselves....DP for his soccer and me for a coffee and lunch out with coffee group... but a little extra is always nice for a rainy day and would help out with the sudden bills (we just had to buy a new car battery for example)  )
ETA again: Tayz_mummy - i never really thgought about that, but now that you mention it, the 2 times I have left Riley at mum n dads for the day (so we could paint rooms in the house) i missed him like crazy! and i miss him when he naps and i cant have cuddles or smiles or anything like that.  (he is napping now lol) but that is a really good point!!!
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:46am
This may seem really silly but one of the main reasons i dont want to go back to work is because i cant leave Taylah. She is nearly 18 months and has been babysat maybe 5/6 times. But im just not comfortable leaving her for a whole day.
The other reason is because i had a child because i wanted to be home & raise that child. I have always known i would be a SAHM. -------------  
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:46am
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Well the easy part is no one puts expectations on me because I'm the type of person who will tell someone to shut their mouth and mind their own business lol.
For us we didnt' want to have a child just so it can spend the majority of its awake time in someone elses care.. especially as a baby. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:47am
Our original intention was for me to go back to full-time work once my PPL ran out, mainly for financial reasons (mortgage to pay being the main one), but also because I felt I would not be able to handle being at home 24/7 with the girls, without any intellectual stimulation or adult contact. However when it came time to do it, I felt that I couldn't put the girls into full-time daycare (they were 14 weeks old) and I didn't want to go back to that employer if possible (I had applied for other jobs as well). So I did huge budgets, to work out how many hours of work I would need to do in order to survive (based on minimum wage) and took it from there...I also looked at studying and getting student allowance/loan. So I'm a bit of both now - I work between 2-4 days a week and stay at home with the girls the rest of the time, but am also studying for a degree extramurally through Massey...I get the best of both worlds 
DH and his family are pretty against the idea of daycare, so all of our childcare is family members, and they made no secret of their happiness that I wasn't going back to work because it would have been bad for the girls, apparently. ETA: The way we were raised also contributed to our ideas....MIL was a SAHM and did everything for her husband and children (and still does). My mum worked full-time, as did Dad, and we were with a babysitter from a young age. |
Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:54am
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well with DD I went back to work when she was 6 mths and she was in daycare pretty much full time. I did part time hours but 5 days a week. IT was very hard!
This time around I was on full time hours 5 days a week and I don't think I will be going back to work and the reasons for this are: a. DD is now at school and it would be quite hard to juggle school / daycare drops offs and pickups to work in my hours even if I could cut down my hrs. DD would be at before / after school care which works out to be around a full time price of daycare for under 2's. b. I catch a train to work and back and the train system is so unreliable that I would then have to ask DH to pick up kids if trains broke down etc which in his job he can't always do. So in the short it is not economical for me to go back to work as I wouldn't earn enough to cover all of our costs. ------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:59am
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At this stage I'll most likely go back to work part time sometime in the next 2 years. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:04pm
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2 reasons
1) our personal belief is that very young children benefit from family care. I realise this a contentious statement but it is OUR PERSONAL belief after a lot of research and soul searching. I'm first to admit it's not right for everyone. 2) Even though I earned a good wage ( a fair bit above average) by the time we removed the WFF and Accom Supplement grants we would get by losing my income, added in the cost of full time childcare and transport costs too and from work I ended up $5 a week better off than if I stayed at home. That was with one child - with 2 I have no doubt that I would be much worse off financially. Personally I think this is absolutely atrocious and just shows how bloody expensive childcare is compared to wages. -------------  
 
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Posted By: notenufchaos
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:19pm
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im with you taysmummy, i have always wanted to be a mum and stay at home with my children, we make sacrifices so that can happen, my oldest DD has never been away more than a few hours when with family and that is rare as they dont live local and i miss her then i have never been comfortable with the thought of putting her in daycare. luckily for me my Dh agrees with me and failing any major crises ill be a SAHM until my youngest is at school and then only work part time. i grew up having my parents at home (both were unemployed) and while this had its disadvantages obviously it was great getting home and having both my parents there for us. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 1-25/05/2008 DD 2-2/2/2010 |
Posted By: notenufchaos
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:24pm
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im also surprised at the pressure to return to work im constantly being asked when i am going to work or when i am going to put DD in childcare (for socialization)
and one thing that really gets my goat at the moment is people assuming that because i choose not to put my children in day care that i am judging them - IM NOT it is a personal choice thing. I also believe most of the time it is choice even if people say they have to return to work most choose to do so, so that they can have luxuries. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 1-25/05/2008 DD 2-2/2/2010 |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:30pm
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I originally intended on going back to work when DD2 was 6 months, then I put it off until 12 months, then I resigned I just couldn't put her in care that much, she is a much more clingy than my older daughter was, and the thought of her being upset at being left everyday was unbareable... Plus I love it that this time I am in the situation where I can stay home - with DD1 it wasn't an option as I was a solo mum... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:39pm
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I intended to return to work after my 14 weeks were up... But I spent every night crying about the fact that my time was almost "up"
I asked work if I could work part-time, as working full time would leave us WORSE off than if I worked part time. They declined, so I did a budget and worked out that if we cut the Sky, consolidated our debt and DH worked an extra shift then we could survive. What a glorious feeling when I decided to do it!!! 
------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:39pm
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I was the same as Bobbie i told my boss how much he would have to pay me to make it worth me coming back to work and he wasnt willing to go quite that high so rather than moving back to chch renting and both working we stayed in Invers and were able to buy a house and be able to keep me as a SAHM.
I will stay home with #2 as well and will pick up some business papers free through SIT that can be done from home as DP would like to start his own business when i do go back to work (maybe part-time when #2 gets 20hrs free and fulltime when kids are both in school) That way i can help run the paperwork side of the business as thats not really DP's strong point. Both our mums were SAHM's but neither side of the family put any pressure on us and both sides were supportive of us putting #1 in daycare a few days even tho im home. Even when i was considering returning to work they were happy with it as DP sis was working at the daycare we had lined up. Um not sure if any of that helps ya or not LB but in the end the big deciding factor was money and nothing else SAHM was affordable for us without money being tight -------------   
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Posted By: JoJames
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:48pm
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I'm also suprised at how many people have asked me when or if I'm going back to work, as if I can make that decsion at this point, I can barely get dressed some days.
My boss before I left on maternity leave, came up to me and said "now you are coming back to work after the baby aren't you?" Talk about pressure, of course I said yes otherwise I don't get paid. I went back when DS1 was 9mo old (went for an interview 2 days after my BFP), I think mainly because I was a little bored at staying at home, and I had been out of clinical work for ages so I wanted to keep up my skills (nursing) It was so hard leaving DS that first time, I cried. Not sure what we are doing this time, we don't really need the money so we will see, sorting out child care is hard work. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:50pm
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I always suspected I would want to work PT but the rule I had in my head was "more time at home with DS than away from home/DS", so nothing more than 3 days a week. I wanted the intellectual stimulation, adult conversation and was/am at a point in my career where stepping off for a few years would have a big impact, so for me, part time work was a perfect solution. I was also high risk for PND and PTSD and felt that working a bit would help with keeping that at bay. Luckily that worked out!
My work wouldn't take me back less than .8 (stupid them) so I was looking and came across a perfect job in my line but a slight shift out of the mainstream career path. Really flexible, can change days depending on sickness etc. And I found a perfect home based care. My other rule was no daycare centres. We had both expected I would go back to work so no pressure from DH. We had set ourselves up financially assuming I would go back PT but could have managed if I chose to stay at home. Some disapproval from my father probably but an older sister (the apple of his eye) was working more hours with me with a baby 3 months older so he couldn't judge too much! I'm from a fairly conservative Christian family where the norm is for the woman to stay home forever (if she ever worked at all), and if she did work, it tended to be as a secretary, part time teacher, in a library etc. Workmates would have been surprised if I'd been a SAHM. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:53pm
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It was a simple decision for us .. we needed to eat, I earnt the most money .. so I went back to work (and DH stopped working and became a SAHD, now he is a student and a Dad) ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:02pm
This was one of the other reasons I didn't go back, but we didn't find out until I sat down to do the budgets after making the decision to see if I could afford to stay home. After losing WFF, accomm supplement, paying daycare and parking...we would actually have been spending more than we were earning each week (that's with both of us working full-time). |
Bobbie wrote:Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:02pm
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My mum had me at 31 and whilst she had a great job and had already studied post grad, I was unplanned, she stayed home for her 12 weeks mat leave and then resigned and went into study for the first 3 years of my life (career change). Having been raised by my grandparents pretty much because she worked 7am-6pm 5 days a week and often went in on the weekend so she could afford me, it put me off going back to work! I plan to stay home for at least the first year, unfortunately that means us living off my savings as dp is finishing his study this year and we don't qualify for any money except our own savings.
She still, to this day works 7-6 and sometimes weekends! but we have a great relationship!
I plan to go back to study next year, but might do correspondence so I am still home with dd. DP plans to work next year so we will have some $$. I also read it's best if you can stay at home with baby for first 1-2 years in terms of their development so hmm... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:22pm
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I agree with this, fortunately for us family also means grandparents who are willing and able to help. I also believe the right care giver can be as close as family without being related. I also think for a lot of families going back to work is what helps keep a roof over their heads. Especially in the main centres where the cost of living is prohibitive on one income. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Cassie
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:31pm
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It was always my preference to be a SAHM and I feel very lucky that I married a man who also believes it's important for a parent to be home with the kids. As i was studying full time (extramurally) when we moved in together we've only ever been a one income family so financial stuff never came into the picture. Once I finished my degree and Ivy was 3, I did try to look for work but no-one would employ me, and then I got pregnant. 2+ kids does change things a bit and it wouldn't be worthwhile going back to work after the new baby arrives even if I wanted to. I love being home with the kids and plan on doing it for the foreseeable future. I will look at getting part time work when the youngest turns three, and am planning on doing my years study to become a teacher for when all the kids are in school.
Both of our families like that I stay home with the kids, so it's been easy. Lots of other people ask when I'm putting L into daycare, but it's never really crossed my mind! She will go to kindy, or something when she hits 3 as I think thats good prep for school. I am a writer, which I can do from home, so do earn a little pocket money that way - hopefully I'll be able to increase the amount I bring in over time, but we don't need to have another income at this point. ------------- ~Cassie~   
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Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:47pm
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I intended on being a part time SAHM and part time worker in our own business with our Daughter being in care three 6 hour days per week. However my Daughter is a sensitive girl who did not take to daycare at all, in fact I believe it was having a very severe affect on her feelings of confidence and security so we made the decision for me to only work one full day per week while my Mum takes care of my Daughter and I have her the rest of the time. Now I am so glad that I have been able to dedicate that time to her as I see her growing in confidence every day. We are lucky enough to run a business of our own where I can decide on the hours that work for me and my Daughter. When I'm not in the office I have the phone diverted to my mobile and can do quotes, emails and invoices when required. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:53pm
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I was very much career driven and had never intended to be a SAHM, in fact the pure thought of it was more than enough to send me running in the other direction so I had never even thought about it.... until I had my beautiful DS!
I was due to go back to work full time when DS was 4 months, but a month after he was born I couldn't bear the thought so decided to go back to another role part time, then as that time drew closer I couldn't bring myself to do that either. Losing my wage would be a big loss, but after doing the sums and working out a budget, we decided it was do-able. Most of my friends expected me to be returning to work and often asked (and still do) when I think I'll be working again. Aside from that both sides of the family are very happy that I can stay home and fully support the decision. ETA - DH was really excited that I wanted to be a SAHM (after years of me saying it would never happen) and so has fully supported my decision and for that I am extremely thankful! The main reason for me personally wanting to stay home was that I wanted to be there for all his 'firsts' his laugh, crawl, word, steps. That and my Mum worked a lot when I was younger and I'd wished she didn't have to and if I can save DS from thinking the same thing then I'm happy. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:10pm
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I come from a family where working mums are unheard of. When I announced I was pg, my elder, childless sister's first question was "have you quit your job yet?" Errr no, I was only 14 weeks! So she asked when I would be quitting and I said I wasn't. Cue massive lecture about how daycare would rot my child's brain. Yawn. The same sister has since resigned from her job the day she decided to TTC. Luckily she got pg fairly quickly, but still!!
For me, I've followed my heart to get a job that I love, and that allows me the flexibility to juggle babies and work. In some ways, I'd love to quit and go back once the kids are in school, but it doesn't work like that. I've spent 9 years studying for this and if I left now I'd never get back into it. In other ways, i'm itching to get back to work! I am only going bacj 3 days in 2 weeks time, and probably 4 days next year. DD is going into the daycare atwork less than 5 mins walk from my office so I'll still BF her and visit several times a day. DH works nearby too so will also visit her. So for me, it was about finding a balance between caring for DD and establishing my career. I'll let you know how well its going in a few weeks. I'm going back purely for my own benefit. We could live on DH's income alone, and he'd be happy with that. IMO it's only DH, DD and I whose opinion counts for us. If DD is unhappy in care we will re-evaluate. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nannyabbey
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:18pm
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I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting for bubs to arrive so our plans are pre baby, but i'm pretty sure they will come to pass!
Before PPL I was a nanny for two kids (one in school, one under2) and the family and I have agreed that I will go back with baby after PPL. It won't be for the full hours, they will mix the time with daycare and then kindy when their daughter gets to that age. So we are very lucky and getting the best of both worlds! my hubby and I are a bit old school when it comes to the care of our own children, believing it does take a village to raise a child but that we are the primary caregivers.......and we are both looking forward to raising our kids - he often asks if i'd like to be the main earner so he could be a SAHD! When this current job ends or we need to rehash it then I will most likely become a at home carer, again getting the best of both worlds. We can live of hubby's income but if I am to earn anything it would give us a little more play money. And if it doesn't happen we have also agreed that we'd downgrade the house etc to have more money rather than have our kids in daycare. They will be going to kindy tho! a good place to help prepare them for school. So thats the plan! hurry up baby so we can see if we can put in place!! he he |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:41pm
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I didn't feel pressure to go either way. If I received any comments I just ignored them and can't remember them now!
I stayed home until Jude was just under 5 months. Then went back to work part time. First I only went back 15 hours a week but quickly increased it to 25 hours a week (Jude would be in daycare 30 hours but I saw him for an hour every lunchtime).The one and only reason why I went back to work was because I loved my job. The end. Then we decided to have a go at dairy farming (for the lifestyle I was bought up on a dairy farm and loved it). We had hoped to get a job that meant we could do a bit of job sharing - but it hasn't quite worked out like that at the moment, perhaps later in the season. So, I am a SAHM at the moment.
I didn't feel any pressure to do either but sometimes I find myself justifying it to other people by saying silly statements like "....and he REALLY seems to enjoy daycare" (well yes, but he also seems to like being home with me.) Or from the other side "yes, we will be joining a playgroup or a playcentre very soon" as if I'm worried that he won't get the socialisation skills that everyone harps on about - which I'm not worried about at all. Just sometimes I say these things. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:52pm
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I don't feel any pressure from anyone to return to work and we are used to living on DF's relatively low income and quite frankly unless one is in dire financial straights then I don't see the point of having kids if one of the parents isn't gonna stay at home with them at least part time.
ETA: I also come from a line of hard working/studying/high achieving women who do it all in their 'spare' time while the kids are at school/kindy etc. I guess I just have visions of myself doing that exact thing when the kids are a little older too -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: scribe
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:07pm
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Originally I imagined that I would go back to work when DD was 6 months or so, as I loved my work and had been quite career-driven - the baby was just going to 'fit in' around us. What a joke! I was completely unprepared for the passionate attachment I felt for her and the desire to be the very best mother I could, and to me that meant being a SAHM (until DD was at least 2, or so). Not that I am a perfect mother - far from it - but I knew that no one else could love/nurture her as much as I (or DH) did. I saw how much guilt my sister, who put her son into full-time day care, at 8 months had, and I didn't want that.
However, at times I really missed work and intellectual stimulation, and I had bouts of mild PND, so probably part-time work would have suited me best. But you adapt, the time goes so fast, and I am so pleased I made the decision I did. Financially, money wasn't an issue for us, but I did feel pressured by other people to go back to work ... no-one said anything outright of course, just asked if I was looking for work and seemed mildly disapproving if I said I was staying at home for now. (The only "good on you" I got from my grandmother, who is usually very ambitious on our behalf - that was so welcome!) Oh and the comments around "what else are you doing with yourself, aside from just being a mum?" used to drive me insane. Actually it's a full time job! But they've stopped asking now, especially as #2 is on the way. |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:27pm
When I was four I used to tell my nanny that I was going to be a flying doctor and a SAHM! Well the flying doctor never came true but i can make my SAH dream come true 
Seriosuly tho - I had two parents who had to work, mum especailly and we had nannys (but Dad was in and out as we lived on an orchard) That was awesome for me growing up but my mum says she wishes she had more time with us as kids cos its something you never get back. DH had a SAHM and that is what he wanted for our kids. He earns more and we manage to keep afloat so i can stay home with the kids, I feel pretty lucky that I can. And me - well I feel that Maddi needs me at home - Anyone can do my job at work but no-one else can be Maddi's Mummy. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:12pm
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Well I don't ever want to go back to work, I can't stand the thought of missing out on the things DS does, especially the first times he does stuff...makes me feel very sad.
Used to be career oriented but when I got pregnant I pretty quickly realised that a job is just a job that brings in money. Don't have to go back to work tho sometimes think that at least if I was earning some money then we would be saving faster for our return to NZ...so it is tricky...in saying that sometimes I think I would rather stay here longer and not have to work hahaha. Sometimes I also think roll on baby 2 so I have even more of a reason to stay home hahahahahahahahahaha. ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: Jaxnz1
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 5:00pm
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Several reasons for me going back to work:
1. I like my job and the people I work with, they are great friends. My boss is a good friend and I love working with her. She has said I can name my hours, hence I'm going back next month doing just 2 days a week. One day will be at DC and one with MIL. 2. We will be financially much better off. We may be moving and will have a bigger mortgage, so the extra money coming in will relieve the financial pressure we are currently under on one income. Even with DC costs and petrol we will be significantly better off with me just working two days. 3. DD is extremely shy. She won't go to anyone else but me or DH. Even though it's probably just a phase, I feel that DC and being with her Nana once a week will help with this and she will hopefully learn that Mum does come back at the end of the day and that it's not so bad staying away from home for the day. 4. While I LOVE spending time with DD, I also enjoy the mental stimulation work gives me. 5. As long as I'm in this job, I will never work longer than 9am-3pm, so I can pick the kids up from school and be there for them in the afternoons. I can also work from home which is another bonus. Having said all that, if I lost my current job or it required me to do more hours than I felt comfortable with, I would not look for another job until all my kids were at school. Also, if DD didn't take to DC, I would stop taking her and continue with 1 day with MIL. I don't see the point in taking her somewhere where she doesn't enjoy it. TBH I feel a little pressure to stay at home full time, but that usually comes from people who's DH's earn twice as much as mine! Oh and I don't give two hoots about what people think......I enjoy my job and it will give me the best of both worlds!
BTW I can't believe people feel pressured to go back to work! I thought there was only pressure about mum's staying at home these days......sheesh can't win can we ------------- 
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 5:06pm
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oh and I forgot to say in my earlier post that my mum went to work when I was pretty little and was in daycare and I still remember her being stuck at work and my auntie had to collect me and she was super late doing that too.
Sometimes I think I would like to go back to work for adult companionship but I didn't particularly enjoy my job so I am now going to do some study instead but am waiting until DD is back at school so after the school holidays - not starting at the end of this term so silly in my opinion - but in saying that I also want to have time to have coffee groups etc and so far have 3 days where I don't have anything on but am considering joining a play group on Fridays so I don't want to make all our outings full time as I love the at home days with Jayden. ------------- http://lilyslim.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 5:55pm
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Oh Renee that reminds me!
My mum worked late so my granddad would pick me up (school and kindy) but if he had to work late then I was left. Often forgotten wuite a few times when they didn't communicate properly so kindy or school would have to ring my grandma to let her know I was waiting. I don't ever want to let DD down like that! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 6:22pm
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I'd love to find some work that fits in around being home during the day, dreams are free I suppose.
It would be lovely to have something flexible enough to work the hours I choose. I am leaving my current employer as we are relocating and moving to Akl and what will happen over the next year is a big unknown. If we end up having a 2nd baby that will prob mean I stay home a lot more as going to work to pay for DC doesn't seem smart to me. Its one of those things that's easy to plan while your still on the other side waiting for baby to arrive and maternity leave to start. One baby is here no doubt I'll change my mind. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 6:52pm
Aww Nicole 
Jax you get pressure from every which way. I got pressure to stay at work right until I had the baby. Apparently leaving 4 weeks before my EDD was strange (and it was only one week before my Csect as it turned out) as the other women had worked right until their EDD. Never mind one lady missed her last week of work because she went into labour early. Then I got pressure to go back to work ASAP. A few of the career women I knew put their babies into care very early and took as a personal slight I wouldn't do the same. And it was really surprising to people that I chose to stay at home for longer than the year's maternity leave I could take. But if I had gone back to work I know I would have got huge amounts of pressure from all sides of my family and DH's family to be a SAHM. Not that it influenced my decision just saying that yes, you are definitely damned regardless. -------------
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 7:41pm
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I don't think I had ever even considered not being a SAHM. I guess getting pregnant at the end of my gap year and not ever having a 'real' job had a lot to do with it.
We were surviving ok on DH's income (which was not at all big) and I dont think I could have ever found a job that would actually make us more money by the time you take away government support and pay for child care. Yes we rely a fair bit on WFF and Accom Supplement, but if it means I get to stay at home with my girls then I am taking it. I do love being a SAHM (most of the time), getting to spend the day watching my girls grow up and being able to be the biggest influence on them. I am a mum and that is my job. Just recently I have started working a wee bit in the weekends and at home with the girls and I love it. Its great being able to switch off from being a mum for a wee bit and doing something for myself. The extra pocket money is a bit of a bonus as well. I still don't know what I would do if I ever had to get a real job, I always used to say I would go back to work when the kids were in school... now I think I am just too lazy. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 7:49pm
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I am a SAHM this time cause I put my foot down to running around like a blue arsed fly for another 5 years, well it'd be more actually!
I said I'd take a year off & then look for work. I certaintly didn't want go back where I was cause I was bored. We were supposed to be moving to Aus so I could be a SAHM for a longer period of time. With A, I was just taking off the 12 weeks mat pay we had back then, but when she was 6 weeks old & trying to arrange daycare & realised I couldnt' go back to work full time. So arranged with my boss to come back at 5 months & part time 5 days a week. I started at 2 1/2 hours a day & worked up from there to 35 hrs a week with A in both kindy & homebased care. It made more sense financial for us to be at work. With C it made more sense to financial SAH. The money I'd make going back to work (working school hours or less) I could get by looking after one child in my home. So I started that when C was 13 months old, the little girl I look after is a couple of week younger & it works brilliantly. Plus I get to pick up A from school & be there after school. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 7:54pm
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I did go back to work, a little for financial reasons but alot for well thats just everyone else did - the superwoman thing I guess and I was a little apprehensive that I was a good enough mother - I thought someone else may have been able to give her more than me and my mum was no super star - I didnt want to be 'my mum' although I now believe she did what she could with the resources she had
After 6 months I was offered an unstable position that would result in me being made redundant so I took it. Working in a corporate environment , where Mums are very under valued, I chose my daughter over working full time cause I wasnt even feeding her at night. I didnt have her to see her in the weekends and I missed her, I felt more guilty that I couldnt teach her twinkle twinkle little star than I did not being able to give her pumpkin patch everything After seeing the grass wasnt greener on the other side, I decided I just wanted to be her Mum and all she needed was for me to be that Besides the fact that I have a heart child - and was scared if something happened I would have missed her whole life for a few bucks Some days I would love the office politics, the power suits and rediculously high heels but most of the time the cuddles and the giggles and watching her grow and develop is worth more than any paycheck or bonus! ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:05pm
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It never really occurred to us that I would go back to work, at least not during the first year. I wasn't earning a great deal (not bad, but not great), and we did some math. Discovered that once we took DC out of my wages, I would only be earning ~$200/week after tax, and it just wasn't worth it! I was fortunate to be offered voluntary redundancy during a company re-structuring, and took it without hesitating.
We have a flatmate living in our downstairs bedroom, his rent helps pay our mortgage. I look after another child in my home full-time, that pays for our groceries and my pocket money. DH is self-employed, and works hard to support our family. My mum was a SAHM until my early teens, then went back to uni and retrained as a midwife. My dad then worked part-time, and mostly from home until my youngest sibling went to high school. My MIL never 'worked' outside the home after getting married. It's what we grew up with, and seems natural for us. |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:34pm
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Well we always thought I'd be a SAHM for about 5 years but...
I get so damn bored! No matter what I do with the kids, it's not stimulating enough for me, I need my own projects, adult communication (DH is only home half the year) and I just quite frankly love my job. I'm currently only doing 30-40 hours a week as I choose, but would be working 50 hours if they asked me. I was bought up by my dad while mum worked, I turned out fine, so I don't believe a mother needs to be there during the day. We are lucky that DC is awesome and the nana looks after them 2 days as well. I loved being a SAHM up until DS was a year old, then it got tedious for me. If I wasn't already pg with #2, I would have gone back sooner. Each to their own, but I don't believe your a better parent either way, everyone is different and they have different strategies of raising children and coping with pressures. |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:39pm
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well i was raised by a mother with a very strong work ethic , she has always worked fulltime , since i can remember , even after her and my dad split when i was 5, she had to work 40hrs to provide my sister and i with a comfortable life , the DPB just wasnt enough , even then we were never really well off or anything but i certinly had a bit more than friends whos parent were on a benefit , altho i did miss having my mum around . As i was a solo mum from just 3months pregnant i decided to go back to my job when my daughter was 10months old , my reasons were: i have a good job with pretty ok pay and great staff benefits ( i get my phone , broadband, and mobile bill paid every month and a free mobile every year , also maternity bonus of $1000 when i went on maternity leave and a bigger maternity bonus of $2000 when i returned to work which was ontop of my 14weeks standard maternity leave ) , I think i would find it very hard to get a job the same again (now that i have a child ) and i understand it would be really hard to get back into the workforce once out of it for a while , im also a very independant person and i just absolutley hated being on a benefit for the 7 months i was on it , i much prefer to earn my own money and be a contributing part of society . i have gone back 20hours at the moment which at the moment is working fine . i love my wee girl more than anything and i hate leaving her (she goes to preschool 2 1/2 days a week ) but she is quite happy there , this is the only time im ever away from her so she still gets plenty of one- on-one time with me . Amelias father does not pay a cent for her at all and never has so it is completly up to me finacialy to support my child . i do have a partner ( we have been together since she was 4 months old ) he does not live with me tho , he is a great help but at the end of the day he is not her biological father so her welfare is solely my responsibity . with me working i feel she will have a brighter future as i will be able to afford good schooling, a nice home, good food etc etc aot more than i could possibly afford not working . Every family is different and do things there own way , no body is right and nobody is wrong . ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:04pm
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I am a SAHM for the same two reasons as Bobbie mentioned in her earlier post.
I was the higher income earner in our household before kids, but when we seriously looked at it when my parental leave was due to end with Samantha, we would have worked out to be less than $50 a week better off with me working fulltime. When push came to shove, I couldn't bare to leave my little girl in someone elses care for 10 hours a day. DH & I are quite traditional in our family roles and I always wanted to stay at home with our children while they are little. These first 5 years go by so fast and soon they won't want to be at home with their Mummy
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Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:05pm
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Well....... I've always wanted to be a SAHM. I just couldn't have a baby and bundle it off to daycare at only a few months old (just my personal opinion, not having a go).
My oldest sister has 2 kids. When she had her first, she had only taken 6 months off and was going to return to work. As soon as she met her baby girl for the first time she said 'screw going back to work, my baby needs me!' and she has never gone back. Her kids are now 6 and 4. I know that I will need to go back at some stage due to financial reasons. I was the breadwinner so its a bit tough at the moment living on less than half the income we are used to. I have taken a year off and I'm lucky that I have a great boss who is happy for me to go back part time. I will go back to work, but will do no more than 20hrs a week. So 10-2 monday-friday. At least then I can have time with Isla in the morning, still breast feed, and spend afternoons with her as well. And because it's only a few hours a day, and my mum works from home, she can look after Isla while I work. So at least she is with someone she knows and will get one on one. Perfect
I hope to get a diploma in interior design within the next year or 2 then plan on starting my own business so I can work from home and be there for Isla and any future kidlets we may have...... -------------  
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:21pm
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I guess the factors that have influenced me are the following:
a) My Christian faith. Christian mums may still be a working mother with young children but there seem to be more traditional held views about a mother being at home to raise her children. b) My mother was a SAHM till the youngest was old enough for kindy, then worked part-time. We didn't even go into after-school care. c) Being a nanny and caring for their children while they worked, it made me sad experiencing all their milestones while their parents missed out (eg. calling me mama and seeing their first steps etc.) Also some of their behaviour. Looking after them from 7:30am-6:30pm or thereabouts meant that they saw almost nothing of their children apart from the weekend. d) Research shows social attachment requires one parent being a main caregiver till a baby is 2yo for their emotional wellbeing and that daycare can be detrimental to this! At the end of the day, it's what I believe in. In many ways I'd prefer to be working part-time now but I stay at home for my baby's sake and I love being there for him and having such a strong bond and not missing anything about the way he grows up. We struggle financially to make ends meet... but my baby won't remember whether he had the coolest clothes or the newest items or the latest toys... he will feel confident and loved because I was there for him. Spending time with my baby comes at a priority before work and finances. That's a huge sacrifice for us! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:54pm
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I love being at home with Jackson but I also enjoy being back at work too. I am only working part time though.
I always wanted to be a SAHM for as long as possible, and I could still be, but that wont help to save money to come back home. So we decided that me going back to work was necessary for that to happen. Financially I dont need to be though. I dont have any pressures, albeit I did get pissed at people asking if and when I was going back to work, but there is definitely the financial rewards and gain that is a huge motivator. My mum was a full time SAHM for 15 years (5 children), but I dont think we are any better for it. And she struggled to get back into the workforce. I work with the unemployed and I see mothers every day that have been out of the workforce for years and years to raise their family only to have very limited employment related skills, low confidence, no qualifications (or qualifications not relevant for now) and low self esteem. I personally didnt want this to happen to me, so this was also a small part of my decision to return to work. ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 8:02am
This is what I am a little unsure about as I know it will be a wee while till I go back (maybe part time when my youngest is in Kindy, so when i have my youngest lol) Would love to work from home though running my own business but may need more expierence to do that! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 9:26am
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The good thing about having children later is that often you have a lot of work experience and qualifications that you can go back to later even if you choose to be a SAHM for a number of years. And you can always start doing part-time work once they're a few years old or study from home. There are other options! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 9:40am
This is a big concern for me I must admit. Being in IT it is going to be hard to get back in especially as I wasn't in the industry all that long (comparitively) before I left. However, it does seem to be a lot about networking and who you know. I've had 4 offers of work this calender year from previous employers who didn't know I had another child. I'm just crossing my fingers that so long as I keep these networks open I'll be able to return without too much issue. But yes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think that being a SAHM would affect my career. I'm well aware that I will never advance as far as I would have had I been a working mum. And it is definitely a factor in whether we will have any more children as that will keep me out of the workforce even longer. -------------
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 9:49am
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My reasons are the exact same as Bobbie mentioned in her first post. I went to uni got a degree and then went into a mundain "stop gap" job while I decided what it was I wanted to do in life. Three years later and I still didn't know what that was. I am lucky in that my DH and parents are all very supportive in me staying at home with my son. My Dad is setting up a role for me in his company so I can work from home doing his bookwork so will be earning again when DS is about 6 months.
When I took maternity leave I took the 12 months and told my boss that I would be back at the end of that. But, I do not have any intention of returning now, my priority is in raising my son and that is all. My Mum raised 3 kids on her own for a large part of our lives and she was the most fantastic mother ever, we didn't have a lot and she really struggled financially but I had the best childhood ever and so she has taught me that money isn't important in raising a child, sure it helps, but being there for them IMO is far more imperative. I do understand those that need or want to return to work though, so I am not getting at anyone. -------------  
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 10:21am
| I'm not worried so much about my career. While I'm at home I can study. I was studying part time but gave it up because of pregnancy. its something I can go back to once we are all settled and can upskill ready to get back into the workforce. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 10:29am
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I am young and whilst I am 'unqualified', I am still at an age where I can stay home with DD and it doesn't affect me studying iygwim, I can still get a degree before I am 25, by then she will be starting school too. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 10:30am
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Interestingly I was thinking if I won Lotto tomorrow I'd still want to do some kind of work, probably something that fitted in around the kids.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 11:29pm
| Decided to be a sahm mostly because of DH's work- army, then milk tankers, then line mechanic on call, now hv electrician always away, we felt it important to have at least one of us home, DH is also anti-dc (he was dc baby). I worked briefly when we only had 2. I treat sahm as a job- veg garden, cook from scratch, make a lot of things, I've been renovating our house, (gib-stopping, painting etc), I help out a lot at kindy & school, none of which I could do if I was working. |
Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 11:40pm
| Continued- (sorry posting from cell ph). Financial issues aren't an issue for us, we chose to live in a low cost province to have a bigger family- we wouldn't have more children if we felt financially strained, DH is very job stable, though I would should something happen to DH, I get offered jobs from time to time (nice to know my hard work is noticed!). I've never felt any pressure from anyone to work except in-laws but we disagree on more than just work so it's not an issue! =) |
Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 11:45pm
| Oh, backgrounds- DH was in daycare at a VERY early age, i.e. he was put in full-time care on what was his EDD after arriving 6 wks early. I was raised by my mum only, who worked on & off, we were mostly on dpb though, but even then Mum was really involved in kindy, school etc. She worked a few volunteer jobs at Hospice & Trade Aid etc too while we were at school. eta- & despite having me at 17 she's managed to get very well qualified & has had no problem with finding employment. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 8:32am
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with Jake I HAD to get back to work when he was tyhree months old. we were living in Japan and that was the stipulation of our visa. We were lucky in that we arranged out schedule so Lewis looked after him until 4 when he went to daycare and I picked him up at 6:30/7 when I got home. I had sunday monday off and Lewis had saturday sunday, so three days we were sweet anyway. It was pretty hard though for me as I would left at 7am, got back at 7pm and had hardly any time with Jake
With Taine we went back to NZ - daycare costs were very expensive in Japan and I was over the whole thing. I decided to study for my teaching cert, so was at home for the two years doing that. It was good, but looking back - starting a teaching certificate with a 15 month old and a newborn - slightly insane. With baby three - assuming it arrives - we plan that I will stay home for materinity leave of three months, and then Lewis will take the remanding at paternity leave for the year. then I'll quit and stay home for two years. As a teacher I think it is much easy to step back into the workforce - also I can tutor in my "spare" time. The reasonaing for all thins is that I earn about 50% more than Lewis, but while lewis would struiggle to find another job in this area if he quit to look after bubs, I wouldn't. even part time is an option for me. When I had the boys, i was in such a diffiernt mind-set. I wasn't happy becoming pregnat either time - not "the plan" so I guess i was determined not to let them "change my liofe". I also got a lot of pressure from the in-laws to go back to work. We were living in their house rent free and halfway through the agreement, they decided that they needed rent money. It was not so much fun. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 7:14pm
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Newly wed, I'm not sure if you mean to, but your posts come across as very judge-y sounding. I appreciate that you are entitled to your opinion, but your posts are worded a little judge-y and while I relise it is possible not your intention to offend people, rhye probably do.
Anyway, that aside. I'm a "sahm" basically because I am lazy! I am also luck in the fact that financially we don't need me to work. I don't see myself going back to full time work ever. One, cos I am lazy and two I think the stress of working full time as well as managing the home and family - which I see as my job - would be too much. I like the idea of the kids coming home to me in the afternoons and being able to ferry them around to sports and stuff. I like being able to parent help. I like all the volunteer work that I do which I wouldn't be able to do if I worked. That aside, I do work casually. Keeps my hand in, my skills up and gives me some time away from doing parent duty and be a person for a few hours and not just mum. My work means I do courses for upskilling and I will probably do some form of study once the smallest is at school. I don't think there is a wrong or right here, I think each family does what is best for them. Financially or otherwise. Happy mum = happy family. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 7:35pm
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ohhh Im so glad you said it Fats, I am a SAHM because Im lazy too .
No, perhaps thats putting it the wrong way , im not lazy when it comes to the kids, im lazy when it comes to having to work ,Im the type of person who hates HAVING to be somewhere at a certain time , eg school , work ...being at the movies .... So when DH said he would prefer me to be at home with the kids til number 3 was at school , and then go back parttime, I didn't try and convince him otherwise . With C however, I was a working mum , and she went to creche 3 mornings a week , dunno about the whole "detrimental to their development " lark , not when it comes to her . She was talking in 3 word sentences at her 1st birthday , and is confident , outgoing, funny , and engaging , if anything it was good for her . But now that shes at school , I love that I can go and pick her up and drop her off , I couldn't do that for the first year cos I was working fulltime ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 8:12pm
| Hmm, I don't think I could be lazy if I tried, kindy at 8.15 every morn, & two eldest have to be at school by 8.35. Then I'm committed to half a dozen things during the week, usually with my youngest in tow, noon pickup for kindy, then school, sports & music practices. Travelling for soccer in winter means 7.30/8am out the door on sat mornings. There's definitely been days during this pregnancy (& when I've m/c) that I've wished I could sleep in or stay home but it's not possible. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 8:20pm
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Yeah, No, I don't mean lazy as in I sit on my fat ass each and every single day! I am out the door by 8.30 every morning, including weekend when there is sport and or work and days am not home till after 3pm
I mean lazy as in I don't want to work! Over working and inter office politics and silly petty small stuff that dosen't matter and beign reportable to someone and clocking in and out. I never ever had a burnign desire to be a sahm, hell, i didn't even want to have children, but now I've had a taste of not working, i'll take that and have topping please! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 8:25pm
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sorry haven't read replies yet:
What factors influenced your decision, whether you were a SAHM or not? What kind of pressures were put on you - financial, expectations from friends/family/co-workers, upbringing, etc.? I am a SAHM but for financial reasons and for me I am considering working a little.. I am not very good at the SAHM thing..I love being with the boys and am good with the children but the rest is just not me and I get very very bored.. When we had Ethan it was simply that we wanted one of us to be home and it made more sense for me to be(and I wanted to be) ..pressures... I've been lucky in not many really.. just that i would look after the boys to the best of my ability and do what was needed around the house really.. I am lucky in the last year I have had more family support (so during my 2nd preg etc) I am a teacher (ECE) so can go back anytime but atm I don't feel like i can give my all to it so may look at other options.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 8:33pm
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I'm a SAHM coz I don't work well with others
I haven't had a chance to read past the first page yet but yeah uhm firstly I don't have to work - DP brings home the whole pig (quote from one of the few posts I flicked over ) AND we haven't over-extended ourselves financially or created a lifestyle where we both need to be working to have a ton of stuff.
Secondly I hate bosses. -------------   
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Posted By: rorylex
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 12:28pm
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i chose to stay at home with the kids as prefered to have my kids in my care, when i was preg with ds1 and 2 i was doing courses but as it was local they either came with me or stayed with my mum or mil. i did casual work which was great but i missed not being with my kids, especially in those early yrs. i would hate to miss my babies milestones etc.
when i had my 3rd baby i stopped doing my courses and focused on my kids by that point going to work wouldnt have us any better off as it would have meant 3 kids in daycare. our plan was to wait until they are all in school before i go to work or take on any full time study, but i think our plans atm are in the air for now. i did think about in home care etc but personally i dont think i could bare the thought of someone else spending that much one on one time with my baby unless it was a close friend or family member. ------------- Mummy to 4 boys Samuel - 18.6.05 Rory - 15.7.06 Mason - 13.06.08 Emmett - 24.01.10 Baby #5 - cooking |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 12:46pm
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Regarding the study a previous poster alluded to, that summary about daycare being detrimental is a very sweeping comment! Do you not think parents have enough to contend with, without other parents having a go at them too?
I commend people for busying themselves when at home, but I do get annoyed when they say 'gosh I'm so busy'. Um you don't have to be, you don't have to be at x, y, z at any certain time (other than dropping kids at school). Everything else you choose to do. If I don't get to work on time, I get fired. And we don't eat well, get warm or do up our house. So there's a big difference in what you 'have' to do each day between working and being a SAHM. |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 1:05pm
This was our main deciding factor against my going to work... in our case, taking the amount I would be bringing home, removing childcare costs, parking and petrol, then comparaing it to the WFF and accom supplement, it was no different! We have had a lot of pressure from DPs family over my not going back to work... to the point that they arranged one of their daughters (shes an assistant manager at a large retail store) to set up a p/time job for me!! We've told them over and over again that we cant afford preschool and after school care, so they tried to get around that by organising weekend work... so I'd be a SAHM all week looking after the kids and running the house during the week, then work all weekend... sorry but no! Not to mention we dont have anyone to count on as regular babysitters, and DP doesnt want to work all week, then HAVE to look after the kids all weekend... it just doesnt work for us! We can afford to live on DPs wages (and supplemented with WFF and accom) just fine... my family dont expect me to do anything, they just let me do it my way without butting their noses in! The other deciding point was having another baby... no point in my going back, then taking time off again to have another baby (esp since I seem to spend time in hospital early on anyways) then going back to work and having 3 kids in some kind of care... we decided that unless something happened that meant I HAD to go back to work (like the govt scrapping WFF for eg) then I wont be until the youngest is at school, at which point I will look for p/time work. ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 1:17pm
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Oh and the kelly already said it, but I like the fact that I am HERE when my oldest comes home from school, and that im the one to drop him off... I was working f/time for the first 6 months he was at school and it was hard for me... I missed his first school trip, I only got to see his first school sports day cos I'd been in hospital that week so was still on sick leave (had gone into early labour at 29 weeks!) I'd drop him off at 8.30am, and then not see him til I picked him up around 5.30-6pm at the afterschool care place...
but as I said in my previous post... the main reason (and the one that swung DP into agreeing with me) was the fact that we were no better off financially if I went back to work, and I couldnt bear the thought of missing out on Jaes milestones esp since I missed a LOT of B's, so why pay someone else to look after her, when it didnt leave us any better off at the end of the week? ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 1:49pm
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Both DH's mother & mine worked very hard - they were separated from our fathers at around the same age - 10ish but it was a struggle even before then. My mum stayed home the first few years with myself & my older sister and when I was about 5 or so she started working evenings at Cobb n Co whilst Dad looked after us. For all their hard work we never had any sort of luxuries, we literally just got by.
I am going back to work part time 10-3 M-F when DS will be 9 & half months. I am going back for two reasons - finances & for me. I love being at home with DS but I feel I need some further stimulation for myself aswell. We are just scraping by on DH's salary and my savings but it is getting tight. DH is starting up his own business on the side and if that starts to make any $ in the future, we will reassess then. I have not felt any pressure from any direction regarding our decision. DH would love to have me home till DS and a future #2 go to school however he understands it is not really feasible and we feel with the extra $, we can provide DS with some of the things we missed out ourselves so he is happy for me to work part time. Our parents and friends are very supportive with whatever our decision is. As I read someone else say - I think most people assumed I would be going back to some sort of work. We are planning to have a #2, so DS will be home with me again then for a year or so (I'll enrol him in a kindy too). Although I am going back to work, I do not see myself working full time until our children are at least 10. I want to be able to drop them off at school and collect them, so will look for roles during school hours when it is time. I am changing careers and am going into admin so I think this will be possible. I may look at some sort of study at some stage aswell. I am very much in the 'Happy Mum = Happy Family' camp - you have to do what is right for your family whatever that may be. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: JAFAjaffa
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 1:52pm
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I'm back at work fulltime and DH is looking after bubs. This is purely financial. We definitely wanted one of us to be at home for the first year of our son's life and if we were going to living on one salary then it made a lot more sense to be mine. I had 6 months at home and now DH is having his 6 months.
Before I had DS I thought I'd be keen to go back to work, but I definitely wasn't. I was very sad to be going back and I really didn't want to miss any of the things that he does and milestones. And it's a pretty nice life when you stay at home you know! Part of it is dreary with the chores etc, but the rest is awesome. My work is great about being flexible now though. I work 4 days in the office and one at home. I actually get more work done at home when Alex is sleeping than I do in the office! There's also rooms set aside in the major buildings so breastfeeding mothers can express (with a microwave, fridge, steriliser and comfy chair in there). So that's one benefit at least. I'm expecting to breastfeed for at least a year. We had no pressure from family members. DH and I had worked out what was going to work for us and that's exactly what we have done. DH's work were a bit weird about him taking time off, but they got over it. They also tried to tell DH that my father could look after DS so DH could go back to work. My father lives in the Coromandel and we're in Auckland. I don't know what planet they're on! I told DH that I'd go in there and talk to them if they didn't stop making those sorts of suggestions (yes, I'm scary!).
I think next baby we have I will try to organise everything financially so I can have at least 9 months off. 6 months was just too short. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 2:01pm
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My personal feelings have always been that the first 3 years of a childs life are the foundations and the importance of a primary caregiver and a stable envirnment are huge to me. So I always wanted to be a SAHM. Now that he's here, it is even more important to me to stay with him. The last 6 months has flown by and even though I've been here every step of the way, I still feel I've missed bits because it all happens so fast. Also, I figure they're only this little once, treasure them. The house can wait, the career can wait, they'll always be there down the line somewhere, but here and now, my baby, they won't be this way forever and if I miss them, I can never get them back. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 2:01pm
obviously I can't BE lazy , I have a daughter I need to get to school and two kids I need to get up . And we do activities like playgroup and music that start at a certain time . I just don't like having to BE places -------------
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 2:04pm
I get what you are saying here, im not saying I find it easy being a SAHM , some days its harder than when I worked , but I always remember how , when I was a working mum, I would literally drop C off and run to get to work on time, and there would be the SAHMs that would linger round the gate talking for a while because it (usually) doesn't matter what time the washing is folded, or dishes done etc, whereas for me getting to work , it DID -------------
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 2:32pm
I don't know how true this is for other SAHM's but I work my butt off so I don't HAVE to go to work. I have to be busy at home because if I'm not then WE don't eat well, get warm or do up our house. The only reason we are able to do so well on one income is because I do so absolutely much from scratch. I figure if I can save a wages worth of money and be able to stay at home with my kids at the same time then I may as well (I understand not everybody can do that) but saving a wages worth of money does mean I have to work just as hard (though in different areas) than if I was going out to work. ETA Emz I understand what you mean too - I wasn't intending to argue with you I was just going off on another tangent and quoting you coz you brought it to mind
Its interesting to see different peoples situations and the individual choices each family is making to survive these fairly tough financial times. As an offshoot - I find it quite funny when people complain about how they HAVE to both work coz they're so poor yet they have sky, put flash crap on HP (TVs etc), drive total gas guzzling vehicles, buy label clothes, have ridiculous amounts of spending money to 'keep their sanity', get takeaways, not to mention the expensive cuts of meat and ready-prepped food 'coz they just don't have time to be in the kitchen', buy their kids fancy-schmancy toys, have mortgages WELL beyond their means, and so on. You suggest downsizing and they look at you like you've suggesting amputating a body part!!! Just to be super-clear thats a reflection on the people I see in RL - NOT you guys -------------
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Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 2:48pm
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I'll be going back to work part time 3 days a week when DD2 is 13 months old. I went back part time when DD1 was 6 months old, but this time around I wasn't ready to go back after 6 months so extended my maternity leave for another 6 months.
While staying at home because you don't want to miss anything about your babies growing up is admirable, I think going back to work because you want to be financially secure, not just surviving is also valid. Could we get by on just DH's salary? Yes. Can we have a better lifestyle and no money worries if I go back to work? Definately. For me, I want to have money, to be able to afford to buy things without going into debt, to be able to afford the swimming lessons and dance classes and anything else my girls might show an interest in without having to go without other things. Don't get me wrong, DH and I are quite conservative with our money but that's why we'll have paid off our Auckland mortgage within 10 years. Saying that though, I know that I'm lucky in that I can earn enough part time to make it worthwhile even with horrendous cost of 2 kids in daycare. If I was in a minimum wage job I didn't enjoy then I doubt I'd go back to work, financially and emotionally it wouldn't make any sense. ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 3:44pm
I'm glad someone else has noticed this with some people. DH works with someone who is exactly this. Cracks me up cause they want to start a family yet can't see how they can do it yet they have an immaculate home, 2 cars, a road bike, lots of expensive toys, go away on holidays all the time and they are what I think are quite luxurious holidays and go out for dinner at least twice a week. They have sky with everything, sports and movies etc. I just think no wonder you can't figure out how to afford your lifestyle and kids on one income but they won't give a thing up either. |
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 4:39pm
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We definitely have adjusted to life with one salary - we have cut sky, rarely dine out, get tough on our food budget etc etc. I thought it would be impossible to even last the 9 & half months but it is amazing how much you can save doing various things and by adjusting your lifestyle. When I go back to work we will stick to our new lifestyle so that we can afford to save for holidays, DS' future and have $ for things like swimming lessons etc like Febgirl mentioned.
I have read how much you make in another thread Babe - you are amazing!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 4:44pm
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I completely agree, now we are down my income, we've had to make huge cut backs, but I hear of others still living extravagent lifestyles and wondering where the money has gone... Just because you are down an income and have to cut somethings back doesn't mean it has to be a downer or a drag...
Money doesn't make you happy when you think about it. But love does. I completely agree with MUM2MAC, I read the first 2 years (you said 3, but I read 2) were important in life as that is when children learn and develop the most. So if you can stay home then why not? You should treasure them when they are young, you can't spoil a baby! imo...------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: snooze
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 4:49pm
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What an interesting thread!! Before DS I was in a well paid job with loads of job satifisfaction. When it came time to return to work, I worked for one day and then handed in my notice (DS was 10 months at the time). Instead I have found a job closer to home 20mins drive (was >1 hour) for 3 days a week. MIL and Mum look after DS either 1 or 2 days a week (swapping each week). My salary on paper is a third of what it was but taking into account going from the highest to the lowest tax bracket it is not that different in the bank.
We cancelled sky, I don't clothes shop anymore, don't take any holidays BUT we do have cafe food too often need to knock that on the head. I enjoy working and MIL/Mum enjoys looking after DS. If we are lucky enough to have another baby it won't be worth me working although I may get a retail job late nights/one day a weekend for some pocket money. We get by as we are but I would like to put some money aside for after school sports etc.... when DS gets older. We don't have that kid of cost yet. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 6:08pm
We have also done this, I'll admit that when I thought about not returning to work I was pretty sure we couldn't afford for me not to - until I did the budget and cut things we didn't actually need (despite what I thought, I can live without E ) and I can't believe we didn't do it before when we've been saving for things, it makes me ill to think of the money we could have saved when we were both working!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 7:31pm
| No I don't get fired if I don't turn up to things I "busy myself with", but if I don't school & kindy trips won't go ahead, kids who go to reading recovery at school can't, kindy wouldn't have funds to buy anything extra the government doesn't fund (which is less & less these days), I don't get to stand around the gate chatting. I'm busy because someone has to do it, our education system would be up sh*tcreek without parent help. That includes the children of parents who work too. |
Posted By: snooze
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 8:38pm
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Second that MrsEmma about feeling sick about how much I could have saved.. never mind. Better late than never !! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 9:38pm
I see where you are coming from with this emz, but tbh i found being at work a lot easier than being at home in terms of time pressures etc. Maybe cos at work you can set your own schedule but kids have a certain way of mucking up your plans!! so say you're meeting a friend and their kids at a specific time, or going to a music thing/gym etc, you have to be roughly on time and getting children there is like herding cats. That really stresses me out cos i'm anal about being punctual. haha my own fault. Work is a pieces of piss. Go in, sit at desk, turn on computer, get cup of tea, drink it, check email - ALL UNINTERRUPTED. anyway that was a sideline i know, back to the question. hmm i'm a SAHM. I did go back to work when DS1 was 1 part time but now with 2 no way. The reason i went back to work was really for professional reasons - if you are away from work for too long you have to prove your competency etc, maybe even sit exams. DH looked after DS1 when i did that, and i could work flexitime from home too. If we couldn't have made that work then i wouldn't have gone back - i'm not into daycare for young kids. I always wanted to raise my own kids and think that it is best for kids to be looked after by someone who loves them i.e relative or close friend. I used to nanny in my early 20's and so many of the kids would say things like, 'why doesn't mummy look after us, doesn't she love us?'. Just made me want to be there for my kids at the expense of other luxury things. things are just things and i'd rather do without and be at home. I never had any pressure from anyone to return or to stay at home really, feel it was all my choice. Work was as flexible as they could be, can't fault how easy they made it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 10:10pm
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Off topic but I too was a (part-time) nanny and worked casually in a daycare centre after doing some "time" there for clinical experience during university. Many of the ece'rs I knew are now sahm's. I've often wondered if that's common? I'm not saying that to upset anyone, just thinking about it made me wonder if that has influenced anyone else's decision to be a sahm? (Which i guess is sort of part of the op.)
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 10:24pm
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My friend is a nanny and she says when she has her own children , she is DEFINETLY going to be a SAHM .
And I took what Emz was saying to be more to do with household chores, eg for most SAHMs, you don't have to do the washing at exactly 11:14 am , you can do them at 11:20 ...unless you have to be somewhere , and there are some mums that do . And yeah , I did see heaps of SAHMs hanging round the school gate nattering with no plans of leaving quickly , again , not every SAHM , I know I don't do it , but there are those that do , before going on to their busy day doing household chores and looking after the other children of course -------------
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 11:13pm
Try being a teacher! You have 30 kids pestering you all day and have to work to strict deadlines - a lot more stressful than being at home! I find being at home a lot easier TBH, we never cut back on anything because we always had the bare minimum, living off bread for a week at a time if we had to. Going back to work was the only option to get ahead, and to begin my career. As it is, taking 2 years out has been way too long, and if I had my time again, I would have gone back when DS was 6 months and held off having another kid. And yes, the way Kelly interpreted my post is what I was meaning. I've done being a fulltime SAHM, SAHM while working parttime, and fulltime working parent, all while not having DH round most of the time and I would still choose working parent any day (obviously personal preference, which is what this thread is about). In fact my DH is heading away for 2-4 months at the start of July and I'm busy applying for an extra 10-20 hours work and it doesn't phase me in the slightest that I'll have to juggle that. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 10:37am
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Im with you Emz, I find being at home easier. I feel inward groans when folk kick off about how hard it is. Seriously. Its not THAT hard.
Mentally, sure it is, but really. Its not THAT hard. And no pressures here either, with people or money, like i said in my first post in this thread, I've only stayed at home cos i'm lazy and over working full time! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 10:43am
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I guess it depends a lot on personality. Like my preference is for work. I miss the interaction and the adult stimulus and while my job was very much a 'think on your feet' type of environment I found it easier than the SAHM environment.
So for me being a SAHM is hard but that's because the mental thing is so hard for me and definitely not the day to day physical stuff. I notice that a lot with other PND suffers too so maybe that's the issue. -------------
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 10:46am
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I find working outside the home, much much easier than wrangling two kids .. two days over the weekend is enough to make me yearn for Mondays where I can work in peace. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 11:09am
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It frustrates me when people compare work and looking after kids at home and which is easier. My husband and I have this fight all the time because he is stressed out in his job and wonders why I ask for help at times etc.
There are pros and cons with staying at home, and pros and cons with going to work. For some people, going to work is easier. For others, staying at home is easier. I agree with Bobby, it has a lot to do with personality. I actually think my husband would love it. He is a home-body and loves being at home. I am not - I love to be out and about and I need time for myself and I rarely get it. I desperately need to be out with people, whereas others are fine with their kids and a computer forum for company. We are all different. So what is easy for some, is a huge sacrifice for others. For me, being a SAHM is really tough. As I have mentioned in another forum - it's required a lot of sacrifice of my own life, my interests and my time. It now revolves around my baby and it's been incredibly hard. When I compare it to working - it's definitely harder. But the rewards are definitely there - I love being with my baby and not missing out on anything, and I do it for him. One thing I will say, though, is that to suggest that being a SAHM is easy so minimises what a mother is and what a mother does. Sure, if you want to do the bear minimum and not really interact much with your kids, have a messy house and stay in your PJs all day, then it could be easy. But if you really want the best for your kids, it requires work. My role involves thinking hard and preparing his nutritional needs, spending time with him, finding ways to stimulate his brain and educate him in his development, providing him with social interaction and new experiences, caring for every single one of his needs, keeping a house clean and tidy and providing a home for me, my husband and my son. The sacrifices I have made to do that makes ME angry for someone to suggest that it is easy. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 11:30am
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I certainly don't spend the day doing the minimum or ignoring my kids and I get up early each day so I can shower and dress and be ready to greet the day when the kids get up.
I am fully involved with the school and pre school, on the boards, parent helping etc as well as doing volunteer work. When I say lazy I mean lazy as in I don't actually want to work any more, not that I am a sloth and do nothing full stop. I have mentioned this before. I say easy because apart from the school drop off and pickups (and its not just drop and run, its go in, sit in class for 20 mins before bell rings and do reading, numbers, high frequency words etc with him) the day and how it goes is largly dictated by me. If we (me and miss 3) want to have lunch at 11am we can. And if it takes 2 hours, then so be it. If we want to go to the park instead of something else we will. Easier in the fact I am answerable to no one (well, except maybe the children and my hubby, but I am "the boss" of the house) and not dictated by lunch and morning tea rosters, no targets to meet, no clients to deal with when I have PMT and can't face being nice and bum lickery, The house and day runs how I want it to and thats the easy part. Things can be as easy or hard as I make it. Anyhow, not the purpose of the original thread starter, this argument, I am just once again, stating that I'm not actually lazy lazy, and that I just don't think being a SAHM is that hard. And I don't think you get a medal for doing it, so no point in banging on and on about how hard it is. You do it because thats what you think is best for you and your family, and there are many great rewards that surpass monetry reward. I appreciate that each to their own and we all have differing opinions, and I respect that. No one of us is better than the other because we have "sacrificed more" or percieve we have or do, no one knows the sacrifices some make to be a SAHM, some choose to do it without complaint. and No one of us is better than the other because we stay at home or because we work or becasue we find it easy or not. At the end of the day we all do what ever we do for our own reasons. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 11:42am
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You might be entitled to your opinion Fattarts, but honestly, I don't think it's ok to criticize others for "banging on how hard it is." These forums provide a kind of support for people and many many people find motherhood a huge adjustment and being able to talk about it with others especially annonymously in a forum like this is incredibly helpful to many people. I don't think that they should feel that they are not able to say anything about how hard they find it for fear of being judged by someone such as yourself who apparently finds it "easy" and such complaints as "annoying."
I am not judging you about what you do/don't do as a mother or in what way you believe yourself to be lazy. Please don't misunderstand me. I am only saying that I believe being a parent - being a stay-at-home mother is a hard, thankless job and I think that motherhood/parenthood is the most important job in the world and requires hard work and sacrifice and definitely mothers should be recognized for that and invited to say exactly how they feel about their role - including that it is difficult for them when it is. Again - without fear of being judged by others. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:02pm
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fattartsrock - I notice your kids are quite a bit older now, did you find it "harder" when they were younger?? ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:13pm
I haven't read the rest of this thread but ditto to this. I think it really does depend on the person. My job involves a lot of mental stimulation. I struggled when I became a SAHM as to be honest it felt a lot like groundhog day for me. |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:23pm
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Newlywed in reply to your post in the confession thread, I don't drive at all and I get out heaps. Theres buses and trains and if you have a buggy you can walk. We are more likely to go visit people than they are to come to us. And DD loves the train.
Most of the time its a mental thing to get up your motivation to get out of the house especially when its raining. Being " stuck at home'' would totally do my head in ( and does if its bucketed down all week) Maybe check out the public transport where you live hun |
Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:44pm
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Miss Cheeky, thanks but my buggy isn't waterproof unfortunately and I'm not going to subject my baby to walking in the rain to the bustop and then standing and waiting for the bus, then having to put the buggy into the side of the bus while hauling my baby into a bus without a car seat/seat belted in - while the whole bus watches me and the bus driver waits impatiently.
Perhaps that's your solution but it's not mine - thanks anyway. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:49pm
Ditto. I chose to be a SAHM, it suits my homebody personality, etc but I have found it really really hard sometimes. This isn't the first thread where there have been putdowns on SAHMs who don't think its a piece of piss and its just as hard if not harder than working out of the home. I know I'm starting to feel quite uncomfortable about saying anything when I'm having a rough day. -------------
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:52pm
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Newlywed, not to have a crack at you but being at SAHM is what you make it and I do wonder if you are making it harder on yourself by not going out? I am lucky in that I do have a car but TBH my children basically work around me. I still go out everyday. I meet people for lunch twice a week - we usually just have soup and toast at someones house, I meet another friend twice a week for walks round the park etc. Do you do anything like that?
My house is always clean and tidy, I bake and cook and wash etc and look after my kids as well as going out all the time. I guess that is my personality to a degree. -------------  
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:53pm
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Thanks Babe for sharing. I do feel (judging from the PMs I've got) that people do feel differently but are afraid to go against the crowd.... women can be a bit clicky sometimes and that can silence people who feel differently and actually need to have the freedom to say how they feel and receive support. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:55pm
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Peanut - thanks... I do my best with what I have and have worked really hard to find ways of going out and getting time to myself but it's been hard and is still a battle because of my circumstances. I'm just saying that we need to appreciate that everyone's circumstances are different and it's a battle for some people to take care of themselves.
Gotta run for a while - hubby/baby calling me...argh! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 12:57pm
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I'm my own crowd -------------
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 1:10pm
Same here. Ill be at work 3 days when DS is 6 months old and he will be a few minutes from me. I can literally look out my window and see the daycare. In an ideal world it would be great to stay home with him for the next year or two but bills need to be paid. Being a young couple with a mortgage we just cannot afford to live on one wage. Im fine with my decision and am looking forward to more structure to my week. If it didnt suit DS for some reason we would look at other options. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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