struggling with being at home with baby
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: struggling with being at home with baby
Posted By: Vanillabean
Subject: struggling with being at home with baby
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:01am
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Overall I don't really seem to be enjoying being at home looking after Riley. It really surprises me, but I miss working. I miss the social contact and intellectual stimulation. Also, I find myself feeling desperate for sleep and time for myself. And everyday seems kind of the same. The only times I start to feel better are when I go out and see people but then Riley gets less attention.
Also, feeding has been really difficult as I have a low milk supply and Riley has a weak suck so sometimes it will take up to an hour and a half to feed him and then express. I guess I have lots of risk factors for PND as I had a cesarean, plus breast feeding problems, plus prior miscarriages, plus history of depression. I love my son but I sometimes I feel like my life is stretching out ahead of me with just the same monotonous tasks, day after day. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Did you find anything that helped? ------------- 5x mc, Jan 08, June 08, Nov 08, May 09, April 11 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:09am
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Id say all Mums have felt like that!
I would talk to your GP though .. just in case it is pnd, they can help you with that, even if it isnt they may be able to suggest ways for you to "cope" a little better and put you in touch with other support networks. Having a baby is hard work! ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:32am
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He is still only little and you are only just probably starting to get into coffee groups etc. I found these great as it was some adult conversation esp if you get a good one that doesn't just discuss children!
Go out, your child is only 2 months he doesn't need mountains of attention/stimulation from you. He needs you to feed him, change him, clothe him and love him. You heading out for a few hours a day is not going to be detrimental to his "education" etc. I felt like this and still do on occasions but now I make sure I do what I want/need to do. I go to the movies every second week with the kids (mums and bubs). I have lady lunches where we go to different houses every couple of weeks (usually soup and toast and a small glass of wine). I can't help on the feeding as I chose to FF, which possibly made my life easier in teh first few weeks. -------------  
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Posted By: millymollymandy
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:38am
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I could have written this post 9 months ago. Gosh I think everyone feels a little like that, I really missed the social contact. I did end up with PND sadly, and would recommend talking to your GP or Plunket Nurse to keep yourself safe.
I also struggle with milk supply, but had good results with brewer's yeast, porridge and milk thistle tablets. I wouldn't worry about Riley getting less attention, all he needs to know that you are nearby and plus he will probably sleep anywhere at that stage. So I'd get out as much as you can handle, say once a day or every other day. I joined playcentre, and it really helped me no end. And you might find at some of these place you could feed and someone would probably make you a cuppa. Or could you take him to work for a morning tea? My office can't get enough of DD and lots of the staff will happily play with her while I chat up. I think having some regular weekly appointments is a great way to break up the week. And if I'd done more of this myself I would have been heaps happier. Being a Mum can be dead boring sometimes no doubt about it. But pretty soon you will have small child who wants to go everywhere and laughs and is responsive, and you will honestly relish those moments to yourself. |
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 12:26pm
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((hugs)) Vanillabean. Mummyhood isn't as easy or neccessarily (SP?) as much fun as we think it will be when we're TTC lol Your feelings are totally normal and yep it can be dead boring. Riley is still young and when there's not much interaction from them it can be a bit harder. Do you have a good support network of Mum friends nearby? I loved catching up with other Mums in the early months (still do), it really helped seeing how other people were coping and got me out of the house. Even now we get out of the house every single day, doesn't matter for what- its the getting out that is important. Finding ME time is really important too. Can you leave Riley with DH or your Mum or someone and go to the movies or go get a massage or something that nurtures YOU? I found doing this very hard but am now trying very hard to make sure I get time alone at least once a week to recharge my batteries! I love Clodagh to bits but doesn't mean I don't miss my uni or conversations that weren't about nor interrupted by babies! Lastly, don't be hard on yourself, be gentle. You've had a long hard road to get where you are now and its not suprising in the least you're finding it a little different than you thought it might be. I'll be you're doing a fantastic job and are already a great Mum...just remember you're so much more than that too -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 1:11pm
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Oops forgot to hit post!
I think a lot of people have felt like this! Poor dp gets his ear talked off most days, just about go nutty not having adult convo's! Talk to you PN as she can set you up with a coffee group of woman with similar age bubbas! And she might also tell you to go to the doc re possible pnd. Failing that there are a couple of WGTN coffee groups on here you could attend? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 1:24pm
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I love my son but I sometimes I feel like my life is stretching out ahead of me with just the same monotonous tasks, day after day. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Did you find anything that helped?
I still feel like this.. i think for me it's just that I am not cut out to be a SAHM..and i have done it 2.5 years now ! I did find that i had depression and it made it worse.. I do think that is because i didnt go out and do things for me..and was so anxious and worried about him all the time.. with this baby i am not as worried but he wont take a bottle so very limited as to when i can go out which i find tough.. while coffee etc does help for me i find mon and wed when i am here all day with both of them to be boring and we end up watching lots of tv in the winter ! so i would suggest getting some me time whenever you can..when E was little I used to just get in the car and drive for a while (he was FF) and go shopping or whatever:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: 1st_Time_Preggies
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 1:24pm
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Emmecat says it all perfectly :-) I definitely felt like you did and was diagnosed with PND around the same time my son was Riley's age. So definitely talk to your GP, as they can keep an eye on you and your symptoms.
I found things got WAAAAAAAYYYY better around 3 months plus, due to a combination of things: not feeding as much, not as many night feeds (so more sleep!), more interaction from my son (smiles etc) and more confident in going out with him as his routine was a bit more together. It WILL get better!!! You are doing a fantastic job, hang in there. |
Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 1:32pm
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i hated being home. i only took a week off uni cos im just one of those ppl who need the extra stimulation and contact. i didnt get in to coffee groups at all cos i felt i was still surrounded by babies and talking about babies and as much as i love my kids it just wasnt enough for me. im only away less than 2 hours a day and the uni creche he is at is really good for playing with other kids and playing with toys he doesnt have at home so i have no regrets. could you go to a sewing class or gym class or anything like that so you can have a bit of you time away from baby? ------------- 
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 2:09pm
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I was like that - do you have coffee groups / friends / playgroups that you can go to or join and make friends with other mums. ------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 4:22pm
Truthfully, newborns are pretty boring 
All I can offer is that it does get more fun as they get bigger and more interactive. I agree with trying to get out as much as you can, but for me every day would have been too much. But thats mostly sleep related, you'll find the right balance for you. I was heading down the PND route at one point, so I swallowed my pride and sent out an SOS email to some good friends and they've been awesome and kept me busy ever since, and I'm back to my happy (if somewhat tireder) self now. Don't be afraid to ask for help/company. People often want to give it, but don't really want to push it on you, so asking is good. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 5:06pm
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*hugs* I found the transition hard from working to staying at home, although I love being with Keira when we moved I felt isolated as I felt there weren't many options to go and do anything but felt so much happier once I went to playgroup, there are also pepe groups about that your PN should have contact details for.
Perhaps you can run yourself a bath and soak while your partner looks after bubs for some 'me' time? get a mag and relax properly. Although it doesn't feel like it now, your baby will sleep through the night eventually and you won't feel like you are running on empty day in day out either. The first few months I found were so demanding that it was draining, once keira was a few months older, my partner also could feed her a bottle during the weekends to give me some sleep, we were lucky she took both boob and bottle (any feed was a good feed haha) ------------- 
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 5:32pm
this is me to a 't' (without the m/c)... tbh with you... the only way i got out of my hole was to formula feed. 6 weeks of not latching properly, cracked and bleedig nipples, expressing, bottle feeding with formula top ups (lost 12% of his birth weight) it took me a long time to get my head around it, but now that im FF im so much happier and can easily spend the day lying on the floor making faces. (it wasnt so much the FF... it was more a case of making a decision and seeing it out) if you ever want to talk, pm me, or i can give you my cell number... sometimes just some adult convo helps heaps good luck!!! 
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Vanillabean wrote:Posted By: wellygirl
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 7:59pm
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I felt the same way, and was much happier when I went back to work part time (when my DD was four months).
Have you heard of Mothers Network? They're all around Wellington and I found their meetups great - very supportive 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 8:12pm
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dont be hard on yourself... go out if you want.. oh and i dont know why you are expressing after feeding but maybe you could look at not expressing, take some of the pressure off yourself! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 8:15pm
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There is all a couple of WGTN meet ups on here you could come join! - we're very friendly and supportive! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Berg19
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 8:30pm
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Jarvi is nearly 8 months old and i still feel like this. I don't think it will ever end, i miss my old life soooo much, not having the adult company and doing things for myself. Now days everything i do is for jarvi and its defiantly not easy on you. Like someone else said going to the baby groups etc all you do is talk about babies and to be honest sometimes all you want to do is NOT talk about babies.
Maybe look at going back to work part time or uni or something for yourself? Im trying to find a job just so i have something for myself without babies, even if you get somebody to look after him for the day or night and you go out with some friends it will make you feel so much better. Mums definately deserve there own time - after they have babies everything becomes about them, so we don't think about ourselves. Its not selfish if we do what we want (go back to work etc) - its just what we have to do to be the best mums we can be. What use are we going to be to our children if were so unhappy? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 8:32pm
Good point Berg!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Berg19
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 8:37pm
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Haha thanks. This post has actually inspired me to go to uni next trimester instead of studying from home! Time to get off my arse and take action! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Vanillabean
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:37pm
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Thanks everyone. I've found all the responses really helpful. I guess I will likely start to find things easier and better as he gets older or else I will look at maybe swapping some of the maternity leave with DH so that he can stay at home and I can go back to work (he claims that he would love to be a househusband and look after the babe and I'm sure he'd be great at it.)
I do try to go out as often as I can but have been feeling a bit guilty about it so I guess the thing to do is to give myself permission to do it so I don't feel so conflicted. ------------- 5x mc, Jan 08, June 08, Nov 08, May 09, April 11 http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:41pm
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Don't feel guilty about it!
Even if you just get a friend and pop down to a cafe or the mall for a quick coffee!
Berg I plan to go back to Uni next year, for me 4 months is a bit young for me to leave Lily especially while she is still exclusively bf. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:57pm
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VB I dont have anything further to add but just wanted to say dont be too hard on yourself. This baby rearing business is hard work. Be kind to yourself And I also agree with Berg too ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 7:35am
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Aaaww man I looked at going back to uni next term and they're not taking any more enrollments grrrr so I might need to do an adult class just for interests sake lol Vanillabean- feel free to pm me and pop around to mine any time you want....I'm normally around and Clodagh will show you how quickly the boring part ends and the crazy ripping your hair out part begins lol ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 11:39am
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Don't feel guilty about going out! I try and get out most days even if it's just for a stroll around the mall. New places and houses are interesting for babies as they're seeing and smelling new stuff - so they're learning that way.
I know I found it quite hard at the beginning to get out as much as Cooper was only awake for about 45 mins at a time and didn't always sleep as well out and about but gradually I got more confident and he'd sleep in the sling or my arms. Now he doesn't do that really but he can stay awake for 2-3 hours so that's a good stint of time to go somewhere and then head home and play for the afternoon. I also found getting out for a walk, even for 30 mins later in the afternoon good if he was getting grizzly as often he'd be quite relaxed in the stroller and I'd feel good getting fresh air and some exercise. But if you'd rather switch with your husband for a bit then there's nothing wrong with that either as then you might enjoy your time together even more. I found signing up for things like the Plunket PEPE course and playcentre SPACE groups great. You learn a bit, meet some other Mum's and bubs have a new place to check out ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 1:43pm
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vanilla i was the same i felt guilty..i dont know why but everytime i went out but eventually i stopped....part of it for me is BFing.. I want to FF but he wont take bottle and is now dairy free so need to wait and get him onto special formula anyway.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:35pm
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Hey I haven't read much of the responses but saw a group that has been set up here in Wellington and thought you might be interested - Why I thought of you was that you were missing adult conversation and this group looked really good....
http://www.mumsinthecity.co.nz - http://www.mumsinthecity.co.nz ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 4:02pm
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I can't really add anything to what other people have suggested but I will say that those first few months are definitely the hardest and it really is true that it gets easier. For me, the first 6wks were extremely hard because of the feeding issues and then I had challenges with his sleeping.. but as those resolved and my body adjusted to the night time feeds, and then his night time waking stretched out longer so I got 5hrs sleep all in one hit, I started to feel a lot better.
There is potential for you to end up with PND for sure. I had a lot of risk factors too, and so I will say take care of yourself and DON'T feel guilty about doing so - including taking a break or going out with/without baby as you need to. It's really important for your sanity and you will feel a lot better and in time, you will adjust to this new motherhood role and baby's routine etc. but it's essential you put in your day some things that are for you too. And if things don't improve, you have the option of going back to work while DP looks after bubs. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:03pm
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I found that getting out of the house and doing things with other mums, at that age, helps heaps. Even just going to the library with bubba and reading yourself, or strollering pointlessly around town was helpful to me. I found it easier as my kiddies got older and more interactive.
Although I do find myself enjoying being a parent a lot more now that I'm not a full stay at home mum. I like the mental stimulation, and I feel like I'm a better quality mum when I am spending time with the kids, now. I think it depends on your personality. Really important to make sure you are getting "me-time" though and doing something for yourself. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: bun_in_the_oven
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:37pm
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when i had those moments I would get DS all wrapped up nice and warm, pop him into the buggie and go for a nice long walk outside..
fresh air is great and a bit of excersize is always helpfull after having a baby... Hang in there.. as your baby becomes 'more interactive' you will fall in love.. then you will have the opposite and find it hard to leave them !! keep an eye on that PND just incase.. hang in there mama ((((hugs)))) |