What ’dumb’ thing.....
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Topic: What ’dumb’ thing.....
Posted By: Emmecat
Subject: What ’dumb’ thing.....
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 6:45pm
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....have you felt guilty about whilst mothering your children? It's a bit of a continuation from the other thread about motherhood and lying.... so he goes my (latest) one: Today I bought formula for the first time. However those perfectly working breasts are taking a hammering during this pg from Clodagh's feeding and I'm now extremely unsure if she's getting much satisfaction from my supply and worried she is waking up hungry at night and not settling after BF... So for that and numerous other reasons I am gonna replace one BF a day with formula. *guilt* That's my stupid thing....you? -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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I cannot tell you how (stupidly) guilty I felt about that. We haven't even used it yet but just the fact I purchased it when I have a pair of perfectly working breasts that could feed my baby.... uurgh I feel stink. Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 6:50pm
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OT but you know you dont have to replace it with formula at this age... she can have normal milk instead and water. my first child stopped bf at 14 mths old by which stage he was only on one feed a day and he never had formula or a bottle.
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 6:53pm
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Dont feel bad Emmecat. You have done so well BFing this long, as well as BFing while pregnant. I sure couldnt do it, you should be proud!!
One thing i really feel bad about & would never make that mistake again is giving up breastfeeding. I stopped when Taylah was 8 1/2 months. The reason i stopped is because so many people kept telling me i should & it looks wrong etc. At the time i didnt really know any people who BF beyond that age. It annoys me so much, everytime id give dd a bottle it would make me mad. Not that i have anything against bottle feeding mums its just that i knew my breasts worked, Taylah loved being a boobie baby  -------------  
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 6:56pm
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hmmm might sound silly but i felt guilty that i was able to have a natural drug free birth last year. No other woman in my family has had one ( they all had cesereans ) . my sister didnt even come see me at the hospital after i had Amelia and i wonderd why as we are close , she told me later on that she was fuming with jelousy that i got to have a natural birth . It had never even crossed my mind that someone would be jelous of that. and then earlier this year she had her second baby and yet again had to have a ceserean so i really did feel guilty . ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 6:58pm
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I feel really guilty about anything that goes in my mouth ie the chocolate this morning
I feel really guilty because it's my stupid genetics. I feel guilty that I didn't do many exciting things with A in the holidays cause we had made a decision to not go anywhere re ticker below. Every night I feel guilty that we've butted heads during the day. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 7:02pm
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I felt guilty about having an epidural during my birth, even though my birth was perfect! And I kept an open mind too. I went almost 24 hours without one then was 7cm for a few hours and then started to think negatively so got an epi. I feel bad as it wore off after an hour and I felt everything as didn't top it up, but makes me feel bad for being a 'wimp' for that one hour! - How silly! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 7:11pm
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Bizzy- yeah I know they don't 'need' formula...but I worry cos she's vegetarian and fussy as anything atm (not worried about her being the former, I just mean I'm worried cos she's the former AND fussy lol).... so thought I'd try formula. Tayz ((hugs)) hun. That must've been so damn hard for you. It's really difficult when you're not supported in your decisions. Julz -omg mucho kudos to you having a drug free birth hun. I'd be so proud! Having said that, I also had an epi Lil Nic and it was wonderful hehe A&C- lol I'm the same with chocolate ....and with the butting heads thing ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 7:20pm
Going back to work 2 days a week when Dan was 7 months, even though he loves his carer (cries everytime we drive past cos he wants to go and play  ) and I needed it for my MH. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 7:41pm
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I DON'T feel guilty for stopping bf'ing Ty
I DON'T feel guilty for wanting an epidural with this baby , when I had two all natural, no pain relief births before and know I can do it without any pain relief again , I just don't want to I DO feel guilty that my daughter is struggling in maths and english tho ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 7:55pm
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I feel guilty about using gas in labour. I didn't need anything else which I know I should be proud about but still wish I had the bragging rights of a completely drug free birth. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: NewPhoenix
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:02pm
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. ------------- |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:15pm
using only gas is something to be proud of . Personally i've of the opinion that ANYONE who goes through labour, in whatever way , epidural , c section , no drugs , is a star , there is a reason why women do it , and not men  -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Delli wrote:Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:21pm
Hell, I DON T feel guilty about using gas, pethadine AND the epidural during my labour, I still got my little boy out of it and he was perfect 
I agree Kelly
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:30pm
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Haha I know it's weird to feel guilty about that - especially someone like me who thinks that progress (as in medical progress, change in society etc) is usually a GOOD thing, so I should be all about the epidural, gas and pethidene. And yet I do feel guilty... Strange. Lol, I don't make sense huh. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:39pm
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I feel guilty about absolutely everything. The very latest is the fact that i gave DD signature range bread for her lunch, rather than the last two pieces of vogels , because i wanted it for my toast in the morning. Then i beat myself up for putting myself first, even though she probably couldn't give two hoots what bread she had. Crazy!! ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: BriAndOlisMum
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:46pm
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I feel guilty about stopping breast feeding but he just wasn't getting enough out of me and wasn't growing. -------------  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:48pm
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sorry I don't have anything to feel guilty about that I can think of - well apart from maybe I should had asked for more help from my MW on the bf when DD was born.
As for formula Emme - you know you should be able to use cows milk now if you want to.. we started DD on cows milk at 12 mths. Or is your DD lactose intolerant... ------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 8:51pm
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**** i retract what i say about a drug free labour , i did have some gas but because it had absolutly no affect on me whatsover ( it relived no pain and only made me vomit) i dont count it as pain releif during labour lol but i guess i should count that i had it , as it is drugs .... no way id have it again tho.
And i agree with Kelly - anyone that goes through labour is a star no matter what they had . in the end all that counts is that baby is safe . on another note the thing i feel most guilty about and i have never told anyone this but it is that i got pregnant to an a**hole that doesnt care about his daughter . I feel soooo guilty that my daughter will never have a good relationship with her natural father because he quite simpley does not care about her and it is my fault as i chose to be with that man at the time and altho i was not expecting to get pregnant to him and i knew our relationship wasnt going anywhere and i knew he was a horrible person on many levels i still had sex with him and im mature enough to know what can result out of sex , even if protection was used . I know im a good mum and i try my best but it still doesnt take away the guilt that i wish my child could have two natural parents that love and care about her and that are together . ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 9:00pm
| Mothers are STARS every min of every day of every week!!!!! |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 9:05pm
That made me laugh, i never give dd our 'nice' bread, she always gets the cheap stuff, that way i dont care if it gets wasted.  -------------
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 9:47pm
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Not much to go on as yet, but I always feel guilty when I start sounding like my Mother. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 10:01pm
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Julz, better to be raised in a happy household with one parent who loves you , than in an unhappy house with 2 unhappy parents who don't care much about you at all .
Its him whos missing out , and its his loss . -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 10:21pm
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That my child went in an ambulance before he can even say the word. That we thought he was better and then suddenly he wasn't.
That I didn't shove the wonky mole Drs otoscope in her ear when she got impatient with my child. That when I snapped at wonky mole Dr I only gave her a half serve of what she was ordering. And some days, I gotta say, for the way I dressed him  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 11:07pm
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The dumbest thing I felt guilty about was feeding Jody meat.
I am not a vegetarian, nor is DH, or any family. But I thought "what if Jody wants to be a vegetarian?? Will she hate me for feeding animals to her when she was a baby?" -------------   
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 20 July 2010 at 11:27pm
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I try not to feel guilty too often, as mums we are already too hard on ourselves as it is and we all try our best, which is all that matters really!
But... Dh and I had maccas one day at the mall for lunch and we gave Jackson some chips  We got all sorts of looks and steers from people.
------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:02am
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My friend breastfed for a week, then gave up , it was too painful and people gave her such a hard time, she felt so so guilty , 2 weeks later she was dead from an undetected bloodclot that started in labor (no wonder it was so painful to breastfeed )
all that time spent feeling guilty , all that time wasted caring what other people thought of her .... I try to remember her every time I think Im doing the worlds worst job as a mother , stop being hard on myself , im doing the best I can , and thats all anyone can do -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:32am
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I feel guilty that I wish DS would hurry up and learn to play on his own, I'm so frustrated at constantly having to be his entertainment or if I'm not then I get hounded for teeeveeee.
I feel a bit guilty that I was well and truly ready to give up BFing at 17mths and that I didnt really take the time to say goodbye to that part of our relationship even tho DS was okay about it within a couple of days. I feel guilty that I forget he is only just two (or will be in a couple of weeks) and I might expect too much of him at times. I feel guilty that I'm very seriously not even seriously considering trying for a VBAC with next baby, the more I think about it the more appealing an elective c section is ------------- 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 7:30am
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Wow looks like we're a guilty bunch...with no need to be!! To those asking(sorry brain a bit mushy to remember names lol), Clodagh is vegetarian because I am a long term vegetarian and so is DF (more or less). And yes I *know* she can go straight onto cows milk but she has quite bad excema which seems to be exacerbated by 'straight' dairy (at this stage), plus we're not big dairy eaters anyway. The formula is dairy based but it remains to be seen if we use it as at this stage she certainly seems to prefer soy milk or rice milk. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 7:32am
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I feel guilty that its such an effort to BF. Probably every day atm I'm talking (read bawling my eyes out) to DP about whether I should give up or not. I feel really guilty coz he was a total booby baby but I really pushed the bottle coz I was so exhausted and freaking about PND and within 6 weeks I'm finding the BFing so difficult. I feel silly coz it makes me sob like a baby to consider giving up but the thought of not having to subject my poor nipples to the cold every few hours is soooo appealing!! I have decided that if I'm not totally confident and happy to give it up then I should perservere coz otherwise I'll beat myself up over it. I feel silly too coz I had no problem putting Jake on the bottle (though he was never able to latch by himself and I pumped or used nipple shields for just over 6 weeks) and thought I'd have no problems if I had to make that decision with Tyler.
I feel guilty that I expect too much of Jake when hes still really a baby himself. I feel extra guilty when hes being difficult and I flashback to his biological dad and get all angry and distressed at Jake because of it. hmmm lol sounds more like a confession of hidden sins  -------------   
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 7:49am
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on another note the thing i feel most guilty about and i have never told anyone this but it is that i got pregnant to an a**hole that doesnt care about his daughter . I feel soooo guilty that my daughter will never have a good relationship with her natural father because he quite simpley does not care about her and it is my fault as i chose to be with that man at the time and altho i was not expecting to get pregnant to him and i knew our relationship wasnt going anywhere and i knew he was a horrible person on many levels i still had sex with him and im mature enough to know what can result out of sex , even if protection was used . I know im a good mum and i try my best but it still doesnt take away the guilt that i wish my child could have two natural parents that love and care about her and that are together . [/QUOTE] DITTIO------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 9:09am
Agree, my family never like my DP as he 'never tried' in school etc, and that was a 'big deal' from my family where every one went to Uni and got good degrees but here I am pregnant at 19 in my first year of Uni and DP failed his first year and dropped out to play computer games! *shame!* And they kept telling me to leave him but I knew we were happy, perhaps in dream land? Who knows? but DD is happy, we're happy and now DP is passing his new degree with a B+ average and my family have finally 'accepted' him. But I have always told them, the main thing is Lily's happiness and health, followed by mine. My family also though that DP would lose interest in her, but he hasn't and they can't believe his love for her. So what I am trying to say is, try not to feel guilty Julz, so long as she is happy and you are happy is the main thing, it's his loss completely. My father walked out when I was under a year, never saw him until I was 15 ad he decided he wanted a relationship and told me all this crap that "He sent presents yearly, letters, wanted to come visit" - but he never did. Even now, I am the one who has to make an effort for us to meet up so what's the point. And I try not to feel guilty either because Lily is happy and healthy and growing at a rate of knots so clearly I am doing something right! Another thing I have started feeling guilty about is people whose baby's sleep through the night, I knew not all babies do, I didn't until I was past 6 months, but lately DD has started waking 4-5 times a night rather than her usually 1-3 times and I used to feed her but now I try anything to get her to sleep without a feed, especially if it's an hour after her last feed. In the end I feed her but I feel so guilty about trying to distract her!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 9:42am
Yeah its hard feeling so guilty over the whole 'no bio dad' thing but in the end I had to be abit brutal with myself. I know that if I stayed where I was my son would be brought up in a dysfunct household where negative behaviour was portrayed to him everyday and the chances of him taking on those behaviours, plus developing a warped sense of how women should be treated, were huge!! My child trusts me to give him the best start and to provide the tools for him to become a mature, well-rounded, positive and loving adult who can confidently face the world and have a succesful family of his own in the future (the very far distant future!!!!) and being parented just by me, a happy and healthy mummy, makes that much more of a reality than giving him a father who he could quite possibly end up hating anyway. In the end I decided that was what mattered! ETA hes obviously now got a wonderful father figure in my DP who Jake adores - blood means nothing, love and commitment are the foundations for a wonderful parental relationship! Anyway I think that was a little OT but now I've written it I don't want to just delete it so here ya go -------------
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 10:23am
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Go you girls having the courage to go it alone when your baby's daddy wasn't up to scratch. Must be such a tough choice and bloody hard being solo parent. I'm always telling dh that i am never leaving him cos i couldn't do it alone! And if he leaves me, he'd better take the kids too lol!
My mum left my dad when i was 2 as he was a violent alki and thank god she did. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:35pm
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A friend of DPs asked me why I was still with him and why I liked/loved him. When I think about it, yes I could do it alone no problem, but I wouldn't get a break so not sure if I would cope. But even then I don't really get a break now so...
Women, imo are strong! And like someone else said, there is a reason why women give birth. We're capable of anything. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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