Gender disappointment
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Topic: Gender disappointment
Posted By: Natalie1
Subject: Gender disappointment
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:02am
| Was anyone disappointed with the gender of your baby and if so, how did you cope? |
Replies:
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:35am
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DP was dead certain we were having a boy so when he found out we were having a girl he was disappointed, it only lasted about half an hour but it was just that he had imagined all these things he could do with his 'son' but then realised having a daughter was even cooler and was excited from then on.
In that 30 mins he didn't talk a word. He just kept quiet but he just thought it all over. I think for him it was just that girls usually = dolls and he didn't think he would bond as well or "what would he do with a girl" iygwim. They're totally inseparable now! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:46am
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I was disapointed when we found out we were having a boy, but that only lasted a short time. I was just happy to have a healthy bubba in there. And you will still love the bubba even if it isn't the gender you wanted.
And I love him to bits now and am hoping for a girl this time round. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:49am
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For a couple of days after the scan YES! This totally surprised me because I really thought I didn't care. I was somehow convinced it was a boy though so at the 20 week scan our little boy turned into our little girl and I was really disappointed and it took me a couple of days really to readjust my brain. I think that for me it was more that until that moment there was the potential for a boy and the potential for a girl then someone comes along and takes one away from you. Just about all the girls from my due date thread felt this to some extent.
Once I had her in my arms though I had trouble imagining her being anything apart from who she was. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: Jacobsmumma
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:49am
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No not at all. A few old wives tests my SIL did to me before my 20 week scan indicated I might be having a girl plus I was loving everything pink, which is not me at all. So I kinda got girl in my head but when they said boy, I was equally happy. Hubby wasn't concerned at all re sex, just as long as it had all its bit and pieces. Obviously we would love a girl next to complete our family, but again would be just as happy if we had another boy Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about what flavour you are brewing. I would just enjoy being UTD ------------- 
(9lbs 6ozs) 
(11lbs 4ozs) |
Posted By: CarleyRose
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 12:03pm
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I'm currently TTC but i think as long as its a healthy baby, thats the main thing! ------------- TTC Sept08 July10 FS APP ICSI#1 BFN-No frosties ICSI#2 BFN-2 Frosties FET-8th August - BFP 20/8/12 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 12:35pm
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I have never been disappointed with any of mine & I have 3 boys, lol.
We never found out with #1 so was surprised when the dr announced wow he has blond hair...I was like "HE" totally thought it would be a girl. #2 we found out was a boy & I ended up in hospital prior to him being born & the lady next to me was having a boy also & it was her 2nd & she told me she cried for days after she found out as she wanted a girl...I never had an issue with it. We found out xmas eve that #3 was going to be a boy & we were happy about that...laughed about "my 3 sons" I have always wanted a daughter & I think DH would also but don't think it will happen but we are really blessed & happy with what we have. |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 12:44pm
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Gender disappointment is a very real thing, there are forums and threads and discussion boards about it, the first thing to remember is that just because you are disappointed , does NOT make you a bad person , and it will not mean you wont love your baby any less than if it was the sex you wanted.
Yes yes, we all want a healthy happy baby, im sure we all agree on that, but when you have your heart set on one sex, finding out thats not the case can be heartbreaking ,upsetting, and very anxious for some, its not easy having to rearrange your dreams. My daughter's stepmum has 2 boys and when she got pregnant with her 3rd she was convinced it would be a girl, she had seen herself with 2 boys and a girl and when she had her scan and they said boy, she went into denial. She was very VERY disappointed it wasn't a girl and as a double blow her boy was diagnosed with Downs 14 weeks after birth, the moment he was born however, she was in love with him and couldn't imagine him being anything else, shes still totally smitten, they are trying for a baby next year and she desperately wants a girl and even after what she went through with number 3 she has admitted she will be disappointed if its another boy, but she will still love him, I don't doubt that, she isn't an evil person , and shes grateful for the babies she has, shes just human, and she had a different vision for her life and as I said when the reality is different to what we imagined,it can be hard at first. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 12:59pm
I was never unhappy about the sex of my kids, I was just so greatful that they were healthy, ten toes ten fingers and all that. ------------- |
emmap wrote:Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 1:03pm
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I would have been disappointed at first if this one was a boy. And I've already got one of each.
Would have loved it, would have gotten used to the idea of one girl 2 boys instead of one boy 2 girls eventually but I still would have been disappointed,not the whole pregnancy, like the first hour after I imagine, maybe not so much disappointed as more "oh...I wasn't expecting that " -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 1:31pm
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DH was really hoping for a girl and when at our scan we found out we were having a boy he was a bit disappointed. We talked it over and by the time we got home from the scan he was as happy as ever. Now he wouldn't have it any other way, but would still really like a wee girl next time round. -------------  
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 1:44pm
DH had his heart set on us having a girl too and at the scan when we were told it's a boy I could see he was a bit disappointed. Like MamaT, by the time we had driven back home he was really happy and couldn't get the smile off his face 
This time around, we would both really love another boy but of course would be equally as happy with a girl. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 1:49pm
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My main concern for trying again after DS3 was that we would have another boy & DH would be disappointed but he says he would be happy either way...& I know he would.
I tried the timing for a girl for ages & gave up cause after trying for over 4yrs I could not care less if we had a boy or girl would just love a baby. |
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 1:57pm
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We have 2 boys, everyone thought i was having a girl with number 2, but they were wrong. I was convinced it was a boy and am happy with both my boys.
Mother in law is desperate for a girl she has three boys and these are her only grandchildren. She was convinced we were having a girl and even when we were trying she gave us a chinese predication calender on what days to BD to conceive a girl!  over the top !
Still now she goes on about us having a girl at one point it really REALLY bugged me. She couldn't be happy with her two beautiful grandsons. I have confronted her about it but it didn't change things. We are planning on having a third in four or so years and I am happy with either.  -------------  
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Posted By: amme_eilyk
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 2:29pm
| Both dp and I were disappointed when we found out we were having a girl as we both really thought we were having a boy and were looking forward to it. DP got over it pretty quickly. But I am still having moments of tears over it and am jealous of all the people who got the sex they wanted. But I put that down to the depression more than anything. I also have been less enthusiastic about the pregnancy although i think its partly still being sick. But I also know that as soon as the baby is born it wont matter to me anymore. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 2:35pm
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LJsmum..omg to the MIL!
my dad was disappointed and still drops hints even though he knows no more kids..i guess cause we are the only ones who can have children on my side.. i was stoked with two boys and would have been with two girls as well but i always saw myself with two boys...I really dont understand the being so upset about getting the opposite but each to their own... my dad dealt with it but getting over it but for ages i felt like i wasnt good enough cause i didnt produce the girl he had hoped for...my DH wanted a girl but got over it very fast:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 2:41pm
*Like* I imagine it would be pretty gutting to have people tell you 'it doesn't matter, as long as the baby's healthy' if it did matter to you. In our case, we genuinely were happy as long as Bubs was healthy. We had slight preferences - DH kind of liked the idea of a boy, I kind of liked the idea of a girl (BTW, I would NEVER EVER swap now!) - but we didn't really mind. The gender of a baby is going to have a real impact on it's / your life though, I can understand why sometimes people do want one or the other. -------------   
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Posted By: kiwi2
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 3:01pm
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After having such a well behaved little girl and then having mr destructakid (labels just for emphasis we love them all equally really) we tried for a girl and had a girl. I think I would have been more oh no I can't do another one if it had been like DS. Turns out that she was worse. Since we had a preconceived notion of what a little girl was sposed to be like this child completely threw us. Complete nightmare and definately not like the idea of what we had in our minds.
I am not good at getting my point across but what I am trying to say is we put so much into our pregnancies and how our life is going to be that we let things like gender/breastfeeding/natural birth dictate how things are going to be when in reality it doesn't have to. The biggest thing with these babies is there are things we can't control. Yes there will be disapointment but it won't affect your love for your child. (if it does reach out for help as there is plenty available) It is normal to feel a bit disapointed every now and then. |
Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 6:20pm
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We didn't find out the gender but although I really wanted a girl, I had convinced myself I was having a boy.
I was really delighted to see I had a daughter but part of me grieved for the little boy I thought I was carrying IYKWIM. I don't know if a lot of people miss the baby they had in their womb when an actual baby is placed in their arms... but it was just too much for me to really believe for some reason. I was pregnant with a little boy we'd nick named "Boc", then suddenly he was gone and I had a baby girl to look after. -------------   
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Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 7:45pm
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I always thought I would have a little girl, I'm the only girl grandchild of 10 on one side of my family and just always thought I'd have a little girl. I was also a little afraid of the thought of boys as my brothers were little terrors (and I was the 'good girl' always always just did what I was told for at least first 13yrs). The closer I got to the scan I realised it didnt really matter as long as everything was okay, when we found out we were expecting a boy I was disappointed for a blip in time but never seriously so and was over it pretty quickly.
I have a feeling I'm only ever going to be an Aunty to a little girl and not a mummy to one, maybe that's me trying to protect myself from future disapointment as I know how much fun boys are and how lovely and sweet they are but I dont deny I would be over the moon with a little girl.... even tho someone wise once said to me "boys mess with your stuff, girls mess with your head" which makes me PMSL as its SOOOOOOOOOOOOO true!!! ------------- 
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Posted By: DJ
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 8:28pm
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Yep, I had pretty severe disappointment that DD2 is a girl. I grieved for the little boy I wasn't having, and even after she was born I couldn't help thinking that she was supposed to be a boy. I'm only really coming to terms with it now TBH - as my two daughters interact now, I can see it will be lovely for them to grow up together. I still feel sorry for DP that he won't have a son.
I know it sounds terrible, especially when there are so many people who struggle to concieve, or have children with problems - I'm sure people in those circumstances must think "suck it up" but the dissapointment thing for me was pretty real. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 8:42pm
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When I was first pg with my first child I dreamed of having a girl and really thought I'd be disappointed if it was a boy. When we first heard the heartbeat at 13 weeks my MW predicted it was a boy and my heart leaped for joy - literally! I wasn't expecting to feel so happy. I pictured a gorgeous little mini Dh and I was estatic. We couldn't find out the gender at the 20 week scan (stupid scan lady...) but I felt in my heart it was a boy and didn't look back. And yes, it was a boy and he was very much like his daddy
So yes, even though I got the girl I initially wanted, I guess we do have envisions of how we want things to go and when it doesn't go the way you planned it can disappoint, I think it's only natural.
With #3 I actually wanted another boy, a brother for Rico even though there'd be a 4 yr age gap. And Dh really wanted another son to carry on his name. So we were pleased and Dh couldn't wipe the smile of his face when we found out at a 34 week scan it was a boy.
When I finally agreed to have #4 I secretly hoped to have a girl as I then wanted a sister for Gia. I truely wouldn't have minded another boy though. But I think we are just soo spoilt to end up with 2 of each. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 8:52pm
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One of my friends though, she has 4 boys and she grieves for a girl. She had a boy, then with help of fertility pills she fell pg with fraternal twins. She found out that one was definitely a boy but the other twin they couldn't see til the next scan and my friend was just dying for it to be a girl. So she did cry for a few days after finding out 2nd twin was a boy. Then she unexpectedly fell pg with #4 when the twins were 13 months and she didn't find out at the 20 week scan what she was having, but she said she felt it was girl and everyone thought she was having a girl..... baby was born and it was boy and she said when they told her what it was she felt disappointed but then he was laid in her arms and she didn't care anymore.
Annnnd I have another friend with 4 boys too. Her son was 2 yrs old when she decided to have another baby and she hoped to have a girl. At her 11 week scan she found out she was having triplets ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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- all conceived naturally. A singleton and identical twins. So she thought the chances were high for her to have at least one girl. Found out at 18 weeks all babies were boys. She said for the next few scans she had, she kept asking them to check again and see if there definitely wasn't a girl in there. Poor thing. But she clucks over my daughter and bought her some gorgeous dresses when she was born. Funny thing is, if she did have a girl she was going to call her Ava, and one of the triplets is called Avahn and she didn't click for ages that his name has Ava in it.Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 8:54pm
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First time around I was happy with whatever.. I think in my mind I was expecting a boy but as soon as they told me it was a girl I was over the moon.
Second time around I had convinced myself I was having a boy again and I was freaking myself out. Weeks before the scan I was in tears because I didn't want the scanner to finally confirm it was a boy. I just didn't think I could cope with a boy, I had had a really awful pregnancy for the first half and still didn't want a baby at all. I had to work really hard to convince me that having a boy wasn't going to be the end of the world (don't ask me why I thought that..:s ) and I think I was almost ready to be happy with a boy, we had a list of names, I had been looking at all sorts of cute boy things.. When we got to the scan and were told it was a girl, I was still surprised but then again still so relieved, I knew I could handle another girl. I think DH was disappointed though. I think we have decided that 2 girls is enough for us, although if we were to ever have another baby a girl would be so easy... boys do scare me. Funny thing is that it is baby boys that make me super clucky, they make me all emotional... maybe some where deep down I do want a boy.... ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 9:04pm
Having a boy scared me a bit, because I had to work out how to change a little boys nappies. Turns out it's not that hard actually  -------------
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 9:05pm
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I really wanted a girl for my first mostly to give my husband;s parents a grandaughter....they had 2 sons and their other son and his wife had 2 boys and they were having no more.
I didnt find out what I was having with my first but was convinced I was having a girl not sure whether it was wishful thinking or what. when she was born I felt relieved. I am not sure how I would have reacted if she had been a boy. with my 2nd I again wanted another girl but the desire to have one this time was not as strong. I wasnt too worried what gender I had and would not have been disspaointed if I didnt have a boy but now that he is here I woulldnt change him for the world :) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kandk
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 10:20pm
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I didn't mind either way with DS - but this time I want a girl We didn't find out at the scan last time, but this time I think I will, just so I'm not disappointed when he arrives as a he! There won't be any more for us after this, so fingers crossed... ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lil_lease
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:58pm
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I'm one of the ones who honestly doesnt mind either way. I didnt find out with my little boy at the 20 week scan and when he arrived it was such a nice suprise and he was most definately a BOY! lol.
This time I've kind of convinced myself it's a girl but as I said, I'll be happy with either so long as s/he is born at the right time with all the right fully functioning bits We're hoping to find out at the 20 week scan though lol.------------- Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010 
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 7:22am
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lurker, has anybody used any methods to get a girl and ended up with a girl ------------- susie |
Posted By: DJ
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 8:16am
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I tried all the methods to get a boy and failed! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 8:54am
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I think from memory emz tried the "tricks" for a girl and got her piegon pair as she wanted.
I don't mind what I have this time, next time though I think I will probably want the other flavour. We are planning on 3 and I'd like there to be no pressure for the third... I think I'd be heartbroken if I don't have at least 1 girl. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 8:57am
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I didn't care with #1 but was convinced I was having a girl. Changed my mind 30 minutes before Daniel was born, and I was right!
This time, our approach is that if we had to be honest, we would love a girl but if someone made me pick what I'd want (e.g. if I lived somewhere where I could choose the sex), I couldn't. I can see pros and cons for each. We phrase it "we'd be disappointed that we haven't had a girl, but we wouldn't be disappointed that we have 2 boys". By that we mean that this is probably the last baby and while we'd have loved to have a girl in that mix, there's no way we'd say no to 2 boys. I've just never imagined myself as the mother to 2 boys! We also decided not to find out the sex in advance. I worry that if we found out then we might be a bit disappointed and would potentially think about that a lot over the next 20 weeks. I know from when Dan was born that when they put that baby on your chest you don't care what it is, you're just stoked to meet your baby, so I'm going to find out when I have all those happy hormones and excitement going just in case I might be disappointed. While I lean toward girl, I would have no issues with 2 boys and can see lots of reasons why it would be great. I would just look forward to DH doing Sat morning soccer with them both  but worry about the food bill!------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 9:46am
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I wasnt disappointed, more shocked because my mother had a boy a few years before I had DS, and my sister had 3 boys and was about to get preg with a 4th so i assumed this generation would be all boys... DP is also one of 3 boys and no sisters... so boy genes appeared to be pretty strong... well apparently Jae was stronger cos she is clearly a girl! DP loves her to bits and I would never change what she is, but it was a bit sad to sell all the boy stuff I had squirelled away over the time we'd been TTCing and first half of pregnancy!
DS was disappointed as he really wanted a brother, he already had a sister via his father, but poor kid has since gotten a 3rd sister within 2 years of the 1st... he's reallly hoping this one is the brother he always wanted lol! We didnt do any gender swaying as we werent even supposed to be abele to get preg on our own, we simply wanted a baby and did everything we could to make our odds better, same this time around ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 10:07am
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With #1 I didn't mind either way and had no gender feelings. Was delighted with our girl.
Then I got pregnant again and instantly *knew* it was a boy. I miscarried. Got pregnant again and again instantly *knew* it was a boy. I really hoped I was wrong. I'd always pictured myself having 2 girls, I was still grieving the baby we lost and I didn't want another boy to "replace" the one we lost. When they confirmed at the scan that it was a boy I wasn't disappointed but I wasn't excited either. Now that he's here, he is absolutely wonderful. I think those feelings of disappointment are real but once the baby arrives you love them regardless of what they are. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 10:39am
That is the main reason we didnt find out what we are having... I will be disappointed if its another boy, but I know once I am holding that wee bubba I will love it anyway. I must say the further I get in this pregnancy the less I care about having a girl. I will be happy with a boy and it will nice for DS to have a partner in crime so close in age Glad DH cant make the growth scan on friday as I dont think I would be able to control myself and end up asking LOL-------------   
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 10:41am
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Oh and I didnt care either way first time..... -------------
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 11:36am
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Yes for all of 5 minutes with my second. I wanted a girl but now I am so glad I do not have a girl. I am so used to boys and the things they do that a girl just isn't what I want in my house. I have friends who have girls and they know I am a boy mum so don't ask me to do anything with their girl (I would if I needed to but choose not to). ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kiwi2
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 1:03pm
| Did the tricks to get a girl and got one. Whether it was the tricks (my husband jokes double somersalt with a twist lol) or the 50% chance anyway we will never know. |
Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 2:03pm
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I honestly didn't and don't care whether we have a boy or a girl. With #1 I was convinced we were having a boy, to the point where I ended up buying 'boy' clothes - and we did have a little boy (didn't find out till he was born though). With this one, I am convinced it's a girl, so we shall see. I had a growth scan on Monday and asked if they could see what flavour it was - luckily the baby had legs crossed so it will remain a surprise!
Both our families are absolutely dying for this bub to be a girl, but I honestly don't care one way or another. In some ways, it would be 'better' if it was another boy - we already have 'boy' stuff and they'll be able to play together as they get older. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 2:04pm
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I knew I was having a boy for some reason and the 20wk scan confirmed it. A part of me was just so hoping that my hunch would be wrong and that we were having a girl! I just knew what the radiographer was going to say, but I was still disappointed when he said we were having a boy. It took me a good couple of days to adjust but I would never ever have it any other way now. I like to think that everything happens for a reason and that we had a strong boy to look after a brother or sister one day.
For our 2nd - I am not fussed either way. Even though we are not even TTC yet, I have a feeling we will have another boy. I think that could just be me setting myself up not to be disappointed again! We found out the sex of the first as I wanted to be prepared with clothing etc and have his room decorated. I also wanted to just prepare myself to adjust to whatever the sex of the baby was. For some reason, I don't want to find out for #2. We have plenty of unisex clothing (I bought more unisex than boy 0-3 month clothing so that we could use it for #2 either way). I am really glad we don't have ILs that are trying to predict the baby's sex, that would make it harder. My MIL has 3 grandsons in total - all boys! But we don't feel any pressure from her to have a girl which is great. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: CJsays
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 2:16pm
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I have 2 stepsons, and was not wanting my own at all until the last year when I figured out I would regret later it if I did not have 1 of my own. So lo and behold, I am nearly halfway there, next week find out the flavour, but I am really hoping it is a girl. As the weeks have passed I have changed from thinking I will not be happy at all if a boy to thinking now it won't be so bad... but will wait and see what the scan news brings (hopefully Peanut cooperates!) and will go from there. I wanted to find out so if a boy I have time to get myself more excited about it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 6:28pm
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I feel guilty about being so rapt at having my 3rd girl... I know DF really wanted a boy, and as much as I have said I don't care either way deep down I really did want another girl... but I do feel a little bad that DF won't have the son he wants so much... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 7:53pm
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Both DF and I were totally convinced we were having a boy. We had the name all sorted and everything. I was always out looking at boys clothes etc....... didn't have the slightest interest in anything girly. Didn't even look into girls names, that's how set on the boy idea we were. Then wer had the scan at 19wks and hey presto.......... a girl! I wouldn't so much say I was disappointed cause I was just happy we had a healthy bubba in there but I did catch me by surprise and it took a while to get used to the idea cause we had talked ourselves into thinking it was a boy. But when it all sunk in that night that I was going to have a daughter, I was over the moon! I've always said I wanted boys cause I'm not a girly girl myself but now we have our wee girl I have changed so much. I'm so looking forward to girly fairy parties and playing barbies with her lol. Next time round, I'd be equally happy, boy or girl. -------------  
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 8:42pm
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I could ask my friend... which magazine it is? ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 11:14pm
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there is a site called Ingender, they have a whole section on gender disappointment, but you have to join up to see it (and its US based ) -------------
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Posted By: Emu
Date Posted: 07 April 2015 at 5:37pm
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Genderdreaming.com is the best gender swaying site. The swaying info is more scientific based and they have better success rates plus the ladies are much more friendly. And for the desperate there is great support on traveling overseas to do IVF with PGD to choose the gender. I would have been against that kind of thing, if I had gotten what I hoped for so easily but it is too expensive so will most likely be swaying for our 4th and final in a few years. Not shettles method and PH though, that has all been debunked! I always hoped for sons but never just sons. Since I was a girl I felt like I would have two boys then a girl. I just knew for some reason that my first was a boy and was ecstatic after I found out he was. I'd have been fine with a boy for number 2 as I wanted three kids and I felt like it was a boy but was scared after finding out I was pregnant with identical twins. I'd have rathered two girls than none. I had major gender disapointment after it was confirmed at the 16 week scan and got over it a few weeks before they were born and just wanted them to be healthy after having some complicateions and it felt better once I decided to have one more child. Times came up when it was all hard where I felt resentful at not having gotten a daughter. I was struggling with two babies and a toddler and did not want to have another kid who needed so much from me. But life has gotten way easier.I am smitten by my perfect merry men and know I would love another boy just as much but I only want another because I don;t have a girl. I'd so be done otherwise. I truely believe I will forever feel a deep sadness if I never have a daughter to complete my family and I am pretty determined not to have to be one of those women who has to learn to live without getting her dreamed for gender. And I am not in anyway ungrateful or bad and I know that because I am a great Mum and person and my longing for a daughter does not mean I like girls better or my sons are not good enough. I don;t even believe in gender steriotypes and would not raise a girl any differently. It is from the heart and I can not explain it, the heart wants what it wants. On Gender Dreaming they call it gender desire because of coarse I am feeling no disapointment what so ever over my gorgeous almost three year old twin boys. I don't think a day goes by that I do not think about 'my daughter' and I probably could do with counciling but it does not consume me or anything like that. It just comes back more painfully whenever I am having a hard time with life which is alot lately due to unrelated circumstances. I hope that anyone dealing with bad gender disapointment or gender desire gets the support they need for it because it truely sucks and I wish I could jsut get my daughter or get over it |
Posted By: Emu
Date Posted: 07 April 2015 at 7:30pm
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Also I understand this is a 'luxury problem' and is nothing compared to not being able to have children or having children who live with severe disabilites or have died. (I know I'd prefer 5 healthy boys and no girl than having to experience losing a child or having a really sick one) Of coarse we should not expect sympathy from people who are living in those situations and I come down to earth whenever I see documentaries on such things and am reminded of how lucky I am. But I forget I am lucky and it is not my life so I forget about such things after a little while. Still that does not mean our pain is not real. If someone loses an arm and another breaks an arm then it does not mean that the one with the broken arm has no right to feel bad about it. On the other hand I feel like there are some people who have an undesired gender rather than a desired gender and I try not to get mad at people who do not want boys and wonder if they would think something was imperfect about my children just because they are boys. grr. But I don't know their life experiences so have no right to judge. Some Women who have been abused by Men and so forth may have bad perception of boys and some ladies really do seem ignorant and picky but for them to get what they didn't want gives them the blessing of finding out that their child is more than their gender and prefect and can change the way they see a certain gender. But for those like me who long for one and never get it, we miss out. I know we do not have children for us. It is all about them and raising them to be the best they can be not so we can arrange our life around chosen activites such a soccar or ballet or so we can avoid being the Mother in law. Someones gender does not define them but it is still a huge part of their identity and affects the relationships you have in life and I feel like having no daughter means some pretty special person is missing from my life who I will never get to love. I have my sons and that is special and am lucky but I will still never have a Mother Daughter relationship and that is different even if she decides she would rather live like a 'man' or something like that which I would not care about. I was a tomboy and played with the boys at school and wanted to be one of them but never truely was. And I would only do gender selection if I could bring myself to donate the embryos. I still do not fully agree with it but I am glad it is an option still and I have seriously concidered it. And I wonder still how those adopted out boy embryos might feel about not being chosen by their own biological parents because they wanted a daughter (still has to be better than being disposed of though) and I would make it open as I am adopted and believe people have the right to know where they are from. See, I am very noble and even noble people are allowed to care about having a child of a certain gender! I'd actually be happy to keep having kids until I got the other gender as I love being a Mum but I care about the ones I already have and can not limit our families money and experiences and the quality time I can give each one just so I can get a girl. One more is it for us and how we proceed may be the biggest descission I make in my life and I am bloody scared. I am not scared to have another boy, I'm scared about finally having to accept that I will never EVER have a daughter. And other peoples dreams are to get a house and their dream job etc, why can't I just have been more lucky huh? Oh well. I still wouldn't change things even if I could. |
Posted By: Bridget Lisa
Date Posted: 08 May 2015 at 5:59pm
| Sometime you feel disappointment when the result is completely opposite to what you hoped for. But no matter what is the gender of your babay, you can't help but love him/her. |