are you the parent you thought you’d be?
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35997
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Topic: are you the parent you thought you’d be?
Posted By: nicandtyler
Subject: are you the parent you thought you’d be?
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 11:56am
I had a thought today as I was sitting on the couch with T after I'd fed him to sleep (11 months of doing this hehe) and then put him down in my bed where he has his nap and then sleeps for the night, that this is not what I thought i'd be doing. I dont mean that in a negative way at all because I absolutely love the way things are with me and T, however if someone had told me i'd still be breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping and various other things at 11 months, I probably wouldnt have believed them. It started with my birth, I thought id stay in hospital for a few days and then go home, but ended up going home 4 hours after T was born. I always knew I would never let T CC or CIO so never have, and I for some reason assumed I wouldnt be able to BF. It was bloody painful and hard, but happily still going now 11 months later. I also thought that once T hit 6 months he would be in his cot in his own room - but 6 months came and went and I just had this feeling that I didnt want him by himself, and we started co-sleeping. I also assumed I would have a rather structured routine, again this never happened, we have a generalised routine I guess, but one that im flexible with, I love the way that I parent (not gloating here just meaning that it works so well for me and T) and I intend on keeping on going this way until whenever it happens to change, so just wondering how any other people have found themselves parenting in a way they wouldnt have necessarily first thought? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 April '11
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 12:07pm
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the short answer is No.
In the beginning though i think i did... but my perfect birth went out the window with the induction. I'm not the mum i thought i would be or the mum i want to be quite often... Then again parenting isnt what i thought it would be either! Kids dont do what they are told! babies were easy compared to toddlers, preschoolers, school age kids! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 2:00pm
i am in agreement with all that you have said...i feel like i am a horrible mother when i am stressed (and im majorily stressed at the moment), but i have learnt that no matter what my kids love me and at the end of the day, as long as i can tell them that i love them and they smile and hug me then its all okay ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Bizzy wrote:Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 2:05pm
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No. I swore I'd be nothing like the mother I had, but I find myself more and more often sounding just like her!
There are some ideals I have stuck with, and some i have 'bent the rules' a little on because of the situation (I swore I'd NEVER co-sleep, and managed to keep by that with B, but Jae was a wee monster to get to sleep in the middle of the night, unless we put her in bed with us... ) and some that have completely flown out the window. But my kids are happy, well-adjusted, and seem to be doing just fine the way I parent them. So I must be doing something right  ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 2:06pm
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Nope. I'm very much like you Nic..I feed my baby to sleep and co-sleep with him hehe I love it so much.
But when I think back to when I was UTD I never thought I'd do it like this..Even my birth was a bit different then how I'd of liked but ohwell. HOWEVER lol apart from those things YES I am haha so far. Of course DS is still a baby things will be TOTALLY different as he grows. I guess time will only tell aye
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Posted By: xLUCKYx
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 2:07pm
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Definitly not, but then again... is being a Mum the walk in the park I thought it would be?? Hell no!
I never had strong preconceived notions about the sort of mother I would be either, but there is certainly a lot more hard work involved than I had imagined. My visions of having children didn't involve hours and hours of cleaning all sorts of messes, discipline, behaviourial issues, etc etc. and I have learnt and am still struggling to learn very quickly as the kids remain constantly one step ahead. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 2:09pm
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Hmmm
Well we parent the way I always thought we would ... we dont smack, our kids dont want for much etc etc. However .. we dont yet have the family life I envisaged, but mostly because our kids are still quite little. Both DH and I are quite active individuals and we always imagined weekends outdoors playing with the kids, teaching them to surf etc etc .. however we kind of need Elias to be able to stand up for that and he just seems to be too lazy. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 3:42pm
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LOL LF!
I think we parent pretty much the way I thought we would. Its not always smooth sailing but yep overall I think we're pretty in line with 'the plan' -------------   
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Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 3:51pm
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i think im pretty much what i wanted to be. i always said my kids wouldnt have junk or packaged food except on special occasions and they wouldnt watch tv until they were at least 2. most other things i was cruisy about. i was lucky enough to have chilled kids so far who will eat what they are given, dont need to be cried or fed to sleep but i strongly beleive that was just good luck and nothing to do with my parenting. lol.
on the odd occasion my oldest has jar food and might get a treat from family members but i have almost entirely stuck to my original thoughts. i dont have a problem with tv or junk food at all its just something i wanted to avoid myself until the kids are a bit older. ------------- 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 4:03pm
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nic- can i just say it sounds like you're doing a fab job btw Hmmmm yep I'm the parent I thought I'd be...although I'd like to be better and less tired! and also less grumpy sometimes. I've also lost my temper a few times which I've really felt bad about but it seems to be a common thing to do when you're badly sleep deprived I have kept to my 'ideals' pretty much so far, although a few things have lightened up a little on a couple of things like TV watching...I thought I'd NEVER do that but I'm ok with 15 minutes of Kidszone on Freeview a day..... but no way do I let Clodgah watch 'regular' tv..too many commercials But yeah so far I'm pretty proud of what I"ve done overall. -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: nicandtyler
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 4:20pm
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Pillow_Fight hehe yea we all love co-sleeping here too, its so nice!
Aww thanks Emmecat so kind of you hun   Im a bit concerned with when T gets too big (we don't have the biggest bed lol)
and i agree with everyone who mentioned about the tempers after a night of little sleep and then feeling terrible for being in a bad mood  and about how its definitely harder then i could have ever imagined - but also more rewarding and amazing then i could have ever thought!------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
April '11
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 4:37pm
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Nope.
But none of it has gone the way I planned. I wanted a non-medical pregnancy and home birth - ended up on insulin for GD, a failed induction and a CS (which actually rocked!) I thought I'd be so much more AP, and I'm not. I hate co-sleeping, I'm supplementing with formula and now I'm not feeding exactly on demand. On the other hand I am reasonably laid back, and loving, and my boy is happy and healthy, so all the extras aside I'm happy with the mum that I am. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 4:53pm
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Probably not, but I can't identify how I'm different.
I do know I'm not the parent I'd *like* to be but I have an idealised version of the perfect parent. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 5:06pm
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Yes I am the parent I thought I'd be. Perfect in every way
Ok, that was a lie - the being perfect bit. But I am the parent I thought I'd be. I always thought I'd do what was right for us at the time. I'm pretty laidback. Perhaps had a vague idea but always thought that if that didn't work, or if things changed then we would try something new. And thats what we do ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 5:49pm
| No way. i thought I would be much better. |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 8:17pm
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I had no idea what kind of parent I would be, so Im neither here nor there really.
Some things I think I do great at , eg empathising with them and remembering what its like to be C's age, other things I think im not that great, but then I never imagined I would be perfect. ....I will let you know how C turns out when shes 20 and if she writes any books about her terrible childhood ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: myonlineself
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 9:14pm
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Hah - I thought I'd be much better too! I was in no way prepared for this level of sleep deprivation.
Also - I used to think that people who coslept were seriously weird and crazy types. Now, if DH would agree I'd happily just cosleep every night - as it is, bubs comes into our bed in the small hours VERY frequently (I love it!) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: myonlineself
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 9:17pm
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Oh and I used to totally frown on people who gave pamol just cause their baby was teething or seemed unsettled. Hah! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 9:25pm
Nope - I never had much faith in my ability to be a mum... I have always killed my plants and been hopeless with pets too  and I was always worried I wouldn't cut it as a mum.... I have surprised myself as my children are healthy, happy, individuals whom I have managed to feed, cloth and care for pretty sucessfully... There are definitely things I've done as a mum I would change but on a whole things are going ok...------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 9:28pm
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Not at all. I thought i would be alot better. I had no idea how hard it was going to be becoming a mum.
And its just getting harder & harder the older DD gets. As soon as i think Yah this phase is over another one begins
In saying that though, it always amazes me how i just know to be a mum. I always wondered while pregnant if i would know what to do. Once she was born its as if i knew everything. -------------  
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 9:31pm
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Somedays yes, somedays Hell no
Didnt expect to be dealing with alot of the challenges we do have but on the same token didint expect to ever love something or someone so much in my entire life - an experience I wouldnt trade for all the tea in china! ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 9:39pm
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I had no idea how much work would be involved or how never ending it would seem some days.
I didn't really have a preconcieved notion of how I would be, just a few things I was firm on like I didn't want her watching more than the occasional few minutes of TV and I wanted to take her to swimming and have a particular style of discipline. In some ways I am happy with what I am doing but there are some definate areas for improvement, especially my short fuse. At the end of the day though Gabrielle seems happy and thats the main thing. Edited to add that I certainly never imagined myself having a prem reflux baby who never slept, or got sick all the time, or ended up back in hospital several times, and I certainly never envisioned being a single parent. Funny how things change in such a short period of time. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 7:51am
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So, I'm only six weeks in, so things might change - but I'm pretty much the parent I thought I'd be. Just not quite the parent I'd *like* to be. I had a fair idea of where my weaknesses were likely to be, and surprise surprise, I was spot on
Still, I figure that's par for the course. Bubs is loved and cared for, and that's what matters. -------------   
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Posted By: floss
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 8:08pm
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Im not at all the parent I thought/hoped I would be, I loose my patience to quickely, yell to much and get upset over stupid things.
I wanted to be the stay at home mum, but couldn't do it I craved the contact with other people to much. But at the same time, I think now that I am working I value the time I get to spend with my kids more, making that time more special. I am lucky that I work at the same daycare that my kids go to so I get to hang out with them during the day. I realised that being a parent is really hard but I wouldn't change it for the world, being a mum has taught me so much about myself, its been a truely amazing journey, I have learnt not to have to many expectations on how it "should" be, but be happy with how it is, and value every minute I have with my awesome little people! ------------- My beautiful big girl Sienna 15.04.06 Double the trouble double the fun Noah & Lola 10/11/07 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 8:54pm
| THANK GOD I'm not the parent thought I would be. I had visions of leaving jake on the bus cause I got distracted. |
Posted By: mollycat
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 9:40pm
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Nope. I had visions of creating this beautiful little schedule, cruising into town with a baby sleeping in his pram and having a wonderful time at home. I ended up with a baby with pretty severe reflux so the majority of my days and nights were filled with screaming. After that, I've just rolled with things. I also had notions of following through with everything 100% of the time but have come to realise how much you get worn down saying and doing things over and over again.
For the most part, I do the best I can and Ryan is a happy, cheeky little man who gets sleep, eats well and gets to play. I've recently come to the conclusion that people can just get stuffed if I don't do something as they think it should be done. In a world where children are abused and die from abuse every minute of the day the fact that I don't do everything "perfect" is the least of society's worries! Once I accepted that, I have come to peace with how I parent! ------------- http://tickers.cafemom.com"> 
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