Decisions
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36015
Printed Date: 04 May 2025 at 9:58pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Decisions
Posted By: sbeach
Subject: Decisions
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:15pm
|
After reading the debate thread earlier I realized there is even more things DH and I need to decide on...
What I'd like to know is how were the big decisions made for your family? Like to vaccinate or not ?(whatever the decision is)...did your DH/DP have an opinion?? do the research/read the research?? or just go with what you suggested/wanted?? just curious...  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Replies:
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:29pm
|
I consider myself very lucky that DP and I are very much on the same wavelength. Anything we had differing opinions on, we discussed and we have always come to a compromise or conclusion that worked for both of us. We both have areas of expertise but even with those - we still each have an input on what goes. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: nicandtyler
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:30pm
Most of our big decisions were made through talking about them mainly when they came up, with not vaccinating I was the one who researched it as DP said he didn't mind  but then I sat down with him and stated all my reasons for the decision and he was happy with that. As for circumcision that was an agreed no from the beginning, and with us we co-sleep which was also something DP didnt actually have an opinion on as such, but I still talked to him about it so that I knew he was happy with that decision. So yea basically it was me doing all the hard work lol and then explaining to DP which has worked well for us  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 April '11
|
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:31pm
Ditto  ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
nicandtyler wrote:Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 6:35pm
I'm a solo mama so all desicions/research was done by me  Except DS's name. His Godmother picked that
|
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:05pm
|
same here lol -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:18pm
|
I have already decided not to vacinnatte (we are not even TTC yet though)
but DP reckons vax's are so important. im going to have my work cut out convincing him. but im hoping that with pointing out i was allergic as a kid that i dont want to do that to my kids |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:19pm
Us too! We tend to be on the same wavelength about most things too. The one thing we didn't initially agree on was leaving DS's foreskin intact. DH is circumcised and thought that we'd just do DS so he "looked the same." Ahhhh no thank you! So that took a wee bit of talking and showing him info and stuff Didn't take too much convincing though.------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:31pm
|
So far our decisions have been around my pregnancy and we've for the most part made them together or I've decided in both of our interests.
ie: choosing a MW was my decision as I'm the one that needs to build the relationship finding out the sex, DH wanted to know and I didn't mind so we found out Home birth vs Hospital - DH was pretty strong on hospital birth and neither of us liked the idea of Home birth. Its been interesting so far as before I got preggers I don't think DH even really thought about some of these decisions, however he works with a number of fathers and has come home with some interesting ideas. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:35pm
yup same here. DP and i havent had a differing opinion yet anyway, but if we did we would discuss together, research etc. |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:40pm
Same here. I'm pretty sure he filters out all the stuff he doesn't want to hear OR only tells me things to wind me up sometimes though.... the way the guys at DH's office talk you would think they got their wives pregnant and then washed their hands of all things baby/kid related  V different culture (for the most part) but I do like that DH takes great pride in telling other guys that he changes nappies, plays with DS, takes him out on the weekends and has even looked after him solo for a weekend so I could go away   ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:48pm
|
For day to day care I guess it will be me at home and making the decisions.
On bigger things like daycare/education etc we'll make them together. The other debating thread has got me thinking that this is our child not just mine and its for both of us to decide on how we raise her. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 7:52pm
|
For us it has been a continous conversation. It started before we got married when we discussed how many kids we would like to have and him saying he would want one of us to be a SAHP.
Then it just went from there. As things came up we just discuss it. It is more easier for me to sometimes research things more due to hubby working but there has been a few occasions that he sends me links or tell me things and we look into it further. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 8:09pm
|
I know how this is going to sound but I make majority of the decisions, I talk to (at for all he takes in) DP about what I think and he just says ok. He knows I'm the one that deals with her day to day and have the best interests in mind. I decided on vacc, I decided on the vit k inj, I decided on cloth, I decided I wasn't going back to work and that I would be studying. I have the time to do the research and its my time that will be taken up with whatever the choices we make are. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 30 September 2010 at 8:09pm
|
Since I've been there done that with DS and he's turned out ok, I think DP felt that i was able to make the important decisions based on my experience already. The only thing we dont agree on is circumcision, he is done, his mates hve had their boys done earlier this year, and after what DS went through prior to getting his done last week, he is insisting that if this one is a boy, it WILL get done. I disagree. I wont bother arguing the point until it becomes a necessity (i.e if we find out next month that baby is a boy)
Everything else he has been happy to let me make the decisions, and he gets to enjoy the 'fun' parts of being a dad, without the stress well, except for the days where she power chunders all over him
One thing we do disagree on occasionally is when to take DD to the doctor... any sign of something wrong, and hes suggesting i pack her up and rush to the doctor, but I can look at and listen to her and see if its just teething probs, or a slight sniffle etc, and not panic about it.... I have to remind myself that he is a first-time parent, so doesnt have the instinct we learn from the first time about when to do something, and when to not worry ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
|
Posted By: JoJames
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 8:20am
|
Anything medical or health wise, DH defers to me (I've got a medical background) he trusts me to make the right decision there, I think he knows as long as I'm calm everything is good.
Everything else (parenting, sleep, discipline, feeding) DH has pretty strong feelings about, so we tend to discuss everything, and he's pretty clever. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
|
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 8:39am
|
The only thing we have really dissagreed on is schools and we are not even ready for that yet!
I think its important to go to a decile school higher than 5-6 as they will have more resources, better teachers and better behaved kids that don't need so much disipline at school, DH thinks that it doesn't really matter, that lower decile schools have more cos they get more from the government and they have the same teachers. guess we'll have to agree to disagree and after all I will be the one filling out the paperwork, so I will have final choice on the school ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
|
Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 11:50am
|
me and DH decide everything together. we are the same though and pretty much agree on everything. it also depends on the other experiences you have. we both know the same families and the same kids which is where a lot of our decsions in regards to TV and food and stuff comes from. i probably get to pull the strings a wee bit more as i am the one who is around them more but he will always put his 10 cents in over things when they come up and we work it out 2getha ------------- 
|
Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 11:59am
And here -------------  
|
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 1:43pm
Yep this is most like us. I tend to make the day to day decisions because I'm with them during the day but the big stuff we talk about. So one of us staying home we discussed, discipline, then when the time came we discussed types of childcare and so on. I have done most of the deciding about food though, the oldest has allergies and I am also anal about preservatives etc. Dh calls me the food nazi but it's a title I'm proud of! With the vaxxing, I hate to say it but I was in the you just do it cos the doc says, they wouldn't give it out if it wasn't safe, I had them it didn't hurt me, I wouldn't forgive myself if they got a disease that a vaccine could prevent club. Dh was the one who first brought up not doing them. I wasn't convinced (I was scared of not doing them, cos that is how we have all been programmed) but after he showed me some research, told me what the chiro and homeopathic doc he had talked to were saying I was convinced enough to at least go and look into it and then quite frankly I was horrified at what I found but I was still scared about not doing it. Originally we had planned to hold off until he was 2, but as we did more research over that time it's been decided that they will never have them done (not unless something majorly changes with regard to the vaccines themselves). Circumcision we have never even talked about. DH isn't done and I would never contemplate having them done unless it was medically necessary so I guess with that one discussion wasn't needed. |
Posted By: mumtooboys
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 2:00pm
Us too.  
Well when it came to the vaccination question anyway. I did all the legwork, condensed it the best I could, gave him a chance to provide input and then TOLD him what we were doing!
Overall, I armed myself with knowledge, knew where to go to if it all turned pear shaped and took it from there. Some decisions, like the vaccination one is 'open' in that the decision we make now might change in the future if we feel it is warranted BUT bf was non-negotiable for me as was when baby would get weaned. So if he hated that I wanted to bf he'd have to have gotten over it. PMSL He never mentioned anything about the fact that DS2 was still bf at 12, then 18 months so he was either being quietly supportive or wisely keeping his thoughts to himself! bahahahahahaha He was all for me bf, not sure he'd still be all for it if A hadn't weaned at 18.5 months though and was still going at just turned 3. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 2:17pm
|
Thankfully DH and I are pretty much on the same wave length. We talk about it, I generally do the research if we need more info, then we make a decision together. Dh will sometimes do the research if its something he's better at, then we talk about it and make a decision together ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
|
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 3:32pm
Same here. We have very different backgrounds and TBH mine probably shows up stronger in our family as we're extreme as far as his family is concerned but they are very buttoned up lol luckly for me DP is his familys wildcard I do generally lead on ideas but yep we're a good team.-------------   
|
Posted By: lil_lease
Date Posted: 01 October 2010 at 4:41pm
|
DF and I have been talking about different parenting decisions for a couple of years, just throwing things out there. I'm the one who has been researching different things like vaccinations and I actually asked him just before if he wanted to do his own research on it or whether he wanted me to do all the looking up and just share my thoughts with him. He said he's fine with whatever I decide as (over the past few days I've been regurgitating information at him) I've made some good points.
Things like circumcision were no-brainers with us as Df is intact and has no wishes to circumcise our (potential) boys. Pretty much we talk things over unless it's something DF trusts my judgement on or he feels doesnt directly impact him even though I still ask for his opinion. ------------- Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010 
|