I hope you don’t mind me posting here!
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36312
Printed Date: 26 August 2025 at 9:10pm
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Topic: I hope you don’t mind me posting here!
Posted By: CarleyRose
Subject: I hope you don’t mind me posting here!
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 2:50pm
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Just wanted to get a couple of opinions to TTC and then getting pregnant.
We have been TTC for just over 2 years now, going through all the bits and bobs now and just waiting for a laparoscopy appointment. I've often thought about giving up and seeing if it would just happen but...here is my question: Those of you who got pregnant by just giving up, how did you cope with forgeting about it?, i try to forget about it but still resort to temping and doing OPK's just so i don't miss a month, but I am getting so stressed as result by not getting UTD and its driving me crazy! ------------- TTC Sept08 July10 FS APP ICSI#1 BFN-No frosties ICSI#2 BFN-2 Frosties FET-8th August - BFP 20/8/12 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 4:09pm
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We were TTC for nearly a year before I got pregnant and I do attribute the month I did get pregnant to me giving up and relaxing about it.
I used to obsess mothly over ovulation times, CM, OPK's, charting, temps, vitex and the like but interestingly the month I didn't do all that I got pregnant.... I'm not sure if that is the reason I got pregnant but what I do know is that when I finally did stop obsessing over it and stressing over it constantly day in and day out, googling things, analysing symptoms, scaring myself with possibilities etc my body seemed finally ready to make it happen. I had a 28 day cycle after a year of 40 day cycles, and managed to get pregnant though I don't remember doing the deed at the time I supposedly did conceieve, so I feel this baby is a bit of a mystery and miracle really! The thing about forgetting and giving up though is that you really have to be ready to do it, you can't really make it happen. I was so fed up of living how I was living and I had just started a new career so I had decided to focus on that and enjoy being young and having money for a while, and spend some more quality time with my husband who I had neglected in all my obsessing about TTC. For me it was a real switch off that just needed to happen, as I am a person who can not just stop thinking about something that's bothering me, I will obsess and obsess until I get an answer. It had to be something that I was really ready to do, as I had tried before and had slipped back into obsessing about TTC again. I used to think that doing all those things and researching etc gave me some measure of control over TTC but I now realise that there is no controlling it and maybe stopping trying to is helpful I'm not sure. The other thing that I think helped me, though I didn't get a chance to try it out fully as I got pregnant just before I planned to go, was changing my approach a little. I decided I was going to go see the doctor to try and get my cycle sorted out but I decided instead of approaching it from a TTC perspective, I would approach it from a health angle. I was planning to take TTC out of the picture and just focus on my own health and what I could do to get my cycle right, in the hope that once I did that, pregnancy would follow. I had booked an appointment to go in the school holidays but found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before so I didn't get to put it to the test but I think it was another thing that helped, changing my focus and my mindset. Making it more about me than a baby... It is so hard to stop thinking about something that you want more than anything in the world and it's not something that can easily happen, I guess it happens when someone gets to the end of their rope and just can't take it anymore. My advice is to get out there and focus on you, on what you need to be relaxed and happy and focus on your relationship, and enjoying life. I really do think stress held me back, not so much life stress as just having this knot inside me of fear and stress about TTC. When I let that go, it seemed to happen. I hope this helps in some way. I realise that nearly a year is not that long in the grand scheme of things but it was long enough for me to have a taste of the worries and anxieties you must be having and really sorry you are going through this. ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: CarleyRose
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 4:30pm
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Thank you so much! Thats such great advice!
I think i do need to think about life from a different angle and hopefully pregnancy will follow! Thank you heaps!  ------------- TTC Sept08 July10 FS APP ICSI#1 BFN-No frosties ICSI#2 BFN-2 Frosties FET-8th August - BFP 20/8/12 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 5:02pm
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Emma I gave up the month we got pg with Clodagh too. About 2-3 months before that I had had another m/c and was sick of the whole TTC thing adn my obsession with charting etc so decided to chart something else...my weight! lol. I joined WW online and although I didn't have alot to lose (maybe 6kg max?), it gave me something else to montior and diary etc. And I lost 3 kg hehe Oh and we were charting for approx 11 months, had at least 1x m/c (and I think 2) in that time...and had been off birth control for about 16 months in total. -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 5:23pm
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We had given up too, about two weeks before we conceived this one. We were TTC for 18 months and like Lisa were doing everything we could - opks, charting, vitex, b6, grapefruit juice, pineapple juice, cough medicine, preseed etc... then I had a few false positives (which I'd had plenty over over the 18 months) and just felt sooooo over the false hope decided to give up... two weeks later we had a few drinks and conceived LOL... DF had been really over all the BDing from TTC pressure so this was the first time He'd really wanted to for awhile...
but ya do have to be ready to give up... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 6:55pm
I had given up the month I got preg with Jae too... hence the gaping holes in my post-ov temps  Like Emmecat, I focussed on losing weight instead as we were expecting to have to go through public funded IVF (we'd already achieved enough points to qualify), which I was over the max BMI for... I even had a few (i.e a lot!) drinks on the weekends after having cut back for so long... and somehow we managed to get a nice surprise that month! The best part was I had lost 9kg in the time I switched my focus, so i felt a lot better about myself, than I would had I gotten preg at my weight a few months earlier...
I'd been charting for 19 cycles (14 calendar months) with 2 mc's at the beginning. After charting for so long, and having fairly regular cycles, I couldnt completely forget about it, as I knew how many days I was roughly, and that it was 'that' time again... but I let DP take the lead, and didnt tell him when the 'right' time was. Bit like Freckles DF, mine had been a bit reluctant for a while since it was getting too clinical, but he found a herbal 'performance enhancer' and within a few weeks of starting that, he was in a much better 'mood' hehe... must have done the trick cos he was taking it this time too  ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 7:18pm
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i was still charting the month i got pg but i just didnt care and didnt BD every 2nd day like we had been for the previous 8 months. i was tired and over it and decided id get back into it next month only to get a BFP at 17dpo when i was 2 days late ------------- 
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 10:36pm
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I'm another one who got pregnant by relaxing. We were up to our 3rd year of trying and I was really mega depressed about it all. BF arranged a holiday to Thailand and I was so upset about it because it was over the anniversary of our first due date and I didn't think I'd enjoy it. But we went and I had a wonderful time and, well, we have our daughter now. But in all honestly I was totally hopeless at actually "forgetting about it" because even although I wasn't charting I totally knew exactly where I was in my cycle and whether having sex was going to be "worth it". It used to drive me NUTS when people told me I needed to relax - but if you can I do think it helps. Good luck though. Hope it happens for you soon. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 10:48pm
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Mine was something like that too, we had been trying 16 mths & when I got Af it was like the final straw so I threw up my hands, almost literally & said I give up, I can't do this, booked in with the Dr & rang my nathuropath. So I started health sups, and took the inital blood tests & was just waiting to do the next lot but the next AF never arrived! 'We'd had more spontaeous BD as well.
There must have been some sort of relaxing in the giving up moment??? ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 7:51am
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We have been trying for number 3 for the last 6 months and I'm refusing to chart lol. I know what I'm like and if I start down that road I will become obsessive. I assume that part of the reason some people stress so much while charting is because charting forces you to think about it eveyday. We are going with the flow and it works for us. Some days I stress and get paranoid that it's not going to happen but mostly life just goes on.
I am thinking about getting preseed though and maybe try using that and charting just for one month. I've heard great things from people that have used it and gotten pregnant first try. If it doesn't work I'll just go back to my go with the flow approach -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: CarleyRose
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 9:37am
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Thank you so much ladies, your are all so helpful, and its nice and reassuring to here good stories about when you have given up trying (or just trying to relax) and have gotten pregnant!
Thank you so much for all the helpful info! ------------- TTC Sept08 July10 FS APP ICSI#1 BFN-No frosties ICSI#2 BFN-2 Frosties FET-8th August - BFP 20/8/12 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: fadeless
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 6:28pm
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With our first it took a little while to get pregnant and i decided to have 1 cycle off where i didnt obsess about it, work out when i was o'ing or anything like that and i got pregnant! :D Good luck with TTC! ------------- DD 9 ~ DD 8 ~ DS 7 ~ DS 5 ~ DS 2 ~ DS 14mths ~ DD 3mths |
Posted By: Marengo
Date Posted: 21 October 2010 at 10:22am
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i got sick of crying each time i got my period for two years so i ended up giving up also.. had an operation in jan, feb got my period and cried and cried and decided to just wait and have ivf in a year or so.. march we bd total of ONCE the whole month and then my miricle first pregnancy came along.. ended up losing her but it gave me such hope.. then after another wee while (i wasnt emotionally ready after that to try for a while) we got pregnant with this wee gem..
i think the key is to be positive which is SOO hard, but it ended up being so depressing and i think that is what affected me.. it gradually beat me down and i just cried and was so upset all the time.. once i sort of gave the decision away to nature i seemed to relax.. best of luck.. oh and as the above user mentioned pre seed.. i started using that this year after my op, and i'm convinced it was the reason i was able to concieve as the prev two years had not used it.. if you just use it as a regular thing and it will become part of your routine ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 Our angel Ella Louise born 13.04.
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Posted By: CJsays
Date Posted: 21 October 2010 at 2:14pm
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Hehe we had only "tried" (no contraception methods) for 4 months, then we backed off since I didn't want a summer baby... and lo and behold... that month I fell pregnant!!! So am now having a summer baby grrr hehe na it's all good!
I am a different case tho, I was always abit scared of having a baby (the pain, the whole preg, afterwards not knowing wot to do) but had come to the realisation I would regret it if I didn't, so I just left it in Gods hands, figured if it was in His plan it would happen and if not, it wouldn't. He never gives us anything we can't handle, so I am trusting this is the right thing for us since it did happen! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kellyfer
Date Posted: 21 October 2010 at 6:17pm
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I'd only been charting etc for a couple of months, but it drove me crazy - working out days and temps and that depressing feeling when I got my period. DH hated feeling like a sperm donor on demand as well, so we decided to just not prevent, and that was the month I got pregnant. It might have just been coincidence because as I said we hadn't really been trying that long, but I think having a bit more of a relaxed outlook can help. Just BD for fun (you're more likely to feel a bit randy when you're "ripe" anyways) and enjoy each other and see what happens!! I don't think you can really forget that you're trying, but you can make it feel less like a chore.
Good luck!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 22 October 2010 at 7:49pm
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So true to focus on your self and your partner and hobbies, meet with friends, do different things. Surround yourself with friends who aren't TTc or who aren't pregnant.
I did, we made peace with the fact it may never happen and then a few months later it did.!!! This was after 4 or so years of TTC number 1. Focus on something else and leave these boards just for while!!!  -------------  
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Posted By: NewMummyJade
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 9:46am
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Im 23 with diagnosed PCOS. I was having irregular 30-35 day cycles, trying to chart the best I could etc etc and I knew i wasnt even ovulating.
7 months of actively trying, DF wasnt all that happy about it becoming "Clinical" and I was slowly but surely getting more and more depressed each time AF arrived. I decided to move my focus from TTC to weight loss and put all my energy into that. I charted it, researched it and felt positive about achieving goals. I lost 14kg and was feeling so much better about myself, DF obviously felt more attracted to me and combined with the extra energy regular exersise gave me we were intimate more often hehe Sure enuf it worked the 1st month I stopped charting. I didnt even know when I was due to get AF! And like BK said it worked out better as I was at a much more healthy early pregnancy weight! Good luck, hope you get some good news soon. Just chill, let nature do its thing! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Aroha11
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 5:29pm
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Hi Emmap
We tried not thinking about it and that didn't work... I was obsessed. So then we went to a specialist. We were TTC for nearly two years and went for Lap in and had endo removed from behind both my ovaries then two months later we got a positive test. We are now ten weeks and counting and hanging out for 12 weeks. My sister and her hubby were trying for a year at went for lap and had endo removed and three months later got a positive test. So maybe something will come up in you lap. Good luck ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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