having a m/c and completely lost
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36326
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Topic: having a m/c and completely lost
Posted By: jem
Subject: having a m/c and completely lost
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 12:12am
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HI everyone
After 21 months of TTC I ovulated for the first time and then was lucky enough to catch the egg however at 6weeks I have started to M/C and this is such a new experience for me. I really know nothing about m/cs at all coz ppl generally dont talk about them. I thought that the whole process of having a m/c only took half a day tops and that was it. SO now having my first and hopefully last m/c im finding it all pretty scary. I started to bleed on saturday and have had pain on and off the whole time with a soreish lower back. What can i expect with a M/C??? how long does it last? does it slowly stop hurting? how long untill u can start ttc again? I just feel so lost and i have no info really. I know its a normal and very common thing that happens to ALOT of people but this is all sooo sooo new to me and a bit over whelming. |
Replies:
Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 1:05am
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Hi Jem,
I didn't want to read and run. I don't have any answers for you either sorry, just wanted to give you some hugs  This must be a very upsetting thing to happen, especially after waiting so long to get pregnant.
I hope the pains and bleeding go away soon and you can start TTC again. Big hugs! -------------   
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Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 8:10am
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hey hun, big hugs to you., having had 4 miscarriages i really feel for you (if you need to talk, feel free to pm me)
What can i expect with a M/C??? ...everybody is different, but you can expect pain, bleeding and to feel really emotional and tired. how long does it last? again its different for everyone, but my miscarriages lastest as long as my periods would, so for me 4-7 days does it slowly stop hurting? (hurting as in physical cramping pain, or hurting as in emotional)...physically the pain should ease after a couple of days, emotionally it can take a while...just make sure you have someone you can talk to. how long untill u can start ttc again? most doctors will say, wait one cycle then start again...but you can start trying straight away, my only piece of advice is before you start ttcing again, make sure you have done your grieving for this one. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Pook72
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 8:49am
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Hi Jem
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, so totally heartbreaking! My first MC I ended up having a D & C after bleeding for a few days and the others were all D & C's as well so I can't help you too much on that side of things! I'm with Kazzle though, make sure you grieve and give your self time to heal emotionally and physically. Only you will know when it's time to TTC again. I wish there was more I coudl say. Take care A xx -------------  June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 9:31am
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I'm so sorry to read your post Jem!
I don't have any advice as I had a missed miscarriage resulting in D and C, but I just wanted to say that I hope this is physically over for you soon, and that you have some good support around you to help with the emotional healing. Re: TTC I agree with Pook and Kazzle, make sure you're emotionally healed first. My sister had a miscarriage and got pregnant 2 weeks later (Her daughter is now 10 and simply amazing) However, she said that for the whole 9 months she was a complete and utter wreck because she wasn't emotionally ready which led to anxiety attacks etc. (But then, everyone is different and you'll know when you're ready) Vent on here whenever you feel like it. It's definitely helped me over the months! Getting the support you need definitely helps the healing process xxxx
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 10:02am
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So sorry you are going through this hun, big from me.
Do you have a midwife yet?? If you do have they not given you any advice? If you haven't I would go see your GP if for nothing else at least they can note it on your medical notes, (and might be able to give you some good pain relief if you need it). Now to answer your questions: What can i expect with a M/C??? - Bleeding will be heavy including probably at least a couple of big clots, cramping will be bad (my wheat bag and panadol were my best friends) . If your bleeding get's way excessive they advise you to go to hospital/A&E. how long does it last? - Unfortunately you can't know how long it will last for you as every MC is different. But the worst of the bleeding and cramping should be over in a few days. does it slowly stop hurting? - Physically the cramping should only be a few days. emotionally it does get easier but personally I think it will always tug at my heart. how long untill u can start ttc again? - Like the other girls said medically they tell you to have at least an AF before you start trying agin, other MC groups say 3 months to help heal emotionally. Really it is completely up to you and when you feel ready. Hope that helps, let us know if you have anymore questions. I hope you have lots of love and support with you to help you through this. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 10:18am
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Jem I am so sorry
I think my miscarriage lasted 4 - 7 days. We started TTC again immediately not because we were ready but because we didnt have time on our side. I was pregnant 4 months later and although I was a nervous wreck for the first 29 weeks of the pregnancy it was the right decision for us. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 8:12pm
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Thanks everyone you all have been a huge help, Im so glad that there is a space for me to find out and talk to others about all this.
I have been feeling heaps better today I still have bleeding, cramping and all that but its pulled back a lil and not as intense so I hoping that it continues to improve. Didi I dont have a midwife yet well i wont be needing one now anyways I have only been dealing with Fertility Assiocates in hamilton. I have a feeling that they see sooo many m/cs that they kinda forget that its a new thing for some people like me who know nothing but i have got a few questions answered thru them. I am really wanting to get back to normal, all the pain and bleeding that i have been having feels like another kick in the guts as its a constant reminder of the fact that Im losing my bubs. kinda feels like I cant move on emotionally until the physical pain is over so that im not reminded of it ALLLL the time. Thanks heaps everyone. Another question...... Not that i feel like it right now with the bleeding and pain going on, but how soon after a m/c is it safe to BD again (not fot ttc but just plain old bding for fun)??? Do you just have to wait for the bleeding to stop or a few weeks or a month, or???? |
Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 20 October 2010 at 10:08pm
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Definately make sure you have completely stopped bleeding, you do run the risk of infection if you start again to soon, I think both times for me it was around the 2 week mark. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 21 October 2010 at 6:19pm
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Oh ok thanks Didi.
This is so weird I am always trying to compare this bleeding with AF and its nothing like it. I like how af is predictable and only lasts 5 days heavest in the mddle and then disappears slowly and then the flow during the day is predictable as well as for me it usually slows down at night... but this bleeding is nothing like AF its not predictable its not heavier at one point of the day and light at another its completely random, oh well its seem like its a lil lighter today. I have a awesome DH last night even thou he had a early start he stayed up late last night and gave me a MEAN back rub for nearly 2 HOURS! I fell asleep around the 45 min point but wow i went to bed feeling SOOOOO good and easily got comfy in bed without a sore lower back and slept better than i have in last lil while, but now hes paying for the late night and having a lil nap. I feel so loved hes the best |
Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 22 October 2010 at 1:35pm
Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you've had to experience a m/c, it may be common but doesn't stop it being emotionally agonising at times 
Can't add much to your questions as I also had a D&C so knew what would happen. Take the time you need to grieve and heal from the trauma. I got PG quite quickly after I lost my bubs and paid for it by falling apart throughout the first trimester of this one, I also wasn't physically all that well from complications and am now battling kidney failure. I am over joyed about being PG again but if I could change things I would have left it another 3-6 months to concieve! ------------- ***Elly***  
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Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 22 October 2010 at 6:39pm
| OMG Merlinfluff Im so sorry that you have gone thru all that, kidney failure sounds like such a scary thing I am hoping that all works out for you. |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 25 October 2010 at 9:23pm
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hmmmm ended up in A&E saturday gezzzzz that place is a waste of a day lol. Had a crazy amount of pain and a fever, funny thing is the pain got better shortly after getting there but was still real bad.
Ended up eating lunch and tea lets call it ummm lunner (lunch and dinner hahaha gezzz i need sleep) anyways had my lunch at midnight and then didnt feel like bed. But yesterday and 2day i haven't been too bad still bleeding (10th day) and cramping and all that fun but I think it might slow right down. hmmm prob should be careful last time i thought after 2 good days it was almost over and then i had 2 days of real hell. |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 26 October 2010 at 6:58pm
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Awwwwww big hugs Jem
I hope you are feeling better now I bleed for just over 2 weeks when i had a m/c I hope things have settled down for you now -------------  
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Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 26 October 2010 at 9:08pm
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Hey Jem, sorry I meant to reply to this further back but didn't, sorry for your loss hon. Its a horrible thing to go through and you're dead right, its not really talked about much
Yay to your man and his backrubs! Sounds like a good dude A+E sounds soooo sucky, did you have a scan? Have you had your quantitative betas checked? I'm hesitant to mention retained product cos I know this is me projecting and I don;t want to scare you, but that increase in cramping and bleeding and fever sounds familiar . . . its defo worth keeping an eye on. How are you doing today? |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 28 October 2010 at 2:08pm
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Spanky yeh he is a awesome dude, I had a scan done the other day and things were looking good, she said it looks like my bod is dealing with it and doing what it should so thats a relief.
Feeling heaps beta all yesterday I had NO pain or cramping at all and i think the bleeding is thinking of stopping soon. Its still all over the place but at least most of the time its a heavy to mild spotting instead of a full on bleed like b4. I am soooo ready for it to stop, Im so over seeing red ever time i go to the toilet and Im sick of wearing pads. Thanks everyone for your support, I feel like Im starting to come out the other end. Now Im just waiting for another blood test on tues, this tuesday it was around 61ish so Im hoping it will come right down by then. And I am also waiting for a review appt at FA. Im ok if the appt takes a lil while but I just wanna know when the appt is. |
Posted By: mum2ollie
Date Posted: 28 October 2010 at 7:09pm
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Jem- I hope you're doing okay love *hugs* -------------   
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 29 October 2010 at 8:49am
Glad the worst of the physical stuff is sounding like it is coming to an end for you Jem. Pleased to see your man is taking good care of you too, they do come in handy every now and then hey  .
------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Tessa
Date Posted: 29 October 2010 at 8:54pm
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Hi guys
It's been nice reading all your comments i now know what I'm in for and to look out for, had my mum round today as she has been through same thing. it's so scary. I never new so many ppl had MC, will keep monitoring my body hope I don't have to A&E. |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 30 October 2010 at 6:29pm
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Tessa- b4 now I knew alot of people have M/C and that it happens often, but i was surprised at how much people just dont talk about them, felt really lost without info and struggled to get info as well, Im sooo happy that i have all the ladies on here made everything sooo much easier. I really hope you have a better m/c than i did and have no need for a&e
feeling heaps better now had 2 days of no pain and my bleeding is now only a very light spotting. Emotionally i feel heaps beter too, with the bleeding stopping helps but i think the biggest thing that helped was naming the bubs that i have lost and its helped me feel alot more at ease about it all. Now all i have to do is wait for my blood test on tuesday. |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 30 October 2010 at 6:36pm
| The other thing that made me feel better was last night i was cooking tea and cracked an egg to find 2 cute lil yolks looked so cute and as soon as i saw it i felt soo much beta, felt like it was all ok now and that it wont be long until i get a nice sticky bubs. i dont know sounds really struange but it made me feel beta. I have never seen that b4. |
Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 02 November 2010 at 7:53pm
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Yup, the things that make us smile! Quite often when I'm out and about I see car registration plates with XX in them - girl chromosomes - and it always makes me think there's a wee girlie saying hi.
Nuts I know, but works for me. How's your blood levels from today? |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 02 November 2010 at 11:00pm
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Down to 3 today so Im happy, they are wanting it to go down to 0, so I have another blood test on friday.
I have my review appt on tues 30th november feels like ages away but im sure it will come fast. Was just wondering is it now safe that Im under 5 for us to BD unprotected??? I had a lil bit of brown spotting over night and early this morning but nothing since so i think it shoudl definately be over 2mrw. It's just that after sooo long going unprotected going back to using socks is just not the same iykwim Funny thing is after seeing that egg I have been seeing twins everywhere!!! I want to pick my baby sister up from skool the other day and at the gate as i was walking in there was 3 sets of twins!!!!!! crazy as. |
Posted By: mum2ollie
Date Posted: 03 November 2010 at 9:43am
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Jem, we started bding right away. As long as the bleeding has stopped you should be A Okay :) -------------
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Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 03 November 2010 at 6:27pm
| Grrrr my spotting has got heavier today, i was sooooo sure that it was going to be over today. And DH has just come home, doh hes been away for a while. |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 03 November 2010 at 9:04pm
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Arghhh so dont know whats happening!!! Monday I had brown light spotting, yesterday i only had the tinyest bit of spotting 1st thing in the morning and nothing for the whole day or night.
But then this morning i started to spot again and its red, and its getting heavier and heavier, considering changing from a panty liner to a pad again grrrrr I sooo thought after yesterday with tiny bit of brown spotting in the early morning only and with a hcg level of only 3 I was sure this was all over. Or could this be the start of AF? Would there still be a lining for AF? I have never had AF without the help of drugs to induce the bleed so i have a feeling this isn't Af but im confussed y has it suddenly got heavier? Grrrrrr |
Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 03 November 2010 at 10:33pm
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could be af.
I wondered the same about how there could be any lining left, but still had (I think) 2 periods in the time it took betas to drop to 0. Heavier and redder and a little crampy. And my temp dropped both times, suggesting progesterone withdrawal, so likely to have been af. Are you temping? Pain in the arse isn't it . . . I'm not sure if the drop to 0 triggers af every time? Its not very nice, its like a reminder every time |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 04 November 2010 at 6:15pm
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No I have never temped, been thinking of going out and buying a thermometer for a long time now just haven't got round to it.
Really dont know whats happening now, yesterday the spotting was red and kinda heavyish for spotting. but over night/first thing in the morning i only had brown stuff only when using toilet paper nothing on my panty liner. and then absolutely nothing at all since. So confussed!!! |
Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 04 November 2010 at 6:16pm
| Oh well having a blood test 2mrw morning hoping its 0 again |
Posted By: confused89
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 11:21pm
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well i had a M/c in november 2010 and didnt need an D and c bleed for three weeks had a scan at the hospital i only had a small clot that would come out any day or in my next period and was given the all clear after a scan i got my period six weeks later and it was like normal was on the 30/12/10 and ended on the 3/1/11 and i havent had a period since i am coming up two months late and really confused im getting some symptoms like headaches, the stitch, tiredness not all but some ive had six pregnancy test since my period was due on the 30th of last month my period are usally not normal sometimes around two or three weeks out that was before my m/c and normally last around 5 days ive also been for a blood test last week and was negative ive been with my partner for three years and that was my first pregnancy it took us nearly three years to conceive for us to M/C can anyone help has anyone been or going through this could i be pregnant ??? i really hope so....
we are trying as much as we can i really want a baby ive been trying not to think about it and it will happen when it will happen but its so hard when you really want a baby also ive been finding it so hard i found out the same day my friend did and she it still pregant she has found out the sex of her baby ive been finding it hard to be around her jelous really can cant stop thinking bout it i would have been 22 weeks this sat and this is her 3rd baby and would have been my first |