Telling off other people’s kids
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Topic: Telling off other people’s kids
Posted By: tiptoes
Subject: Telling off other people’s kids
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 12:47pm
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I was at Mainly Music this morning and a kid about 2 yrs came up to Cooper and shoved him quite hard into the ground (he was on all 4's) :( I saw red and marched over and told him off.
I don't think I was too over the top, but what do you guys think? Is it inappropriate to tell other people's kids off? Especially strangers kids. No one looked at or said anything to me, or claimed the kid and I saw him do something similar last week and no one did anything. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 12:53pm
| If that happened, yep I'd tell them off if I didn't see their parent coming over to deal with it. |
Posted By: E&L+1
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:05pm
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Personally for behaviour like that I would. For me any behaviour that is going to hurt other people or break something deserves some sort of (appropriate) reaction from the nearest adult.
You'd make sure it's appropriate ie not yelling, swearing etc. A firm tone of voice is usually enough. I'd also locate the parents is behaviour continued. Although I am a teacher so I am quite used to telling kids off! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:08pm
| if i didnt see anyone react to it then yeah i would tell the child off too. |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:11pm
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If the parent didn't step in, I would tell the child off.
I would be happy for someone to tell Chloe off as long as it was justified, and they didn't yell, swear, hit, etc. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:25pm
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A similar thing happened when we went to chipmunks- this little boy started yelling and DD2 and then hitting her... she was screaming and I saw his mum sitting there with her friends having a coffee and chat - I picked DD up but he kept hitting her - I told him off and he didn't care so I got the mother's attention eventually and she told him off too... I was freaken furious! and in that kind of situation I would def tell them off... and expect the same if my childrren did something like that... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: weeheebaby
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:39pm
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I would have thought that it was completely appropriate.However a friend of mine (who parents at the complete other end of the spectrum) had a complete melt down when a similar thing happened to her and her child last week (she didn't think he was being naughty) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:40pm
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Yes. My son got knocked over by older kids at Lollipops and they were driving into him on toy cars. There were parents standing around while DS was in foetal position on the floor crying and these kids carried on.
It took me about 0.5 seconds to sprint from where I was to pick up DS and I told those kids - and the gawp-mouthed adults - off. Bloody unbelievable. If we have friend's kids over and they're naughty or about to hurt themselves I will step in. It's reflex more than anything but I expect that the parents will do any disciplining, the naughty step or whatever they implement. ------------- 
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Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:53pm
Yip DH and I both end up telling other kids off that come to our house  We don't do it to be mean but when the other kids are throwing toys, food or about to hit someone over the head with something and the parents dont even seem to care we often step in and tell them off (nicely though!)
If another kid hit or bowled my child over and the parents didnt step in then yes I would defiantly be saying something to the other child! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:57pm
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Ditto here. most parents seem to step in but I've no problems saying something otherwise lol. Also, if a child is at my house and does something naughty or touches somethng they're not allowed to (within reason i mean!) I also am happy to step in and say something. Nnot in a horrible way at all but just a gentle re-direction perhaps hehe. But yeah naughty behaviour with no comment from thier parent- watch out! -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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LittleBug wrote:Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 2:00pm
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Interesting topic - have had several discussions about this recently with friends.
My rule is that if Dan is at other people's house, he needs to follow their rules. E.g. the other day he was standing in someone's cat food and they told him to get out of the cat food. Completely appropriate and done really appropriately too. Where I struggle is where people are telling him not to do things that we don't have an issue with (e.g. at friend's place, he was riding his bike fast, they were telling him to slow down - so not telling off as such but just trying to change his behaviour), and I don't know what the answer is. We want him to learn to respect other adults but I also don't feel comfortable reinforcing their desire to change his behaviour that is not hurting anyone. I do get really cross with kids that hit etc and their parents do nothing or just say "no, xxx, we don't do that" and 2 seconds later, the kid is just doing exactly the same thing. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 2:31pm
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I wouldn't hesitate to tell a kid off if they were physically hurting another,especially mine, and so long as there is no swearing or hitting involved I don't mind my kids being told off either
It bores me to tears when people think their child is incapable of hurting another, or when they make excuses like "they were just playing " well too bad, they are now hurting. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 3:31pm
Same here, I don't think it's ok to frighten the child when you tell them off but def ok to make the point clear that what they are doing is wrong/naughty and no Ok. I would definitely not hesitate. In fact maybe if I saw another kid being bullied and no one stepped in I would probably say something too... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 3:53pm
i told a small boy off at Junglerama who was throwing balls (blatantly on purpose) at me and DD. I was glad i was leaving soon anyway, as he was one tough looking kid so i was a bit apprehensive of what his parents may look like!  ------------- |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 5:18pm
| I will but I make sure it's age appropriate. For a two year old I wouldn't 'tell them off' more make a big deal how they hurt the other child and say something about gentle hands. TBH I would be pissed if someone 'told' one of my kids off. Explaining what they did wasn't nice is fine but personally it's the parents job to discipline, yours is to look after you own child. If another parent does a sh*t job of it well that's there problem not mine and would really enforce it to my child that the other child didn't have nice behaviour. |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 5:40pm
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I dont have a problem with friends telling DD off because i know they would only do that if she is naughty.
I dont necessarily think i would tell a unknown child off. I would explain to them what they have done isnt ok. But kind of do it nicely but so they get the point. This is what i do at playcentre. -------------  
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 5:48pm
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Cool, seems that most think that it's ok. So I won't feel bad
The little boy actually came up to us later and smiled and tried to touch Cooper so I can't have been too scary. I wasn't sure if he was trying to show me he could touch nicely or was going to have another go at him, so I moved Cooper out of the way.  ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 9:50pm
I have told off friends kids before if they are being naughty in my house etc and the parent hasnt seen, and also a kid at chimpmunks who was pushing Caden for no reason, and had this nasty look on his face when he did it too! I was so shocked, Caden was just laughing, but I told the kid off, his mother was sititng right there too 
With Caden and Bella, if I am there and see them being naughty I prefer to tell them off myself and dont like other people butting in when its my job to dicipline them, unless I dont see them being naughty. So far, my two are really good and dont hit other kids, just each other  ------------- |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 8:59am
i wouldnt say they were trying to change a behaviour more that they were considering his safety. Quite often parents have different ideas of what is safe and what isnt. Me, i would probably tell them that he is fine and that is a speed he is used to going, but thanks for worrying! and give them a smile. i have told bigger kids off at playgrounds for being silly and inappropriate and will tell my nieces and nephews off too. I dont like it if other people tell my kids off for doing things that i dont consider naughty, and i think there can be a line crossed very easily. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 9:03am
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oh and wanted to say if i saw another parent i didnt know "march over' and tell my child off i might be a bit pissed. especially if she stood over them and did it!
and i am also the sort of mother that prefers to let kids sort their own conflict out - so if i saw two similarly aged kids have an argument or tussle over a toy i would just watch and see how it progresses before stepping in... and i have seen eden get up after being pushed and push back - its how they learn to stand up for themselves. Thats not to say if i saw a child being inappropriate or dangerous that i wouldnt step in immediately though. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 1:28pm
Totally agree |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 1:39pm
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I have before and won't hesitate, normally its a situation of playgroup or something.
I don't care if people tell DD off, but she's a little ish at times Nah I'm happy for people to pull up behaviour such as hitting and that if its a deliberate hit, if its something out of frustration then I'm likely to redirect the energy and if kids are like Bizzy said having a tussle over toys, or something then I'm not too fussed I just don't like the deliberate hits over the head THATS when I step in. And I'm going to contradict myself now as I tell DD off for stealing toys of her cousin, but he's a sook and I mean that in the nicest possible way and although there are only 6weeks between them she is far more advanced in her movements and what she understands then him and if she had her way she would take every toy off him only to dump it on the other side of the room as he still can't walk
If people are telling their kids off for being mean to DD I normally tell them not to bother as she needs to be cut down a peg or two and learn to interact with kids. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 2:00pm
| I had a scary situation happen when picking up DS1 from school. DS2 was playing in the playground he was 2yrish & he banged into another child about 6mths younger by accident & knocked him over. The father of the child garbed my son by one arm & lifted him in to the air, I was screaming at him to put my son down I had to pull my son from his grip. Other parents who saw what had happened came over to help. I found out later that he was picking up a friends child & did not have any kids at that school. |
Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 4:02pm
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Gosh thats scary jazzy, way over the top.
I wouldn't mind anyone kindly telling off DD and moving her away from something dangerous. I'm a bit leary about telling off other peoples kids but I would step in if they were physically harming my daughter OR they were in danger of harm themselves. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 4:33pm
Cooper is only 11 months though, so not really at the age to sort things out himself. But if a bit older that's probably a good idea. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 7:28pm
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Jazzy,you should have kicked him, that is WAY OTT .
A couple of years ago I picked C up from school and there was a kid in the sand pit throwing sand in all the other kids faces and generally being a little sh*t, he was around 4 too,so imo old enough to know better, and his mother was nattering with another mother on the other side of the playground, so I went over and told him not to do that....next thing I know hes telling his mum and she marches over and swears at me for telling off her kid . I looked her in the eye,raised one eyebrow and I can't remember it word for word,but I basically told her that since she was too busy to watch her child throw sand and make other kids cry that was her business but I wasn't going to stand around and do nothing. ...I made a thread about it, I should have a look and see what I actually said. Another incident (not involving me ) a few kids were playing in the long jump sand and one of the boys accidentally threw sand in another girl's face, his mother refused to make him say sorry since it was an accident, im sorry,but accident or not, kids still need to learn to apologise if they hurt someone,intentionally or not, its just manners, anyway, long story short, the mum of the girl and the mum of the boy never spoke to each other again, was amusing to watch . The boy really is a sh*t, I had the priviledge of seeing for myself what hes like, suffers from small man syndrome I think.... -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 10:17pm
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taine smacked some kid in the face at the lower hutt pools a few months ago. so embarressing. my fault really as there were sooo many kids and i knew he doesn't handle that well. anyway, he hit this kid and the father grabbed his arm (to stop it smacking the kid again) and said "don't hit my son" in a really calm voice. i grabbed Taine, apologised to the man and took Taine out of the pool and talked to him until he calmed down...anyway, short answer was, i had no problem with it, apart from being mortified he'd smacked out some baby.
I';m another teacher who is always telling off kids. last time i was at the pool, i was telling off someone for jumping around in the passive pool. noticed later they were around 25 years old.... |
Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 10:38pm
hahaha
------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 10:42pm
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awesome Liz. Ive got into that habit as well, I was ordering the other parent helps around to day at swimming like I would the 4 year olds at pre school *shame* "right, come on now! hurry up, they are all waiting" than I tried to pass it off tht i was talking to charlotte so as to cover up my faux pas! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 1:05am
Oh yea Cooper is so little - of course your natural reaction would tell them off if there's no one else stepping in and doing it, and I know you well enough to know you wouldn't stand over a child and intimidate them - not your style. If no one else is stepping in and saying it's not ok, you've got to protect your child. I would be absolutely fine if someone told my son not to hit - especially if he was at an age to know better. |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 1:06am
That is really horrible!!! I would be sooo furious I'd be tempted to report him! I think my DH would also want to pay him a visit... |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 8:26pm
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I don't have a problem telling off kids but usually if I see something & a parent doesn't stop it, ie a hit that doesn't overly hurt the other child I won't step in, ie let them sort it themselves but if that child goes to do it again I'll step in if the parent doesn't, if it's involving a child of a younger age I'll stop it straight away.
We had a child who's just turned 3 ramming a bike into other kids, the first mum told him off cause he was harming her child & his mother wasn't around. We fended him off doing it to any other kids but then we noticed he was belining for this crawling baby and hit it, but his mother turned up on the scene for that one & to her credit she actually did tell him off but the way she told him off was like he does it often so we were intrigued that she wasn't watching him like a hawk the whole time! So yes when the situation warrants it then yes tell off my child & I'll tell yours off too  ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |