Xmas
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Single parenting
Forum Description: Share tips, trials and tribulations about parenting alone
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36793
Printed Date: 19 May 2024 at 12:10am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Xmas
Posted By: Whateversville
Subject: Xmas
Date Posted: 22 November 2010 at 12:40pm
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I've already had a text from DS's father asking to have DS for 'a few hours' on xmas.
I'm worried coz he doesn't see him often so DS doesn't know him but I don't want to be a bitch and say no. Ds doesn't take a bottle and I'm the only one who can get him to sleep so he couldn't be gone long but I'm sooo terrified of him being gone from me for so long.. DS is going thru seperation anxiety and so am I. Argh - how to cope?!?! |
Replies:
Posted By: tessie
Date Posted: 22 November 2010 at 2:33pm
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My ex wanted to do the same thing on xmas day last year with our son. Wanted to uplift him (he was 3 months old and didn't take a bottle) and cart him off to his mothers place for a "few hours." (His mother has never acknowledged my son as her grandson). Anyway, I put my foot down and said no. But left it open for her to come to the house (my ex was invited to the house for xmas anyway) and needless to say she never bothered (we lived 5 mins away).
If its so he can spend time with him then maybe discuss him spending the day at the house with him. My ex has pretty much claimed DS isn't his and hasn't been around for the last 11 months, I'm guessing I'm lucky lol. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 22 November 2010 at 9:15pm
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How about after lunch for a few hours and set a really strict time limit. I so know how hard it is sending your baby off with someone who hardly knows them but how will they get to know them if they don't get a chance? I know you said he doesn't have him often but maybe xmas will make him realize how much he wants to see him?
My kids are older so I'm quite happy to ship them off to their Dads for xmas night. Gives me a lovely wee break 
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 22 November 2010 at 10:05pm
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Last year G had only just turned one so she just went to her Dad's for a few hours on Xmas day. She had the morning and her afternoon sleep here and then went to his house for about 3 hours till it was dinner time. From memory I think he gave her afternoon tea.
I totally understand not wanting to hand your baby over to someone he doesn't know but maybe he could take him for an hour or two between feeds and sleeps? That way you get a break (and probably a nap to sleep off Xmas lunch  ) and DS gets to see his Dad.
Re the whole separation anxiety thing, totally understand that too. G still gets clingy sometimes and had a full crying "don't leave Mummy" meltdown last Thursday when I left her overnight at her Dad's. I just keep thinking she will thank me later for keeping the contact with her Dad. Its hard but I know she stops crying and is quiet happy within 10 minutes. Plus I do love my break away from her, I reckon it makes me a better parent coz I get a bit of rest for a change. I think also that our kids can pick up on our anxiety about leaving them with the other parent. So I try my best (even though I think G's Dad is a total prick) to stay all light and happy - "Its Dad day today, bet you and he will have lots of fun" then when I drop her off I tell her to have a great time with her Dad and I will pick her up at such and such a time (or he will drop her off, depending on what is happening). If she is crying I suggest that she gives Dad a cuddle, and I ask her what toys she is going to play with. I have also suggested to him that he has a special toy for her like she has teddy at home, she takes teddy with her but he also greets her at the door with the massive Piglet toy he brought her. Sometimes that gets a smile. Sorry, have gone right off the Xmas track there. I am in a rambly mood ....  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 23 November 2010 at 8:06am
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Hmmm, could you put aside differences for one day and invite DS's daddy to spend xmas morning with you? That way daddy gets to see son, without anybody going through seperation anxiety..... ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 23 November 2010 at 9:17am
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I was going to suggest that ^^ or if you're not willing for your ex to come to your house perhaps you could grind your teeth through an hour or so with his family. Depends on dynamics, though.
Otherwise if you absolutely have to let him go set strict guidelines and perhaps offer to pick him up so you will be there at 1 whereas your ex may 'be delayed' and bring him back screaming at 2.30 for example. |
Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 23 November 2010 at 3:11pm
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We were never together so he's not really my 'ex' so him coming to our xmas would be weird. There's a REEEEAAALLLLYYY long story why I can't go to his.
I'm just nervous about him being alone with him for the first time..I'd be nervous if it wasn't xmas too. I guess I'm still gutted about how much of a d!ck he was to me during the pregnancy.. I'll probly drop him at his place and pick him up (nervous about him driving DS around  ) at certain times.
Thank you for advise and expeirences ladys. Much appriciated xx |