Bullying
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Kindy and Beyond
Forum Description: So you've survived the sleepless nights and toddler tantrums, now the fun really begins! Talk to other parents of older children here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36848
Printed Date: 08 July 2025 at 10:16pm
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Topic: Bullying
Posted By: MrsMojo
Subject: Bullying
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 2:31pm
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My little girl is being bullied at kindy. I have spoken to kindy a couple of times about a little girl that DD says is mean to her. On Monday night DD told me she didn’t want to go to kindy anymore because of this little girl so I rang kindy and spoke to the head teacher again who promised to keep an eye on things and speak with the other teachers. This morning, when DH dropped DD at kindy the HT took him aside to tell him that DD is being bullied by this little girl. Each of the 5 teachers have noticed incidences but they didn’t discuss them so all thought they were one-offs. After my phone call on Tuesday the head teacher witnessed two completely unprovoked vicious physical attacks on DD by this little girl. DD avoids this girl but she seeks DD out (on one occasion a teacher witnessed the bully saw DD passing her so left the game she was playing to go over and push DD).
The kindy can’t expel the bully and they wanted me to empathise with her. They say they can’t go into any deal but wanted me to understand that the bully has a difficult home situation (we got the impression that her parents are separated/separating) but TBH I don’t give a f*ck, I know that sounds cold but all I care about is that my DD is protected. Apparently there’s only so much they can do and I was given the impression that the bullies parents are unhelpful. Since the kindy can’t punish the bully in anyway or offer me any guarantees that this is going to stop I want to pull DD out of kindy but the kindy has asked me to give them a chance to resolve it and DH doesn’t want to pull her out this close to Christmas because he doesn’t want her to miss out (plus with us both working fulltime until I finish up in January she wouldn’t get as many activities and it would put more pressure on my friend that looks after the children in the afternoons). -------------  
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Replies:
Posted By: nicandtyler
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 2:44pm
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Big hugs, that's so hard :( Im about to put T into daycare next year and that is one of the biggest things im worried about, id hate for someone to be mean to him and to not be able to be there to comfort him. If I was in your situation I would want to take DS out too, and I think that's its really unfair that the girls parents aren't willing to co-operate and help the situation, everyone goes through tough times but that's no excuse for them to not do anything about their daughter being a bully especially when it causing your DD so much upset. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 April '11
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Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 5:21pm
Oh Mrs Mojo that is terrible  You are not cold hearted - I would have exactly the same reaction that I don't care about the other child's problem if my child is suffering.
Surely they must be able to do something? Just because she has issue at home does not make it OK to make your DDs life miserable. I would talk to them again and let them know how disappointed you are with their response and consider contacting the Wellington Kindy head office. That is just NOT ok. There are a couple of girls at Amy's kindy that are very clicky and can be mean. The teachers jumped in it straight away and they made the girls aware how mean they were and gave them no attention and lots to the *hurt* child. The mean girls realised after one session that they needed to make a change. -------------   
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 8:29pm
| that is shocking and i am very shocked that they said they cant do anything about it. they bloody well can and should do! kindy should have rules that all the kids follow - regardless of their home life - and the kids must surely know what the consequences for those actions are. Now that the kindy is aware of it they should be watching the bully and taking steps anytime something is seen that is inappropriate! i would go there personally and tell them i want this child watched and be given clear consequences for their actions. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 8:31pm
| oh, maybe you should check with the kindy governing body down there. i know that at my kindy bullying behaviour was not tolerated. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 8:34pm
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see if your kindy is under this lot...
http://www.wn-kindergarten.org.nz/ - wellington region free kindergarton assoc |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 25 November 2010 at 9:52pm
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Thanks for the link Bizzy. Dd's kindy is one of them but I couldn't find any info on their site about bullying and all info I found elsewhere was not very helpful or empowering.
My mum has suggested calling cyfs and letting them know that this bully clearly has home issues that should be dealt with and then call the ministry of education and let them know what the kindy have said/done. -------------
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 November 2010 at 12:19am
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that sounds a bit extreme to me - and i dont know if cyf would do anything unless you could give them the childs address and a bit more info other than they are a bully. and from what i know of them it may take a while before anything would be done and school will be over.
If you rang the kindy assoc they should be able to give you more info on what their policy re bullying is. In the meantime making sure your daughter knows to go straight to a teacher if anything happens would be good and at the end of the day perhaps talk to the teachers and get some feedback. i would get right up in the kindy teachers faces and let them know you are disappointed and want your daughter protected. After all she has rights too! If the kindy though is really that reluctant to do anything i would definitley look at another kindy for next year. |
Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 26 November 2010 at 7:55am
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We have a bully at Rhiannons kindy, and i know hes had a very rough upbringing, (which unfortuntley is how the cycle keeps going).
BUT His bullying is not tolerated at all at kindy and the moment it starts, he is moved away from the other kids and told that its not okay. the other kids also dont play with him when hes beening a bully, and he doesnt like that and for a few days will be a really sweet boy, then it starts all over again. I really feel for you Jo and for M as well, I hope that she is doing okay, there is only 3 wks left of kindy and i hope you dont have to pull her out, but if you do, i hope you can find a better kindy as this just isnt on ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:05am
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I only just came across this thread.
But wanted to say, I hope things improved with regards to the bullying at your DD's Kindy. I see going by your ticker, she is now at school. I hope school is much better and she doesn't have to deal with bullying anymore and here's hoping that bully doesn't go to the same school. My DD doesn't get bullied at school, but she does in the street I live in. It's a complex, kind of, with a whole lot of townhouses. Not HNZ or WCC housing, just normal and in Churton Park, all be it, the cheap end. Yes Churton Park does have a cheap end, I would know. There's this older girl on our street who is 10 and she's quite good at manipulating my DD, who is 7 1/2. She has managed to convince my DD to give her several toys and taught her how to hide clothes she wants(the other girl wants), underneath her clothes, to give to her. And every time I ask the older girl about the clothes or toys, she just tells lies. Or if I ask my DD to ask her for stuff back, she lies to DD and DD is trusting and believes her. Also, if DD persists, older girl starts being a bully. So pretty much, you give me what I want, or I won't be your friend and DD gets really upset. I have talked to DD about all of this, but she keeps going back and being friends. Also, other kids in the neighbour might be, being bullies or mean, she'll come tell me, I tell her to assert herself and let them know it's not ok and if they keep doing it, don't play with them. But DD likes having others to play with, so keeps going back. If I thought I could talk to this girls mum, I would. But her mum is a very intimidating lady and the type that easily takes offense. So I suspect, even if I worded it as well as I can, she might just want to punch me in the face. She just strikes me as likely to do that. Thus being why, I have never talked to the mum about it. All I can do, is make sure the older girl doesn't come into our house and keep an eye on anything my DD takes out of the house. -------------   
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