Unfriending on facebook
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37978
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Topic: Unfriending on facebook
Posted By: newme
Subject: Unfriending on facebook
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 7:22pm
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Recently I looked through my friends on fb and decided that a good proportion of them were not actually friends....I mean there was a girl who dossed on our couch in London for a few days, someone I went to primary school with for a year etc etc. People that I don't know at all really. Plus other people, more like acquaintances etc.
So I unfriended about 50 people. I just realised I didn't want them knowing so much about me. And a three of these people have now sent me messages asking why I have un-friended them, quite annoyed, wanting to know what they did to upset me! Is there some unfriending etiquette that I don't know about? Is it a big no-no to unfriend people? |
Replies:
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 7:28pm
| Weird that they noticed. As far as i know facebook doesnt inform you that you've been defriended? So they must have gone looking for you or noticed an absence of updates from their feed. I intend on doing a bunch of unfriending myself shortly. |
Posted By: Jaxnz1
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 7:31pm
I don't think so. Heaps of my friends have a 'friend cull' every now and then.....I seem to always make the cut  I've had a couple of people de-friend me and at the time I thought hmmmm wonder why they deleted me, but not to the point where I would send them a message! I just figure some friends you don't actually have that much in common with, so I don't see the point in still having them as friends.
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Posted By: Kimnthekids
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 8:03pm
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I unfriend people on a regular basis, i find the odd person resends a request (which i usually ignore) but most dont notice.
I find ill often 'friend' people who at the time im doing things wi ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 8:05pm
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I had a really big cull a while back for the very same reason, almost half of my 'friends' I hadn't met IRL.
I think some people take it a bit personally seeing as FB is such a big part of life now. I personally think it's sad that they sent you messages, have they nothing better to worry about ?  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 8:16pm
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I do it all the time too.
Just people who add me and never speak to me or just people i dont know all that well. My list has crept up to 160 and i know i dont speak with that many people so i think i need to delete again. Another opition now is you can change your privacy settings so only certain people can see photos & friends list & your wall. -------------  
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Posted By: jamsta
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 8:20pm
I have acquaintances added to a limited profile list, that way I can decide how much (or little) of my profile they can see. No one I have added to it so far has complained so all good :) Not sure if I have helped or not Hila but I would agree with Bowie - they would not have received any notification so must have had not many friends or been fb stalking you  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: QTMum
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 8:34pm
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It's dumb but I feel really mean unfriending people so now I just put them on a limited profile so they can't see anything I don't want them to see. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kicker
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 9:11pm
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I dont think that it is wrong to defriend people that you basically have nothing in common with or never see etc.
I was recently defriended by a person that is in a mutual mothers group which meet up quite regularly. I was a little offended by that as it was a definate selective defriending, ie about half the group. So in that case i did email her to ask why and to see if i had upset her in any way. -------------  
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Posted By: fairy1
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 9:28pm
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I have unfriended people and not told them in advance. Out of the last cull Ive only had one friend request from them. I kind of wonder how they noticed as I dont tend to post much. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 9:59pm
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I unfriend people every few months. Its nothing personal (usually), just feel a bit funny having people I don't interact with knowing about the daily happenings in my life and seeing my kid's pictures etc.
------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 10:26pm
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You know,that when you defriend people, you are supposed to make a big song and dance about it on your status right?something along the lines of "if you are still here tomorrow count yourself lucky, im going on a defriending spree".........*rolls eyes * ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 7:14am
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I noticed my friends # drop but unless I actually think hard and go looking, half the time I don't know who it is and kinda don't care lol ... That said, when I defriend people I never have them email me, sometimes they send a request and I kinda hope they get the message re me not answering... Only had one or two people really ask about it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 7:43am
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When I've noticed that I've been culled by someone, I don't send them an email asking them why. It doesn't bother me too much, but then it's only ever been by people that I've never met IRL. The only time I ask myself why I've been culled is when they've invited me to be their friend, then I see they end up culling me. Don't get that. My cousin's fiance whom I'd never met invited me to be friends which i thought was weird, but I didn't mind being that she was going to be family. Next thing just as they near their wedding date I noticed she's culled me. That ticked me off!'
I don't blame you for making that cull Hila. And for people to message you asking why, that's a bit sensitive of them. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 8:44am
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yep this is how I feel as well, esp with pics of the kids which I want to post to show family and good friends but I dont think someone I went to high school with and havent seen since then needs to see photos of my kids? Seems a bit sensitive to be messaging you about it! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4 
 
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caraMel wrote:Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 9:26am
| The only time I got huffy was when someone i had been "friends" with for about four years, defriended me. Someone I am friends with called them on something they had done. they had a big spazz and deleted heaps of people, including myself. i was pissy as i hadn't done anything at all, and had been at work during the whole thing. I would never bother sending a letter though as looking back, as amusing as they were, i was getting a little sick of the repetitive status updates on the SAME thing, |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 10:17am
haha kelly!! So agree! I never say anything I just go through and remove people that dont interact with me, or people who have added me and then never even say hi, or people that I dont actually know. ETA - Also, I dont see any point in having a limited profile, as why have someone as a friend if they cant see your wall or photos or anything, it makes no sense to me lol.. ------------- |
Posted By: Danda08
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 10:37am
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I am amazed they even noticed! I'm sure I don't make people's cull's all the time and I wouldn't have a clue (unless it was a close friend).
I have had a couple of people try to re-add me after I've cut them. That's awkward. I go by the theory that if I haven't had any contact with them in a certain period, then we're not really friends anymore and I cut them. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AbzandH
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 11:08am
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Kicker, i'm intrigued as to whether you received a reply? Do tell
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 11:17am
*like* lol! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AngieBabe
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 11:40am
The only time being defriended had me a bit miffed was DS father  - we had our wee fling while he was a contractor at my workplace. During the time he worked there he had friended a lot of people but when his contract finished we all got defriended... he did warn me that when he leaves a job he deletes his old colleagues... my thinking was I had become just a bit more than a colleague but meh, what's done's done and I'm not bothered by it anymore.------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: RubyBaby
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 11:41am
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Well in real life, friendships have seasons, so it only makes sense to cull of people that you don't have anything to do with anymore.
Sometimes I get weirded out by how public facebook actually is, and am inclined to even defriend people that I am still friends with... I figure (even though some people choose to take it personally), just because I defriend you on facebook, doesn't mean I don't actually want to be your friend in real life. I know this mightn't make a lot of sense, but I have FB friends who I can tolerate in person, but actually p me off quite a bit on facebook, so don't want them to have access to my profile, or have to see every hour what they, their child or a person in the street have eaten. ------------- [URL=http://lilypie.com][IMG]http://lb1f.lilypie.com/c6rDp13.png][/URL] [URL=http://lilyslim.com][IMG]http://swlf.lilyslim.com/xr3Sp12.png][/URL] |
Posted By: BriAndOlisMum
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 12:15pm
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The only time de-friending bothered me was when my own mum de-friended me -------------  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 1:30pm
Ouch! I dont really notice when people de-friend me on FB. the only 1 i noticed was a girl i work with and only because someone told me to look at something funny on her page ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: _Lou_
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 2:23pm
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Yeah this thread made me think about my own FB friends and go through and do a big clear out, I got rid of about 40! I have been thinking more and more about the safety of FB and having so much stuff public.
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Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 3:17pm
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I had a nice big clean out of friends. Only to realise my aunty de-friended me. Whatevz she's a b*tch anyway.
I haven't got a prob with people defriending me. Your loss. I'm awesome  
I think some people get abit carried away with FB. It's the internet. Goodness sake. |
Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 4:39pm
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After a recent thread on here about your kids pics on the internet I went through and culled about 60 people that I haven't interacted with for ages, i.e. some old school friends I haven't seen since school days and we don't interact on FB either - it didn't really make sense to still be 'friends'. I haven't had anyone ask me about it.
The only time I notice if I've been de-friended is if I go to view someone's profile only to find out we're no longer friends It doesn't bother me as I realise that they have probably done it for the same reason I just have.
I'm interested to know how you responded too. ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 8:02pm
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I have been defriended - mainly people off here (ohbaby) It doesn't bother me - aculls a cull and I am not a friend IRL life so I understand totally - I have done it too - and normally only discover it by accident that I have been culled :-)
i did get defriended by a daughter of my ex caregiver - then the caregiver then the whole family of hers - it really bothered me at first (reason I can only presume was cause I didn't take my kids back to her after maternity leave) as I said really bothered me at first as I thought I had done nothing wrong - but now its like Bah if she's petty like that I don't need friends like that! Ouch to those of you who have had family defriend you ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 10:31pm
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I have defriended some people...the vast majority cause i have nothing to do with in real life or just we arent friends.. and i have had several get really upset about it...:( it's nothing personal though!
re the limited profile if i knew how to do it i would but just cause i dont want all my relatives seeing some stuff lol:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: yermasyada
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 10:31pm
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I have no worries about defriending 'randoms' who I've never met IRL, but if I've never done it to someone I actually know. I'd have to have a good reason for doing that. I'd be so embarrassed.
That said, I've been very careful not to accept friend requests from a couple of my OH's family. They're those really annoying types who open a FB page and never do anything with it, but want to be your 'friend' so they can snoop
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Posted By: zcm
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 10:57pm
lol I noticed last week when I went to write a birthday message on your wall for Liam's bday that I'd been culled. Wasn't upset about it though, its not like we know each other IRL! I did a big cull a couple of weeks ago and deleted about 40 people, most were people I had added for games - they were already on a limited profile but cos I stopped playing the games I didn't really need them there anymore. ------------- Mum to two boys and http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 13 February 2011 at 7:07am
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So glad that everyone does it. I didn't bother responding to the people that emailed me asking why I unfriended them. After everyones comments, I think they must have been fb stalking me to even notice, as I don't often update my status or post new pics. A bit creepy.
I do have a bit of a confession though....I just unfriended my MIL!! She is sooo annoying and texts DH if I ever update my status. If I say something like "just had a great day out catching up with xxx" she will then think that I have ditched the kids for the day (when they were with me the whole time) and have been going out drinking and generally being a bad mother. So I got so sick of it I have unfriended. Don't know what I will say to her if she notices! Maybe tell her my fb has been playing up and somehow she got deleted! |
Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 13 February 2011 at 9:49am
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I seem to offend people by not accepting their friend requests in the first place. There aren't that many people that I actually want to know everything about what they're doing and definitely not that many that I want to know everything about me. But then I get angry/upset messages asking why I haven't accepted them as a friend and no-one seems to accept the explanation that I only really use it so my family can see photos of my daughter. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 13 February 2011 at 10:49am
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My MIL is on FB but only to be nosey, she doesn't do anything with her page. I haven't added her as a friend as I don't want her seeing all my personal updates about things as I know she'd be stalking my page every second. I'd like some privacy in my life from her! I know it must bother her, as I'm friends with SIL and MIL's niece (Dh's cousin) so I'd say she'd hear things about what I put on my page from them which annoys me. She apparently said to SIL that she's waiting for me to invite her, she won't ask me first. So that's good cos I know I'll never invite her! And it'll be awkward not accepting her friend request if she ever asks me. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 13 February 2011 at 1:56pm
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FB is for social networking and thats how I treat it. I do have people set into groups so I can be selective of who sees what etc. I've been defriended, mainly by OB people, and thats fine Im not particularly bothered! ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 13 February 2011 at 2:29pm
I have had my ex's family request to add me as their friend on FB, christ knows why! Granted I am B's mum, but he has his own profile (courtesy of ex-FIL, and orig set up without my knowledge or agreement  ) so if they want to see pics of him, they can see photos I have tagged him in. I dont want them knowing my business, when its none of theirs! Needless to say, I ignored those requests lol!
I've had a couple of 'friends' de-friend me, one went so far as to BLOCK me for some crap that went down between mutual friends that I was somehow 'involved' in and I had no idea until I got a lovely PM from her ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: kiwigal
Date Posted: 13 February 2011 at 3:52pm
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I have been thinking of doing it to someone. I thought we were good friends but I haven't seen her in a year and keep telling her we need to catch up and stuff and nothing happens so I am not going bother anymore. It was her sons 5th birthday and she never asked me if I would like to come and gone to his previously ones if I had nothing planned that really hurt. |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 14 February 2011 at 10:55am
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My FB account got hacked (by someone I know) and deleted a lot of people that was so embarrassing because it was like I did it - my best friend and sister got deleted too when the hacker did that! It was bad.
Have started readding the people that I know got culled again and explained myself - but the first I really knew about it was when they sent me a message or something getting angry, a guy I use to go to school with got really angry - wtf?! I have been defriended, and totally understand if it's not someone that I talk a lot too, I get that really I do - but when it's someone you talked to quite a bit then I think that sux arse! ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |