Dad staying home?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=3798
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Topic: Dad staying home?
Posted By: mum2paris
Subject: Dad staying home?
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 1:16pm
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Ok, so, you all know i have just started work..and this is no way saying that i think we should deserve assistance etc rant rave blah.. but, all we qualify for now, is $127 a fortnight thru ird... before that, we were getting our daycare payed for (600 a fortnight) money thru ird of $358 fornightly, plus accomodation supplement of $100 a week. as you can imagine.. that's about $1100 bucks per fortnight... take it all away, and on my new wage.. of approx $940 a fortnight after tax.. plus $127 which we now qualify for.. we are actually WORSE OFF with me working... seriously. leaving us with.. no money to save, no money for the wedding, and no money left over each week like we used to have.. (a little bit). again, am thankful for what we do get.. just seems like a huge dive when i really thought we would be going up in the world.
SOOOOO.. here's the question. Mike has always wanted to stay home with the girls, he despises that we pay $600 a fortnight in daycare.. and has figured that the money we pay out in daycare, coupled with the money we have now lost thru ird alone... makes up what his wages would be anyway.. he is working to pay for daycare and that's it. How many, if any, of you, have had daddy stay at home and look after the kids? how did it work out? and is the IRD family assistance etc still the same for if Daddy stays home instead of mum. We at this point are still thinking of at least giving them 3 mornings a week still at daycare for that interaction, plus paris should be able to start Kindy soon so that gives her a bit more time with other kids without taking her away from all her friends etc that she knows and loves. Mike put this idea to me before.. when i was sitting staring blankly at our new budget when he came home for lunch. I can see the merit.. but am scared that he would go seriously insane!! I also feel really bad for the idea that he would give up a job, and would rather get IRD assistance so that we are better off. I like that our girls would have more time at home - it would mean that when i am home.. be it weekend or weekday.. we are together... but i just feel wrong and a bit worried too. Ideas ladies - anything would be great about now.. am having a real down day. 
sorry for the long post. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 1:49pm
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From an IRD perspective the Family Assistance package is the same regardless of which parent stays home - it is based on total family income no matter which parent does the earning.
Do you still qualify for an Accomodation Supplement from WINZ? Or a partial childcare subsidy? They are income tested so obviously the more you earn the less you get, but you might still qualify for something. Also, you can talk to WINZ about a Special Benefit which is a short term 'top up' to help you if you can't meet your costs. The whole idea is that the government has pledged that thru the Family Assistance programme no family will be better off on a benefit than they are if they are working, so the Special Benefit is a plug-up for the few families that are worse off working. Oh, and once Paris starts kindy that should cut your daycare costs considerably if she goes to public kindy coz they charge a minimal amount per session. Re: Mike giving up his job, I wish I had some advice there, but I know Willie would be committed to the Mental Health ward after a week at home with Maya...  -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 2:11pm
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That's what i am thinking.. no, we no longer qualify for any daycare assisstance (i think we marginally go ovewr the threshold..) nor accomodation
I have done a ring around and figured out costs... If we continue as we are, both working, we get $196 over per fortnight to spend/emergencies/save.. If mike gives up work.. we get $150 over per fortnight. We are $46 a frotnight better off with both of us working. so i guess it's all a call of what quality of life we have either way... either mike stays home, we have less money or we both work, the girls are in full time daycare, and we are better off by about $20 a week.. but probably stressed and insane. I dunno i think mike wants to go back and do a management course or whatever.. so we'll see what happens. thanks for your thoughts. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 2:22pm
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Well if Mike goes back to study then you will qualify for the subsidies and stuff again, plus he could still be at home with the kids part time, and the study might stop him going stir crazy... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: nicolaann
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 2:23pm
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Its a toughie. I have the same sort of decision to make soon to. I have been filling in at work while some one is away after having an operation. that will be up in 6 weeks. We are better off financially if I work, but its really hard on all of us, esp Jase who is tired at the end of the day, and then has to look after Alex while I work. (I work nights). But he loves the time alone with Alex, and I think its really good they have that time together. In the end we are thinking I will stop working, just because we don't have much time for the 2 of us, and that has started to have an impact on our relationship. But its hard to decide what to do!! ------------- Nicky, Mum to Alex (5) & Sophie (3) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 2:53pm
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hmmm..that is a hard one.....has Mike sorted the problem he had at work? is this why he wants to stay at home? At the end of the day you have to do whats best for you and your family so....what ever feels the best you should do!! I know thats a crap advise but I dont know what to say!!??
Both of us have to work and cant afford to stay home! Specially me as I earn quite a bit more than hubby!! Well good luck with what ever it is you decide! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 4:22pm
If he wanted to study that would probably be a good option, if not he would prob go loopy - I know Daniel would. We have thought about this too cos I can earn a lot more at the moment, but for us it wouldnt work. I guess Mike has to know that being home with the kids for a day here and there is TOTALLY differnent to every single day, and if he does realise that then he may be okay doing it... Money sucks!! Good luck Janine  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 5:02pm
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Okay, Lewis has been a part-time stay at home dad and full-time while I've been on placement. He's enjoyed it, but a couple of times I've come home and he's been STRESSED, but I think no more than I would be. He does a lot less crafty things than I would do with the kids, but a lot more outside stuff.
I think for it to work for ANYONE, you need a routine, and some way of getting out of the house. ALso a chat about who will do what, cause when I got home from work i was exhautsed and wanted to sit and have a coffee, but of course, lewis was tired too. We had a long chat about things and it worked out really well. as for being like that full-time, hang on I'll ask. lewis mentioned that you don't get out and have friends like before (aww, thats so sad), and that people Will look down, but if he can cope with that, i say go for it. |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 5:30pm
| hubby and i have an arrangement where I will stay home for the next 2 years then he will stay home for the next 2.5 years so he gets some time with both kobe and addison before they go to school. He has always wanted to be a stay at home dad but we get free health insurance and superann through his work so need to be in a better financial position before he can give up but I think that its only fair he gets to stay home for a bit with the kids and then we will both work school hours when they are at school. Only catch is I said he has to go the playgroup and music and movements etc... i dont think the kids should miss out just cos dad is to shy to take them. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 19 September 2006 at 5:56pm
| If I read that rightly (which is possible I didn't since I'm tired as) what you use to be on from IRD etc is way more than my wage now lol ... I know that's a random comment |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 7:38am
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If he really want's to od it hten I would say go for it like you said it's better fot the kid's to be at home a little more and plus you have worked really hard for your nursing and if Mike staying home is less stressful for you all and you will be able to enjoy your job more hten go for it. If Pete and I were in hte same situation then we would go for it. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:09am
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lol Yeah Stacey, it probably is.. that's what i mean.. for those who stay at home, working for families is a huge help!!! huge. (see, another reason to have kiddies.. can use that to persuade him stacey.... lol) no. just kidding kids are the reward enough.
He came home last night and wheni rung him at dinner time he was already having second thoughts about it. lol. WE are gonna continue on for now, and figure out something.. i think the main thing is as i said to him.. we have gotten used to having money to do whatever..2 years ago, to have $196 over a fortnight.. we would have thought we were rich! I don't mind using my little bit of spending money to continue to buy bits and pieces for the wedding.. we are just gonna talk to our families and , not ask them for help.. cos it's our wedding, but find out if anyone has thought about contibuting, .. before we figure out how to downsize it... maybe people might just have to pay for their meal.. That's a huge cost gone. We will survive, I think mike just needs to calm down a little, lol, next year Paris will come inot that 20 hrs free daycare, i get a pay rise about that time too and we'll be fine.. he's just all doom and gloom. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:14am
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What about trialing it for a week to see what he thinks. See if he can take a week of annual leave and the girls can take a week out of daycare for a holiday and see how he likes it at the end of the week as the if he really wants to do it. He could also try part time work and having the girls at home part time, that way he could do his study and still have the adult contact. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:53am
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I've sometimes thought that if hubby and I could swap places we'd probably have a lot more respect for what the other person does and how they contribute. Not that I'm saying that's been a problem, but you know, we all have those days where we feel a bit under-valued for our hard work, and sometimes I am so grateful thinking about the work he does to keep us afloat, and other times I take it forgranted. Even if you guys did try having Mike at home with the girls and it didn't work as well as you'd hoped - it probably would have still been worth it, just for the extra insight you'd both have! (and then you could school the rest of us up on what life on the 'other side' was reeeeally like!). I think it's a pretty cool idea, Janine - whether you go for it or not. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 12:46pm
| thats a good idea about the wedding Janine. Since you guys live together and (i'm guessing) have everything you need already - people are probably wondering what on earth to give you. |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 1:55pm
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Good point Liz... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 2:54pm
| Yeah, good idea... asking people to pay a bit for their food instead of providing an elaborate gift will probably save them heaps!!! (People seem to go a bit mad with buying wedding gifts... I know I'm going to when I finally con some of my friends to get married.) |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 2:55pm
| And yay for the 20 free hours!!! |
Posted By: Xander&Harmony
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:15pm
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we r deciding on whether guests pay for their meal and we pay drinks or we pay meal and they pay drinks(then it up to guests as to how drunk they get by what their bank acc allows,make sense??) ------------- BECS http://www.sparklee.com"> 
Angel Baby 10/07/09 (10wks4days) |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:30pm
| If I was chosing between the two then I would pay for the meal and get people to pay for thier drinks, that way as you say they can decide what they want to spend plus it will be easier than coordinating getting payment from everyone, you could just put cash bar on the invitations. also you would know exactly how much money you need to cover the cost |
Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:58pm
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we went to a wedding where we were asked to pay for the meal, and the instructions were to pay $30 when we rsvped. it seemed to work really well, there was heaps of people there, and the food was great. i would have no problem doing that again too. ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: littlejo
Date Posted: 21 September 2006 at 9:00am
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We went to a wedding where we were asked to pay $30 per head too - was a bit disappointed though as it wasn't a "meal" - just light snack.
And it was from 4pm till 11pm, on a boat, so we were all STARVED by the end of it (and very drunk). I had no problem paying for the food in lieu of a gift though. I was stoked just to be invited to the wedding at all, even if we were asked to pay! ------------- Jo Jo http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 21 September 2006 at 9:49am
I agree with Liz too....I think that is a great idea, as you already have a home set up. For us it was different as we did not live together and had nothing for the house/home. Mind you we got so many double/triple ups that it was not even funny. I was like oh look at that another dinner set (Yeeepppyyy) *Polite face* Thank you.....
 ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 21 September 2006 at 2:26pm
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I am seriously thinking of that, I have been to another wedding where we are having ours, and the food is exquisite.. hence why we wanted ours there, I think we will possibly pay maybe $10 for each person to cut it down a little which would mean they paid $35 per adult for a 3 course meal, entres, mains desert and nibbles beforehand while we have photos. Am wondering about alcohol.. thinking possibly provide non alcoholic drinks etc plus wine for tables and toasts.. but other than that possibly cash bar (apart from bridal party we will pay their meal and drinks etc) most of my family are not large drinkers.. Mike's family are wine drinkers, lol and the other ones that i know of.. could do with paying for their own drinks cos they tend to go overboard.. so am not providing free drinks for them to get blotto.
------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Xander&Harmony
Date Posted: 21 September 2006 at 3:27pm
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nibbles r xtra on top of the 45 per head meal janine.did glenn give u menu pasck? ------------- BECS http://www.sparklee.com">
Angel Baby 10/07/09 (10wks4days) |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 21 September 2006 at 10:16pm
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yep he did.lol i meant for what our guests would pay i think it's a pretty reasonable amount of food etc that they get considering we are providing nibbles etc too. Have you confirmed then ? lol.. It'd be kewl to the see the two different weddings etc thru pics within the week of each other at the same place. funny stuff. Hey have you found anywhere that does good cheaper bouquets in palmy? All i want is some orange lillies for the girls, and some white and orange ones for me with a few white roses, and some roses for buttonholes etc for the guys and the parents/grandparents. ooh and some white and orange petals for the girls baskets.
Have been looking at the new world ones.. but only cos i have been there alot lately buying butterflies (fake ones) ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 7:50am
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Asphodels in the Plaza did our wedding flowers at what I remember thinking was a really good price (sorry I'm not more help than that, I can't remember what we paid, just that it was definantly under 2hundy all up for bridal & bridesmaids boquets, button-holes for the guys and button-holes & corsage's for family - lots of lillies). ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 7:50am
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come to think of it, are they even still there?!? Good lord it's just too early for me. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 8:52am
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Are you two getting married one week apart?! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 9:00am
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Cottage flowers. They grow the callas themselves. My boquet was $80 and the girls were $65. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Xander&Harmony
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 10:45am
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melodys new world is where im gonna get mine as nath knows the ------------- BECS http://www.sparklee.com">
Angel Baby 10/07/09 (10wks4days) |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 2:24pm
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Sorry to interupt the wedding talk ladies...
Janine, my Dad was a SAH parent from not long after my brother came home from the hospital... Simon must have been around 6 months old, Kathrine was 2.5years and I was 13 years old. He remained the one at home from then until last year, really (so 12 years). Mum was nursing, and could earn more than Dad could... Dad did work various part time jobs in that time, but he was still the primary caregiver for us kids. Once Dad learnt how to cook, and operate the washing machine, everything was fine! Before this started, Dad knew how to barbeque, and could cook things like bacon and eggs, or toasted sandwiches, but preparing and timing a full meal was new to him. We had lots of very simple meals as Dad figured everything out... now, he makes a very good meatless spaghetti bolognase-type dish that has become his signiture meal. He became a regular parent-help at Kindy, and went along to a couple of coffee mornings (but felt to conspicuous to continue with those). Simon and Kathrine thought it was normal that the dad stayed home! Kathrine told me one day just after she started school that her classmates were suprised it was Dad at home not Mum, and she didn't know why they thought it was strange. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 3:32pm
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That's right i remember you saying that mummy-becks.
Aimee. yep 1 week apart. Becca.. Mike is great with cooking he does all the full meals at our place cos it's his way of getting out of bathing the kids.. a job he hates. I think he might look at study sometime, he thought of doing a course in Computer IT, which is 3 years, i tol dhim go for it cos he's waited around for me for so long. but he wants to be completely sure that it is what he wants to do before he does it. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 22 September 2006 at 3:59pm
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Good idea! (Know too many people who have studied for 'the hell of it' and then been pissed at wasting so much money... eg my sister's boyfriend. Currently 3 years in, still in his 1st year of architecture and scared to pull out because of his dad. Not that that is related to Mike... but ya know.)
Arghhh can ya tell I'm procrastinating?!? |