Seeking: your views for OHbaby! article
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Topic: Seeking: your views for OHbaby! article
Posted By: ruth123
Subject: Seeking: your views for OHbaby! article
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 12:08pm
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Hi
I'm doing a feature for OHbaby! magazine on whether parenting is easier or harder than it was 30 or 40 years ago. I'm looking for opinions from mums, dads, grandparents about who had/has the better deal - more modern amenities, disposable income, husbands helping out versus a simpler life 30 years ago with no expectation to go back to work and maybe more family support. What does everyone think? Love to hear from you, Ruth Brown, OHbaby! |
Replies:
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 12:58pm
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I don't think it is particularly any easier or harder. There are some things that have made it easier such as husbands helping out more and modern appliances etc but things like not having such a community or grandparents that help makes it harder so it probably evens out in the end. And to be honest that stuff isn't always what makes parenting easy or hard, it's the children! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 1:18pm
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Hmm well in my particular situation, i basically have the best of both, we live with extended family, DDs Grandparents and Aunt and Uncle, while I'm studying part-time there is no expectation for me to return to work anytime soon.
The modern conveniences is a big ++++, just having a washing machine with different settings to wash our new modern (and easier) cloth nappies in is great. We have a lot more support for BFing so in a way that makes it cheaper, on the other hand if you do go down the formula route it is REALLY expensive! And Partners helping out is great, BUT I find that his father keeps going, well I never did that, so every time I do ask him to do something I get the long suffering sigh. (He does still tend to do it and hes great at housework :D) And you can actually leave the baby with him for a few hours (BF baby so not too long) and come back and shes been well looked after. You are asking a very wide range of ages of parents for opinions meaning that OUR parents, grandparents will have a big variation of what was what in their time :D First time parents (or more children too of course) range in age from 16-40+ on this forum :D ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: ruth123
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 1:34pm
| Yeah I know, it is a big question but I'm finding the grandparents are tending to say similar things - it was a lot simpler back then. Cheers for your great response. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 1:50pm
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Easier if you are talking about convince. If you compare to say 50+ yrs ago. We have modern time saving appliances, we have home entertainment, we have a verity of fast foods, we can get knowledge at the touch of a button, support groups, books written on how to bring up your child. So I guess we have everything..
Discipline is different I think, now days it seams to be everyone business what you do & how you do it & when they bring laws in to reflect that it infringes on parenting. I have to say I don't recall talking back to my mum as much as my kids do it...either I have forgotten or my kids don't get enough time outs. |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 2:19pm
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I wish it was more like the older days. Not with everything of course but most things.
I get pressure to go back to work to earn $$, but id rather stay home. I think kids are spoilt, rude little brats now. I think children to need to be disciplined better. Now days parents dont do much because they are too scared of what others think. I dont get help from anyone other than DP. Which i find really hard, but thats also a trust issue on my part. Im glad we do have modern ways to cook, slowcooker, microwave etc. But there are way too many takeaway opitions. Too many packet foods. Junk foods. Also children need to play outdoors more. Too much tv, playstation etc. School is becoming too PC. Teachers should be allowed to discipline a child when they do something wrong. Not beatings/smacks etc. I mean a simple telling off without worrying about the childs parents coming to school and kicking up a fuss. I just cant believe the way some teachers are treated -------------  
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Posted By: ruth123
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 2:34pm
| Yeah, the discipline is a big thing - how is it that in our day we had a natural respect for our parents and wouldn't dare cross them but even preschoolers now are very cheeky! |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 2:37pm
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I think in our grandparents time there was more consensus as a society about how things should be done too. I may be wrong in that but my image of it is that there were stronger communities and people were raised with stronger values and morals than many of todays kids. That society as a whole had less options which is a good and bad thing. It would have made it simpler.
I agree with the annoyance of pc rubbish too - no-one would have put up with that crap in my gp's days. We seem to over think everything nowadays and don't have any common sense. An example - That whole thing about the cookie monster having to stop eating cookies because of the obese kids. The cookie monster does not make kids obese - their parents do!!! It passes off the responsibility away from the real cause cos god forbid hurting someones feelings. My boy would love to eat a whole pack of biscuits or chips in one sitting but i don't let him because it is not good for him. His health is my responsibility. ok rant over. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 2:44pm
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I so agree with the over the top PC and that there are so many different options/opinions easily accessible these days.
In some ways it is good, easy to find information about anything and everything to do with parenting, but then you get information overload and aren't sure what to do. As for PC, cmon, what happened to parental responsibility for your own kids. Its NOT the teachers job to raise them, or teach them moral values etc. They are there to teach the basics of schooling and reinforce good moral values, but not to teach and instill them in the first place. The government seems to be passing the buck of who should teach children how to behave on to teachers and in fact everyone but the parents. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 2:52pm
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I was talking to a friend earlier about discipline & how I we would not of done what our kids do as our mums would not of allowed it.
We were talking about Shorty St & how Harry got a light slap on the butt & called the police in. My friend said after a telling off & a threat of a slap her son now 12 said to her if she slapped him he would call the police & she told him that was fine as the police would come & take him away & he could live with strangers. He behaved without a slap. As a child I would of got a slap & be sent to my room. I don't smack my kids & very ready did in the past. My parents would of disciplined me while out. Now days you are at the mercy of your child's tantrums while out & that is not always an easy thing to deal with. |
Posted By: ruth123
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 2:54pm
| Well that's all very true - maybe it was easier in our parents' time. But then it was also a much more conservative society with no one allowed to be too different in any way. A bit repressive maybe. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 3:08pm
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I think we have more choice now. For example I returned to work and my partner stayed home .. that would not have been the done thing back in the day.
Everything is quicker and easier these days .. I mean my parents walked to school in bare feet in the snow (or so I am led to believe) ;) ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 3:53pm
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Hmm, I'm not really sure whether it's easier/harder or just different, since I'm quite young and don't really have any experience of what it used to be like!
However, my mum says that things were a lot easier for her. She thinks that although now we have a lot of 'technology' things were still easier then because you didn't have so many different and confusing options. She didn't have to do washing by hand or anything, she had a washing machine, but she did without a drier, etc. While she was expected to cook and clean etc. everything else was taken care of - my dad looked after the finances and all of the paperwork etc. so she didn't have many jobs that needed doing in town, other than groceries. She was also in close contact with family who helped out a lot with childcare and sometimes housework, and she used to have playgroup with her neighbors and friends. All-in-all she thought it was really rewarding to be a mum and spend her days at home while we were growing up, and she thinks it must be really hard for women these days that are expected to have and do everything. In comparison, I am studying full-time (which is optional as well, but in the end we need me to be in some kind of well-paid full-time employment or we are never going to be able to send the kids to school on hubby's wage!). This means that the kids need to be in daycare, which is well-subsidised for me apart from in the summer holidays - but in order to keep the kids place in daycare I need to keep them in over the summer, which means we are really out of pocket, because it's nearly impossible to get a job down here for only 6 weeks. Anyway, rant... Although DH does everything he can to help out (chores, looking after the kids, dinner, etc.) we lead very hectic lives as he is in full-time work and I'm studying full-time. I would love the freedom to stay at home for a few years with them, however I won't be able to get a student loan to pay for study if I don't do it now, for various reasons. We keep in touch with friends usually from afar - we have Skype etc. to talk about the kids but it's a battle to organise a playdate when all my mummy friends are busy and have mixed schedules due to work/study etc. I think the pace of life is more stressful these days than before. There is less time to just be - just be a mum, just spend unstructured time with the kids, with friends that have kids etc. Time to experiment with meals and have hobbies. But the main thing that I think is harder now is the huge number of options and expectations for mothers. It seems like there used to be only one or two ways of doing things, so there was less needing to choose, less guilt and less pressure to have so many gadgets for babies. My mum wasn't worried about which kind of nappies to use, which disposables are best, which fabrics and cleaners are best for cloth nappies, what the latest best skincare formulas are for babies, the lastest things that you NEED to do in order for you baby to get any kind of IQ, which expensive fabrics breath the best and are up with the latest fashions, which toys are designed to maximise your babies potential, which stroller has all the best accesories, which classes and groups to enrol your toddler in. She didn't have to decide on types of milk to wean a baby on to, whether to give pureed food or go with baby-led-weaning. There is so much conflicting advice these days, which I think is really good but it's also tiring. The main thing my mum always mentions is that she would spend ten days in hospital after each child, being looked after and being taught everything she needed to know about looking after a baby. I wish I'd had something like that to help me decipher all the contradicting pieces of information that I had to plow through in order to teach myself. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 5:59pm
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I think they had it simpler - everything was set out, you'd marry have babies stay at home, hubby would work and you'd do household duties. There was only one way to settle, clothe, feed, wean (etc) your baby and you often lived near family for support. Oh and you knew all the neighbours and the kids played on the cul-de-sac until tea time getting good outdoor fun. (cheery overview courtesy of my gma!)
I think though we have it easier with technology, clothes, MCN/Sposies, hands on hubbys, medical aid (ie. meds for reflux babies instead of moms dealing with a 'fussy' baby until they grew out of it). My Ma and Gma are constantly marvelling at my things saying 'gosh i wish we had this in my day!'. This thread made me think of a book we have here written in the 30's with advice for parents - it suggests tucking your child in bed as tight as possible so they have no chance to be unclean (ie touch themselves!) during the night among other gems, so pleased we are a bit more enlightened now! |
Posted By: RedHeadDuck
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 6:53pm
| Bowie even in my g'mas day she had meds for a reflux baby. She talks about having to boil formula of sorts on the stove until it 'just turned' and then adding something to it afterwards for her reflux baby. Of course he wasn't called reflux then but she knows now thats what it was.... |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 7:00pm
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I think in some aspects it goes both ways.
In our parents and grandparents time there was less choice, so simpler, I guess. Ther was also alot more help from families the whole "takes a village to raise a child" thing. Nowdays we are very lucky to have less labour intensive wash days and lucky to have gadgets to make life a bit easier. Nowdays, with the invention of the coffee group and the "supermum" we feel like we "should" be doing everythign ourselves and don't like to ask for help for fear of beingn seen as no good or weak or whatever. I think alot of pressures are societal, Like others say, you must have this gadget and that food and this stroller to have the best baby/parenting expereince and need to have them in 400 activities to raise a "brainy baby" and If you can't afford these classes or have no interest in them, then you get the general impression that you are doing your baby a huge disservice. HAving a teenager as well as two littlies, there are so many more nasty ecils out there to worry about, the peer pressure is intense to do bigger more outragous stuff and yeah, its hard. In Mum and Dads day there was no pressure on parents to allow "sleepovers" of boy and girlfriends at 16 y/o, very little pressure to let 14 y/o johnny go out in his mates souped up japanese import death trap, no 15 y/o coming in witha 3 litre cask of vodka and ornage gotten from goodness knows where. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 8:26pm
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We have automatic washing machines and disposable nappies can't get much easier than that.
If what my MIL has to say about it, babies were just as difficult and demanding as they've always been. There wasn't much help from Father's back then. I think we have it far easier, we have so much more choice about everything to do with parenting and babies and a lot more support both societal and financial. There wasn't any DPB 40 years ago. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 9:30pm
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Treasures did this article a year or two back. They interviewed four generations of Mum's in one family and each gave their perspective of parenting in their time compared to their perceptions of the other generations. It was a really good read. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 9:46pm
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I think that there is far more pressure these days to have all the right things, there is so much choice out there.
IE Cloth vs disposables - when I had my twins, Mum assumed I would use cloth, because she did with us. She couldn't understand why someone would want to shell out money on sposies. I remember things being simpler growing up, like others said, things weren't so PC, and we all turned out fine! In money terms, we are luckier, we have the option to take PPL, Mum didn't have that luxury. We have daycares and can go back to work if we wish. Having a man stay home is becoming more common. even still I think though that my parent's had it better, and the stresses were less then. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Spacette
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 9:58pm
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I think it's easier, generally, as long as you don't take too much of the pressure or confusing variations on board.
My mum says she would have enjoyed the support and alternative options that I have. It's partly circumstantial (first she was overseas and didn't know many people, and then we were travelling in NZ or living in the wops) but I'm pretty glad now that I'm not handwashing flat nappies for 5 with no hot running water.. Plus when I wistfully mentioned other countries with a year's PPL, older workmates reminded me that didn't get any. Agree about aspects of the simplicity being preferable though. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 29 March 2011 at 10:17pm
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This is a hard one, because my mum wasn't a typical mum, she worked while my dad stayed at home as he had an accident and hasn't worked fulltime in nearly 30 years. That meant that my upbringing has been a bit skewed on the 'normalities' of family life a generation ago.
I think we have it easier, but they had it simpler. For example, there is the choice of disposable nappies yet I still use cloth as I refuse to spend the crazy amount of $ sposies cost on something that stinks out my bin. I also see it as laziness when MCN's are so easy to use (sorry, opinion here!). Both hubby and I were formula babies (Dh because his mum didn't like it, me because mum couldn't feed properly), so it's the same as it was with my kids. They had washing machines like us, we are lucky to have a dryer though, I still wash my woollens by hand so no change there (although I hear people wash them in the machine but I just can't do that when someone's spent time on a beautiful handcrafted outfit). The day to day stuff isn't much different from my mum's day, but going back another generation, of course it took longer. The thing that gets me is how much is expected from society, of mothers now. I choose to work fulltime (I could stay at home but we couldn't even afford a $4 music session a week as the one activity Jack and I did) as we will be in a more comfortable position in a few years time. As for DH helping out, it rarely happens. He is away most of the year (army) and when he's home, he's too tired or too busy catching up on cutting the trees back etc to help out with a break for me. So in that regard, working fulltime, being a single mother most of the time while dealing with one child that gets sick a lot (immune disorder) and keeping up appearances that all is well is hard. I do have family around me that help out, for eg my MIL comes over on a Friday to look after the kids as we can't afford 5 days of daycare. My parents take the kids once a month so I can catch up on some sleep, but other than that we don't have that 'village' around us. Life is so full of stress that I am on migraine meds 3x daily, anti-depressants, 4 different types of vitamins (as I get sick and my hair is falling out from the stress of the last few months). Life was a lot slower back then and you could breathe, from what I have heard. I wouldn't have wanted to live 50-60 years ago compared to now, but would definitley be happy to live 30 years ago as it was a better balance of life (minus the stockmarket crash!). Life today isn't balanced enough for the majority of us working class. Affordability of housing etc is crazy. But we roll with the punches around here, although I must say not being able to be there for my son who is now looking at going on anti anxiety meds and going to counselling at 3 years old is NOT what I ever had in mind for my life, and I know that if I was a SAHM I could help him through the earthquake stuff better, but I barely see him. Sorry long post, but basically I hope you got from that, that I think life is easier from a day-to-day perspective, but overall it's more complicated and more stressful. |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 30 March 2011 at 7:28am
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I am a grandmother, I stayed at home, Hubby went to work, I used old fashioned cloth nappies, My Mum worked and so did his mum and his mum lived on the shore, so didnt get help from them because they worked.
But had auto washing machine and dryer, no dishwasher.not sure whether we had it easier or not . ------------- susie |
Posted By: Faffer
Date Posted: 30 March 2011 at 8:17am
Uphill both ways, wasn't it?  -------------  
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lilfatty wrote:Posted By: millymollymandy
Date Posted: 30 March 2011 at 1:16pm
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Gosh it think there's pluses and minus both ways. I had big chat about this with the "mums" a week or so.
My parents generation think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect parents and they laugh at all the gadgets and plans we have. They also think that we have unrealistic expectations about what being a parents entails. My Mum, MIL and their friends say that when they had kids (1970s) they had no expectations of having much of a life outside raising children. They didn't expect to have much space for themselves, didn't expect to go out, play sport, join clubs etc with preschoolers. I have a SAHM friend who sends her wee one to daycare for "time out" - they all think this is a bit precious. Most of them took time of work to have kids and then restarted their carears. I don't think anyone had much money, but I dob't think that bothered them much. Housing was cheaper, but Mum doesn't think the basic cost of living was too different. Cars in particular were expensive,as was petrol. They envy us all the great clothing options and they range of things kids can do. Mum hated cloth nappies, the washing the smell and the rashes. Ruth a good reference is Sue Kedley's "Mum's the Word", which is great history of NZ Motherhood. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 30 March 2011 at 1:41pm
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millymollymandy I liked your post it was a good read & I think what you said about unrealistic expectations is so true.
I think that is one thing I have struggled with now & then. |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 30 March 2011 at 1:52pm
| Didnt know that about old school reflux meds - maybe my gma was out of touch or perhaps just really really old! |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 30 March 2011 at 7:58pm
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I haven't read all the replies and I am just wanting to put this here as I am a parent of teenagers as well - which I think is harder these days because of things like Facebook etc... their peers as so much more 'open' on things and will quite happily say things through there which they would of never had the guts to say face to face.
But then if your a parent like me who has their childs facebook password you can monitor these things to a point but once said and read its hard to take back. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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