SAHM returns to work - condescending boss
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Topic: SAHM returns to work - condescending boss
Posted By: Jade15
Subject: SAHM returns to work - condescending boss
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 7:52pm
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Hi all,
I've recently entered back into the workforce on a part time basis, and although it was a hard decision leaving my babies I was excited by the prospect... up until recently. My boss and owner of the company is so condescending, quite arrogant and almost goes out of her way to belittle me (in front of my co-workers). I worked for 10 years full time prior to having children and not once have I experienced this kind of behaviour. The other day for example she was talking about me to another co-worker (literally right beside me). I turned and looked, she then said to me "I'm talking about you, not to you". I was gobsmacked and didn't know how to respond. She goes out of her way to make my day suck!!! She rolls her eyes while I speak at meetings, pfffs at openly at my suggestions - just really unprofessional. Perhaps I'm taking it personally and should just ignore her but it's gotten to the point where I now dread going to work (even though I love my position). I feel like I've made a bad decision in returning to work so soon... this is not what I signed up for!!! Any sugestions on how I might deal with this creature would be greatly appreciated 
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Replies:
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 8:00pm
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Omg what an immature bitch!!!!!
That is so unprofessional and very very rude! Is there someone higher up than her that you can speak to? I would probably tell her to stick her job 
ETA - Nevrmind I just re read and sae she is the owner, ugh thats a tough one! I would talk to her and tell her what you think. if it were me I couldnt go to work and deal with that. ------------- |
Posted By: isabel
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 8:10pm
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That is so unprofessional!!
according to this link http://www.dol.govt.nz/er/solvingproblems/resolving/procedure.asp Have you got a union you can contact? Im not to clued up on the procedure but i think if you have a mediated talk with her, bring support person with you who can film/tape/write down the meeting and your boss doesnt take proper steps to ensure you have a productive workplace to work at that doesnt discriminate (which this is and bullying) then if you decide to leave you can take her to court and argue compansation. I recommend however if the situation gets worse/ no improvment talk to a employment dispute agency. they will be able to point you in the right direction as well as what to do. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 8:15pm
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is it just you she is rude to or all her staff? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Jade15
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 8:26pm
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Thanks for your replies ladies.
I think about chucking my job in daily but grrrr I rely on the money it provides. There is another part owner of the company who had pre-warned me of her dryness. The thing is, she is friendly and cheerful with every other staff member except me. She is everyones best friend (well so it seems). Union/Employment disputes agency could be a good option. I'll definitely look into this!!! Thank you |
Posted By: fattykat
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 9:27pm
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[QUOTE=Sheza] Omg what an immature bitch!!!!!
I agree I would be a immature b!tch back  And go with being really really nice to the point of sarcasim (sorry my spelling sucks)
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 9:49pm
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If it were me, I would be looking around for another job so you can resign and flip her the bird on your way out the door!
Not sure what industry you're in, but I would be wary of going down the union/disputes route when you're working in a small business (or any business really) as NZ is so small.. sad but it can make getting another job difficult if you get a name for being a troublemaker that's going to take them to court when someone's being mean. I'm not saying I think that's right! Just that's what would worry me in this situation. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: Maju
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 10:03pm
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I agree that her behavior would certainly be classed as bullying. Under the law you are entitled to a safe working evironment and this relates to your physical and mental safety. Seeking the advise of an employment advocate would be a great step. It is a difficult situation to be in as I think as women we do tend to try and avoid confrontation or rocking the boat, however generally the longer that thess behaviours are allowed to continue the worse they become and the harder they are to deal with.
If you feel that you are not ready to take any steps in that direction just yet. I would strongly reccommend that you purchase a note book and document all the incidences that occur, the time and date and anyone else who may have been witness to them. You may never need to use it, but could prove to be invaluable if you ever do need to take more drastic action. Best of luck to you. I hope it all improves.
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 10:44pm
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Have you thought about talking to the other owner about how you are being treated? To me that is the first step. Or talking directly to her (not that I'd do that lol) ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 6:35am
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Sheza is right she is an immature bitch.
I take it it is a new position & a new place of work for you. If she is the owner there is nothing you can do & no one will stick up for you. What a sh*t position to be in. I suggest looking for another job, try not to leave till you have one. Sounds like she is trying to get you to leave on your own accord or shes just a nasty cow..or both. I don't think bringing in outside help is going to help as she is the owner, work will be more difficult. You have made a commitment to get back into the work force & being away form your kids, don't let her or someone like her put you off. |
Posted By: Pipee
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 8:08am
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That sounds awful! What I don't get is that if she is the owner/boss then she also had a hand if not all of it in deciding to employ you. Who employs someone and then spends all there time belittling someone? Isn't that counter-productive? Don't business owners want someone to be beneficial for there business? It sounds more like constructive dismissal to me...
I really feel for you, what an awful way to be re-introduced to the workforce  ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Lucky apple
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 8:57am
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...because you were warned of it by other co-owner before you started, it sounds more like how this person is, and not just your experience of it.
Sounds like a nasty person. Can you keep looking around for other opportunities? Would it help to "politely" stand up to her? Can you do some ground work, and find out how your colleagues have managed her awful "dryness"? good luck! |
Posted By: kiwikt
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 9:19am
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I would start documenting everything she does...because her behavioral is not appropriate, even if everyone else puts up with it.
Eventually she will push you too far and you will quit. If it does get this far the documentation will help you lay a personal grievance. Something similar just happened to a friend of mine - and she just quit. Now she is unemployed with a family to support. She really should not have allowed her boss to get away with the behaviour, but she did. And if you document it then you can take it to the other owner and say 'look, I can handle this and this, but these other things are out of control and something needs to be done.' ------------- Due 14/10/11 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: chickadeedoo
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 9:52am
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Document everything she says does. If you have a meeting with her about your performance, write down your notes and get her to sign it so that she agrees to what happened. Call up the Employment relations number through department of labour (or go on to their website) and ask them what to do. She shouldn't be like this and something / someone needs to bring her a few steps down to reality. ------------- 
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 10:14am
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I have worked for a b*tch like that, luckily I was one of the ones she loved but the only way I managed that was by sucking up and gritting my teeth when she sl*gged off other staff behind their backs. It's not worth going through the drama of making a complaint, documenting everything and going down that road, she is only going to make your life a living hell. The way I see it your options are either resign or suck up to her, as hard as I know that is to do. You can't reason with people like that.
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 1:44pm
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Sounds like she may be jealous of you returning to work part time and still being able to spend time with your babies? Either that or she is just totally disrespectful! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jade15
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 4:47pm
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Thanks everyone!
I have kept a log of everything she has said or done to date and also noted the staff who were witness to this. I haven't been there long enough to develop a relationship with the staff whereby I could dig a little deeper to see how others feel about her. It is a thought though. The Marketing Manager who hired me believes I'm doing a great job. Bless! Although she (evil creature) is my direct report. Had I met her during the interviewing process... perhaps I wouldn't be where I am today. However in saying that, I've had a bit of success today. I did not acknowledge her when I arrived this morning and thought that if any communication was going to be had between us then I was going to be quite firm. I've always been quite assertive but having been out of the workforce for so long I think I lost a lot of confidence along the way? Anyway, she had a run in today with an extremely rude customer and was quite flustered. I approached my boss and said "if anyone spoke to me like that, customer or otherwise, I'd tell them p*** off. You could pay me all the money in the world and I wouldn't tolerate that sh**!" and I walked away (I was shaking too I might add!). I def wouldn't say this to a customer but had to show her using the customer as an example that I have a voice and won't accept rude behaviour - from anyone!!! I still have my job by the way and for the rest of the day she was lovely!!!! What the hell?? Feeling a little more confident now and I'm not anxious about going to work tomorrow. Let's see what Friday has in store? |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 5:55pm
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I agree with LuckyRed if you want to stay there suck up to her walk in & say "where did you get those shoes OMG they are gorgeous & then stick your fingers down your throat when she is not looking...bets putting up with sh*t every day
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 15 April 2011 at 10:36am
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Sounds like she's trying to see how far she can push you? If it were me I'd definitely stand up for myself a little more, just let her know that you are on to her, and you aren't going to take any of her crap. I'm also wondering if she feels threatened by you for some reason?
Her behaviour isn't acceptable and I also agree that perhaps you do need to speak to the other owner.. ask if there are any issues with your performance.....etc.... ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Lucky apple
Date Posted: 15 April 2011 at 10:41am
YAY! Go you - sounds like you handled that well. Now, to follow up, don't let her get away with anything....perhaps all you'll need to say is "remember that customer?" Keep us posted! |
Jade15 wrote:Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 15 April 2011 at 6:06pm
| Sounds like she is feeling threatened by your skills and using undermining techniques to get you to cave in...silly tart |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 15 April 2011 at 7:01pm
Yea - what she said. -------------   
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 16 April 2011 at 9:41pm
| Sounds like a bully. And we all know that you have to stand up to bullies otherwise they continue to bully you. If you can manage to stand up for yourself by being firm yet not losing control then good on you! Sounds like you're finding your strength and confidence again. Tough situation! Especially after returning to the workforce. I'd be tempted to go cry in the loos... |