New sibling
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40317
Printed Date: 16 August 2025 at 1:25pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: New sibling
Posted By: JessDub
Subject: New sibling
Date Posted: 27 August 2011 at 8:17am
|
When B2 arrived, DS was heartbroken. He has not taken well to the new baby, resulting in tantrums, broken sleep and he has started pushing children at daycare (he has never hit, bitten or pushed anyone before).
I know it'll take time, care and attention, and we're working on it but the regular tantrums - especially when he can see I have my hands full are doing my head in and making me quite resentful and upset(if I can be honest). Normally I'll ignore a tantrum but I wonder if I should be doing something else? Any advice greatly appreciated. ------------- 
|
Replies:
Posted By: Lucky apple
Date Posted: 28 August 2011 at 3:01pm
|
I guess the balance has shifted & baby gets lots of your attention (as any baby needs)...but all that means to littledub is that he is not getting your attention. (....or any attention he is getting is due to his tantrums both at home and at daycare, which to a little person is better than nothing).
At 2 and a half he won't understand that you have your hands full...He'll still be self focused (which is age appropriate) and only has the capacity to feel what he is missing out on...and so, see the little new baby as the thing that's changed his world. It's ok....it's just a change. If it were me, I would probably.... 1)Initially carry on ignoring the tantrums, where you can... 2)Increase (if humanly possible) the positive attention your toddler is getting - so, if you can snatch a moment here and there to have some stories or one on one time with LittleDub; special time with your partner/grandma/nana friends; watch out for snippets of good behaviour and praise praise praise positive positive positive; involve him in your tasks with baby (so baby is getting needs met but toddler is also getting attention)....Once you have increased positive interactions and are (hopefully) both feeling a bit more positive about things in general I would then go on to... 3)tackle any ongoing difficult behaviour...perhaps chose one thing at a time to focus on. For example if say pushing is still a problem, maybe having a way of using time out (eg a minimal attention response) to respond to that. What people often find is that increasing the positive attention to positive behaviours before tackling the negative behaviour can sometime shift the balance enough that the bad/tantrum behaviour actually reduces to a more manageable level on its own. Hopefully that makes a bit of sense? GOOD LUCK!!! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 28 August 2011 at 3:39pm
|
Isla was 3yrs 3 months when DS was born. She always loved babies and was looking forward to having a baby sister/brother,....but in reality the first 6 weeks were sh*t! She was fine when he was asleep but a hideous demon child when he was awake. She would break things, climb the booksheleves do everything possible naughty when I was stuck on the couch feeding. I was left thinking "what have I done to my darling by having another baby?". It was awful.
About the 6 week make things magically started to get heaps better. Remember back to the shock it is to have a baby for the first time yourself- its was harder and way more time consuming and life changing than u ever could have imagined,......that what the older sibling is going through when there is a new baby in the house- its a lot for a little one to take on. It will get better!! |
Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 28 August 2011 at 4:40pm
Thank you Sally and Kellz  -------------
|
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2011 at 7:14pm
|
it can be really hard for them - and you too! lol!
Sometimes they just feel left out so giving them jobs to do like fetching a nappy or some clothes or flannel etc helps to make them feel involved and like they arent missing out on anything ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 30 August 2011 at 1:56pm
Oh god my DS was exactly the same! The only thing that consistently worked for him was lots of positive attention which is so blimmin hard with a new baby. That, and lots of time out in his cot  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Kate08
Date Posted: 04 September 2011 at 8:04pm
|
[QUOTE=JessDub] When B2 arrived, DS was heartbroken. He has not taken well to the new baby, resulting in tantrums, broken sleep and he has started pushing children at daycare (he has never hit, bitten or pushed anyone before).
If if makes you feel any better, the hitting and pushing is a normal phase at this age anyway. My second is 7months old. I'd say it took 2-3months for our 3 year old to get used to her and settle down. We had toilet training regression and tantrums and the occasional taking it out on the baby [luckily very gently, but still gave me some horrid moments]. I remember one awful day when we were both in tears at various points. I handed the baby over to my husband as soon as he got in from wotk and I sat down with my eldest and had a heart to heart worthy of an American tv drama. I told her that even though I was often busy with the baby, which I knew was hard for her, I still loved her very much. At which point she just started crying and we were there hugging and crying for ages. Behaviour improved after this Jerry Springer moment. Thank God. She now entertains the baby while I'm clearing up/cooking etc etc. It's a really nice stage. We still have off days though! Hang in there, it does get better. |
Posted By: sarasal
Date Posted: 09 September 2011 at 9:42am
|
My #2 bub is still a couple of months off arriving, so I don't have any advice from experience, but what I'm planning on doing is spending heaps of time at the park, library and other places DS (age 2yrs 9 months) loves, where I can sit and breastfeed and he can play with other kids and burn off his energy. Investing in active outdoor toys for outside at home is worth it too - sandpit, slide, ride-on toys etc.
I find the more exercise he gets, the easier he is to deal with. If we have to stay at home for days because of bad weather, he is a total maniac... aggressive, destructive. But a couple of hours at the park sorts him out. I also get DP to take him swimming and for long bush walks. |
Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 11 September 2011 at 6:56am
|
I'd say pretty much the same as above so I won't repeat that. Just thought I'd add - remeber it's a phase.
As the age gap is close enough I've been told after a while the toddler forgets there was ever a time when there wasn't a baby brother/sister. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|