Joining the PND bandwagon
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
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Topic: Joining the PND bandwagon
Posted By: Paws
Subject: Joining the PND bandwagon
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 5:06pm
Sorry for those who have already read this under September mums but thought I'd also post separetely for those who don't stalk those threads. 
Well I can safely say this has been a very trying week! It started out with a late night trip to A&E on Sunday night as my c-section wound has started weeping and turns out it is midly infected. Lucky I caught it early so I'm getting on top of that. In addition I've had a few total meltdowns in the last 18 days with an absolute whopper breakdown yesterday afternoon/night that hadn't improved huge amounts today. I felt the worst I've ever felt because I knew I came so close to wanting to shake Maddie and I know she picked up on how I was feeling and was scared. I can honestly say I felt like total s**t! (not to mention the worst mum in the world!) Lucky I was going to Monique (my GP & LMC) about my c-section wound anyway so I had a talk to her about how I was feeling. I did not want a repeat of the previous night! I've got a history of depression so I recognised these breakdowns were severe and not just the blues and Monique agreed best course of action was anti-depressents pronto. I'm on a mild dose to start and it will be reviewed regularly and increased if necessary. It's the first time I've been back on meds in almost 6 years but I was willing to do whatever it takes to get back on track fast and be a better mum. I know it's been said before but if new mums (or anyone for that matter!) are feeling really bad and low, don't hesitate to talk to someone and get some help! I know I'm already feeling mildly better just having taken that first step! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 5:14pm
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Sorry to hear paws but good on you for being able to recognise the symptoms and to act on them fast!
Just remember your an awesome mum and your doing your best!!! Maddie couldnt and wouldnt ask for anything more 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 5:16pm
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awww hunny i have been there soo mad and sadf and every outher emtion in the world and i did shake james (not hard) and i think many a mother has done somhing they are not proud offf i felt like the wrost mother in the world but you no what babys forgive very easyly and love you no matter what i glad you went to the docs as i didnt just kind off mubbled thur and somedays still do but you are very brave to get help and as you said its the frist step ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: mum2three
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 5:16pm
hey Paw bug hugs hun, i had PND with the boys so if you want to talk just PM me  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 6:36pm
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a reason why i love this website is that we can talk about hings like pnd and others openly and most of the time someone out there has gone through it and is going through the same emotions as you.
paws. you are a wonderful person and i have so much respect etc.. for you for reaching out and getting help.
i am going through it too at the moment but am feeling too alone and bad to ask anyone for help, and i have been having big meltdowns, really feeling like im loosing it, its horrible. gosh im all teary now. ok... im going to stop right here before i "hijak" your thread! take care |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 6:45pm
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It can be really hard to open up and ask for help...I felt awful sitting there and telling Monique how I felt...but Rachel, I would really encourage you to talk to someone, preferably your doctor. Once you get over the first hurdle of talking to someone you really do start to feel better.
And don't forget you have us all here behind you too!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 6:52pm
Like I've always said honey... you know where I am  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 6:54pm
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Big hugs Paws. good on you for recognising the signs and getting help. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 7:14pm
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Good on you for asking for help straight away!
I just today have gone back on fluoxitine for the first time in 5 years for my depression, and even though I'm an old hand at it now, its the asking for help that is the biggest hurdle. big hugs chick. xxx ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 7:43pm
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Good luck Paws
I don't have PND but I do remember what the first few weeks are like when you've just had major surgery that you weren't expecting, then all of a sudden this little person is totally reliant on you but doesn't seem to appreciate that you need to recover, so wakes you every 5 seconds all day long! I even remember saying (and rather loudly) to her when she was balling in her cot "NAUGHTY BABY! Mummy needs to sleep!". I felt so bad when she looked at me like "what? this is what I'm supposed to do". I had a lot of people here to help and offer advice and believe me when I say it does get easier - I know it might feel like the idea of Maddie sleeping through the night is a million years away, but she will, I promise! 
Hold on in there Gen - You're doing great making sure you get help. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 8:19pm
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Big hugs Paws. And as everyone said, good on you for recognising the symptoms and asking for help. While I didn't have PND< I did have the dsay from hell today also, so I can certainly sympathise with feeling like "worst mum EVER", but babies forgive easily and won't even remember things you say...two year olds on the other hand....
Anyway, glad to hear you are getting some help and remember we are all here for you! |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 17 October 2006 at 9:57pm
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Massive big hugs Paws and Rachel. You are both absolute stars for sharing and I know that you are doing the best for your little ones by doing so - shows how much you care and love them. Lots more for you both ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 9:56am
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Oh Paws!! BIG
I never had PND, but some days like Liz said...I had it rough. Zaara was and still is a light sleeper and gave me hell for the first couple of months....some days I use to just feel like sitting there crying! And some days she would cry and I dint know why? nothing I did helped and I would just feel like screaming and crying! and some days I did cry.....Its hard being a Mum...and only another Mum would know!!! We all think you are a wonderful Mum, please never think other wise. We are all here to support you...even if some of us dont know exactly what you are going thru...may be we should all get together and pig out on chocolate??!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 3:09pm
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Good on you for getting onto it so quickly, Gen - be PROUD! You've done the best thing you could. Hope you're not beating yourself up about the PND - seems to me like it's a pretty sane reaction to suddenly being plunged into motherhood, sleep deprivation, your entire life & future changing, your body and hormones being put through the wringer... there's no rhyme or reason to why some people get it and others don't, you're not a weakling and you're not insane! There's a light at the end of this tunnel (and if you're having a bad day of it today you might want to slap me for saying that... my bad!) and you'll get there - it won't be like this forever. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 3:30pm
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Thanks for the support everyone!!
Although it is a little disappointing to be back on meds I'm not beating myself up about it. Given my past history of depression we knew it increased my risk for suffering from PND. And hopefully it will only be a 6-9month course of treatment. In a way I'm glad of having had depression before as at least I knew the signs! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 3:48pm
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I think that to Paws having had it and watching my Mum go trough it I am pleased I know when thing's are getting on top of me. I ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 8:38pm
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Hey roomie - I was going to PM this but your inbox is full...in any case....
Gudday there, Sorry to hear that things are going rough for you at the moment. Someone has probably mentioned it, but Waitemata/North Shore District Health have a reasonably good group that can offer you and B extra support over the next months (they have outreach childcare/home help to give you a hand when B is back at work). Monique can send a referral for you if she hasn't already. Remember, you're getting over major surgery AND 40 weeks of diminished immunity etc due to growing a new person as well as sleep deprivation, cracked nipples etc. That on top of having a newborn in the house is like running three marathons in a row straight after competing in 10 ironman competitions (not to mention the emotional olympics of stress, fatigue, hormones and more stress). I can remember feeling like throwing Sean through a window when he was little and wailing. I still feel that way about him sometimes now. It doesn't make you a bad mum - just makes you human. I had a routine where when I was ready to snap, I'd put him in his bassinet or cot where he was safe, and walk very slowly out to the letterbox and back by myself to get away. If that wasn't enough, I'd head to the shower and bawl my eyes out until I felt I could go back into the room. Kids are tough to be around. Anyone who says differently hasn't been around them. Take care, salutations to B and M and prayers your way. Maree ------------- |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 20 October 2006 at 10:11pm
| Good on you Paws for getting help. I remember when Jack was having a growth spurt I told him I hated him. My partner got PND and he found that sleep was one of the biggest factors in him feeling better so look after yourself hun and try and get as much sleep as you can. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 20 October 2006 at 10:56pm
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I have watched this thread with interest anf find it so refreshing tohave us all talking about it ans upporting one another, also helps other mums going thru the same not to think they are the only one. to all those currently battling, hang in there, have been there and told my story many times, and have a fair few days where i still just can't handle stuff. Expecially for me now, if i have had a hard day at work, I am fine at work, calm collected great, doesn't phase me. but i get home and that's when, unconsciously, if mike says one thing wrong, SNAP, bawling mess of tears, frustration and just feeling like i'm out of my depth.. never thought starting a new job would affect me cos it's finally on the up and up.
Rach, I am so glad to hear you talk about your partner having had PND, not many people realise dads can get it. Mike had it with Ayja, big time bad, and there are still days when he is really affected by it, hence the remarks about loving Paris more, cos he doesn't have that strong bond there with Ayja, he loves her, he likes vbeing around her, but the diff is, when she gets stroppy, there's no patience there, not as much as with a child that you have an iron clad bond with. I remember him having a whole lot of trouble with her from the start and he changed alot when i had her. The worst thing i found was going out on my maternity placement when ayja was 4 months old.. being called out at 8.15 am on a sunday morning to attend a delivery - nothing prepared, Ayja decided that she would not take the bottle, and would scream constantly all day (she was a bad bad screamer.. )mike rung me, frantic, crying, at the end of his tether, and i knew that i could do nothing about it, i couldn't leave, i spent the rest of that day not focussing on the delivery that i was attending, but wondering and hoping that he was ok and my babies were ok, having been on the other side i know how worried he must have been when i would phone him at work when i had PND and anxiety after having Paris... cos i'd have panic attacks and get horrific stomach and chest pains, and feel faint. here he was at the other end of the phone at work, nothing he could do but hope that i'd ring back in 10 mins when it had passed to say things were all good. that was his way of helping me not feel so scared that the pain was something med related (i had fears that something was medically wrong and that i would flake or something while no one was home to see or take care of paris) it sucks. Yet another reason why, as much as i would love another baby, i just know that i couldn't handle it, mike wouldn't cope either, hence the vasectomy. Together we help each other out and it's made us stronger cos we have a good understanding of each other's triggers and can step in if one is getting stressed, but another one, who knows, theres always that fear that one of us would get the PND back and that's not fair on our other girls who we have battled through for. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 20 October 2006 at 11:29pm
I truly had never thought about partners getting PND. How sad is that? Good to know though. Thanks 
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 9:26am
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I know I made my own post about this a while ago, but one of the things that worried me briefly for a while was whether Roland would have any problems coping (considering it's his first time too), but fortunately he's been doing really well *and* supporting me when I have crap days like yesterday !
I agree with Gen that it is *so* hard to ask for help that very first time, but is such a relief once you have. It's a really hard road, and not just in reference to myself, but you really do need all the support you can get - because even though you're on your way to recovering there are still plenty of ups and downs. Anyway, if I get the chance this weekend I'll update my Anxiety thread... there have been a few things going on recently, but I've already rambled enough here  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 9:46am
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I worried about B breifly as well, he's had a few moments of wanting to snap at Maddie. It would have been an interesting senario with us both on anti-depressants.
I think we're lucky in that the difference is that while I will want to snap at Maddie, then feel guilty for it then head into a total meltdown becuase I can't control what my emotions are doing, B is able to mentally take those couple of steps back, take a few deep breaths and stay on an even keel. (I am so envious of him!). At the very least he is better able to walk away and let her cry in her cot for 5 or 10 mins while he takes a few deep breaths where as even though I know crying won't her and still feel like the worst mum out and I feel so horribly tense and yuk. It is a hard road as Jax has said but worth it once you are on your way to recovery! The visiting midwife actually commented to Monique (my LMC) that I'm already looking better since seeing Monique and getting the meds and sleeping pills. It was nice to hear because it helps me know that even though there is still a long way to go until I'm back on an even keel, there is a small difference already! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 10:38am
| i think ben having it kinda made me stronger cos I felt like I had to hold the family together Ben had a history of depression and when hes depressed he can't sleep so it was like a cycle. I started going to stay at my Mums once a week so ben could have time alone. he also went through a stage of having to go out a lot and get really drunk, it was like he was trying to prove that his life ws still like it used to be. He got back into dirt bike riding and i think thats one of the reasons he got better because he had something fun to look forward to. but as soon as he was better I had a really bad week and had a big talk to my sis who has battled depression for years and she helped me realise its ok not to be strong 100% of the time. having a baby is so huge I'm amazed lots more people don't get pnd. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 2:11pm
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Big hugs Paws!
There was a good article in the last edition of Parenting magazine about partners and how they cope/don't cope with PND. I have a history of clinical depression too, I was lucky with Maya that I was actually the opposite, I felt like she gav eme a purpose, but I'm struggling a bit this time round. It started during pregnancy I think, but I'm hoping that it's just the baby blues and will pass one I start getting some sleep. But like Paws says, because I have a history, I know the signs and I know to ask for help. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 2:23pm
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I think the being strong the hwole time was what mike did the first time so possibly he did have more ability to just take those steps back, and after paris's birth he held her for so long cos i couldn't, so that bond was there from her first moments, this time i had skin to skin for a long time with Ayja and mike never held her until after i got up to have a shower and i didn't feel out of my depth as much, so i guess he didn't have to be strong. Mostly things are all good, i think with all the job stuff lately it's been a bit of a step back but things are on the up and up again, i guess everyone moves in cycles of good and bad times. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 2:32pm
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We were lucky in a way that we both got to have skin to skin with the girls straight away. They gave me Sienna after Willie cut the cord then he grabbed her so I could deliver Mercedes, then the m/w took Sienna so he could cut Mercedes cord. I had to fight him for a cuddle tho.
It has def made a differnce to him bonding with the girls, with Maya he was kind of detached the whole time until she was about a year old and started getting interesting, but he is so into the gremlins, he even got up twice last night to help me with feeds. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 2:34pm
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gooo willie lol big hugs ladys ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 5:49pm
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To be honest, I think more people do get PND in some form (even mild but not the baby blues) but everyone is so busy saying how "normal" it is to feel teary and anxious and worried etc that it gets passed off as baby blues and not necessarily recognised as PND.
Heaps of people said to me that how I was feeling was normal and that it was natural to be overwhelmed. I was the one who recognised that I was a step over the normal baby blues and of course B recognised that I was "slipping" so to speak having seen me suffer from mild anxiety before our wedding. Going through this now makes me wish there was more education out there for people! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 6:11pm
| I agree, i think thats where you need to be aware and say no its more than the normal baby blues cos yeah most of us did get the blues but its when you are still feeling like crap a week or so down the track you need to be careful and dont let anyone fob you off. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 7:59pm
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The other thing some people can get is post traumatic stress type thing which can be the same in some ways, and many women get this and it is passed off as PND, or it is a major element of their PND which once addressed can help on the road to "recovery" again.
I found for me,I finally realised alot of my problems were stemming from just that feeling of suddenly being out of control straight after having Paris, when at first everything was good, i had the jab in my leg, placenta delivered, was holding her, then i felt kinda like an impending doom like feeling, felt a little weird, kinda saw the midwives start to get a little more edgy, one came and started furiously rubbing my tummy (i now know this is done to try and 'rub up' a contraction to make your uterus contract and stop bleeding) she did this for a while, then i started feeling a bit worse, they then quickly took Paris away from me and handed her to mike, and it all got a bit hazy from there, can remember one telling me then that i was bleeding and they were trying to stop it, and remember feeling very very scared and looking over at mike seeing him with a freaked out look on his face too. I blacked alot of that out for sooo long, but i truely think that was half my problem, cos for a long long time, when i read birth stories where the mum had had a haemorhage, or something like that, i would get the panic attacks, i then realised oncei finally wrote my own birth story for paris down, i missed that part out pretty much, but i would get shaky thinking about it. For me i think alot of things contributed but definately, recognising that what happened after her birth was the starting point for it, helped me to actually figure it all out, talk to people about it, and try to get over it.. although, i must be completely honest, as i type i am now shaking and cold feeling. I told one of my work collegues the other day when we were discussing at lunch that type of thing, am glad she left not too long after we had talked about it cos man i was shaky then too. If something untoward happened or you had things taken out of your control, it can impact big time... something to think about ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 8:46pm
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See I'm the opposite atm - the twins birth went so well that I'm having trouble coming to terms with it. I think it's months of worrying about them coming prem, and beig certain I would end up with an emergency c-sect, plus after a 3 day labour first time round I kind of feel like I blinked and missed the whole experience this time. I arrived at the hospital, put on a gown and got into bed and stayed there until the girls were out and the placenta etc. was delivered, it's all a bit surreal. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 8:54pm
| I was a bit the same Emma, Kobes birth was really up and down with me constantly throwing up, him getting in distress and him being prem, the diabetes etc... and they just took him straight away. I was worried this time round would be the same but it was great but when they started noticing things after she was born I remember sitting on the bed and thinking I dont want to see her till I know is going to be alright, I dont want to get attached and have something go wrong. but looking back it was just such an easy birth compared to Kobes. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 21 October 2006 at 9:39pm
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i think Ayja's whoel experience, of having a great fast birth without complications, and then having her feed great too.. made me realise, and feel really sad that i missed all that with Paris
------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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