Please - help need
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41359
Printed Date: 22 August 2025 at 3:53am
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Topic: Please - help need
Posted By: mrsmum
Subject: Please - help need
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 5:14pm
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This is one of those things I can't talk about to anyone which is why I have come on to this forum.
Since our daughter was born we have only had sex three times, I find it so hard to get into the mood and am just too tired/can't be bothered. It is really starting to make a impact on our relationship so I was wondering if anyone else has had this happen and how I can enjoy it again? |
Replies:
Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 5:38pm
Well I guess the question is.. what gets you going, or did before bubs came along. Sometimes all that's needed is a little spice, but something yr comfortable with, including but not limited to sexy lingerie, a night away, a sensual massage from DH, racy book to read, or sexual movie to watch. GL ------------- http://daisypath.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 5:54pm
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How old is your baby?
I agree with millemama. |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 8:19pm
If your daughter is 3 weeks old, then 3 times is pretty good going. If your daughter is 18, then maybe you have a problem 
Seriously - (and assuming your daughter is still a baby) i think the thing is to grab the opportunity while you can - I'm betting that by the time you get to bed, both you and your DH are exhausted and only want to sleep. Early morning is a good opportunity time - a quicky won't take too much time (or effort!) and I find that once you get going on these things - the more you do it the more you want (if you see what i mean) According to our antenatal class teacher - the average amount of times in the first year after having a baby is six! ------------- |
Posted By: pea-in-a-pod
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 8:21pm
mrs mum i had the same experience after i had my DD, DD is 5 months old & is a terrible sleeper & so times between DH and myself are few and far between & when we do have time i could never be bothered. we had a day out at the beach just us two, & found some homeopathic drops to help DD settle and sleep. it all has helped so much we are so much better & back together again if you know what i mean. new babies & being tired do drag on relationships more than i realised and it wasnt until the last couple of weeks of getting more sleep and having time with DH that you realise how much you miss each other. how old is your baby? things will get better even tho at the moment its hard to see how it could. relax & enjoy the times you do have together & perhaps ask a friend if they could look after baby for an hour or so so you could have a few minutes peace to do nothing but enjoy each other. all the best 
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 9:20pm
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Oooh, what homeopathic drops do you have to help her settle pea in a pod?
can't help on the sex front, we are MUCH worse than you sadly.... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 9:40pm
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I totally get what you mean, and I was on antidepressants too which basically kill any sex drive completely. My DH has a pretty big sex drive at times lol and so I couldn't keep him going without for long, so I agreed that every few days we would do something intimate even if it wasn't the full hog so to speak, hehe. It's really hard when you're so tired and can't be bothered, but I think it's important to try, and go to bed early on the night that you're going to try, maybe give eachother a massage first or something to set the mood as relaxing, and just see it as important for your relationship to at least try, even if you don't feel like it. And hopefully in time it will improve as things get easier with the baby. I think it's important to make an effort to keep your relationship going strong as well as just being parents but I know how hard that is too ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: mrsmum
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 9:56pm
Well that does make me feel better, she is just 6 months - not quite 18! |
catisla wrote:Posted By: mrsmum
Date Posted: 17 January 2012 at 10:01pm
That sounds nice, I think it is probably time we have a date night, we haven't ever been without baby yet and she isn't a easy one.I have almost forgotton what to do if a baby isn't involved. Also what are those drops if you don't mind me asking? |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 18 January 2012 at 8:36am
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I read that the more you have it, the more you want it.
A woman on Oprah (lol) vowed to herself, to improve her relationship, to have sex every day for a month. Both her and her husband said, while they don't do it everyday still, it's quite often and their libidos have both increased. It does work
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 18 January 2012 at 9:20am
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Yeah, sometimes it's just a matter of getting back on the.... er... horse.
DH and I go through... ah... dry spells and then once we've done it, we say to each other "That was great and I don't know why we don't do it more often". ('scuse all the puns) ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 19 January 2012 at 8:00pm
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I also found with both my boys that my libido was reduced heaps after birth for about 8 months. I usually am always in the mood but just really couldn't be arsed for ages. Occasionally we would if we'd had a few drinks etc, but it just wasn't the same for ages.
Things do get back to normal but it is important to keep some intimacy, hold hands, cuddle, kiss etc even if sex is off the menu. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 20 January 2012 at 1:58pm
Ditto MrsH. Schedule it (dont tell DH). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: pea-in-a-pod
Date Posted: 20 January 2012 at 3:47pm
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That sounds nice, I think it is probably time we have a date night, we haven't ever been without baby yet and she isn't a easy one.I have almost forgotton what to do if a baby isn't involved. Also what are those drops if you don't mind me asking?[/QUOTE] The Homeopathic drops i use are by Weleda & are called "avena comp - relaxing drops" some chemist stock them but Health 2000 always has them available or can get them for you on request! hows your little one been today? Paige has just been a bomb from the time she woke this morning, only had two 40 mins sleeps today, SO not enough for someone her size. tonight she is staying with DH parents as we DH & i have to be up and off early tomorrow for a seminar & cant take her with us. it will be the first time apart like that. im going armed with my breast pump!! im going to make the most of a babyless night & enjoy hubby while ive got him all to myself!!! |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 20 January 2012 at 6:27pm
Lol we went through this problem too i was always tired or couldnt be bothered, and a friends mum whos a relationship councelor said " mills & boon books will be your savour" LOL i thought she was a tad crazy and had never read them before, so i bought some and they were great, i wouldnt say they were a savour but they did help get us back on track ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 21 January 2012 at 11:22am
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Would you believe a lady I know (in her 60's) put me onto the Twilight books, thought they were just for teenagers, but bugger the teenagers, once I started reading them couldn't put them down, and the sexual tension flying around, especially in the first book, certainly got me in the mood. lol. And the bonus was I actually enjoyed the storyline too, surprising considering there was no sex until the 3rd book I think. And I'm in my 40's!! ------------- http://daisypath.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 22 January 2012 at 9:53am
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Sex? Whats that? :P
I'm getting you there totally! Its been well over 2 months for us LOL! ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: stacy196225
Date Posted: 05 November 2015 at 1:43am
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