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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42297
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Topic: Isolated
Posted By: mummyslittlewhirlwind
Subject: Isolated
Date Posted: 07 July 2012 at 10:43pm
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My little boy is 2yo nearly 3yo and I'm in this really weird phase in my life and wondered if others who have been here might offer some advice or opinions on how they dealt with it?
When I had a new baby I had postnatal depression so I found that I didn't take to mothers groups very well. And most of you will know that when you have a baby it's much harder to spend time with your friends that don't have kids. I've started working part-time (but it's a managerial role where I work on my own) and studying part-time but I think it's the nature of being in Auckland I find that people are so busy that they don't have time to make new friends. Especially in the type of Uni course I'm doing where people are working full-time and studying part-time. So my little boy goes to a childcare centre which he loves. But I find I'm not in the "working mother" camp and neither am I in the "stay-at-home mother" camp (ie. he's in childcare 5 days a week so I don't attend any mothers groups/coffee groups or playgroups). All this to say that I find myself pretty isolated and without friends at this stage in my life and it's really lonely! Any suggestions? |
Replies:
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 12:10am
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Dunno, watch out for meet ups on here? Can you make eye contact with some other mums when doing your drop offs/pick ups? and maybe approach them over time?
------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 8:58am
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Do you have hobbies?
I live in Akl we moved back here before DD was born and I've found there is a group/activity for anything and everything you could be interested in. As there are so many people who aren't from here I've found people to be friendly and had no trouble finding someone keen to meet up for a coffee. I have joined Playcentre as an outlet for me to be involved in something as I found playgroups boring for me. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 9:42am
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sorry, no advice here - I find the working moms all seem to already have social circles and dont invite new friends easily (and the SAHM's meet during the week).
so I've ended up in a similar boat with no friends with children a similar age. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 11:36am
were are you i am in the same boat i have a few friends but still get loney ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: mummyslittlewhirlwind
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 12:26pm
I'm in West Auckland. It's a tricky one I know. I also have my own business I do from home so again not a lot of human contact! It's insane because I love being around people and it makes me feel happier when I am! I'm hoping I'm not going to have to wait till my 2yo starts school before I find more friends as I notice a lot of mums make friends with their kids' school friends. 3 years away... 
It's also about having things in common with people who are at a similar stage in life as you. I just don't have as much in common with SAHMs anymore (no offense!) |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 6:59pm
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Ditto the hobbies idea (evening class of some sort/bootcamp/running group?), or maybe kids activities in the weekend in your local area. Then if you meet someone you like and chat to them a few times you can ask them for a playdate/coffee another time.
I think it's a bit like asking someone out, you think 'oh no they probably won't be keen etc etc', but you don't know if you don't try. I have made some quite good friends through things like that. I find that a lot of people don't ask or take the next step but are almost always receptive to being asked. After a few times you get a sense of whether you will be good friends. The hard thing is that sometimes you then realise that you don't really click and have to let things peter out! What are you into and where do you live? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 8:36pm
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The people I've met since having DD some I have nothing in common with apart from our children being a similar age. Kids are the ultimate icebreaker as there is always something to talk about.
Maintaining friendships is difficult when you have young children as so much revolves around them. I've only been back in Auckland 21 months and apart from one friendship I have before I left 10 years ago everyone else I've become friends with is new. I also have friends from around the country/world whom I keep in touch with via FB. Sometimes that's enough. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 08 July 2012 at 9:08pm
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I'm in a similar position in that I work part time so I'm not really in the SAHM boat but I'm not really one of the full time working career mums either. Sometimes its the worst of both worlds, but I try to think of it as the best of both worlds (ie I get some money but still see the kids some week days). So I spend my days off catching up with friends I have that are off work/sahm's. Could you possibly have one day off a week or half a day that you could take your son out of childcare to do some activities with him?
I have drifted away from alot of my pre-kids friends who haven't had kids, or are just having babies now (my kids turned 5 and 3 last week). But we are reconnecting now that some of them are having babies and "get it". I've also been luck that my sis had kids around the same time, so I've seen alot more of her while we were both off work. Most of the people I've met since having the kids have been through coffee group (my antenatal class), online baby groups (oh Baby!), the kids friends at daycare (through b'day parties) and playcentre (more like acquaintances but if I had more time I might have pursued friendships). I think your best bet may be to join something on sat (kids sport, playgroup for working mums who want to meet at weekend) or some sort of evening class/hobby or try to re-connect with old friends by inviting them over or meeting for coffee at the weekends. and having a few of his daycare friends to his 3rd b'day party if you're having one - you may meet a mum or two you connect with. Not sure if that helps! Which part of west ak are you? Do you have a partner? (not being nosey just wondering if you're just lonely for more friends in a similar phase of life, or lonely because you don't have adult company in the evening, if that makes sense) ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: xLUCKYx
Date Posted: 09 July 2012 at 12:57pm
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I hear you! I work part time - 5 hours a day 5 days a week and at work it is only my boss and I - so not really many people to socialise with or opportunity for meeting new people. I never got to do the coffee groups etc either apart from in the first few months after having my first child, but I was the only one who went back to work and just drifted apart.
I think that it is much easier said than done to make new friends but if you really want to, you just have to put yourself out there and create opportunities for yourself. It does get easier as well - my daughter is 4 now, nearly 5 and she is making her first real friends, which encourages communications with other parents as well. I am from West Auckland as well - maybe we should have a West Auckland meet up?? |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 09 July 2012 at 10:43pm
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What about seeing if you could join an indoor netball team, it doesn't have to be focused around your kids for you to make friends.
------------- Kel http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 10 July 2012 at 10:02am
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I love going to quiz one night a week, I only knew one of the team members when I started (another mum) but now I get along well with most of them, and they're people I wouldn't have really come across day to day. I guess because you are discussing the answers to the questions there is no pressure to make conversation.
But what I love is that it has nothing to do with the kids! Which sounds awful but definitely keeps me sane and means I have more of "me" to give. |
Posted By: mummyslittlewhirlwind
Date Posted: 10 July 2012 at 10:53pm
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Thanks for the advice - glad I'm not the only one!!
Yes absolutely maybe we should have a Westie meetup lol To answer your question, I am a single mum and I juggle so many things it's hard to find time for a hobby or a sport, or interest. But I think I will give it a go. I moved to be closer to my mum so I could spend a few hours out once a week if I wanted to do something like that. I'm a bit chicken.. and it feels like such an effort and in the past I've found it a bit disappointing! But! You never know till you try I suppose. Auckland sometimes feels like such an overwhelming place and everyone so busy. And I'm from Auckland!!! Thanks again
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 15 July 2012 at 9:20pm
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I always feel so busy too! Guess thats why its hard to meet new people, you stick with those you know cos you feel like you don't even see them enough.
So how about a sunday meetup then? Since week days are out, lol.
Maybe somewhere that the kids can play so we can chat? ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |