no time for sex
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42962
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Topic: no time for sex
Posted By: Jaynie
Subject: no time for sex
Date Posted: 15 January 2013 at 9:11am
| Hi there, i'm new but hoping someone can help me. I am mum to 2 girls, ages 3 and 7 months. we fall into bed exhausted each night and hubby wants sex, I am so tired i just want to sleep. He says it isn't normal, does anyone out there know what 'normal' is? It's affecting our relationship, normally we get on brilliantly, this is our only issue. Is anyone else having this problem? |
Replies:
Posted By: TeacherLady
Date Posted: 15 January 2013 at 9:56am
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Hi Jaynie, First thing: good on you for having two children. We have one and that's enough! So I want you to know that I admire you  (Hopefully that makes you feel good)The sex thing is hard. For me it was a mixture of massive(!) damage after Ferg's birth so I felt incredibly nervous, and or course feeling oh so tired- like you mention. I think that sometimes we put pressure on ourselves about what is 'normal'- some couples talk about having sex several times a week, but for us it's not like that. Sometimes it can be a while, as you know, tiredness and time flies with little ones and then you realise it's been a while. Things are getting better now though that Fergus is older, and I feel more confident again. Do you do other things that are intimate too? Hold hands, kiss, massage, talk even.. all with no pressure for sex. I find this is really important. DH and I are fine and dandy, and find that if we do little things like this, everything else follows in its own time. I don't know if this was helpful in the least, but wanted you to know you aren't alone  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 15 January 2013 at 10:23am
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I wounder if your DH feels a little left out. As mums we are so busy with our kids especially when they are babies & then we have the house to keep, shopping to do, mountains of washing, picking up after everyone, working in a job & so on & so on..its amazing somedays we make it to bed before we collapse in a heap & sleep. Why not get DH on board & make a plan, have a date night & get him to put the kids to bed, stuff the housework & dishes go spend time together. It does not always have to be at 10pm I think once you have kids you have to work a lot harder at your relationship, making time for your husband & making him feel he has not been replaced by a little person 
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Posted By: Jaynie
Date Posted: 15 January 2013 at 2:54pm
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It's good to know I'm not alone. I try not to leave DH out, he is actually really good with the kids, just prefers playing with them to 'looking after them' eg. bathing, feeding, etc. He comes home from work and just wants to sit down, this is when I would like a hand getting dinner etc. but he complains loudly if I ask him to do anything. I try to be organised so I can leave him alone but it doesn't always work. We do other intimate stuff, we are always holding hands, kissing and hugging. If we are ever alone - hardly ever! - he immediately wants to head to bed while I am thinking about all I can get done while the kids are gone. We do have a really good relationship, and normally talk everything over rather than argueing. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 15 January 2013 at 3:57pm
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I was thinking more of if he wants sex & you have things that need to be done then he helps get them done. If the girls go down at a reasonable time at night then go have a quicky & then you can do those things you want done. |
Posted By: Jaynie
Date Posted: 15 January 2013 at 5:09pm
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I just remembered what we used to do before I got pregnant with my last baby and we had this same issue. We set aside one night a week just for us, it worked well so I guess we can try that again. Thanks for the encouragement and support 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 18 January 2013 at 12:02am
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It's extremely normal. I actually apologised to my hubby last week on this subject, luckily he's pretty understanding that I'm pretty tired. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |