Coffee Catchup 9th September with Dorothy Waide
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Topic: Coffee Catchup 9th September with Dorothy Waide
Posted By: skiltz
Subject: Coffee Catchup 9th September with Dorothy Waide
Date Posted: 09 September 2013 at 10:19am
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OHbaby! Coffee Catchup - Palmerston North 9th September. Feel free to ask questions and Dorothy will reply when she can.
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Replies:
Posted By: kasia128856
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 3:08pm
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Hi I was the canadian mum with the little reflux baby. Could you remind me the names of the cereals that are good for reflux babies. Also if you can recommend any other foods to try to help her with it that would be great. Thanks.
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Posted By: kasia128856
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 3:10pm
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Could you recommend how to prepare my baby for a very long plane ride and how to best cope while on the plane. I'm flying with her alone and have a 14 hour and a 5 hour flight. We're taking the 14 hour at night in the hopes that she will sleep but i'm really worried how to survive such a long time with her on a plane alone.
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Posted By: kasia128856
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 3:11pm
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Dorothy you talked about feeding the 6 month plus babies every 3-4 hours and give them a top up before nap times. I'm doing that but the way it works out she eats and than in 2 hours it's her nap, she sleeps and within 2 hours she is eating, so we seem to be stuck in a 2 hour feeding loop - even though the before nap bed is mainly a top up. Any suggestions?
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Posted By: kasia128856
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 3:16pm
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Ok, one more: My baby really struggles with sleeping for more than 20 min during the day. She wakes up at a drop of a hat and won't go back to sleep. you mentioned picking them up and holding them firmly while cupping to get her back to sleep. Should i let her lay in her bassinet a while first and wait for her to attempt to self settle and risk her becoming totally wide awake or should i intervene when she first wakes and pick her up? Right now i put the dummy back in her mouth and rock her - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
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Posted By: camillebing119840
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 4:59pm
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I have a 4 month old baby who is fully breastfed and being fed on demand. I am hoping to get a bit more of a routine to our days as currently they are very random and I am starting to find to hard not knowing what the day will be like + I would like to increase the length of his day sleeps as currently they are very short. An average day looks a bit like this: baby will wake about 5.30am and have a feed, then I struggle to get him to sleep again until around 9am which means he is awake for much longer than the recommended 45minutes! On average during the day he has 2 hours between feeds with a 30min - 1 hour sleep between them. Then from 4pm - 7pm he wants to feed every hour (I have read that some babies like to cluster feed at this time of day so I have assumed that is what he is doing). At 7.30pm we put him down for the night and he will increase the time between feeds to between 3 1/2 and 4 hours, sleeping well between them and being pretty easy to settle (I feed one breast then change his nappy then feed the other breast and swaddle + put him into bed each time) until he wakes at 5.30am again. I suppose what I am asking is two things: how can I get him to sleep in the morning rather than being awake for a huge stretch of time and how can I increase the length of time of his day sleeps? also do you think that we should be in a routine by 4 weeks or are we ok to continue being a bit random with our schedule?
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Posted By: Ems29
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 7:27pm
Hi Dorothy, thank you for a lovely coffee group yesterday :-) My question I have is how do I develop a more consistent day sleep pattern with my nearly 10 week old? (I was the lady with the toddler and my baby in a purple wrap).
He has been pretty good at night lately going to bed in his bassinet somewhere between 10 and 11pm usually then waking for a feed and change around 3 or 4am, then going back down to around 7ish. During the day, however, he only seems to sleep for any length of time on me in the wrap or sometimes the pram (mountain buggy reclined). Using some of the techniques you showed us yesterday I managed to get one period of half an hour in the bassinet today, which is much longer than normal.
Rhett gets a bit of reflux (mainly silent I think - that's the one when they swallow it back down?)as well as just a general "fussiness" after some feeds - poss due to trapped wind. It does seem to be improving with age though. I also have the issue of having to work round a 5 1/2 yr old at school and a 2 1/2 yr old at home with me (except for daycare on Wed and Fri mornings). All 3 are boys and my 2 1/2 yr old is going through a very difficult phase!
I'd love to be able to get him to sleep in his bassinet for at least one of the sleeps as things like hanging out washing are harder in the wrap (also would allow some one on one with my toddler).
My husband is a shift worker with the pattern of 2 on, 2 off, 3 on 2 off, 2 on 3 off meaning I am solo parenting half the time.
Any advice/ suggestions would be much appreciated :-)
Many thanks
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Posted By: Guest_41927
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 9:06pm
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Hi Dorothy, thank you for an awesome session. I was the lady sitting up the front with my little 6month old Esther. She is my second baby and although i set out not to breastfeed to sleep AGAIN second time around it has happened. She is just starting solids and so i am making a real effort of working on developing a good daily routine and schedule with a morning nap and afternoon nap which after real struggles early on she seems to on a good day do over an hour for both. I seem to end up feeding her to sleep though every sleep and although this seems to work i cant get her to resettle at night. Last night i tried the cupping but she was resisting so much i struggled to hold her and she got histerical which she usually doesnt do. My questions would be: how best to develop a good feeding and sleeping routine - You mentioned in the morning to do cereal with milk followed by a breastfeed, how long after she wakes up should i be looking to do this? At the moment she wakes up anywhere from 5.30-6.30 depending on her last wake up feed during the night. I think we can work with the 2-3 hours of awake time between feeds but again i struggle to get her down without feeding her, as that is what i have always done. Also how do i do the cupping and resettling when she fights it so much, do i keep persisting until she goes to sleep or do i need to change it up? I usually leave her in her cot when she stirs until she sounds like she really needs attention.
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Posted By: Jaseva
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 1:38am
Hi Dorothy, I was the Chinese mum that asked about changing a toddler's routine when we are in China. She will be 17 months then. She goes to bed at 1930, and wakes between 6-7am. China is 5 hours behind, which means when we are there, she will get tired at 1430(chinese time) and wakes up between 1-2am. How should I deal with it? And also could you please share your note about traveling with babies that you mentioned at the catchup session?
One more question, my daughter is still sleeping in the same room with us, we are hoping to move her to her room soon-ish. Would you have any tips on how to do it please?
Thank you for such an informative session yesterday.
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Posted By: MichelleBish109236
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 10:16am
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Hi, how do i get my 8 month old, Ben, to have day naps in his portacot at other peoples houses? He naps for around 2 hours in his own cot at home without any music/dummy/toy and self settles but when he goes to his nans for the day while im at work he doesnt self settle in his portacot and nan ends up rocking him to sleep. When she looked after him at our house the other day he self settled in his cot and slept for the 2 hours. What is the best way to go about transitioning him to sleep in other cots? Thanks Michelle
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Posted By: jolzieb
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 12:11pm
Hi Dorothy, I had the energetic 18month old, he was a very colicy baby.
I'm hoping my next 1 won't be, as well as demanding a feed all the time we co-slept up to
6 months as I heard if you go over that they can't break away as easy, is this true??
I'm wondering if this 1 is as demanding what activities I can give my toddler to do to keep him occupied while
I am busy feeding or nappy changing etc
Also routines with baby and 18month old do I try and get baby to sleep the hours
the 18 month old sleeps plus other times.
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Posted By: heytez
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 12:37pm
Hi Dorothy,
I was the mum with the very "happy but noisy" almost 5 month old baby boy. At the moment he likes a dummy when going to sleep, can you please give some tips on how to wean him off it? Also, I think he must of heard what you said about stopping his 10pm feed as that night after your seminar he refused his bottle!
Also, I started him on solids about a week and a half ago, at the moment just some farex or avocado at tea time however at breakfast time he has been staring us down while we eat and getting upset when we finish our cereal without giving him any. This morning I tried offering him some farex after I'd eaten but he refused - should I keep persisting with breakfast or is it too soon?
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Posted By: kasia128856
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 2:01pm
Hi Dorothy,
You talked about feeding 6+ babies milk first before their solids - which i try to do. However a lot of the times she falls asleep on the boob and then becomes hysterical when i try to feed her to follow up with the solids - because at that point she just wants to nap. How would you suggest i manage to give her the milk and solids feed?
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Posted By: Julie128914
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 2:20pm
Hi Dorothy,
I am the mother of the prem baby.
How much EBM would you recommend adding to solids in order to have the feed and the solids in the one sitting. I am a little concerned that my son might not get enough fluids or might refuse the food as he is not a fan of EBM - he hasn't really wanted it at all since we left the neo-natal unit at the hospital. He struggles to have good weight gain so I don't really want him missing feeds.
Is there another way I could try and combine the milk and solids? I want him to get as much nutrients as he can without having to be feeding him most of his awake time.
Also, sometimes my son wakes up around 5:30/6am, has a feed and goes back to sleep and then sleeps till 8:30/9am. It is nice for my but not so helpful for daytime routines. He goes to be around 6pm. Do I still keep the daytime sleeps at the same times, should I try shorten his awake time to accommodate?
I would also, if possible, like your notes on feeding 5-8month olds that you mentioned at the session.
Thanks
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Posted By: claire128915
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 2:32pm
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Hi Dorothy, I am the mother with the 14 month old who is in the middle of dropping one of his two day naps, do you have any suggestions on how to do this? At the moment he is fine some days with only one sleep but on others if he is up earlier or hasn't had such a good sleep he definitely needs the second nap. Is there anything wrong with going from one to two and then back to one sleep again?Also when is the best time for the sleep? before lunch, after?
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 8:19am
Hi the cereals I suggest are millet, quinoa, oatmeal and wholemeal baby rice. If you do have a SILENT reflux baby then I would recommend not using the baby rice.
I have also attached my notes on introducing solids and vegetables as it lists the other foods to be aware of.
Dorothy uploads/45521/Introd_Solids_sept_2013.pdf" rel="nofollow - Introd_Solids_sept_2013.pdf uploads/45521/Vegetables_-_Sept2013.pdf" rel="nofollow - Vegetables_-_Sept2013.pdf
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 8:25am
Hi you havent mentioned how old your baby is and how you are feeding so I have attached my notes on packing for a flight. I would recommend that you let her sleep in your arms if you do not have a seat for her and I tend to close them down by placing a muslin or light cover over them.
There is no easy answer to how to deal with a baby on flight but I do keep to their routine as much as possible. As you are flying overnight ideally your baby will sleep most of the time.
Dorothy
[FILE=uploads/45521/Packing_for_long_haul_flight_for_baby.docx]Packing_for_long_haul_flight_for_baby.docx
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 8:37am
Hi thats exactly what I would do. So here is a guideline for feeding a 6 months baby - you havent mentioned whether she is on solids or not. If not then just ignore the solids information.
The time lines are guidelines only and you need to adjust to your family life. The guide though is to have approx 3 hour awake times and minimum napping of 1 1/2 hours. If she is up less than 3 hours then stretch her out at 15 minute intervals every 10 days. WHen you get to the 10 days stop, think and act the act may be to stay at that awake time a little longer or the act may be to do the next stretch.
I have also attached to guidelines with different ways to start the day i .e., milk first and the other is food first. As long as the cereal is being mixed with milk in my experience it doesnt matter what they have first and as long as they are being offered enough breasts during the day as well.
If your baby sleeps through the night it doesnt matter what type of food they have first either milk or solids, if they are night wakers I tend to try and do solids first.
6.30am Wakes
7.00am Breakfast cereal mixed with milk then breast
9.15am MOrning tea - full breast feed
9.30am Nap
11.30am Lunch - vegetables then breast
1.45pm Afternoon tea - full breast feed
2.00pm Nap
4.00pm Dinner - cereal mixed with milk then breast
Evening routine - bath, breast, clean teeth, stories (doesn't matter what you do first but teeth should be the last thing before hopping into bed)
6.30pm Bed for the night uploads/45521/Three_Meals_a_Day_-_food_first_5-8mths.pdf" rel="nofollow - Three_Meals_a_Day_-_food_first_5-8mths.pdf uploads/45521/Three_Meals_a_Day_with_milk_first_5-8mths_.pdf" rel="nofollow - Three_Meals_a_Day_with_milk_first_5-8mths_.pdf
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:26pm
Hi you havent mentioned how old your baby is or how you feed her so my suggestions would be to offer her a breast feed approximately 15 mins before her nap and then put her in her cot wide awake with no props(this includes the dummy). Here are my settling and resettling notes. These notes are for babies over 12 weeks.
SELF-SETTLING TOOLS
• Engulf Hold
• Cupping and patting
• Shushing
The ‘Engulf’ Hold
As the name suggests, this hold provides as much body contact as possible giving your baby the sense of being completely contained as if in the womb.
It positions your baby in such a way that you can initiate other settling techniques simultaneously. In addition, it also provides warmth, intimacy and the meditative beat of your heart.
Most mothers/fathers prefer using their dominant arm to support the baby’s body from underneath. Choose whichever side feels most natural to you.
Hold your baby so that her head is resting on the upper region of your non-dominant arm. For mothers, this ensures that their baby is not too close to the breast where she could be easily distracted by being close to their milk supply.
Draw your baby in close so that you are pressed tummy to tummy with your baby’s face nestled just below the top of your shoulder. Your palm will be on your baby’s bottom with her legs tucked up into your body and supported as such by your forearm.
With your non-dominant arm, reach around your baby’s shoulder and take hold of her arm to steady it, in other words to control the startle movement.
For this technique to be effective, there should be no eye contact or communication between you and your baby. Allow your own body to do the nurturing.
Patting and Cupping
Patting or cupping your baby’s bottom or lower body mimics your baby’s heartbeat and reassures your baby of your presence.
Patting is a rhythmic, firm and repetitive action done with your palm flat.
Cupping is a stronger action and is done with a cupped palm, incorporating both cupping and a short but gentle thrust forward of Baby’s body.
Both patting and cupping can be done in your arms or adapted for the cot.
Shushing
Shushing is a long, low sound, resembling air being released from a tyre. It should be loud enough so that your baby can hear it over her cry. It is thought that babies respond to shushing because it is similar to the sound that they experienced when in the womb.
Dummies (optional)
If you allow your baby to wind down before offering a dummy, it becomes a settling tool rather than a prop.
Props
Babies do not need to be rocked or walked around the block to encourage them to sleep. While movement may seem an obvious method to help soothe a baby to sleep, it becomes the hardest habit to break and interferes with self-settling. It is an unnecessarily labour-intensive approach that often delivers little reward.
Instead, imagine that your body takes the place of the cot in which your baby will eventually sleep independently; it makes sense that you remain stationary when settling her.
All props, including music, white noise, movement that cannot be done in a cot, dummies (when given straight away to a baby) create bad habits and interfere with a baby’s ability to learn self-settling.
Giving a dummy as a comfort tool is different from plugging a baby when they first go to bed (prop).
SLEEP, SETTLING AND RESETTLING
Much of your baby’s first 3 months was spent establishing feeding and sleeping rhythms. Her digestive system is still maturing and her sleep patterns are still evolving.
In the first 12 weeks your aim is to teach your baby, in a nurturing way, to settle and find sleep unaided and how to stay asleep.
How your baby’s sleep patterns evolve in the first 12 weeks will have depended on you and your household. Keep in mind that daytime rhythms will affect the night rhythms.
This routine is repeated throughout the day and night. With time, the amount of assistance with settling should decrease and eventually Baby will learn how to self-settle.
Once your baby learns how to settle and resettle, she will eventually be able to sleep anywhere.
You can’t spoil a baby at this age; they need lots of nurturing and reassurance.
Teaching good sleep habits requires TIME, ACCEPTANCE, CONSISTENCY and TRANQUILITY (TACT)
SLEEP CYCLES AND PATTERNS
It takes a minimum of 10 days to see changes (i.e. you are just looking for a dim light at the end of the tunnel at this stage) and the circadian sleep cycle takes at least 3 weeks of consistency. The changes do not happen over night but will happen over time.
Remember sleeping is a learned behavior.
Self-Settling
I believe one of the most important skills that parents can teach babies is that of self-settling. It teaches babies how to gain control over their emotional state and this in turn leads to them developing their emotional backbone as they grow. It does not happen overnight and needs to be taught in a nurturing way.
When you go to bed you read a book, meditate, watch TV, or chat with your partner – a baby can only do one thing and that is cry. There is nothing unhealthy about a baby crying before going to sleep. As a parent, it can be difficult to listen to but as long your baby is happy and contented generally, crying is just part of life. Remember you are not leaving her there to cry it out; you are leaving her there to give her the ability to find her own sleep. You will not get anywhere by leaving your baby to cry for hours. You will succeed quicker by giving her space and then helping her find her sleep.
Self-settling is the key to establishing healthy sleep patterns. It gently teaches babies how to find sleep naturally, without the use of sleep aids, props or interference. It is about allowing your baby the ability to find her/his own sleep unaided. By stepping back and doing this you are giving her/him the ability and her/his right to find her/his own sleep.
It is that small window that occurs when your baby starts crying until the moment you intervene to help her find her sleep. This window initially may be for only a minute or two but as baby grows it increases until eventually she will be able to find sleep independently. It is a crucial step in Baby’s sleep development.
Self-settling does NOT involve leaving your baby to cry it out alone to finally fall asleep due to stress and exhaustion.
Settling Cycle
Little steps will get you there quicker than taking big steps then finding you are not able to stick with it. I work on the principle that it takes most babies/toddlers 20 minutes to wind down before going to sleep and adjust this for each individual.
When putting your baby to bed you should do what I call ‘dump and run” i.e. put your baby in her cot and walk away and “do not hover like a helicopter”. Walk out of the room and shut the door. Remember a dark room creates calmness and also signals time to go to sleep. Light is for playtime and dark is for sleeping.
Any insecurity that you may feel in practicing this ‘dump and run’ technique can be alleviated by the use of baby monitors. A monitor with movement, sound and/or camera will provide you with confidence whilst allowing your baby to have a calm environment to have their naps and nighttime sleep.
First Stage
Leave to cry up to 5 minutes STOP THINK and ACT – the ACT may be to leave your baby for another 5 minutes OR
• Provide comfort with cupping/shushing.Option offer dummy. Remember this is to reassure and should be shorter than the crying time.
Then leave to cry up to 5 minutes, you may choose to do just 2 or 3 minutes here to begin with - STOP THINK and ACT
• Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Option offer dummy.Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. At this stage if your baby does not go to sleep then you do have the option of picking her up and putting her to sleep in your arms (see engulfing notes).
Second Stage
Leave to cry for 10 minutes then STOP THINK and ACT- the ACT may be to leave her for another 5 minutes OR
➢ You may choose to do just 2 or 3 minutes here to begin with - STOP THINK and ACT
Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Option offer dummy.Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep.
➢ Provide comfort with cupping/shushing. Remember this is to reassure and should be shorter than the crying time.
Leave to cry up to 5 minutes, - STOP THINK and ACT
Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing.Option offer dummy. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep.
Third Stage
Leave to cry up to 15 minutes then STOP THINK and ACT – the ACT may be to leave her for another 5 minutes OR
• Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Option offer dummy.Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep.
• Leave to cry up to 10 minutes, - STOP THINK and ACT
Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing.Option offer dummy. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep.
Fourth Stage
Leave to cry up to 20 minutes STOP THINK and ACT
• Provide comfort with cupping/shushing.Option offer dummy. Remember this is to reassure and should be shorter than the crying time.
Leave to cry up to 10 minutes, - STOP, THINK and ACT
Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing.Option offer dummy. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep.
REMINDERS ON SETTLING
You need to take small steps so depending on how you feel you can do the full cycle above or start with doing two lots of crying and at the end of the second cycle cup/pat/shush off to sleep.
Always try and settle in your baby in her cot. It’s harder to resettle her if you take her out of the cot, but trust me there will be times that you will do this.
Try not to use movement as a calming tool or to put your baby to sleep – this is the hardest habit to break.
When comforting don’t talk or give your baby eye contact – both of these stimulate. Instead, you can use the shush noise and let your body talk to her. Also try and stand to the middle or bottom end of her body when comforting. Remember we all do end up giving eye contact it is human nature; however, try to avoid doing it as much as possible.
You need to work within both your and your baby’s comfort zone. It is not about leaving her alone to cry until she is exhausted and goes to sleep, but it is about giving her space to find her sleep.
The crying isn’t to be crying at the top of her lungs for this length of time. your baby may start out loud and slowly reduce and also stop and start.
If the crying is constant at one level and goes for a long time then you need to reassure and see what is happening.
The crying time does depend on the cry but try not to go in under the time frame that you are working with - nothing is set in stone but you do have to push the boundaries to get results.
Do this settling up to 10 days – if it is not working then you need to reassess what you are doing. You may need to step back and allow her more time to find her sleep.
Resettling
This is how to get your baby to sleep and to enable her to stay asleep.
Resettling teaches babies how to progress from light to heavy sleep. This is essential to avoid the pitfalls of frequent waking and catnapping. In a sense, resettling is the second stage of teaching baby how to find sleep and does demand more time and patience than settling (TACT).
Most babies stir or wake when progressing from light to heavy sleep and this occurs anywhere between 20-45 minutes. In the beginning the idea is not to let your baby wake fully during this transition; a sleepy baby is easier to resettle than a wide-awake, crying baby.
Resettling is not about calming them down or staying until they just start to drift off, it is about staying with your baby until they go into a deep sleep.
However, as she grows you will need to step back and allow your baby the ability to try and resettle without any intervention.
The aim of resettling is to ensure your baby sleeps for not less than 1˝ hours per sleep rhythm. Your baby can also sleep longer than 1-˝ hours – ideally 2 to 2 ˝ hour naps are what you are working towards.
Generally a baby who does not learn how to resettle will have short sleep cycles and wake during the night without the ability to fall back asleep on her own.
RESETTLING SUGGESTED CYCLE
First stage – you may choose to miss this stage and go onto the next stage.
Respond immediately.
To coax your baby into her deep sleep, place one hand over her chest (this is what I call ‘engulfing’ in the cot) and with the other hand begin the cupping action, offer dummy and then progress to gently patting and shushing her back to sleep. You can also turn your baby on her side facing away from you and then do the cupping action.
Remove hand from chest and then pat lighter, ending up patting the air. If your baby does not change her sleep pattern then leave the room. If your baby wakes then you need to repeat the process and stay with her until she goes back into a deep sleep.
Second stage
Leave to cry up to 5 minutes
Provide comfort by cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Option offer dummy.Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. At this stage if she does not go to sleep then you do have the option of picking her up and putting her to sleep in your arms.
Third stage
Leave to cry up to 10 minutes
Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Option offer dummy.At this stage stay in the room until Baby goes to sleep.
Fourth stage
Leave to cry up to 15minutes STOP THINK and ACT
Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing.Option offer dummy. At this stage stay in the room until Baby goes to sleep.
Comfort - two ways of doing this, you stay in the room until your baby goes into a deep sleep and then you leave OR you can attempt to calm her down then leave and give your baby an appropriate time to see if she will resettle.
If your baby does not go back to sleep then you will need to stay with her until she goes into a deep sleep.
Always try and settle in her cot. It’s harder to resettle if you take her out of the cot, but trust me there will be times that you do this.
You can’t spoil a baby at this age; they need lots of nurturing and reassurance.
Do this settling up to 10 days – if it’s not working then you need to reassess what you are doing.
An example of resettling could be that your baby sleeps for 45 minutes wakes and it takes you another 45 minutes to coax them back into sleep and then they will sleep for another 45 minutes or less or sometimes more. Eventually over time your baby will not wake but continue to sleep through this wakeful period.
Waking Up
When your baby eventually wakes from sleeping, enter the room but avoid immediately picking her up. Instead reassure your baby with your voice, talking whilst opening the curtains. She will feel reassured with your presence.
This process is a subtle way of teaching your baby that her crying doesn’t automatically lead to her being a crucial opportunity to experience her own space and her own emotions, all the time knowing that you are coming to her.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:27pm
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Also remember not to do something in arms that you cannot replace in the cot. So rocking is great, however it cannot be repeated in a cot so this is why I do the cupping as cupping can be done in either arms or cot.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:38pm
Hi at 4 months ideally your baby's awake time is around 2 hours maybe stretching to 2 1/2 hours and by the time he is six months old he is ideally have awake times of 3 hours.
So if your baby wakes at
5.30am feeds
7.15am top up
7.30am nap - minimum 1 1/2 hours resettle or he can sleep longer
9.00am feed
10.45am top up
11.00am nap - minimum 1 1/2 hours resettle or he can sleep longer
12.30pm Feed
2.15pm top up
2.30pm nap minimum 1 1/2 hours resettle or he can sleep longer
4.00pm Feed
Bath, top up
6.00pm bed for the night
I always attempt to resettle during the night. Depending on how long you take to resettle during the day then this is what you would do at night. I will always feed a baby if they are hungry but in some cases they just need reassurance and go back to sleep.
Your question how do i get him to sleep longer is by teaching him to fall asleep and then stay asleep. Sleep is a learned behaviour and babies only learn to self settle and resettle through you being repetitive and consistent.
At the end of your question you mention 4 weeks so I am unsure how old your baby is so if your baby is 4 weeks old then ideally he is only up for 45 minutes to an hour and sleeps for a minimum of 1 1/2 hours. The notes that i have posted for settling and resettling for another question can be used for 4 weeks however the settling and resettling is done in arms ideally. - If your baby is 4 weeks and you would like the settling and resettling notes for this age then please either email me or repost (if possible) and I will send them to you.
With regard to a routine at 4 weeks the routine is that he wakes, you respond, you feed, he sleeps. The consistency is that his awake times are around 45 minutes and his nap times are minimum 1 1/2 hours
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:44pm
HI I would suggest swapping the wrap for a safetsleep as I feel this would give him the security that he feels while in the wrap. This would also mean that you could raise his cot head to help with the silent reflux and avoid him sliding to the bottom of the cot. Doing this hopefully will make the transition a little easier on him into the cot.
I would look at your household dynamics and work out one sleep a day that you could concentrate on teaching him to sleep in his cot for the full nap time. This would mean that you would need to do the self settling and resettling in the cot. FOr the other naps it would be great if once he is in the wrap that until he falls asleep that you could take the time to be still so that he learns to fall asleep without movement. This wont always be possible but a great time to sit with your toddler and read a story.
The other two times that I would concentrate on teaching him to sleep in the cot is when your 2 1/2 is at daycare.
It is hard when you have three little once and it is about balance.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:49pm
Hi i have posted two general charts earlier so take a look at them and see if that helps.
Basically I believe that it is important to offer the breast before they go for their nap. The trick is not to let her fall asleep so my suggestion is to offer the feed, then sleeping bag and then into her cot.
The next step is to use the settling and resettling guidelines that I have posted and be consistent for as long as it takes.
IF she does not like cupping then you need to figure out what else she will respond to. Some babies respond to just having your hands on them, others like to be stroked down between their eyes or at the side of their eyes. Some babies just like your presence.
Whatever you choose to do you need to take the time as it doesn't happen overnight.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:54pm
Hi I have already posted the packing notes for air flights earlier so hopefully they will help you.
With regard to time changes it takes 1 day for every 1 hour for your toddler to adjust so with using this theory it will take 5 days to adjust. IN that 5 days it is important to go into the chinese time and not say in NZ time. So when it is nap time in China it will actually be her bedtime in NZ so ensure she only has a nap and wake her so that she will be ready to go to bed at the Chinese time of night.
If she is going to bed at 1930 Chinese time then she will wake between 6 and 7 am chinese time as long as you keep her naps at the right length of time during the day.
With regard putting her into her own room, I tend to just do it. As long as you are feeling good about it then she will feel okay about it. Just move the cot into her room I would suggest having it int he room in the same position as it was in your room..
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 2:59pm
Hi Michelle
Do you have the additional thin mattress that you can put in the porta cot. If not then I would suggest purchasing one and then use the porta cot at home until he becomes comfortable with it. Which porta cot are u using. Some of them are very small so wondering if he is not liking the space limitations.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 3:06pm
HI I tend to say 12 weeks for co-sleeping but I think it is how you also parent. As a parent you can change things when ever you want by ensuring you have good boundaries
With regard to the baby it is hard to get the baby's sleep habits to fit the toddlers as the baby is up for 45 minutes and napping for minimum of 1 1/2 hours. The goal though is that when your toddler is down for his nap that you and the baby have some one to one whether it is feeding or sleeping.
I think the important point with having a toddler is to have a good village around you so that he can still get out and do some activities or have someone to entertain him while you are feeding.
WIth regard to changing I would encourage his involvement or better still let him have his own baby (doll) so that he can copy you and be part of it.
Does your toddler play on his own - if not I would stay encouraging this so he is used to doing this when the baby comes along. If he wants you to play just stop and think and the answer is mummy will be there in a minute Mummy is just finishing doing this. Don't give him a negative answer like no mummy can't she is busy
He will probably like reading when you are feeding and once the baby is latched then offer to read a story or watch an educational program on TV but remember to turn it off once the baby is fed.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 3:12pm
HI I have posted a couple of guidelines for mixed feeding already and also my notes on introducing solids and vegetables. Take a look at those and I think you will find that they will be helpful.
With regard to the dummy the way to wean him off is not to stick it in his mouth constantly and as soon as he goes to bed. Leave the dummy in the cot and only use it for the cot.
Also allow him time to self settle without it and also resettle without it. IF he doesn't self settle or resettle then let him have it but over time he will learn to fall asleep without it and also resettle. ALso if you are swaddling them it might be the time to un swaddle or do the angle swaddle see my website so that he can find his thumb.
I would also recommend only having cereal in the evening and mornings at this stage and when he is ready for the third meal of the day then introduce vegetables at lunchtime. The risk of offering foods such as avocado in the evening could result in an unsettled night if the food you offer reacts on him.
With regard to breakfast had he just finished a full feed and also how long had he been up for -- he may have been over it when you decided to offer it.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 3:14pm
Hi actually in my experience i offer solids then milk as long as the cereal is mixed with breast or formula
I think all the notes I have posted previously will help you - if not please let me know and I will give you more information. iF you cannot post on her then email me direct and let me know you are this lady.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 8:37pm
HI I have posted quite a bit of information that will help you with you questions. Have a read of the notes and then email me your phone number if you would like and I will give you a call. I am unsure of what you are meaning re the solid, ebm and milk and happy to have a chat with you.
The routine you have at the moment is fine as eventually the 5.30/6.00am feed will get later in the mornings and the rest of the day will move as well.
You havent mentioned how old he is - I remember your baby but not his age.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 8:40pm
Hi I tend to do a cat nap in the mornings so he can get through to the afternoon. In the transitional time I then move the lunch a little earlier lets say to 1130 and then nap straight after that. As time progresses I then move the lunch to 12 and the nap to after his lunch and then eventually to around 1 or 1.30pm.
I tend to have naps in the afternoon as if you are going to be pregnant with a second we all feel more inclined to want to rest after lunch rather than before so if your toddler is having a nap it means you get to have time to yourself as well. Mornings are always busy with classes and activities.
Some people do go back and forth with the naps when changing, however I just find it easier to do a catnap and then drop that as they get used to it.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 8:41pm
Hi Ladies
Thank you for all your questions and hopefully the answers will help you. It was lovely to meet you all at the OHBaby Coffee Catchup.
Remember before you do anything STOP, THINK, and ACT – work out what you are doing, why you are doing, and what you are trying to accomplish and then act.
Remember YOU are the baby’s mum and so listen to your heart and instinct. Yes, we all don’t do it by the book, or get it right the first time, but you need to make ‘mistakes’ to get it right for you. It’s a time of learning a little person’s personality and figuring out what works for your home life.
If you have the time I would love to see you pop over to http://www.facebook.com/BabyWithin
and 'like' it. You can then keep up with information that I post from time to time or hear from other mothers who write on the wall.
Please remember as a parent or carer that you should understand and acknowledge that Dorothy is NOT a licensed medical doctor or other licensed medical provider and the information that I share with you has come from experience and working with numerous families and babies and toddlers
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Posted By: Jaseva
Date Posted: 15 September 2013 at 10:22pm
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Hi Dorothy, I can't seem to open the "packing note for air flights", it doesn't show the link as it did in the other posts. Please help.
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Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 16 September 2013 at 10:46pm
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email me at dorothy@babyhelp.co.nz and i will send it direct to you
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