Coffee Catchup 20th Jan with Dorothy Waide
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Topic: Coffee Catchup 20th Jan with Dorothy Waide
Posted By: skiltz
Subject: Coffee Catchup 20th Jan with Dorothy Waide
Date Posted: 20 January 2014 at 11:57am
| OHbaby! Coffee Catchup - January 20th 2014. Feel free to ask questions and Dorothy will reply when she can. |
Replies:
Posted By: amyloucav
Date Posted: 20 January 2014 at 6:44pm
| If my 10 week old naps for 1 hour, wakes, and then I resettle her (a few minutes of patting and shushing is all it takes) and she then sleeps for another hour, is that counted as a 2 hour nap? Is she getting a deep sleep? |
Posted By: Tracy136649
Date Posted: 20 January 2014 at 8:15pm
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What is your toddler routine? Solids for a nearly eight month old breastfeed 7kg+. Do I start breakfast solids before milk now? at the moment she wakes up and wants to be milk feed straight away. At present I do 7 am milk feed, 8am solids (only taking 2 table spoons), 10.30/11 milk feed offered but never takes much, 11.30 solids (around 100g), 2.30/3pm milk, 5pm dinner soilds. 6.15pm milk and bed. Cause she doesn't take much milk mid morning do I still keep offering it then or dont worry about it? Thanks in advance |
Posted By: AnnaSimons108650
Date Posted: 20 January 2014 at 8:50pm
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Hi there, I have a 16 week old 7.5kg beautiful baby girl who started to wake in the night due to hunger, I have recently changed her last fed to bottle express milk from morning. This has helped the problem she now sleeps for 9 hours a quick fed then back to sleep for another 3. I think that this will only be a short term fix due to her weight, what was your suggestion you did tap on for 4 months starting solids? With not breastfeeding the last fed should I express as well to keep up milk supply? Also she takes bottle well and also from dad however if I am not in the house she refuses to take the bottle from dad until I return- any suggestions? And finally would you suggest a safeTsleep wrap for her in her cot, she hasn't started to roll but not far off. Thank you in advance and thank you for a great afternoon. |
Posted By: amyloucav
Date Posted: 20 January 2014 at 10:40pm
Sorry, to add to my question, will she eventually sleep a full 2 hours without needing to be resettled (day time naps)? When does this usually happen? |
amyloucav wrote:Posted By: Michelle104888
Date Posted: 21 January 2014 at 7:43pm
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I know you said this is the hardest thing to do...but my 7m old boy often wakes after one sleep cycle in his cot and is impossible to resettle. He will just cry and if it sounds like he's ramping up after 5mins or so, I will go in. I have tried leaving him in his cot and stroking his tummy (he would never stay on his side for shunting-type movements), sssshing him etc, but he often just cries harder. I have tried picking him up and he usually stops crying immediately, but will be looking all round the room in a very overtired way, and cries as soon as I put him down again. I usually leave the room with him still crying, which I hate. I have started taking him for a walk each morning so he sleeps a decent amount, but can't do this for every sleep. Also, I have noticed he seems grizzly and even a bit sleepy for the hour after he gets up in the morning. He started sleeping 12 hours through the night (7-7ish) a couple of weeks ago, so I expected he would seem more refreshed than he does. Any thoughts and tips on the above? P.S. We have just discovered he had a prominent tongue tie that was affecting his milk intake yet hadn't been picked up at birth, and this has has contributed a lot to the less than ideal sleep patterns he has developed. He was always a catnapper and never seemed to follow a natural schedule no matter how hard I tried. I think we're getting there now that he's had the tongue tie released, but obviously the habits are still there! Thanks. |
Posted By: Michelle104888
Date Posted: 21 January 2014 at 7:44pm
| Sorry I should have also said that we have darkened his room as much as possible. |
Posted By: DonnaBucklan137281
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 8:54am
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My baby is 11 weeks and a half and he is a happy active boy. He does sleep from 9pm to 7am ( or 6:30am)but not good at napping. He likes to feed, play and play, not feed play and nap. He does do a good nap after a morning feed for a couple of hours, but afternoon is always a challenge and I'd be lucky to give him a half an hour nap between feeds. Any tips here? I am remembering your phrase of "babies need two types of nutrients, feed and sleep". Another thing that is concerning me is him moving around in his cot. For a couple of days, I got up to find him having done a 270 degrees turn in his cot ( on his back) and lying down perpendicular to his normal cot side. He uses a sleeping bag so I didn't tuck him in tightly before he went to bed. I am concerned whether he may push himself against wall (he does that) and hit his head against bars. Any advice would be appreciated. |
Posted By: 2bmum
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 10:31am
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You mentioned that Dorothy's Drops can be useful for managing colic/gas discomfort when used each feed for babies, but to ask for your notes rather than get the off-the-shelf remedy made-up by Quintessence. Can you share the recipe please? Also, notice that your guidelines sheet doesn't include a top-up feed for 0-6wk babies? Is this because they tire more quickly or because their awake time is shorter so don't have as quick gastric empty? You indicated that too slower teat can mean the baby takes on a lot of air, which can cause gas. But the recommended newborn teats are the slowest flow - so what flow/size do you recommend? Burping as required - any signs I should be looking for to indicate "when required"? Starting solids based on weight - what "weight" do you recommend solids be started? I had a lot of difficulties getting my 1st child to eat purees from a spoon 6-9mo, and in the end gave up and tried finger foods - good but couldn't control amount she ate, and she relied heavily on breastmilk before solids - which meant poor sleep etc. outcomes for me = exhausted mummy. |
Posted By: KyliePorter121417
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 11:44am
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Hi there, Mr 3 months has not been having a lot of awake time lately as we have been looking for 'tired signs' and putting him to bed shortly after feeding. Yesterday I followed your guidelines and kept him up for 1.5 hours then put him down. He settled well, & would sleep 2-2.5 hours, resettling by himself if he woke. Last night, however, he still woke 3 times. This morning I did the same.. kept him up 1.5 hours then put him down. He settled okay but woke 40 mins later & wouldn't resettle. My questions are 1) how long should I persist in trying to resettle him before giving up? 2) If I'm not able to resettle him what do I do? Feed him & start the routine over again? 3) If he's slept less than the suggested 1.5-2.5 hours, do I keep him up for less time next cycle, or still 1.5 hours? And does that start from the time he wakes? Thanks |
Posted By: SLStead
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 2:18pm
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My little miss is 10 weeks old. Overall she has been pretty good but her sleeping patterns are a bit erratic. I have followed your awake time rules since Monday and have found she is sleeping from approx 8pm until 2am - waking very hungry - and then for a further 3 hours after I put her down (it takes about 45mins total time). Do I need to look at trying to resettle her during the night to get her to sleep longer or will she just extend the time in her own time? I also found that she was sleeping longer in the day which means she is having fewer day feeds - approx 4 rather than 5-6. Do I need to worry about this? She weighs in at approx 6.5kg so has been gaining well but that has been based on more feeds during the day (I think her total feeds are still the same but now there are two that I would say fall in the night - approx 2am and 6am). You had mentioned that "dream feeds" weren't a good option if you have to wake them and I wondered what the reasons were - unfortunately I missed it during your talk. She is also a big one for having her hands up. I currently use a Love to Dream swaddle and she likes that but have been trying the snowbaby during the day (my technique isn't great) to see if she likes it so that she can access her fingers if she likes. She is very sucky. I understand that she should loose her startle reflex soon so may not need to be swaddled making access to her hands easier. You said you use sleeping bags. Is it about this time that you swap them over? Is there any trick to it? Thanks for your help in advance. |
Posted By: Vista
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 4:04pm
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Hi there, We have been putting my 15 week down for day naps in her pram in the lounge and were initially deliberately not trying to creep too much around her because our theory was to hopefully encourage her to be able to sleep anywhere and not to require peace and quiet, and also to help differentiate between day and night. However, as she has got older I have found this harder and she is less likely to drop off if there is too much going on so I have started now putting her in our bedroom in the basinette with the curtains drawn (where she sleeps at night) - am I right in thinking you recommended a quiet dark room both day and night? I have also stopped swaddling in the last few days as she seems to have suddenly taken a dislike to it - has started grizzling and writhing and fighting it when I try and swaddle. However, the tightness and security of the swaddle does seem to help her sleep plus, when I don't swaddle, she plays with her hands which keeps her awake. Would you persevere with the swaddling for a bit longer, even though she now fights it? I have been putting her in a sleeping bag and just using a thin muslin tightly tucked over the top to give her a bit of tightness and encourage her arms to stay down (although she can easily get them out if she tries hard enough!) Any other recommendations? Also, in the last few days she has started often crying as soon as she hits the basinette mattress (proper crying with tears, not just grizzling) - is this just a phase they go through? As soon as I pick her up again she will go back to being happy and smiley. By picking her up and cuddling her am I instilling bad habits? I'm not sure why she's started doing this - she's never had a bad experience in there, we don't let her cry it out so she shouldn't have any negative associations with her bed. It seems to be getting worse, although it's more of a problem at night than during the day. Any suggestions? Thanks for any help you can give! :) |
Posted By: Vista
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 4:30pm
| Sorry, another quick question ... I've been playing music during my daughter's day naps so as to mask any noises I make whilst pottering around in the hope that she is not startled and awoken by any sudden noises (eg crockery clinking whilst washing up, dogs barking ,etc.) Sometimes relaxing music, other times whatever I fancy on the ipod. My question is will she eventually become dependent on having music playing in order to settle herself to sleep? |
Posted By: Anna97685
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 4:50pm
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Hi Dorothy Thanks for Monday - I find your seminars so interesting and I came away with a few more good tips. Its a shame I had to leave early as we were just starting to talk about things that related to my girls stage. I do have one question - can you please give me a rough plan for a six month old so i have something to work towards for my 5 month old girls. They currently get up at 7am, are awake for 1.5 hours and sleep for 1.5 - 2 hours pretty much like clockwork throughout the day with their last nap more of a catnap of 45mins. I know i will need to stretch their awake times over the next month or so, so it would be interesting to see what a days schedule might look like starting at 7 and ending between 6 and 7. I am EBF and planning to start solids at about 6 months. Many thanks again Anna |
Posted By: Bridget1234
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 5:21pm
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Thanks for a great session on Monday! My boy is 10.5 weeks old and I'm trying to get him to nap longer. He sleeps well about 10 pm until 9 am with one long feed time in the middle. You said to spend 20 minutes resettling before you do what? When you are aiming for 1.5 hours of sleep, do you include all the settling and resettling time? Did you say it is ok to hold baby for up to the entire nap time while teaching him to sleep and resettle? I have black and white pictures on the wall by his basket that he loves to look at when he wakes. Do you think this is a distraction for sleep? I feel he'd just stare at anything when he's not settling anyways. Since Monday I have spent lots of time resettling baby and have also started taking him off the boob each time he falls asleep. And I've had lots of really upset crying during awake time which is very unusual for him and he's too upset and tired to have a feed before bed/naptime like he usually does. Is this normal resistance or something I'm doing wrong? I thought perhaps I'm actually keeping him up longer than usual since I've started watching the clock. Thanks so much! |
Posted By: KyliePorter121417
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 9:17pm
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I've been trying to persevere with the 1.5 hour awake time however things have been going downhill. Every nap today (Thurs) he has woken after 30-45 minutes. I only managed to resettle him once and he slept for just an extra 15 minutes. I'm not sure what to do with him when he wakes early - let him cry; feed him; entertain him...? Should I be extending his awake time gradually, or just jumping straight to 1.5 hours and expecting him to cope? He's so overtired, today has been hell. Thanks in advance. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 24 January 2014 at 8:02am
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Hi I would consider that she has had a 2 hour nap, however what type of sleep she has in that nap is hard to say. There are approx 5 levels of sleep, however the goal for naps is to ensure they have a minimum of 1 1/2 hours so you are doing well |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 24 January 2014 at 8:14am
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Hi I have attached my toddler routine for you . As you can see I keep meals and milk together rather than spreading them out, however I do offer milk before going for naps. At 8 months it is important and recommend by MHO and Plunket that solids are given before milk. FOr some babies it can take a while to adjust so if this is the case I would offer a little milk, solids, then remainder of milk until you can reverse to solids first. Your routine for me would look more like this - I have based the wake up time at 630am and having awake times of 3 hours and 2 naps of a minimum 1 1/2 hours so if this isn't the case then you need to adjust accordingly 7.00am Solids plus milk 9.45am Milk feed 10.00am Nap 12.00pm Lunch optional to offer water or milk here 215pm Milk feed 2.30pm Nap 4.30pm Dinner plus milk bath, milk, clean teeth 7.00pm Bed uploads/45521/toddler_2_nap_routine_OHBaby_.pdf" rel="nofollow - toddler_2_nap_routine_OHBaby_.pdf |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 24 January 2014 at 8:37am
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Hi with regard to the bottle I totally believe that breast babies take the bottle better with the mum in the home. This is just about being there to 'approve' her having it. Hopefully overtime she will be okay about. ALso the Dad may feel more confident with you in the house so over time they will get their own pattern going. Yes, if you are missing a feed then pump. YOu need to be consistent with this so ideally pump as close as to the time you can or have time in the evening when you do it as she is sleeping With regard to the safetsleep it is natural for babies to move around in their cot, but some babies do get into unsafe positions or start climbing out of their cots at an early stage. It is a personal choice whether you use a safetsleep - it is a good product and i tend to use it with reflux babies (as their cots are raised) and also when transferring a baby that has always slept in arms it tends to give them more security in the cot. If you are concerned about her moving in the cot then you could try one. Starting solids I tend to look at the weight of the baby and the age. IF i start a baby on solids it is not about giving them new tastes, but about giving them more calories as they are hungry. I start with a cereal as this is basically thickened milk. I don't want babies missing out on their fats and nutrients from milk when they first start. I have attached my notes on solids and vegetables for you to look at. uploads/45521/Introducing_Solids_-_Ohbaby.pdf" rel="nofollow - Introducing_Solids_-_Ohbaby.pdf uploads/45521/Dorothys_Vegetables_Ohbaby.pdf" rel="nofollow - Dorothys_Vegetables_Ohbaby.pdf |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 26 January 2014 at 11:19pm
| Hi yes ideally over time she will learn to resettle without you having to help her, however I find that resettling is time consuming and takes time but the end result is worth it. With my experience it can take me anywhere from 2 weeks to 12 weeks to teach a newborn baby to resettle. Hope that helps |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 26 January 2014 at 11:32pm
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Hi I am a great believer that bedrooms are for sleeping in and other parts of the home are for other things ie. kitchen for cooking, sitting room for entertaining etc. Yes, dark is for sleeping and light is for playing so yes keep with the darkened room. It is different from a darkened room at night. I teach babies to sleep anywhere by initially teaching them to sleep in their basinettes/cots and in darkened rooms and once they learn how to sleep and resettle then I find that they will sleep anywhere. How you have replaced the swaddle with a sleeping bag and the muslin tightly tucked is exactly what I would do. If she is not enjoying that, then you could do the angel swaddle that I demonstrated for a while and then into the step you are currently doing. Yes, it is, however are you feeding her before she goes down for a nap and also what is her awake time. Remember at 15 weeks I would be stretching her awake times to 2 hours and by the time she is six months to 3 hours. Don't look at it as a bad experience though as she isn't. I don't believe picking up a baby is installing bad habits you are actually reassuring her and then starting the procedure again. SHe is also not having negative associations with her bed but she could be saying ha I am not tired enough or she could be saying I am still hungry. So I would need to know what you are doing before you put her to bed. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 26 January 2014 at 11:45pm
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Hi I would suggest that you start and take baby steps and move forward slowly. I do find that when there are sleeping issues there are feeding issues and as you mention he was tongue tied and that has been sorted. You haven't mentioned how you feed him - whether he is on solids. I have already posted information on solids and vegetables so my suggestion would be to offer solids, then milk, then play, then top up and then nap. His awake times ideally are 3 hours, however you mention he is up for an hour and is tired so it is important we stretch this out. Is he grizzly because he is hungry or bored. YOu mention movement but there are many ways of doing this so I would try and see if there is one movement he prefers over the others. Sometimes a slight rocking of his body in the cot tends to work. His routine to me would look like this 6.30 am wakes 7.00 am cereal mixed with milk and fruit. Offer milk feed once he leaves the highchair 9.15am Morning tea - offer full milk feed 9.30am Nap - minimum 1 1/2 hours resettle if he wakes - this can also be a moving nap out and about 11.30am Lunch - vegetables with a good carb and protein, offer sips of water with meal - optional to offer milk straight after 1.45pm Afternoon tea offer full milk feed 2.00pm Nap - minimum 1 1/2 hours resettle if he wakes 4.00pm Dinner Cereal and vegetables mixed together or vegetables with a good carb. Offer milk feed once he leaves his highchair Evening routine - Bath, Milk, Bed for the night 6.30pm Over time when you stretch his awake times out further then his lunch time will be closer to 12 or 12.30 and his dinner will be around 5.00pm and bed by 7.00pm You haven't mentioned how he goes into his cot for naps or at night time so this will play a part in his resettling. I will post the settling and resettling notes at the end of the questions |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 26 January 2014 at 11:51pm
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Hi at 11 weeks I would be doing wakes, feeds, play, feeds, naps. I am guessing you are breastfeeding as he naps well in the morning and is a challenge in the afternoon. I would suggest that you look at your food and liquid input and ensure you are drinking and eating well. Remember you need good protein and carbs while breastfeeding. Also in the afternoons try a protein shake or protein shake 30 minutes before a feed - this gives your milk a boost. It is normal for babies to move around their cots - as long as you are happy with this then it is not a problem. If it concerns you or he is getting into unsafe positions then you could try a safetsleep. Or you could also use the air vent mesh bumpers which will protect his head when hitting the sides of the cot. The goal would be to have his bedtime around 7pm so that you have time for yourself and your partner. 9pm is too late to go to bed when he grows and is going to school so it is a good time to try and work with the bedtime you want him to have as he grows. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:03am
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Hi I am happy to share the recipe for Dorothy's Drops so have attached my notes on how to use them which includes the composition. Most babies between the ages of 0- 6 weeks have just enough time to feed, burp change and finish feeding and a quick cuddle and back to bed. I do however recommend for babies that are fast feeders to be offered a top up before going back to bed. Their gastric emptying is the same however, after 120 minutes the gastric emptying for a breast fed baby is 16 6o 18% . Like anything with babies when purchasing products it is a recommended guide and you need to look at each individual baby. I have used fast flowing teats on newborns as well as slow flowing teats - it does depend on the babies sucking ability. It shouldn't take longer than 20 minutes to feed a baby or a baby shouldn't be struggling to drink a bottle. Burping as required - not sure what you mean by this as most babies need to be burped. When you do it again is up to the individual baby. Some babies like to do a full feed and only burp at the end, others burp half way through, others a 1/3 through and it also depends on whether the baby is breast or bottle. Some of the old fashioned ways that a baby looks have now been proved incorrect so its really about getting to know your baby and learning together to when you burp. Starting solids is widely discussed and I take into account both the age of the baby and weight. Starting solids doesn't solve the issues of babies sleeping well if they haven't been taught to self settle and resettle. Apart from weight and age of a baby I also look at their behaviour and if I have had a baby that sleeps well and is happy and contented, self settles and resettles and starts to become grizzly, and waking more often and weights 7.2 kilos then I would consider starting solids. However, when I introduce solids, I do start with cereals as I don't believe in introducing new favours at the stage, it is more about having a contended baby who actually requires more calories and I do believe that they need their nutrients and fat from milk. uploads/45521/Dorothy’s_Colic_Drops_Final.docx" rel="nofollow - Dorothy’s_Colic_Drops_Final.docx |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:09am
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Hi okay in his awake time I would offer the breast twice - first when he wakes and then again before you put him down to bed. Remember to keep him awake for the top up and do the feed, swaddle/sleeping bag and then into bed. When he woke during the night did you try and resettle before you fed during the night. At 3 months resettling could take me up to 45 minutes. This means I am with the baby either cupping/shushing/offering dummy or if he doesn't re settle then I would also try and do it in arms. It takes approximately 20 minutes to self settle, therefore when you are trying to resettle it could take anywhere from 20 to 40minutes. IF you are unable to resettle then you start their awake time from the time you pick him up so yes you feed, play, top up and back to bed. And yes I try and keep him up for the suggested time frame and this starts from the time you decide that the nap is no longer happening. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:23am
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HI at 10 weeks her routine would look something like this 6.30am Early morning feed - depending on how long she takes to feed depends on whether I would do a top up before going back to bed. 7.30am Top Up 7.45am Nap - minimum 1 1/2 hours resettle if she wakes 9.15am Mid morning feed 10.15am Top Up 10.30am Nap as above 12.00pm Mid day feed 1.00pm Top up 1.15pm Nap as above 2.45pm Early afternoon feed 3.45pm Top up 4.00pm Nap as above 5.30pm Feed, bath, top up 6.45pm Bed for the night Night waking I always resettle before feeding, this ensures you are feeding for hunger and not comfort I tend to unsaddle babies around 11 weeks as the startled reflex becomes a controlled movement, however some babies still like to be swaddled so it does depend on the individual baby. To transfer from the swaddle you are using I would use a sleeping bag and then swaddle on the top with the snow angel swaddle that i showed you I have attached notes on dream feeds. uploads/45521/dream_feeds_ohbaby_2014.docx" rel="nofollow - dream_feeds_ohbaby_2014.docx |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:24am
| Yes she will become dependant on the music. I would suggest that you teach her to sleep through household noises, however it is a personal choice. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:32am
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Hi a rough guideline for your girls would look like this 7.00am Wake 7.15am (stretching outto 7.30am as they grow) Breakfast - cereal mixed with milk and fruit, followed by milk feed 9.45am Morning tea- offer full milk feed 10.00am Nap ( i have based the routine on 1.5 hours for naps but just adjust if they sleep for 2 hours) 11.45 (stretching out to 12midday as they grow) Vegetables - offer sips of water with meal When i start on solids I still offer a milk feed 2.15pm Afternoon tea - offer full milk feed 2.30pm Nap 4.15pm (4.30pm - eventually this will be 5pm) Cereal mixed with milk and fruit, followed by milk feed Evening routine - bath, milk 7.00pm Bed for the night I have attached notes on how to introduce solids and vegetables and I would suggest starting with either breakfast or dinner, then the next meal would be the opposite to what you started with and then the third meal is lunch. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:39am
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Yes it is okay to hold a baby to teach them to self settle and resettle. As long as you are not doing something in arms that you cannot do in a cot. So the goal is for your body to become their bed if you are holding them. At 10.5 weeks his awake time will be between 1 to 1 1/2 hours so I would suggest that you have consistency with his awake times - lets say he is awake for an hour. In that hour you would feed him when he wakes and depending on the length of time he would then play and 15 minutes before going for nap I would reoffer the breast and let him take as long as he wants. It sounds like you have been feeding to sleep so my suggestion would be to offer him the feed, if you take him off and he wakes, then you can re offer again. ONce he has had enough then remove him from the breast and then swaddle and put him to bed. When he cries then pick him up and start the settling process. The awake time starts when you take him out of his cot, his naps start when you put him to bed for his naps or night sleep. I have attached the settling and resettling notes for under 12 weeks to help you. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:40am
| Cots are for sleeping in so if the pictures are distracting him then I would put them around the change table so he has something to look at while changing. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:44am
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If you take baby steps then you will get to where you want to go. I would suggest stretching his awake time by 15 minutes and then holding for 10 days. At the end of 10 days STOP, THINK and ACT the act may be to stretch another 15 minutes or the act may be to hold for another 10. At the end of the second 10 days then I would suggest that you do the next stretch. Hi what are you doing when he is awake are you offering him a feed before he goes back down for his naps If he wakes early and you cannot resettle then you start the awake cycle and carry on |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:45am
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Settling and resettling for babies over 12 weeks SELF-SETTLING TOOLS • Engulf Hold • Cupping and patting • Shushing The ‘Engulf’ Hold As the name suggests, this hold provides as much body contact as possible giving your baby the sense of being completely contained as if in the womb. It positions your baby in such a way that you can initiate other settling techniques simultaneously. In addition, it also provides warmth, intimacy and the meditative beat of your heart. Most mothers/fathers prefer using their dominant arm to support the baby’s body from underneath. Choose whichever side feels most natural to you. Hold your baby so that her/his head is resting on the upper region of your non-dominant arm. For mothers, this ensures that their baby is not too close to their breast where she/he could be easily distracted by being close to their milk supply. Draw your baby in close so that you are pressed tummy to tummy with your baby’s face nestled just below the top of your shoulder. Your palm will be on your baby’s bottom with her/his legs tucked up into your body and supported as such by your forearm. With your non-dominant arm, reach around your baby’s shoulder and take hold of her/his arm to steady it, in other words to control the startle movement. For this technique to be effective, there should be no eye contact or communication between you and your baby. Allow your own body to do the nurturing. Patting and Cupping Patting or cupping your baby’s bottom or lower body mimics your baby’s heartbeat and reassures your baby of your presence. Patting is a rhythmic, firm and repetitive action done with your palm flat. Cupping is a stronger action and is done with a cupped palm, incorporating both cupping and a short but gentle thrust forward of Baby’s body. Both patting and cupping can be done in your arms or adapted for the cot. Shushing Shushing is a long, low sound, resembling air being released from a tyre. It should be loud enough so that your baby can hear it over her/his cry. It is thought that babies respond to shushing because it is similar to the sound that they experienced when in the womb. Dummies (optional) If you allow your baby to wind down before offering a dummy, it becomes a settling tool rather than a prop. Props Babies do not need to be rocked or walked around the block to encourage them to sleep. While movement may seem an obvious method to help soothe a baby to sleep, it becomes the hardest habit to break and interferes with self-settling. It is an unnecessarily labour-intensive approach that often delivers little reward. Instead, imagine that your body takes the place of the cot in which (your baby) will eventually sleep independently; it makes sense that you remain stationary when settling her/him. All props, including music, white noise, movement that cannot be done in a cot, dummies (when given straight away to a baby) create bad habits and interfere with a baby’s ability to learn self-settling. Giving a dummy as a comfort tool is different from plugging a baby when they first go to bed (prop). SLEEP, SETTLING AND RESETTLING Much of your baby’s first 3 months was spent establishing feeding and sleeping rhythms. Her/His digestive system is still maturing and her/his sleep patterns are still evolving. In the first 12 weeks your aim is to teach your baby, in a nurturing way, to settle and find sleep unaided and how to stay asleep. How your baby’s sleep patterns evolve in the first 12 weeks will have depended on you and your household. Keep in mind that daytime rhythms will affect the night rhythms. This routine is repeated throughout the day and night. With time, the amount of assistance with settling should decrease and eventually Baby will learn how to self-settle. Once your baby learns how to settle and resettle, she/he will eventually be able to sleep anywhere. You can’t spoil a baby at this age; they need lots of nurturing and reassurance. Teaching good sleep habits requires TIME, ACCEPTANCE, CONSISTENCY and TRANQUILITY (TACT) SLEEP CYCLES AND PATTERNS It takes a minimum of 10 days to see changes (i.e. you are just looking for a dim light at the end of the tunnel at this stage) and the circadian sleep cycle takes at least 3 weeks of consistency. The changes do not happen over night but will happen over time. Remember sleeping is a learned behavior. Self-Settling I believe one of the most important skills that parents can teach babies is that of self-settling. It teaches babies how to gain control over their emotional state and this in turn leads to them developing their emotional backbone as they grow. It does not happen overnight and needs to be taught in a nurturing way. When you go to bed you read a book, meditate, watch TV, or chat with your partner – a baby can only do one thing and that is cry. There is nothing unhealthy about a baby crying before going to sleep. As a parent, it can be difficult to listen to but as long your baby is happy and contented generally, crying is just part of life. Remember you are not leaving her/him there to cry it out; you are leaving her/him there to give her/him the ability to find her/his own sleep. You will not get anywhere by leaving your baby to cry for hours. You will succeed quicker by giving her/him space and then helping her/him find her/his sleep. Self-settling is the key to establishing healthy sleep patterns. It gently teaches babies how to find sleep naturally, without the use of sleep aids, props or interference. It is that small window that occurs when your baby starts crying until the moment you intervene to help her/him find her/his sleep. This window initially may be for only a minute or two but as baby grows it increases until eventually she/he will be able to find sleep independently. It is a crucial step in Baby’s sleep development. Self-settling does NOT involve leaving your baby to cry it out alone to finally fall asleep due to stress and exhaustion. Settling Cycle Little steps will get you there quicker than taking big steps then finding you are not able to stick with it. I work on the principle that it takes most babies/toddlers 20 minutes to wind down before going to sleep and adjust this for each individual. When putting your baby to bed you should do what I call ‘dump and run” i.e. put your baby in her/his cot and walk away and “do not hover like a helicopter”. Walk out of the room and shut the door. Remember a dark room creates calmness and also signals time to go to sleep. Light is for playtime and dark is for sleeping. Any insecurity that you may feel in practicing this ‘dump and run’ technique can be alleviated by the use of baby monitors. A monitor with movement, sound and/or camera will provide you with confidence whilst allowing your baby to have a calm environment to have their naps and nighttime sleep. First Stage Leave to cry up to 5 minutes STOP THINK and ACT – the ACT may be to leave your baby for another 5 minutes OR • Provide comfort with cupping/shushing. Remember this is to reassure and should be shorter than the crying time. Then leave to cry up to 5 minutes, you may choose to do just 2 or 3 minutes here to begin with - STOP THINK and ACT • Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. At this stage if your baby does not go to sleep then you do have the option of picking her/him up and putting her/him to sleep in your arms (see engulfing notes). Second Stage Leave to cry for 10 minutes then STOP THINK and ACT- the ACT may be to leave her/him for another 5 minutes OR ➢ You may choose to do just 2 or 3 minutes here to begin with - STOP THINK and ACT Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. ➢ Provide comfort with cupping/shushing. Remember this is to reassure and should be shorter than the crying time. Leave to cry up to 5 minutes, - STOP THINK and ACT Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. Third Stage Leave to cry up to 15 minutes then STOP THINK and ACT – the ACT may be to leave her/him for another 5 minutes OR • Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. • Leave to cry up to 10 minutes, - STOP THINK and ACT Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. Fourth Stage Leave to cry up to 20 minutes STOP THINK and ACT • Provide comfort with cupping/shushing. Remember this is to reassure and should be shorter than the crying time. Leave to cry up to 10 minutes, - STOP, THINK and ACT Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. REMINDERS ON SETTLING You need to take small steps so depending on how you feel you can do the full cycle above or start with doing two lots of crying and at the end of the second cycle cup/pat/shush off to sleep. Always try and settle in your baby in her/his cot. It’s harder to resettle her/him if you take her/him out of the cot, but trust me there will be times that you will do this. Try not to use movement as a calming tool or to put your baby to sleep – this is the hardest habit to break. When comforting don’t talk or give your baby eye contact – both of these stimulate. Instead, you can use the shush noise and let your body talk to her/him. Also try and stand to the middle or bottom end of her/his body when comforting. Remember we all do end up giving eye contact it is human nature; however, try to avoid doing it as much as possible. You need to work within both your and your baby’s comfort zone. It is not about leaving her/him alone to cry until she/he is exhausted and goes to sleep, but it is about giving her/him space to find her/his sleep. The crying isn’t to be crying at the top of her/his lungs for this length of time. your baby may start out loud and slowly reduce and also stop and start. If the crying is constant at one level and goes for a long time then you need to reassure and see what is happening. The crying time does depend on the cry but try not to go in under the time frame that you are working with - nothing is set in stone but you do have to push the boundaries to get results. Do this settling up to 10 days – if it is not working then you need to reassess what you are doing. You may need to step back and allow her/him more time to find her/his sleep. Resettling This is how to get your baby to sleep and to enable her/him to stay asleep. Resettling teaches babies how to progress from light to heavy sleep. This is essential to avoid the pitfalls of frequent waking and catnapping. In a sense, resettling is the second stage of teaching baby how to find sleep and does demand more time and patience than settling (TACT). Most babies stir or wake when progressing from light to heavy sleep and this occurs anywhere between 20-45 minutes. In the beginning the idea is not to let your baby wake fully during this transition; a sleepy baby is easier to resettle than a wide-awake, crying baby. Resettling is not about calming them down or staying until they just start to drift off, it is about staying with your baby until they go into a deep sleep. However, as she/he grows you will need to step back and allow your baby the ability to try and resettle without any intervention. The aim of resettling is to ensure your baby sleeps for not less than 1½ hours per sleep rhythm. Your baby can also sleep longer than 1-½ hours – ideally 2 to 2 ½ hour naps are what you are working towards. Generally a baby who does not learn how to resettle will have short sleep cycles and wake during the night without the ability to fall back asleep on her/his own. RESETTLING SUGGESTED CYCLE First stage – you may choose to miss this stage and go onto the next stage. Respond immediately. To coax your baby into her/his deep sleep, place one hand over her chest (this is what I call ‘engulfing’ in the cot) and with the other hand begin the cupping action and then progress to gently patting and shushing her/him back to sleep. You can also turn your baby on her side facing away from you and then do the cupping action. Remove hand from chest and then pat lighter, ending up patting the air. If your baby does not change her/his sleep pattern then leave the room. If your baby wakes then you need to repeat the process and stay with her/him until she/he goes back into a deep sleep. Second stage Leave to cry up to 5 minutes Provide comfort by cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. Stay in the room until your baby goes to sleep. At this stage if she/he does not go to sleep then you do have the option of picking her/him up and putting her/him to sleep in your arms. Third stage Leave to cry up to 10 minutes Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. At this stage stay in the room until Baby goes to sleep. Fourth stage Leave to cry up to 15minutes STOP THINK and ACT Provide comfort with cupping/shushing then patting and shushing. At this stage stay in the room until Baby goes to sleep. Comfort - two ways of doing this, you stay in the room until your baby goes into a deep sleep and then you leave OR you can attempt to calm her/him down then leave and give your baby an appropriate time to see if she/he will resettle. If your baby does not go back to sleep then you will need to stay with her/him until she/he goes into a deep sleep. Always try and settle in her/his cot. It’s harder to resettle if you take her/him out of the cot, but trust me there will be times that you do this. You can’t spoil a baby at this age; they need lots of nurturing and reassurance. Do this settling up to 10 days – if it’s not working then you need to reassess what you are doing. An example of resettling could be that your baby sleeps for 45 minutes wakes and it takes you another 45 minutes to coax them back into sleep and then they will sleep for another 45 minutes or less or sometimes more. Eventually over time your baby will not wake but continue to sleep through this wakeful period. Waking Up When your baby eventually wakes from sleeping, enter the room but avoid immediately picking her/him up. Instead reassure your baby with your voice, talking whilst opening the curtains. She/He will feel reassured with your presence. This process is a subtle way of teaching your baby that her/his crying doesn’t automatically lead to her/him being immediately picked up and therefore not to stress about it. It is a balance of letting your baby know you are there for her/him yet by not going straight to her/him, you are giving her/him a crucial opportunity to experience her/his own space and her/his own emotions, all the time knowing that you are coming to her/him. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:48am
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Self settling (settling) and resettling for babies under 12 weeks SLEEPING AND SETTLING SLEEPING ROUTINES Sleeping is a learned behavior. We need to guide a baby and teach it how to sleep. So, how do you teach Your baby to sleep? I believe that the best way is to put him into his bed wide awake and after that initial attempt of getting him to sleep, only then by picking him up and holding him until he eventually goes to sleep. It’s best to position yourself so you can remain still whilst doing this and use your body as a ‘bed’. Remember your body represents Your baby’s cot and if the cot doesn’t move then neither should you. Movement is counterproductive as it can lead to waking when Your baby is transferred to his cot. Your baby is not looking for movement i.e. rocking in a stroller, driving or walking around holding him up. He is looking for warmth and familiarity. Movement is a quick fix and a difficult fix to change as Your baby gets older and harder to hold or when he grows out of the pram or hammock. So how do you get Your baby to sleep well? As with establishing feeding, it takes TIME, ACCEPTANCE, CONSISTENCY and TRANQUILITY (TACT). For me, I believe the most important skill that parents can teach babies is that of self-settling. It will teach Your baby how to gain control over his emotional state and this in turn will lead to him developing his emotional backbone as he grows. Babies when going to bed do cry – it’s their way of de stressing. Adults read books, watch TV, mediate or talk to each other – babies cant do this so their only way of communication is crying. So, it is healthy to have a cry before going to sleep – but obviously this does depend on the type of cry and length. It is Your baby’s way of having his “quiet” time or “de stressing” or “unwinding” before finding his sleep. As parents if we only teach or give our children one gift, the art of self-settling is the most important. Babies need two nutrients to survive: the first is food; the second is sleep. Without sleep they don’t feed well and without food they don’t sleep well. Props If you use props you will find as Your baby grows they will interfere with him finding his sleep. Also if you travel then you must be prepared to use these props wherever and whenever he goes to bed. You can’t just say ‘Oh today we won’t use them and tomorrow we will’. Babies do not need props to sleep under 11 weeks the only prop they need is your arms. HOW TO SETTLE YOUR BABY Many mothers find settling in arms easier than cot settling and enjoy the intimacy. In some households, however, cot settling is more practical. Whichever you choose, it is important when Your baby cries that you respond immediately. At this young age, do not let Your baby cry himself to sleep. It is too distressing for a young baby. If you choose to settle in the cot, ideally start no earlier than six weeks and at the latest 12 weeks. For babies older than 12 weeks, it can become a more difficult process for both mother and baby. If beginning at six weeks, Your baby should not be left to cry unattended for longer than five minutes at a time. It is likely that many hours will be spent holding Your baby. Once Your baby learns how to settle and resettle he will eventually be able to sleep anywhere. Wherever Your baby sleeps the process is the same. How to do it well 1) Place Your baby in his cot while he is still awake. It is important he familiarises himself with what will become his primary sleeping place. 2) Leave the room. 3) Dump and run, don’t hover like a helicopter. 4) When Your baby cries, respond immediately by going in to the room. You then have choices: Settling in Arms 1) Respond by picking Your baby up from his cot. 2) “Sit out the storm” by sitting down in a quiet place. 3) Remain calm and still allowing your body and mind to nurture him. 4) Think of it as your body being his bed. Hold Your baby in the “Engulf hold”. No rocking, talking or eye contact. 5) Allow Your baby to cry for as long as you feel comfortable with. The following times are guidelines only as much will depend on how your baby responds and your choices. Newborn 0-6 weeks 0-2 minutes crying Newborn 6-12 weeks 0-5 minutes crying Some babies cry, then settle themselves and fall asleep. If Your baby continues to cry, you will need to help him settle into his sleep cycle. His cry could be on and off like a car engine or may escalate for a few minutes then taper off. Remember it is just his way of de-stressing and winding down. Intervene with cupping and shushing, and if necessary offer a dummy. As Your baby drifts off to sleep, replace cupping with patting, until they are asleep. Lighten the patting until you eventually withdraw your hand, continuing with the patting motion as if patting the air. If he stirs, intervene with patting again until he returns to sleep. It is possible during this light sleep phase that he will vary between sleep and stirring. You may choose to let Your baby sleep the entire nap in your arms. Alternatively you may transfer him to his cot once he has progressed from light to deep sleep. “Allowing your baby to sleep in your arms is not a cop out. On the contrary, it instills a sense of security that makes them feel nurtured and ready for sleep”. Life isn’t 100% consistent and as long as you are aiming for 80% consistency that’s okay you just don’t want it less than 80% until the routine that you have set is established. Once this is the case, it’s okay to have less of a consistency but then again pull back up again to the 80% if things start going wrong. ROUTINE (RHYTHM) – UP TO 12 WEEKS Your baby’s current rhythm is an awake-time of approximately 45 minutes to a maximum of 1-½ hours. By the time he is 12 weeks old he will be awake for approximately 1½ hours and then by 6 months approximately 2 hours, maybe longer. Some 6-month-old babies can stretch out to 2½ to 3 hours – this all depends on the individual baby and also how feeding is going. Currently, Your baby’s naptime is approximately 1½ hours but can be longer. It is Your baby’s sleep rhythm that indicates how often he feeds because once he is awake then it is feed time. As a baby grows they can learn to wait for food; however, a baby under 12 weeks needs food within a few minutes of waking. Babies feed better once they have had a good sleep i.e. awake for 1¼ hours, napping for 1½ hours = feeding every 2¾ hours. SWADDLING This is Your baby’s first sleep cue. Although he may not be too keen on some of the swaddling techniques you have tried, you may find that he will love the ‘snow angel’ swaddle (please see later notes or refer to the video on my website). This works for the majority of babies who find the other ways of swaddling uncomfortable. Otherwise, if not swaddling, then I would recommend you use a sleeping bag as their first sleep cue. SELF-SETTLING TOOLS • The ‘Engulf’ Hold • Cupping and patting • Shushing The ‘Engulf’ Hold As its name suggests, this hold provides as much body contact as possible, giving Your baby the sense of being completely contained, as if in the womb. It positions Your baby in such a way that you can initiate other settling techniques simultaneously. In addition, it provides warmth, intimacy and the meditative beat of your heart. Most mothers/fathers prefer using their dominant arm to support the baby’s body from underneath. Choose whichever side feels most natural to you. Hold Your baby so that his head is resting on the upper region of your non-dominant arm. For mothers, this ensures that their baby is not too close to their breast where the baby could be easily distracted by being close to their milk supply. Draw Your baby in close so that you are pressed tummy to tummy with his face nestled just below the top of your shoulder. Your palm will be on his bottom with his legs tucked up into your body and supported by your forearm. With your non-dominant arm, reach around Your baby’s shoulder and take hold of his arm to steady it, in other words to control the startle movement. For this technique to be effective, there should be no eye contact or communication between you and Your baby. Allow your own body to do the nurturing. Cupping and Patting Cupping is a stronger action and is done with a cupped palm, incorporating both cupping and a short but gentle thrust forward of Your baby’s body. Patting or cupping his bottom or lower body mimics your heartbeat and reassures Your baby of your presence. Patting is a rhythmic, firm and repetitive action done with your palm flat. Both patting and cupping can be done in your arms or adapted for the cot. Shushing Shushing is a long, low sound, resembling air being released from a tyre. It should be loud enough so that Your baby can hear it over his crying. It is thought that babies respond to shushing because it is similar to the sound in the womb. Dummies (optional) If you allow Your baby to wind down before offering a dummy, it becomes a settling tool rather than a prop. Props Babies do not need to be rocked or walked around the block to encourage them to sleep. While movement may seem an obvious method to help soothe a baby to sleep, it becomes the hardest habit to break and interferes with self-settling. It is an unnecessarily labour-intensive approach that often delivers little reward. Instead, imagine that your body takes the place of the cot in which Your baby will eventually sleep independently; it makes sense that you remain stationary when settling him. All props, including music, white noise, movement that cannot be done in a cot, dummies (when given straight away to a baby) create bad habits and interfere with a baby’s ability to learn self-settling. “Allowing your baby to sleep in your arms is not a cop out. On the contrary, it instills a sense of security that makes them feel nurtured and ready for sleep”. SLEEP, SETTLING AND RESETTLING IN THE FIRST TWELVE WEEKS Much of Your baby’s first 3 months is spent establishing feeding and sleeping rhythms. His digestive system is still maturing and his sleep patterns are still evolving. In the first 12 weeks your aim is to teach Your baby, in a nurturing way, how to settle and find sleep unaided and how to stay asleep. How Your baby’s sleep patterns evolve in the first 12 weeks will much depend on you and your household. Keep in mind that daytime rhythms will affect the night rhythms. This routine is repeated throughout the day and night. With time, the amount of assistance with settling should decrease and eventually Your baby will learn how to self-settle. Once Your baby learns how to settle and resettle, he will eventually be able to sleep anywhere. You can’t spoil Your baby at this age; he need lots of nurturing and reassurance. Teaching good sleep habits requires TIME, ACCEPTANCE, CONSISTENCY and TRANQUILITY (TACT). SELF-SETTLING I believe one of the most important skills that parents can teach babies is that of self-settling. It teaches babies how to gain control over their emotional state and this in turn leads to them developing their emotional backbone as they grow. It does not happen overnight and needs to be taught in a nurturing way. When you go to bed you read a book, meditate, watch TV, or chat with your partner – a baby can only do one thing and that is cry. There is nothing unhealthy about a baby crying before going to sleep. As a parent, it can be difficult to listen to but as long as Your baby is happy and contented generally, crying is just part of life. Remember you are not leaving him there to cry it out; you are leaving him there to give him the ability to find his own sleep. You will not get anywhere by leaving him to cry for hours. You will succeed quicker by giving him space and then helping him to find his sleep. Self-settling is the key to establishing healthy sleep patterns. It gently teaches babies how to find sleep naturally, without the use of sleep aids, props or interference. It is that small window that occurs when Your baby starts crying until the moment you intervene to help him find his sleep. This window initially may be for only a minute or two but as he grows it increases until eventually he will be able to find sleep independently. It is a crucial step in Your baby’s sleep development. Self-settling does NOT involve leaving Your baby to cry it out alone to finally fall asleep due to stress and exhaustion. RESETTLING This is how to get Your baby to sleep and to enable him to stay asleep. Resettling teaches Your baby how to progress from light to heavy sleep. This is essential to avoid the pitfalls of frequent waking and catnapping. In a sense, resettling is the second stage of teaching him how to find sleep and does demand more time and patience than settling (TACT). Most babies stir or wake when progressing from light to heavy sleep and this occurs anywhere between 20-45 minutes. In the beginning the idea is not to let Your baby wake fully during this transition; a sleepy baby is easier to resettle than a wide-awake, crying baby. However, as he grows you will need to step back and allow Your baby the ability to try and resettle without any intervention. When you do this you will use your settling cycles. Generally a baby who does not learn how to resettle will have short sleep cycles and wake during the night without the ability to fall back asleep on his own. The aim of resettling is to ensure Your baby sleeps for not less than 1½ hours per sleep rhythm. RESETTLING AND FEEDING Many mothers opt for feeding as a way to resettle their baby. This is an example of what appears to be the easy way initially becoming the more difficult option later on, as the result is a sleep-deprived baby who is more problematic to settle. More often than not the baby is not hungry but is instead seeking comfort through sucking. He is feeding for comfort, not hunger. So instead of feeding, try offering a dummy or finger. SETTLING IN ARMS OR COT SETTLING? Many mothers find settling in arms easier than cot settling and enjoy the contact and intimacy. I tend to refer to this as ‘attachment parenting’ or ‘4th trimester’. For some households cot settling is more practical. Whether you choose to settle Your baby in your arms or in the cot, it is vital that he begins his sleep cycle by being placed in his cot while still awake. This gives him the opportunity to familiarize himself with what will soon become his primary sleeping place. In the first 12 weeks, whichever you choose, it is important that when Your baby cries you respond immediately. At this young age, do not let him cry himself to sleep alone. It is not healthy for a young baby. • Place Your baby in his cot while still awake. • Leave the room – dump and run, and don't hover like a helicopter. • When Your baby cries, respond immediately by going in to his room (this may be immediately or can take up to a minute) You then have the following options based upon whether you choose to settle Your baby in your arms or in a cot: Settling in Arms Pick Your baby up and remain calm while still allowing your body and mind to nurture him. Think of this as your body being his bed. Sit down in a quiet place and ‘ride the storm’. Initially, hold Your baby in the Engulf Hold. There should be no rocking, cupping/patting, shushing, talking or eye contact. The following times are guidelines it will depend on how Your baby responds and your choices. Allow him to cry in your arms from 2 to 5 minutes; sometimes you may need to do it for longer. Your baby’s cry may escalate for a few minutes then taper off or could stop and start like a car engine. Remember it is just his way of de-stressing and winding down. Your baby may cry, then settle himself and fall asleep. If Your baby continues to cry then intervene with cupping and shushing, and if necessary offer a dummy. If Your baby continues to cry then stop the cupping and shushing and allow him to cry for up to 5 minutes and then intervene with the cupping and shushing. You should repeat this until you can actually calm him down and help him find his sleep. The time frames given are only guidelines and in the beginning you will probably not do more than a minute – but over time you will increase the time frame as Your baby grows. As Your baby drifts off to sleep, replace the cupping and shushing with patting until he is asleep. Remember this is his ‘light’ sleep. Resettling in arms If Your baby stirs, start cupping and shushing until he returns to sleep. It is possible that during the light sleep phase that Your baby will alternate between sleep and stirring before eventually moving to a deep sleep cycle. Once asleep, switch to gentle patting and shushing. By now an hour may have passed. You may choose to let Your baby sleep the entire nap in your arms. Alternatively you may transfer him to his cot once he has progressed from light to deep sleep. This takes approximately 1-¼ hours of holding Your baby. If you choose to transfer Your baby to his cot at this stage then continue to pat his bottom during the transition. Once Your baby is in the cot then place your other hand firmly on his chest, providing as much connection as possible. This is what I call “engulfing in the cot”. Slowly remove your hand from Your baby’s chest and reduce your patting to the point that you eventually withdraw your hand to end up patting the air, then leave the room. If Your baby wakes, repeat the process and stay with him until he returns to sleep. Settling Your Your baby in the Cot Allow Your baby to cry from 1 to 5 minutes depending on what you choose to do before intervening. Pick him up and burp him. Return Your baby to his cot and place your hand firmly on his chest. With your other hand start cupping and shushing. This is reassuring for him and establishes as much contact as possible without having to hold him. This is called engulfing in the cot. At this stage you can offer him a dummy as well. Continue cupping and shushing until Your baby falls asleep then gently roll him onto his back, continuing to pat with your hand on his chest. Once you sense that Your baby is asleep, remove your hand from his chest and lighten the patting until eventually you can withdraw your hand, continuing to pat, as if patting the air. If Your baby stays asleep, leave the room promptly and quietly. If, as you exit, Your baby stirs or you hear him crying once you have left the room, return and repeat the process. If Your baby does not settle, you may choose to pick him up and settle in your arms (see above). Resettling in the cot In the beginning it is important to respond immediately when Your baby begins to stir as it is easier to resettle him before he wakes too much. Eventually you will need to step back and allow him the ability to do this on his own. Respond by cupping and shushing until Your baby falls asleep again, continuing to pat on his chest with your hand. Offer him a dummy as well. Once you sense that Your baby is asleep, remove your hand from his chest and lighten the patting until eventually you can withdraw your hand, continuing to pat, as if patting the air. If Your baby stays asleep, leave the room promptly and quietly. If, as you exit, Your baby stirs or you hear him crying once you have left the room, return and repeat the process. If Your baby does not settle, you may choose to pick him up and settle him in your arms (see above). Mixing It Up Some mothers find it easier to practice cot sleeping in the mornings when they have more energy and opt for settling their babies in their arms in the afternoon. SETTLING CYCLE FOR BABIES UNDER 12 WEEKS IN A COT First Stage • Cry 0 up to 5 minutes • Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. Offer a dummy and stay with Your baby until he goes to sleep Next Stage • Cry 0 to 5 minutes • Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. This is to reassure and not to put Your baby to sleep. Then • Cry 1 to 5 minutes • Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. Offer a dummy and stay with Your baby until he goes to sleep. Getting Up When you go to pick Your baby up from his cot whether it is after a nap or in the mornings, open up the room before picking him up. This encourages Your baby to play or lie in his cot; he will also learn that when you walk into the room you are not going to pick him up straight away. I always chat to my babies when I go in, while opening up the room. I also use this time to put away clothes etc. This is a way of teaching Your baby how to feel secure in his own space and your presence and soothing voice signals to him that he is safe without you having to scoop him up in your arms. SETTLING YOUR BABY AFTER 12 WEEKS Twelve weeks marks the end of the 4th trimester and is an ideal time for most babies to begin spending the majority of their sleeping hours in a cot. This is often their first major step in recognising themselves as individuals who are separate from their mothers. It is especially important that this transition is carried out with consistency, tenderness and patience. This step I refer to as nurturing within boundaries. |
Posted By: DorothyW
Date Posted: 27 January 2014 at 12:50am
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Hi Ladies Thank you for all your questions and hopefully the answers will help you. It was lovely to meet you all at the OHBaby Coffee Catchup. Remember before you do anything STOP, THINK, and ACT – work out what you are doing, why you are doing, and what you are trying to accomplish and then act. Remember YOU are the baby’s mum and so listen to your heart and instinct. Yes, we all don’t do it by the book, or get it right the first time, but you need to make ‘mistakes’ to get it right for you. It’s a time of learning a little person’s personality and figuring out what works for your home life. If you have the time I would love to see you pop over to http://www.facebook.com/BabyWithin and 'like' it. You can then keep up with information that I post from time to time or hear from other mothers who write on the wall. Also there is now a “recommendations’ section and it would great to hear your comments. Please remember as a parent or carer that you should understand and acknowledge that Dorothy is NOT a licensed medical doctor or other licensed medical provider and the information that I share with you has come from experience and working with numerous families and babies and toddlers |