I swore Black & Blue
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4422
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Topic: I swore Black & Blue
Posted By: toniellis
Subject: I swore Black & Blue
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:17pm
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That I wouldn't be wanting any more kids but now I have to eat my words! I'm dying to have #3 but my man says NO! So how do I kill the yearning to breed??? LOL!! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Replies:
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:25pm
| Dont know but Im going through the same thing. Ive always only ever wanted two as has hubby but now that i have to I feel like something is still missing and another would complete the family. not sure what to do though, Im hoping it will just go away |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:27pm
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I go through phases... maybe just wait it out.
Lucky I don't have the option... allows me to come to my senses 
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:27pm
| I swore black and blue i wouldnt have any more when i was pregnant then i met Ella and wanted more then i saw how refluxy she is a decided against it and now im back at wanting another but not for quite a few years hehe |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:37pm
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I so desperate want another baby RIGHT NOW! LOL! But I'm also scared that if my man does give in that after #3 I will want #4,#5,#6.....etc.....I come from a big family & I remember how fun it was but I remember how crazy everyone thought my mum was too! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:39pm
i have 3 and i still want more most days too. im soo clucky. i hope that my feelings pass because we cant have anymore, but i still dont feel like im finished. 
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Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:41pm
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Oh it probably doesn't help me that both of my boys have been super Angels that sleep & have few problems....My mum thinks it's highly unfair! I almost don't want to jinx it for myself but I don't fel like our family is anywhere near complete! I had a dream that I had 4 boys & then twin girls & it just felt so right. Eeeek! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:56pm
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even when my girls are being naughty and i think im about to go insane (doesnt happen too much! ) its there for me too! i think we must be built to long for more!
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Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 6:59pm
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I think you may be right. And since I'm 22 I still have many "baby making" years ahead of me.....Uh oh!!! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:04pm
Uh oh, I hope I don't feel like that after #2 lol.. One highly energetic toddler is enough for me atm  We are going through the terrible twos..------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:06pm
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haha! i had emma (my second) when i was 22 and i also said that i wasnt having anymore, hehe ive just turned 25 and have had another
22 is still really young... yip, you have definatly got a few years left to have another 5 or so hehe. your man might change his mind? i had the opposite, my hubby wanted more when i didnt. he loves kids. i think if we could he would want to have a few more yet. |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:26pm
| Hormones are amazing things. We'd pretty much decided that 2 was enough but right after the birth of #2 I just had these amazing urges to do it all again..not straight away but in a year or so's time. DH is NO and I am 50/50 but I find this debate a hard one to resolve if we can't agree. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:30pm
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As stressed out as I have been with 2 sick kiddies this week and preg with #3, I still want more too... fortunately for me DH is happy to have a few more. Now if only my energy level would stay on par with my desire for more...
I was wondering if helping out at a playcentre or something like that (probably where your own kids go?) might help keep you busy and "nurturing" other little kiddies... but then after thinking about that a bit I guess it might be more frustrating 
The only other thing I can think of is asking DH why no? Is he worried about finances or time pressure or wants you to go back to work.... if they are things that can be worked through, you may be able to have another one after all. I don't think most women keep on wanting more children after 5, 6, 7... lol... I know a couple of women with that many who "just knew" when they had had enough. And Toni, I'm almost 24 and the eldest of 10 kids  so I know how you feel. DH tried to tell me (when we were newly marrieds) that 4 is a "big" family - I couldn't believe it!!! LOL-------------  |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:34pm
LOL Rachael! Another 5 or so????? Eeeekkkkk!!! I hope not quite that many  I wear my man out too much as it is poor guy------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:35pm
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hehe! ok maybe not 5
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Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 7:43pm
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Thanks busymum. At the moment I have a pretty busy life. I'm milking cows in the mornings, doing the playcentre thing, plus studying for my Agribusiness diploma & I'm babysitting another toddler every afternoon 6 days a week so I don't know if I could fit in anymore at playcentre and I have found it really hard with seeing so many kids & new babies. I desperately want another, my man has said no & when I asked he said he just feels that our family is happy & whole with just the two.
The timing isn't right anyway plus I would really like to get married at some stage. I didn't want to get married while pregnant but I'm even thinking that now I wouldn't really mind that too much LOL! So what do I do? I don't want to be a nag & my man seems to think that I will get over it but the thought of having no more upsets me to the point that I bawl my eyes out  ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:15pm
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Are you sure you're not already?! lol Toni I rememberwhen you were preggy with Blaire and you wrote a list of why you weren't having any more!! Maybe you could fish that out? Sorry, no good ideas but maybe it will pass with a bit of time... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:21pm
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I would still like to consider one more and I have a DH that is set on just 2. i am goin gto get my way I am so sure of it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:39pm
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Hehe, a few weeks ago I swore that I was never, ever being pregnant again, but before I had even left Birthcare when the babies were 4 days old I knew that I would do it again at some stage. Not for a good while yet mind you, but we will have at least one more. Still working on Willie, but give me time. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:42pm
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Emma! lol I must be different cos I am quite happy with one. I always wated three or four kids but at the moment we are happy as we are. Me and Daniel were talking about it today and aren't too fussed on more. I guess we will see how we go, I figure we will know if/when we want more. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:46pm
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LMAO Aimee I still have that list!!! It's taped to my fridge I look at it all the time & think "nah it wasn't REALLY that bad surely?!?" PMSL I'm a hopeless case.
Definitely not up the duff my IUD makes sure of that & Spencer would soooooooo kick my butt if I was. I don't know whethe rto try & swallow my feelings or persist in trying to change his mind....I don't want to force him into something he doesn't want & I might change my mind again anyway. But I'm just so dying to have another baby. ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:50pm
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Ha ha!! This may be in totally the wrong direction but you don't think Spencer doesnt want any more cos he wants "you" back - as in someone not breastfeeding or preggy, cos its been a while eh? ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 8:58pm
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Yeah it could be....but then he doesn't seem all that fussed. We have "our time" LOL coz I am blessed with angel children who sleep when they are told to ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 9:26pm
| I come from a big family too and love it, hubby has only one sister and they arent that close, i would hate for my children to have that sort of relationship and want them to experience what i had if that makes sense. Its not like hubby and my sil dont talk or anything they just live thier own lives and Im the one that kind of holds it all together cos I think family is so important. I hated pregnancy and said i would never do it again and dont want to push my luck with having had two healthy great kids but hmmmm maybe one more????? |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 9:51pm
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Esactly my thoughts, I mean really what is one more? I love my little family but I just don't feel like we are done & having them close together (but not TOO close!) would work well for me. *sigh* I'm so regretting saying "No more" while I was preggy. And to think I even wanted Spencer to get the snip!! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 November 2006 at 9:56pm
| yeah i all but had hubby booked in for the snip and he wasnt keen.... now Im just keeping quiet about it till I see how I feel when Addison is a bit older and hope he doesnt bring it up again. My other problem though is the whole gestational diabetes, apparently it gets worse each pregnancy and so i know i would be on insulin for most of the time. I would definatley have to lose some weight before getting pregnant, not going through all that again. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 8:47am
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i said never but ifff i found a panter and got married then maybe but all the outher stuff has to sort it self out frist ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 9:28am
Oh dear, I knew I shouldn't have read this thread LOL *cluuuuuuuuuuuuuck cluck cluck cluck cluck* I definitely want another one, the main issue is that we're not sure when we'd want to start trying. I reckon when Erin is about a year old would be good, but I dunno if hubby would really be keen ! We would have to do some serious rearranging of our house to fit everyone in comfortably, but yeah... I would love to have another baby !! It doesn't help that my SIL is pregnant with #2 atm, I was so excited when they rang to tell us (they live in Aussie), and I can't wait to get her something neat for a bubba & mum present. I know I don't really get to have a say in it, *and* I promise I would be happy with either 'flavour', but I would love another little girl *sigh* OK, I'm going to go read a different thread or I'll be thinking about this all day... hehehehe...  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 9:30am
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Oh ! And I'd definitely prefer to have lost a decent amount of weight by then too... IF we try again ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 9:42am
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OMG I'm sooo clucky it's ridiculous!
I'd love another girl, even picked a name out! 
But if we did have another baby and it turned out to be a boy I would want to use the name we picked out if Caitlin had been a boy. Oh dear - I'm talking myself into it more and more! (takes Jax's advice and goes to read another thread) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 10:16am
| lol you guys! clucky hehe. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 6:00pm
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lol, i cluck all day, looking after the wee babes i sometimes think aww, how could i not want to have naother, how could mike not want another. But it's set.. unless the vasectomy fails - in which case i wouldn't be devastated, but i think mike would not be a happy man.
I now think that yes, it's quite common to go through that wanting more, and very often, especially when everyone you know is having more, conceiving, babys are arriving.. which is what this site is all about.. you can't escape that, lol. I think some part of that when you think about it is the grieving process that you go through when you realise that no, it's not a good idea, or you can't have more, it's too expensive, you couldn't handle it or DH doesn't want more or whatever reason. It just doesn't seem fair. Lots of people ask us if we are having any more, and it seems they are all asking now since mikes actually had the vasectomy.. and i have to say "no, mike's had the chop, so it's only 2 for us" and most of me accepts that, but somewhere is still the voice saying "3 would be good" I somehow always keep thinking about a little boy out there for us, lol. i talked to my older sis who went through the same thing at 35 when she decided that no, it really was the last chance that she'd think about it, and no, it was definately no more. I also talked to a work collegue about the same who told me that even at 40, when she had just remarried, she wondered if maybe another one would be nice even though her kids were grown and long gone. good luck ladies. novel over ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 7:33pm
well said janine  there is definatly a grieving process that we go through. i felt really strongly like that the week after i had kayla, which kind of added to the "blues" then when saying goodbye to my midwife for the last time opened up all those sad and grieving feelings again. so any advice on how to push past it?!!!!
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 8:01pm
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I'm not asking you to give away why you aren't able to have another, but it makes it hard to give advice... although say if it were financial reasons, maybe try reminding yourself that your family is well provided for atm with three girls, and you wouldn't *actually* want the extra stress of a fourth to spend / account for. I dunno, just a random idea really ! ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 8:05pm
| Yer its definately a hard one to know when to start TTC again! We are thinking when Ella is 3 or 4 but ill have to see how my u/s goes and how my Endo and PCOS holds out. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 9:54pm
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My Mum said the hardest time for her was when my youngest brother was abot 18 mths, which is around the time they would have started trying for another baby but she had been told she couldn't have any more for medical reasons.
I actually don't know if I could make the conscious choice to have a "last" baby, I would be too cut up about it. I hate being pregnant with a passion (throwing up every day does that to me ) and when I am actually pregnant I swear I'll never put myself thru it again, but then I have awesome births (OK so labour #1 sucked, but birth #1 and labour and birth #2 were brilliant)and see my gorgeous bubs and I forget how icky it was... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 10:34pm
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Emma, I think that's the main problem! We look at our little darlings and think "yeh, I could do that all over again" then they throw up all over you or poop in your hand as you're putting them into the bath, and you think "nah, one is enough" ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 12 November 2006 at 10:45pm
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I definately felt that way Emma.. especially when Ayja got to about 13 months and i thought "this time with PAris i had just found out i was preg with Ayja".. and then lol they now bring out those double bacon bbq burgers at mcdonalds.. which they brought out both times when i was about 4 months preggy, just pushing past the morning sickness stage.. they've just brought them back i that was enough to trigger the "I should be pregnant and craving these right now" feelings. I had one the other day, and it did nothing for me.. ewww, was gross. Another thing that really got me.. i felt really strongly the need to have another at the beginning of this year/end of last year.. when all the other ladies who had bubs at the same time i had Ayja.. were finding out they were having another, be it their 2nd or their 3rd.. and heaps of others were having their babies, or finding out they were preg.. so much som i really felt down when AF arrived for a few months.
i think i never made that conscious decision to have the last baby, but as Ayja got older i guess it was just the understanding that this was it, the last time i would have a bubba, the last time i would bf her, all that soppy stuff. After what i went through with PAris, and Mike went through with Ayja.. we both have a stonger bond with one of the kids, and i guess there's also the feeling of where on earth would a 3rd one fit.. Paris has Mike, Ayja has me,.. would it even be fair on a 3rd one with no guarantees that it wouldn't happen again. Plus the pressure of working full time for both and raising the girls, i already feel like i owe them a heck of alot more time and patience then i ever give them anymore. I love the idea of babies, i love being preg, i love the love that you get from them and the love you (nearly always.. but not necessarily in some cases)feel for them instantly and every time you pick them up.. that warm fuzzy. but my head says no.. mike wouldn't cope and i wouldn't cope with him not coping.. if that makes sense. Still, as i said, if one did pop up unexpectedly we would be ok... but that's not the way to live holding out hope that it would fail... and there's no way i could say now, that if it did happen in 5 years time, that i wouldn't feel ick then.. cos who knows where we will be. So Racheal.. no real advice on pushing though it.. i don't actually think you ever do, you just burry it, you can't fight hormones. You just kinda get some resolve that well, when times are tough i always think, sheesh i'm glad that i don't have more or i'd go insane.. i can truely see now why my mum was the way she was.. if us 6 kids were anything like paris has been at time this week.. no wonder she was slightly batty and more than a little grumpy by the time my sisters were teens and i was 6 and she had another baby.. I don't want to turn into that.. i want to be a happy mum, so for us, that means enjoying our girls and hoping they give us a few grandkids to cluck over.. although not too soon i hope. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 13 November 2006 at 6:54am
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We diecided after No two that we were definately never having antoher baby and gave all of his stuff away as he grew out of it. But I always knew deep down that I wanted another one. Hubby was adamant that two was it and we were'nt having anymore.
So a gentle push here and lots of clucky nagging there and I finally managed to convince him to try for another one. Which resulted in Abby. He was really woried that if I had another one I would just keep on going and going. It's weird now because Abby is 20 months and I have heaps of friends who have babies and I can honestly say I don't feel the least bit clucky the yearn has gone, they are very cute and cuddly and i love holding them but I so don't want another one. My hubby is a very very stubborn man so you never know with a bit of time to digest the fact that you want another one your man may still come around. As I found out after Jayden your body clock is a powerful thing and wants what it wants, so maybe keep mentioning it every now and then and he might come around. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 13 November 2006 at 4:42pm
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Well, I have been trying my utmost not to nag about having another baby but I'm sure Spencer is psychic, he knows exactly when to say "No babe, no more babies", *sigh* And if anything I'm even MORE clucky than when I started this thread! Arrrggghhh and this is coming from a flu victim with two kids with snotty noses, coughs, temperatures, the works, AND also babysitting another kid who has the same thing. So here I am with three grumpy sick kids & I'm still clucking away. LOL if I cluck anymore I'm going to sprout feathers & start laying eggs PMSL!!! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 13 November 2006 at 5:07pm
| Hehe me too, Im thinking about it even more since you started this thread... thanks a very much!!! But hubby is still determined no more, I put my case to him again last night but no, he said he would book in for the snip today lol but i know he wont. my friend had a baby on the weekend and Im all clucky again even though i do actually have a baby, strange aye |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 14 November 2006 at 9:46am
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I am certain I want one more. I have a 10yr old and a five yr old so Im thinking this time I may only wait till baby #3 is 3 or 4yrs to try for my forth. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |