Whether to find out sex...
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4586
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Topic: Whether to find out sex...
Posted By: Jennz
Subject: Whether to find out sex...
Date Posted: 23 November 2006 at 9:55pm
I know this is a really personal decision and everyone has their reasons for finding out or for not finding out. We tried to find out with DD but she had the umbilical cord between her legs and her legs crossed (atta girl!) so we couldn't. In the end I was really pleased we couldn't- I loved having it as a surprise and found it really special to be able to call everyone after she arrived and announce "its a girl!" 
Anyway, we are really unsure as to what to do this time. Some days I really want to find out and other days I don't. We don't really have a reason to find out as we don't mind either way but it would be good for practical reasons (and my patience!) to find out at my next scan. DH doesn't mind either way and has said its up to me. So my question is- what were your reasons for finding out/not finding out? Aaaand the biggy- did you tell people and if not, did you find it easy to keep it a secret? I know that if we found out I would want to tell my Mum but then DH would want to tell his and I know that my MIL is just like Bombshells and would blab all over town and I wouldn't want that happening. Maybe, we could find out and I'll tell DH it will just be us and then secretly tell my Mum....  ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Replies:
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 23 November 2006 at 10:02pm
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I decided long before I was pregnant that I would definaltly want to find out the sex when I was preg, cos at the time I was living in London and my best friend in NZ was having a baby and it drove me mad not knowing what sex it was cos I really wanted to go shopping!
It was great finding out, and we told everyone,...would have been impossible to keep it a secret I think. We talked about her as a "her",.."our baby girl etc". We named her months before she was born but we didnt tell anyone that, so we still had something to announce to everyone when she was born. But one thing to keep in mind, scans can be wrong. Even tho the Dr thqat did the scan said she was 98% sure it was a girl, and it looked like it to us too, we kept thinking that there was a chnace still that it could be a boy. And with the ammount of pink stuff we had before she was born it would have been a bit of a shock if she was a boy after all! |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 23 November 2006 at 10:02pm
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LOL yeah we found out bubs is a girl and told everyone...parents first, DHs grandad (the only greatgranparent she will have) and then text all our friends and sent email...but the name was meant to be secret!
Reason for finding out....the shop mainly! I didnt want to just do neutral - i wanted to be prepared and buy while we could afford to. To decorate the nursery and bubs! And after seeing a girlfriend get all white stuff at her babyshower cause she didnt find out sex (didnt want to) I thought no way!!! I tell u bubs better not turn into a boy!!! LMAO |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:05am
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I can't even wait until birthday's or Christmas to find out what I'm getting let alone 9 months when having a baby!
For us it was great finding out...we could think of her as "her" and not "it" or "the baby"...we had also chosen to name her so where able to that and start using her name. We both felt it helped us bond really well with Maddie and we'll find out with future babies as well! We did tell everyone as well becuase there was no way we'd be able to keep it a secret! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:10am
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We new both times, there was no way either of us could wait that long and it also meant that we were able to give bubs a name and that made me conect with bubs better, before then it was almost surreal and just a baby, knowing what it was gave it an identity to me.
we told anyone who asked what we were having and personally i hate it when people say they know what they are having but not going to tell anyway. Drives me crazy. |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:21am
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I think if we did find out and decided not to tell people we would just say that we didn't find out. a) I would hate knowing that someone knew and them not telling me so wouldn't do it to other people and b) I wouldn't want people harassing us and DD and trying to catch us out all the time.
I just think its kind of like christmas- you get excited about getting a present you really want if you know what it is thats coming but there is just something about getting a surprise present that makes it all that more special. I never had any problems with bonding with DD and I don't think not knowing her sex made me any less attached to her when she was inside of me- I just worry that if I knew this time it might take away that special surprise feeling I felt when she was born. I guess if I found out this time I could be completely objective and honestly say which way was best!  Has anyone else found out with one and not with the other?? ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:28am
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we did n't find out with either. With Jake, Lewis made me promise not to ask. IF they asked me, i could say yes, but I wasn't allowed to ask myself. so i didn't. and no one ever mentioned it. I really wanted to know. I was sure I was having a girl and had said that I would've been really disappointed if we were having a boy - maybe if we had found out while I was pregnant, i would have been. However, finding out as he was born, I didn't even think about "oh no, he's a boy".
With Taine, same deal, but this time I didn't have the same desire. It was kinda neat to guess. Nearly forgot to find out the sex once he was born. I ended up with a different midwife who didn't realise I didn't know. I was asking "what is it>" and she kept saying "baby is nice and healthy". lewis ended up checking. |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:36am
My friend didn't find out with thier first one and did with the second...I don't think she has any regrets finding out the second time round and if I'm not mistaken they will find out the gender if they have any more.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:43am
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Ahhh thanks Paws- thats good to know! I am swaying toward finding out at the moment- but of course yesterday I was adament I wouldn't so who knows!
I think if I felt strongly either way as to what sex it was I would definitely find out but I just really don't mind- will be rapt either way. Hmmmm decisions decisions! ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 7:45am
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i found out the gender with mikey, i'm really bad with surprises and like to know now now now!
it was also really nice to be able to tell people (i don't think i could've kept that a secret even if i'd wanted to) because it's a question everyone asks. it was also really good because people were able to buy cute little boy things and didn't have to be gender neutral. in saying that though, i loved it when my sister didn't find out and there was a big surprise in the end when she had a boy after everyone thought she'd have another girl. i definitely think it's personal choice and there's not right or wrong way to go about it. ------------- |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 8:28am
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i just wanted to no so i new what to buy either bule or pink my mum didnt want to no ntill after i had my scan and she just had to know but its relly up to you if you want to know then maybe you could ask and keep it a secert just for you and hubby and then maybe your mum oh and congrays on 12 weeks yay ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: littlejo
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 9:05am
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We are NOT going to find out. Yeah, it's a bit of a shame to not be able to stock up on clothes etc, but we should be able to get the basics in neutral colours, and then later team them up with pink or blue jerseys or something.
With the nursery, we are decorating in fairly neutral colours anyway, and may just put removable Pooh stickers on the walls, and then get some cute curtains. But even they don't have to be gender specific. I think we just want that moment when the baby is born and we find out "it's a ..." And we are also looking forward to telling everyone the news then. I guess we just don't see any particular reason to find out and we'll love the little bundle either way. It definitely bothers a few people who want to go shopping, but that's just too bad! ------------- Jo Jo http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: cat
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 9:06am
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I'm really against finding out. I want it to be a surprise, like you said Jennz it'll be great to ring round people and announce that not only did I have a baby but its sex too. It kinda freaked me out that my cousin found out and had named hers Charlie at 19 weeks pg, everyone was referring to him by name and even my grandmother sent round invitations to a big family reuinion party saying that everyone was coming even down to Charlie and he was 3 months away from popping out!
My midwife asked me if we would want to find out and when I said no she said we were in such a small minority these days, she hadn't had anyone for months that wasn't going to find out. I did work with a girl who was told they were having a girl, so bought everything pink etc and it came out a boy!! -------------  
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 9:15am
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We went to our scan fairly ambivalent about finding out, Neil thought that the scan should be looking for the important things like 2 kidneys, heart circulation and so on and if we could see clearly in the course of things then that would be nice too. as it happens Bingo wouldn't co operate fully and although sonographer was fairly sure that there were no boy bits, we still are open to that surprise on the day. so going back to the question we are glad we have agood idea but even happier that all the important bits are there and functioning properly, rather than making the shopping and decorating easier to plan ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: littlejo
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 10:13am
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Actually, my midwife asked me the other day if we wanted to find out, and I said no. She was kinda surprised too, but then she told me that with her daughter she did find out, and straight away wished she hadn't. She said there aren't that many surprises like that in life and would liked to have just waited. I bet she doesn't say that to those who say they DO want to find out though... ------------- Jo Jo http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 10:42am
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i must admit that when mikey was born i kinda wished i hadn't found out. the obstetrician held him up and said "it's a beautiful wee boy!!" and i was just like, "yeah i know". it just sorta spoilt the moment a wee bit. ------------- |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 11:36am
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We didn't findout with Paris, and it was nice to findout what she was once she was born. With Ayja we did, and we didn't tell anyone but 2 other people - (those people we trusted and talked to most, so we wouldn't go insane keeping it secret) we found out so i could bond - had a bit of a worry since i had trouble bonding with Paris.. so wanted to know this baby as a she/he, not an it.. and call her by her name so that she was already like a little person not just the thing living inside me that was causing me no end of health probs and sleepless nights, lol. I loved knowing.
We also wanted to know so that we could find out if we needed anything extra, or if we could get away with all paris's hand-me-downs.. fair enough i still would have done heaps of shopping either way, and i still did, even though Paris had a heap of baby clothes, Ayja had twice as many, lol. What you said Jen, about not telling anyone you know - is a good idea. we tried to get away with not letting anyone know that we knew - but they did, they knew that we were thinking of finding out, and my mum knew that my older sister knew etc.. and got her nose out of joint cos i didn't tell her - but she would have blabbed or let slip.. at least my older sister who knew lived the other end of the country and doesn't really talk to any other family. If we had chosen to have more - i would have found out i think, but then maybe i would have changed my mind - because well - if we were having another girl then there's no way we needed more clothes etc, and well, if it was a boy, the i think it would be a nice surprise after going through labour. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 11:41am
can anyone tell i'm slightly gutted that we aren't having a third.. i want a wee boy. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 12:44pm
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With our firt we couldn't find out as he had his legs crossed the first scan and then was breach the second and couldn't see. I wasn't that worried with the first as I was happy with the surprise. The second we made sure we could find out as we wanted to stock up on nappies for this one and with Huggies you can only buy them in girls or boys so we needed to know. We have told everyone this one is a boy but as for names that one won't happen till he is born. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 12:44pm
| talk to mIke, I'll talk to lewis, we can do a swapsie for the last one! Actually, Lewis' auntie did that - gave away baby girl number 6 to a family (her sister) weith onlye boys. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 1:24pm
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We decided not to find out with Hannah and it was really funny because I was so very sure that she was a boy! lol The nursery didn't bother me because I was planning to have more than one child anyway, so didn't want it particularly pink or blue. And I had a lot of friends ready to pass on baby clothes so had very little clothes shopping to do for either gender. (My first clothes purchase was tights!) As for Huggies nappies, I'm pretty sure you can still exchange unopened, resaleable nappy packs if you buy them from Pak n Save here (PN). But anyway.... we just wanted the surprise.
We didn't find out for Briona, DH thought I didn't want to know and I thought he didn't want to know, so neither of us asked! At a 38w growth scan we finally found out that we had both wanted to know all along but figured we mayaswell wait for 2 more weeks lol This time around we did find out and I think we will in the future. I found it really exciting because it was the first time I had heard the gender announcement without being drugged or exhausted from birth! So it was a bit more special to me this way. I wouldn't try to keep the gender a secret, I say "she" all the time so it wouldn't work. Anyway, I get too excited about these things! We could have kept the name secret but had no reason to, if it was secret we would have not told anyone. (Beware that if you tell your DD the gender she will probably offer that information to anyone.) -------------  |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 2:56pm
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Wow lizzle your aunty sounds like a nice person.
hhm, now i would talk to Mike about that, but he's had the slice-n-dice, lol.. although.... the first "sample" he had to provide did not come back clear - still a few rogue swimmers lolol.. so he has to send another 2 consecutive ones to find out if it has worked. part of me would be kinda pissed considering he spent so much to get it done.. the other part would be ok if it hadn't worked - maybe it's all my karma of wanting another one that's done it. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 8:38pm
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Haha I bet he would not be happy if it didn't work, after I saw a post of yours saying something like "he would be happy to wait for 3 months, 3 years even...." ------------- |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 10:07pm
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Thanks for all the feedback guys I talked to DH about it and he said if I do decide to find out what it is he may not want to know! That would be so hard- not being able to tell him. So I think I'll let him decide- if he doesn't mind knowing then we will but if he doesn't want to know then we won't. I couldn't not have anyone to talk about it with- and I would hate to keep that secret from him.
At the moment I still am really undecided- I think its just going to come down to how we feel on the day. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 10:13pm
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definately - that's the same as we did, we were humming and undecided until the day of the scan and the lady said did we want to know or not and we were like what the hell, why not. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 24 November 2006 at 10:23pm
Jen I have heard that if you're not sure you can get the sonographer to write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. Then if you change your mind at 30wks you can find out. Just a thought, but I agree I could not know without DH knowing  ------------- |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 25 November 2006 at 10:24am
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We are going to find out - I can't wait! One of the first things DH said when we got pregnant is how long till we can find out?
We are only planning on one baby, so I want to know so I can shop appropriately. I have no strong feelings for either gender and neither does DH, we are both insane planners so like to know as much as we can! Given that everyone knew we were pregnant within a week of us finding out, I suspect that this news will take even less time to get out. A friend found out but her and her DH didn't tell anyone - they have never slipped up either, so it will be exciting for us when she has bubs. -------------  
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 25 November 2006 at 12:05pm
We found out with Jack becuase I was so excited and 9 months seemed so far away and I think I would of died not being able to buy stuff. I actually had a nightmare the night before the scan that they couldn't tell
This time tho we aren't going to find out because I would like the surprise at the end. One friend who didn't find out actually forgot to ask after their bub was born and they didn't even think about until the dr said she so it might be more of a suprise at the scan when you are more alert lol. |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 26 November 2006 at 10:56pm
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we found out with Rhyley but did not tell anyone. I think it was a nice surprise for everyone, as we did not disclose any names either (of cause because ths would give it away) Was it hard keeping it a secret? Yes and no.... it turned into a game we knew people would try and catch us out and so were prepared everytime we talked about 'the baby'. One thing we did though is when we were alone and if we talked about Rhyley we still didn't refer to him as a him or his name and he was still an 'it' or 'the baby'.
Totally personal choice but I am glad we found out and DIDN'T tell people,it was our little secret. (We have two older children that we didn't tell either as was unfair to expect them to keep it a secret as well) ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 27 November 2006 at 8:56am
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We didn't want to know with Joey and if/when we have another baby we won't find out before hand either!!
When are you ever going to get a surprise like that again!? It's awesome!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 12:48pm
We decided not to find out, but at a scan at 26 weeks the sonographer let it slip I was gutted at first as I was soooooooooooo hoping for a wee girl, but as it turned out it took me 2 days to get used to him being a boy, and now I wouldn't change my little monkey-man for anything in the world. I'm pleased we found out, but I think next time (aherm, if there is one  ) I will not find out, and will state that fact at the beginning of every scan!!!
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