Sex Drive
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4719
Printed Date: 08 October 2025 at 1:57pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Sex Drive
Posted By: Guests
Subject: Sex Drive
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:17am
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Ok this is random
But im having some serious issues with my sex drive its non existant. I dont even look at my husband and go o0o0or theres just nothing!!! Its really starting to wear thin on our marriage. Any advice thats not, try spice things up etc coz u cant spice things up when there is nothing there. |
Replies:
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:31am
Jess, I went through the same thing when Joshie was younger. It's hard to feel 'in the mood' when you are totally exhausted all the time, and at the whim of your baby 24/7. I'm not sure what it was that made my libido return - may have been finishing b/feeding, but don't beat yourself up about it, it's totally normal. Can you talk to your hubby about it without getting upset? Mebbe he can start out really easy, like just giving you a neck rub one night, a foot rub the next and then just see what happens from there..... 
Good luck chickabee. |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:39am
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. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:10am
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Go out on a "date". Get someone to have Ella and then meet him at the place where the date is. Make it like a blind date if you want. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:25am
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Are you on the pill Jess? Trying to remember if you are on other meds too? Anyway, I found that once I stopped taking the pill I wanted sex heaps more!
Also like someone else said it can sometimes be that you are ut f the habit and once you do it, you will want it more. Good luck, hopw someone has better advice than me  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:29am
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I've got pretty much zero interest as well, it is hard too when you've got a baby. B and I are really great at being able to talk about it though and we both know it will return...when we're not so knackered!!
I'm inclined to think communication is key. Also the idea of a date night is great! (can also incorporate that massage! )------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:39am
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I agree with all the other ladies in that it's hard to feel like having sex when you're knackered from taking care of your little one, PLUS all the regular day to day stuff, BUT I will also add that it is a very common side effect of anti-depressant medication - which sucks the big one I know !! ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 11:17am
And the injection. I have no sex drive at all. I'm just lucky that i don't have anyone to bug me about it! 
Maybe there is something herbal you could take??? |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 12:17pm
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I agree with Mel. If you can try to prepare yourself for it, after Ella's in bed for the night go treat yourself to a bubble bath or something to give you a bit of space, and then try. -------------  |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 12:24pm
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is that common on the injection Niki? Hmm, may explain a few things.
Leiws and I have been having....issues recently (none of which i will go into at present), but oine thing that is working for us, is the "date" thing. Every sunday night we do something together. so far, it's just been sitting on the couch and watching a movie together. It's connecting us as a couple more which is helping withe the sex thing....welll, not really my libido as such, but is helping me not feel so annoyed when he's bugging me. also gives us a chance to show we care, wihtout it having to be sexual. |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 12:48pm
| Yep Liz... I think it is quite common, as with the pill (for some people anyway). I noticed a huge change when I was off all contraception. |
Posted By: luna
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 1:31pm
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Everyone's got great advice. I'd second it all - particularly the massaging!! And maybe if you are in bed, just trying cuddling for a while and see where that goes - if you fall asleep, no biggie, just try again another day.
The thing is (so everyone says) ...where your head is, other things will follow ... If you're thinking/trying to spice things up at night, try another time of day. It may seem annoying to go back to bed on the w/end when you've got piles of washing and the house is a mess, but those things will still be there and you will be helping your marriage. ------------- Selina http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 1:45pm
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Liz it's sometimes hard to go out without the kids, arrange babysitting etc etc etc, so the movie idea is really great! Another thing we've done from time to time (particularly if we have an under-4mo-baby in the house) is a special supper. Wine if you like, with cheeseboard or nibbles or even a fondue. It doesn't cost a lot at all but it can be a really special time - "book" the night with DH! ------------- |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 2:38pm
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I second what Liz said - make a date night. Tuesday is our night now and we try not to go out then.. we usually watch a movie & have a nice dessert or sometimes play a board game if we feel like it. Only prob now is we are running out of movies to watch lol! Just being together as a couple can make me feel attracted to him - depends on if I feel in the mood lol..
Just wanted to add though that it took AGES for me to feel like doing anything.. as in many months. I was too sore and then I didn't feel like it at all..but it did come back when Ella was older and sleeping longer! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 3:03pm
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Oh man, I so went through this as well, and still have none!!! The only reason why I "gave in" and did "it" was because we wanted another baby! lol! I think its the tiredness, plus your priorities change, and I know when I go to bed, I am always "calculating" how many hours sleep I might get before jake wakes "if I get to sleep now!"... Now, I even hate cuddling in bed in case rod gets "the wrong idea..." lol! at least he has a (sort of) good humour about it. Talk about how you are feeling is a biggie. Men just don't understand how much things change for us after we have a baby, and I know it does cause big ructions in relationships. Big hugs, chick. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 4:30pm
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[QUOTE=jacobsmama] Oh man, I so went through this as well, and still have none!!! The only reason why I "gave in" and did "it" was because we wanted another baby! lol!
ditto!!! DH was most upset when we got preggy straight away as i lost interest in sex as soon as i got the BFP 
still don't have any interest, but hopefully it will return once charli is abit older and in her own room. i don't have any advice to offer apart from what the other ladies have suggested, just wanted to let you know you certainly aren't alone! ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 4:56pm
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am/was the same, except around mid-cycle.. funny that, then things will pick up for some reason, but i would for awhile just loathe mike even coming near me.. you just start to resent and think they are only coming over to bug you and if you don't show affection to them they go away, sometimes just a hugs without strings-attached would be nice! I second what Mel said, the more you get back into it the better it gets... sometimes even just suggesting it to him before he goes to work that day, and by the end of the day you might have psyched yourself into it, you can plan something or whatever. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:17pm
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Ditto on the massaging... or not necessarily having SEX *ahem* Sorry folks... "it" at night, we find that mid afternoon works well for us... on the weekends at least ! We are going to have to implement the date thing again soon too, even if it is as meow does... sitting down and watching a DVD together, or having a special dinner. ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:23pm
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hehe jax... and then the kiddies get older and stay awake during the day ------------- |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:25pm
*POP* I think my bubble just burst    Oh well, will just have to figure out a new way around it ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 5:50pm
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Thanks ladies. Im on meds for PND and i dont think that is helping. I just feel so guilty coz it feels like a chore. I love my husband dont get me wrong but im just not even the slightest bit attracted to him at the moment sexually and even the thought of sex makes me cringe LOL
GAH! |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 7:04pm
Oh i totally understand!!!!! i had no libedo at all for 2 years!! while i was on the injection! then as soon as it wore off i was right as rain!! lol
I just spoke to hubby and while he understood it was still hard for him and it certainly did feel like a chore!!  and worst of all! i really did start thinking that maybe i didnt love my hubby anymore as i was not attracted to him! BUT now its going great!
so hang in there and i would maybe speak to your doc and see what he/she thinks you could do... I started taking these herbal remedy tablets that i bought from the supermarket called "Libedo for woman" and there is also one for men , they actually worked! my BF was taking them also and thought they were great so maybe give those a go??...
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 7:44pm
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Can you talk to your Doc about changing meds or reducing the amount? Sorry I haven't ever had meds for depression so forgive me if that sounds really naive ------------- |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 8:05pm
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Sex drive??? one word - GONE!!!
Think it didnt help that bleeding at beginning of pg and then was mega careful and doc suggested we didnt do it! I took it to mean nine months apparently! 
Poor Dh but it is usually me with a mega drive so he should be making the most of his rest...we still do it..but have to say it freaks me out with all our risks etc in case of prem labour etc... I know psychosematic or just psycho???
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 8:58pm
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Jax - that's what DVDs are for I'm sure it was Lyla who used that trick! hehehehe
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:15pm
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Nikki - Yes ! Good point - she is just starting to take a wee bit of interest in the TV too, I think I will get one of my SIL's to get me a Fairies DVD (Aussie thing for kids, fantastic stuff), should do the trick !
And as for meds and PND, be careful what herbal supplements you take along with them if any, because they can interact with the meds in a bad way - check it out with your doctor first if that's what you want to do. ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 9:39pm
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Like I was saying this morning Jess (before our girls rudely interrupted us! lol)
For me it's a "do I have enough ME to share with Caitlin and DH"!!?!? Poor old DH misses out, and has done for the past 5 months (end of preg was a definite "NO don't touch me!" time, then I had the CS, then had a baby, and then now....) I love my DH very much, and after all the cr@p we went through the past month or so, I'd like to get things back on track - but there's just nothing there any more. Doesn't help that I'm having my second period (which has been for 9 days now and isn't lightening up at all!) I feel so gross at the moment - post-baby jelly belly, stretch marks and a nasty big CS scar, not to mention my HUGE ass (I put on heaps of weight after I had Caitlin *weird*)
**whinge over** You're not alone Jess, make sure you tell Corey that too!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 04 December 2006 at 10:11pm
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Jess - I am still exactly the same... Poor hubby ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ksn02
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:11pm
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STOP - LOOK NO FURTHER - I HAVE THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS......LOVE POTION - EVEN GOOGLED IT FOR YOU AND GOT A RECIPE...... REFER TO LINK
http://www.links2love.com/love_potion.htm WELL AT LEAST I GOT A SMILE OUT OF YOU......LOL MIGHT GO MAKE YOU, ANA AND I A BOTTLE - LOL...... ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:21pm
| I hate sex 2 it took til 6 months to enjoy it and now its gone again so I give DP a blowy its and that keeps him happy and I get my sleep. I also trade them for favours even tho he nos he gets them hes so silly and will do things for them. |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:35pm
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LOL Kelly!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:39pm
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hahaha KELLY bet it tastes like ASS aswell hahahaha
I may have to research these pills. I think hubby misses the "honeymoon" sex when you first meet haha
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 3:44pm
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my hubby just misses ANY sex, ROFL ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 8:29pm
| Im so relieved we arent the only couple not having sex! we do 'do it' but just not that often. Im the same counting the hours sleep i will get till the kids wake up but Im also lucky that my hubby is not overly interested or maybe I should be offended lol but at this stage i dont really care. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 8:37pm
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I obsess over sleep - I spend all day counting how many hours I can cram in while the babies are sleeping.
But I do have to give in to poor Willie occasionally. He was out of luck from 9 weeks preg when I had a bleed, then just as I was confident enough to try again at 20-something weeks I had another bleed at 25 weeks and that was it - all over Red Rover. So he was hanging out! To be fair he was really patient about it. But now I have no excuse
Must admit tho that playing Russian Roulette with contraception gives me the heebie jeebies. Have heard that breastfeeding is not so reliable Liz...------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 07 December 2006 at 9:35pm
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yes, yes, we all know!!!
I'll never live that down will I? funnny thing is, my grandmother told me that the same "breastffeding as contraception" thing, is why there is also a close gap between my mum nad uncle! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 8:20am
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Don't worry Liz, not paying you out, just thinking about how red my face would be if I didn't learn from your experience...
*disappears to make appt to discuss contraception with doc* ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 8:24am
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LOL, DH's Aunty has 9-10 months between all 4 of her children. She kept thinking that 'this time it might work' apparently! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 8:39am
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The funny thing is, I don't regret it now, but was a blardy shock at the time, as many of you my recall.,
BTW, i know you were joking Emma! ETA: corrected my awful spelling |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 8:55am
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Ok so I am going to get totally honest here. I have never really liked sex poor Hubby has really suffered over the year's we have been together I have pretty much never had that much of a sex drve except when trying for our babies oh and our wedding night, but I did what Mel suggested just kinda did it anyway and soon enough thing's got better. Still not that keen. So I totally understand the feeling like you are letting hubby down have a chat to him if you can and like other's have said try a date night I mean you do have perfect opptinuity with your first wedding anaversay coming up. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 10:01am
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i did used to enjoy it. it changed for me after i had jade though, somehow. i think for me i just have to get past stupid issues within myself. for a while i hated my body soo much and did have it in my head that how could anyone love me, which i feel pretty stink for as its only an image and hubby loves me regardless of how i look. AND i did go through depression which added to the lack of interest too, as well as sleepless nights (4 whole years of them) and especially with breast feeding I JUST WANT MY BODY BACK FOR ME! lol, made me not want to be touched cause i felt like it wasnt mine anymore.
k... enough of that!!! im trying to put everything behind me now, i love my hubby and he loves me, it "should" be natural.... i know it will come back one day and sometimes its not as if its not there but i try to ignore the feelings and push them away... WHY?! |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 10:55am
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The thing is, for MOST guys sex is physical first and emotional second - the physical connection of sex gives them an emotional connection to their partner. For MOST women, its the other way around: an emotional connection to their partner makes them want the physical connection of sex.
What I have found helps to slowly regain that libido is to think about it during the day... think about your man and about whatever your favourite feature of him is... remember a past "encounter" that you really enjoyed... imagine recreating those moments... DON'T tell your man what you are doing - you'll put too much pressure on yourself to follow through - but rather do your best to initate a little fun at whatever point in the day seems to work best for you... and remember: the more us women get, the more we want (gee, sounds like chocolate!)------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 12:53pm
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oh Becca always full of good advice you rock. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 12:54pm
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Oh and Jess thank's for starting this thread it has certainly helped me relise I am not the only one.
------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 08 December 2006 at 2:14pm
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Ok so I missed this thread and must admit that my hubby isnt getting much either.
At first we were too tired and too busy and recently we have been having some problems....so I was totally off. I must admit tho that I dont want it as much as I use too pre pregnancy and in pregnancy!! Hubby is really good about it tho....so I think I dont even think about it! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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