m/c - is this weird
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Topic: m/c - is this weird
Posted By: my2angels
Subject: m/c - is this weird
Date Posted: 11 December 2006 at 9:31pm
| Lately Ive been thinking heaps about the twins i miscarried, maybe having Addison brought up the memories or something but when i think about it I think of them as babies, even though they never developed past the egg stage and i m/c in the first trimester so is it weird that i think of them as my babies. |
Replies:
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 11 December 2006 at 9:36pm
I don't think it is weird at all! I think it is a lovely way to remember them. 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 December 2006 at 9:59pm
| I hope i don't offend anyone with this. i;'ve never had a miscarriage so am not sure of the feelings and emotions, but maybe you miss what could have been, as in your images of what they would grow up to ,and what you wuld do and stuff like that. does that make sense? once again, never been through this myself so probably talking through my butt again., |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 December 2006 at 10:00pm
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I miscarried at just 4 weeks, so it was like getting AF a day late... but it was definitely not an AF. But I still think of that baby, somehow I think of her as a girl as well, and wonder why I m/c and what would have happened if I didn't. I don't think your feelings are weird at all. -------------  |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 11 December 2006 at 10:50pm
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I didn't tell anyone at the time but I had one a couple of months ago, it was really early on too, 5 weeks..(I did have nausea though really early on, and incredibly sensitive bb's..which didn't go away until 2 weeks after I m/c.. )only found out and then 2 days later got what I thought was late implantation bleeding but the next day was full on AF type bleeding but with clots.. got a postive test otherwise I might not have known.. DP was in Sydney at the time so I didn't have anyone to talk to..
But yeah I can understand what you're saying, even though I only had a few days I was already getting used the idea, only to m/c once I'd got my head around it.. I was an emotional mess when the preg hormones left my body, it was really overwhelming  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 6:19am
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It's not weird at all, I miscarried six years ago and every now and then I still think of our little bubba. Lizzle you are right it does remind you of what could or should have been. Jayden started school the other week and that was a reminder that I should have three there and I missed that.
Even though you were pregnant for a short time you still lost a baby and have a right to miss them and grieve. Meow so sorry you had to go through that alone that must have been hard!! ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 7:51am
| Oh crap... Kat! You came around that weekend too didn't you?!?!?! I'm so sorry!!! |
Posted By: Carmel
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 9:48am
| I'm the same 2 years ago I m/c at 9 weeks and I'm always thinking about our bubba, was it gonna be a boy or girl, what would he/she have looked like. |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 3:02pm
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I never M/c..so I have no idea how you are feeling....but I can only imagine. When I bled with Zaara, each time I thought I was loosing her...I was going mad...I was sooo paranoid!!
I think it is normal for you to think of them as babies....and may be when you see Emma's two...you think that this could have been you...I dont know...tell me to shut up if I am talking crap!!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 7:21pm
Oh yes the "baby blues". That and the clots are how I knew for sure that I had m/c as I hadn't done a test (and found out too late that you can still test up to a week or so after the m/c). Fortunately I had already had a baby and knew what the blues were... by the next day. ------------- |
meow wrote:Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 9:02pm
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I don't think it's at all weird to have those thoughts and feelings. Grief's a funny thing (not funny-ha-ha, but y'know what I mean) and it takes its own sweet time, too. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 12 December 2006 at 9:08pm
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...dunno if you want to hear this or not, but a guy at the church that I go to (correction - the church I've attended occasionally in recent times!) talked to everyone once about an amazing experience he'd had - something happened, and his spirit or soul (hey I dunno how it works!) went to heaven and 'met' 2 children they'd lost... said they were the happiest children ever, playing, and they'd spent however many years it'd been since they'd arrived there living without any pain or worry, always surrounded by love, security and happiness. He was told that it wasn't yet time for them to know who he was (their daddy), but that that time would come. Totally up to you what you want to make of that and I'm not saying that you should believe it or not, but for me, I believe it. edited to add: Hope I wasn't getting all preachy there! If you don't agree that what I wrote was OK, then please just give my post the big finger and ignore it. I haven't experienced a miscarriage, so if I've really put my foot in it, then sorry about that. If not, then yay! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 14 December 2006 at 8:40am
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Andie, I think that's a lovely way of remembering a child that has past away. I believe that "it" is a child from the moment of conception, so regardless how many weeks pregnant you are you have still lost a child and however you choose to remember them and deal with your grief is a very personal thing. I can't imagine it would be any difference if the child was born or unborn and passed away, it would hurt just as much.
I've never had to deal with this but my heart goes out to all that have 
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 14 December 2006 at 10:46am
| Thanks guys, Im relieved you dont all think its weird. I just felt a little silly. Funny but I always think of them as girls aswell! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 14 December 2006 at 11:38am
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I agree Toni, it's a baby from the time of conception and that's why there are grief process (different from person to person) after a m/c. I think a lot of people who haven't had kids don't always think that way and maybe that's why it can seem weird Robyn. ------------- |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 14 December 2006 at 2:43pm
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I had a miscarriage before having Josiah, and Nat and I suspect that all the bleeding with Josiah was actually a m/c of his twin. For reasons I've never understood, I have always thought of the first m/c as being a boy, and if the bleeding with Josiah was a m/c, then I think it was a girl. I don't think its weird to think of them as babies, it helps somehow. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 14 December 2006 at 8:50pm
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I don't think it's weird at all. A few weeks after our m/c I had a dream where I 'saw' our baby, she told me she was ok and that her name was Te Anahera Pono. I didn't actually 'see' her face in a physical sense, but I woke up with the feeling that I was able to let her go. And funnily enough it must have been around the same time I conceived the twins. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 15 December 2006 at 10:12am
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Wow.... makes me all goosebumpy, Emma! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: mellybelly
Date Posted: 15 December 2006 at 10:13am
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I don't think it is weird at all, i too m/c earlier this year at 9 weeks - had just gotten use to the idea we were finally pregnant when it happened. I am starting to find it hard at the moment to cope with as i would have been due in a couple of weeks, in fact a lady at work is due the same time as me and has just left for maternity leave. Anyway, maybe we might conceive again as Emma did, while thinking of the one that didn't make it.
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 15 December 2006 at 10:23am
| My sister in law was due 2 days after me, that was really hard watching her be pregnant and have her baby, trying not to think it should be me. Guess that was karma coming to bite me on the butt though, when i was pregnant with Kobe i was due 4 days after my sister and she lost her baby at 10 weeks like i did so she had to watch me go on and have Kobe |
Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 15 December 2006 at 10:30am
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I havent been through a m/c myseelf, but I have friends who ahve gone through it, some who have coped better than others.
To me its not wierd, I know I probably would think the same thing if I m/c. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 15 December 2006 at 6:58pm
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just a thought, but if it is still an issue (I hate that word, but can't think of a better one at this stage) perhaps you would benefit from some grief counselling?
Whatever will help you deal with your loss *hugs* ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 16 December 2006 at 9:25pm
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I know what you mean Robyn - a friend and I were due two weeks apart and when I first came back from Australia after I m/c I avoided her for a while. But I had to bite the bullet eventually and I went to see her and we talked about how I was feeling and I had a bit of a cry and felt much better about it.
Of course by the time our EDD came around I was significantly pregnant with the twins, but I did go thru a huge time of anxiety and got quite morbid and depressed and worried about losing the twins as well. We still haven't even buried our baby because I was too frightened to do it while I was preg with the twins in case I jinxed us, and haven't had a chance to do it since. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 December 2006 at 10:04pm
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Even though I m/c at only 2 weeks (so hadn't even tested) I still had a rough idea of when "she" would have been due and when that time came, I thought about her quite a bit. Why wasn't her pregnancy to be etc? And what would it have been like if I had had a baby at that time (October). I think I'll always remember her "birth"-day, as in the day she was "born". ------------- |
Posted By: Carmel
Date Posted: 18 December 2006 at 2:00pm
I also planted a rose for our lost lottle one and it was supposed to be white but flowered pink instead so I like to think our bubba would have been a girl and every time I look out the window I can see it
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 18 December 2006 at 3:03pm
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My friend brought me a rose bush and I planted the twins in that. I think the hospital thought it was strange that I wanted to take them home. I hated the way the hospital call them 'unwanted products of conception' thats a horrible term for it.
Thanks Toni, I guess its not such an issue (yeah it is a horrible way of talking about it aye) anymore just more been on my mind a bit lately and I just wondered if anyone else thought of thier m/c as a baby. I also feel that from conception its a baby but was just hoping i wasnt being a bit weird about it. |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 18 December 2006 at 3:47pm
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Not weird in the slightest. I can't believe that's what the hospital called your babies - that's so insensitive! I think it's lovely that you took them home and have a rosebush for them - good on you. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 18 December 2006 at 7:01pm
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Mine were called "spontaneous abortion" ------------- |