Just wanted an opinion
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Topic: Just wanted an opinion
Posted By: Redbedrock
Subject: Just wanted an opinion
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 4:59pm
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Fay was born 5 weeks early, five weeks ago, she is now a sweet wee girl who is generally happy and sociable. We have battled with breast feeding sinece day one and I just wanted to hear from anyone with similar experiences before I make a decision that I really don't want to make, but will hopefully keep my sanity.
Fay spent nearly 2 weeks on neonates as she had no sucking reflexes (these dont develop until 36 weeks gestation), during that time she was fed through a NG tube into her stomach and we attempted to breast feed. I never experienced any engorgment and my milk definitely did not come in in the normal time. I have been on medication for about 4 weeks to help bring my milk production on, but even now it will always need supplementing with formula. I am still expressing every four to five hours and using that as a top up for her next feed. This means a total feed and change routine can take 1.5 hours, with a 20 nminute attempt to breast feed, bottle top up and then expressing. Breast feeding the whole time has been a battle, she screams the whole time and it's a battle to latch and I sob my heart out cos she seems to hate it so much. I had been told by various ex[perts that it was due to my flat nipples, lack of milk volume and now having seen the Plunket nurse at our local family centre, it now appears that it is Fay not holding her tongue down during the latching that could be the problem. I so want to give it up at this point, but there is no going back if I do, and I don't want to make a decision when I am so tired and stressed. So my plan for today is to continue expressing, not to BF as this is the cause of the stress for both of us, and to try her on purely formula for 24 hours to see if this suits her. Really just lots of contingencies which means I can move back to BF if that is my decision. I am so tired of expressing at 4am, and crying and just not being able to get on enjoying my lovely girl. I dread feed times as I feel I am letting her down so much. I am so dehydrated from crying. I have good back up from my midwife and will be meeting my Plunket nurse next week, my parents are here at the moment, and my husband is great in the support dept. I have spoken to various lactation consultants and other experts. I know this is a decision that only I can make and in my own time, but it is cathartic writing it down on here. Every one tells me that a happy mum with a formula fed baby is better than my current situation, but I so wanted to BF, it was supposed to be this natural bonding experience and it just never seems that this is going to happen. sorry bit of a long one, as I say it sort of helps writing it down ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 5:19pm
  . I really have no advice other than to do whats best for you both. What you are going to do over the next 24 hours sounds good expressing and formula feeding her so you dont loose your supply. It sounds like you have tried all sorts of various avenues to get help also, but sometimes its just strikeing the right person that can help you with your breastfeeding.
Even if you decided to give up the BF you will bond, you can still hold her close to your breast and feed her that way. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 5:34pm
I had similar issues, breastfeeding just wasn't working for me and Erin, and I was almost literally going around the bend from stress and tiredness. I did 50/50 for a while, half formula and the other half breastfeeds, but she seemed so much more settled and content on formula so we went full time at just four weeks. Sometimes I do miss it in a way, but I certainly don't regret making the change. It is definitely a hard decision and you have my support, as well as many of the other ladies here I'm sure. You can PM me if you want to as well 
Edited to add: That *should* read... "... you have my support, whatever you decide to do..."  ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 6:07pm
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When I had Ella, I had a very difficult time breastfeeding. I wound up expressing all of her feeds because, like you, I just could not get her to latch properly.
We both wound up crying buckets at each attempted breastfeed and I felt like a failure because I had been so determined to breastfeed her and it wasn't going to plan. It was relief to switch to fully expressing. I did regret at times (mostly in hindsight) that I had 'given up' but we were both so much happier without the struggle at feed times. I'm not suggesting that you express all feeds like I did. All I'm saying is that it is not the end of the world if you can't do it. Breastfeeding is not easy, and the whole bonding thing IMO is overrated. I'm successfully breastfeeding my son now and to be honest, while I'm so glad i can feed him, it is a bit of a chore and our bonding happens more with cuddles and smiles and other more rewarding things. Good luck, however you decide to proceed. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 6:32pm
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Tough choice and only you can make it, but whatever you choose it will be for the benefit of your family, so good on you for looking into all the different avenues for her feeding. If I had to give up breastfeeding, I'd miss it to be honest (well, now that it's working - I wouldn't have missed it one bit during that first month, but I was one of the lucky ones for whom the feeding problems somehow came right). That said though, Ella takes a bottle of EBM every evening and that's the time when she makes adoring eye contact and all that stuff. On the breast she either has her eyes shut, or stares straight at my arm! Baby will adore you for feeding her no matter how she's fed (breast or teat) or where that feed came from (you or a formula tin). I think you've done amazingly well to hang in there so long because from what you've said, it sounds like you've had a REALLY difficult time of it, and whichever route you choose, you've not failed one bit. Feeding issues are issues of the worst kind in my little opinion, so don't be hard on yourself, eh! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 6:55pm
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Hugs Claire - your post just about made me cry coz you are where I was at a few weeks ago!
I expressed all of the twins feeds from six days old because to start with they didn't latch properly, then I got an infection, and one thing after another after another. I was so determined to perservere with it, especially since I knew I COULD do it having successfully fed Maya to 10 mths. But most times I was feeding the twins I was in tears not from the pain but just from sheer exhaustion, and the expressing was time consuming as well as tiring. I posted a thread on here called Breastfeeding, I will try and find it and bump it for you coz I was given so much support and advice you might find helpful. In the end I only gave up the battle because it turned out my breastmilk was making the babies irritable (long story to do with allergies) and even when I got them onto formula full time I kept up expressing for a while coz I was so not ready to give up any chance of feeding them again. After a few days I realised that the girls were just as happy on formula as on breastmilk and gave the xpressing away. They've now been on formula fully for nearly 3 weeks and they are so much happier and more content, and what is more, I have way more energy and am much more positive about the whole experience of being a Mum. I am still sad that I couldn't feed them longer (I lasted 10 weeks) but at the same time I know that Idid everything humanly possible to breastfeed them and it just didn't work, and I'm OK with that. Good luck, we are all here to support you, and remember that whilst it is a huge decision now, bottle fed babies do just as well long term as breast fed babies, and by the time they start preschool no one even cares (or hardly even remembers!) how they were fed as babies. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 6:59pm
it isnt easy to go through what you are. i didnt have jade that early but i had exactly the same issues with her, and my midwife even mentioned she seemed to have no sucking reflex or had one of a 36 week baby as opposed to a term one. anyway- i expressed and gave her formula for 6 weeks and it got too much i was also persisting with attempting to breastfeed but it didnt work out and it really got me down and in the end i made the call to switch to formula and it was the best decision. the pressure dropped on myself hugely although i felt like a failure. i didnt have anyone i could talk to about it at the time and felt like i was alone so just know you arent those first 6 weeks of jades life were such a blur- the constant expressing, cleaning, sterilising heartache at her not latching not to mention the tests done on her including a head scan  among others.... its a time when we should be enjoying our new babies and looking back i feel like i missed out...
take care and look after yourself- i really do know exactly how you are feeling i really wanted to breastfeed too.
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 7:23pm
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I had problems as well, as I actauly don't produce milk, and Jacob wouldn't latch either. I went on meds for my milk supply and jacob was on a naso gastic for a while, and I mixed fed him until he weaned himself off the breast, which he finally took to at 6 weeks. I expressed and bottle fed those 6 weeks previous after the n/g came out, and that was a nightmare, at 3 am, dog dog tired. Lots and lots of tears here as well, but in the end, my sheer bloody mindedness won out, I am a stubborn tart, ask anyone. I had great help from the breastfeeding clinic and lactation consultants at the hospital, and just saw them today, so we can make a plan for baby no 2 when it arrives.
whatever you decide, remember, it is your decision, and don't feel pressured by anyone else, becasue a happy mum equals a happy baby. If you want to ask anything about feeding/supply problems, feel free to PM me, even just someone else to moan to about the whole thing helps, I found. Good luck and take care of yourself! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 7:36pm
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im sorry to hear its been difficult for u chick, i was one of the lucky ones who breast feeding came naturally to, but i know it doesnt for everyone.
I think what youve got to remember is that while it may not have workd out bf u gave it ur best shot and that, my dear is more than some mothers do, u are having trouble bf and its causing both u and ur daughter agony , thats not a bonding experience love, thats torture! I think (imo) that the bonding u get from breast feeding is that theyre so close to ur body, sometimes, for example if id been drinking and i expressed id feed caitlyn with a bottle but to still get the closeness id have her against my naked breast (and no she didnt want my breast milk-she was- IS - a pig and once she had milk in her mouth she didnt care where it came from) maybe u could try that? and while i dont know ur situation perhaps one day you'll have more babies and just cos it didnt work out with one doesnt mean it will be the same each time i think ur very brave for coping with what is clearly a difficult situation for u, hope things work out
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 8:24pm
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I hear you chicka i wanted to breast feed or at least try, i have flat nipples and didnt produce anything at all i was so upset. My breasts became engorged but without the milk i was so excited coz i thought my milk had come in but after pumping or trying to for half an hour i got nothing. I was so heartbroken i got the baby blues the same day as having Ella i was a complete mess for days but once i realised that i was doing the best i could do for my little girl and that she was gaining weight and doing well i didnt look back. Im even considering bottle feeding the next one aswell.
I think that at the end of the day the decision to stop breast feeding is hindered by what we believe people will think of us for not breast feeding! Dont let that make it a hard decision because that baby is YOURS! You grew her for 9 Months and she is beautiful! And as someone said to me as long as she has a full bottle be it breast or formula she will love you all the same! Your a wonderful mum and im here for you if you need to talk! I have a wonderful book called "Guilt free bottle feeding in New Zealand" if you want to borrow it ill try and find it for you! It really helped me. Its awesome to that you have the support from your partner and your parents that is what i found to be the strong foundation for me. BIG HUGS to you chicka
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 8:36pm
When I read your post I guess I just see one sentence I never experienced engorgement and my milk did not come in AND I needed medication and formula top ups. I sat there on the morning before we left hospital, crying to my lovely midwife about how hard I was finding it to constantly pump with only colostum coming out. I told her that at 3am that morning when my girl was SCREAMING for a feed and I had lactaided my butt off I nearly turned to the bottle and my midwife said to me (I was trying to breastfeed/lactaid at the time): "She is fussing at the breast! You are the only one that can make the decision for her and once that decision is made it is the right decision". I put Olivia immediately on the bottle and took an expressing machine home to syphen off anything else that was coming (which nothing did). I admit when it was 2am a couple of weeks later and standing at the microwave, waiting for the formula to heat while Olivia yelled her head off in her bassinette. I regretted not struggling along and forging that bond so she could have immediate relief. But my very good friend pointed out to me, that because we don't have that same breastfeeding bond our bond is going to be stronger, or should I say our need for one another is going to be stronger and that is what is going to make us bond. I was impressed with this piece of wisdom and it is true, where her daughter chills out and happily ignores her, I am Olivia's world, she only wants me! So wheeling back to the original beginning of this post. My opinion would be formula feed and express and then maybe give breast feeding another go when your head is in it a bit better, your boobies aren't going to dry up in a couple of days and if your expressing definitely longer! All the best. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Redbedrock wrote:Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 10:07pm
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I had issues with supply with Andrew, I was not producing enough for him to drink. I am sure I was starving him as he wasn't putting on any weight. I felt horrible and that I was the worst mum in the world for starving my baby. After talking with my MW she told me it isn't my fault and to feed him till I was empty and then top up with formula, then pump to see if I can get anymore out. I did this for a few weeks and found that I just wasn't making enough for him. I made the hard decision to formula feed but at the end of the day it was the best thing for him. After getting info from Annie i'm going to be talking with my MW at my next visit to see what can be done about seing a lactation consultant before this one comes out to see what can be done for me this time. Don't feel bad about having to bottle feed - sometimes it is something we just have to do. And at the end of the day whats best for Fay will be best for you as well. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 10:14pm
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Awww Claire it's been such a rough month for you hasn't it. Sounds like little Fay would be happier on formula, maybe decide to make a decision in a week's time so that it's not all emotional-based?
Anyway I have a friend who can't BF (she doesn't produce enough fat in the milk and her kiddies lose weight!) but she decided to do all the formula feeding herself so she wouldn't miss out on the bonding. Just an idea. ------------- |
Posted By: luna
Date Posted: 12 January 2007 at 10:55pm
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You know what? There are so many of us out there (or here) that have been where you are right now. It's great that writing it all down helps. Here's my story.
Amelia was induced when i was 40 weeks due to diabetes, and born via c-section after a 40 hour labour. The whole time we were in hospital, she would not latch or if she did, she didn't do so correctly. Even in hospital I was expressing and then topping up with formula. The nurses were great, but each one had a different opinion on what was happening and why, and it just about did my head in! I kept expressing and kept trying to BF when we came home and 9 times out of 10 I would give up, as I just ended up with a screaming hungry baby. I kept topping up with formula as well. At 3 weeks,I got a breast infection from expressing (midwife said I wouldn't have been emptying the breast properly as only a baby is good enough at that) and due to meds for that, my milk supply dimished a LOT. Around that time I also had Amelia to the chiropractor as he had told me due to her birth (head back) she would be getting headaches etc. Turns out her neck was out. 2 days later she took to BF and that was it - no turning back, apart from the fact I had limited supply. I took a herbal supplement to increase my milk, but still had to top up with formula. Many days I felt down about it all - especially when I would bottle feed her at coffee group and everyone else seemed to be BF. Really depressing! After sometime I realised that it wasn't my fault and I was doing the best I could, and she was happy, healthy and gaining lots of weight. I'd probably go down the same track again of trying everything under the sun to increase my milk supply, but you must make the best decision for you and Fay. I can't honestly say my decision was the best for me, as some days I really questioned myself and I was SO tired from trying, trying, trying. From about 5months, I went down to morning BF only and even then couldn't keep up. I have just given up this week and in one way feel sad, but in the other really good cos I don't have to 'worry' anymore that she's getting enough. Apologies for the long post. I know whatever you decide will be the right one for you and Fay. and you know (now) that you aren't the only one to be where you are. Chin up, keep smiling (if only to fool the world) and good luck! ------------- Selina http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 1:20am
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My heart breaks for you .... you MUST MUST MUST do what is going to work for you and your baby. Only when you are happy will Fay be as happy and content as she can be. I had similar probs with c-sect, milk not coming in, flat nipples and expressed/formula for 13 long weeks and by then it wasnt even 50/50 more like 30/70 but it made me feel better knowing I had done my best and with my mw for second birth we were prepared for any b/f problems and we managed to b/f 100% past 12mths and only now is she taking cows milk, (except the past few days while sick has reverted back to mostly b/f). Your happiness and mental state is most important for you, Fay and everyone else involved as this all makes for a very stressful situation. Great take a break from b/f and even an hour or so to go for a walk or just to have some you time. I hope things settle down for you soon so you can enjoy your time with Fay. Good luck, great that you have a good support system! ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 10:21am
God you're all so lovely
Thank you for sharing your stories, I was beginning to feel like a freak as I didn't know anyone else who had this situation. Jezsika, I would love to get a copy of your book, even if you could just let me know the author and stuff if its difficult to find. Annie, what happened for you at 6 weeks that got bf going? I have had a good night's sleep, first for over 5 weeks, but poor neil is lying unconcious upstairs as he has done all the night feeds  With a clearer head I am making a plan for us. I am going to miss bf attempts until tomorrow, carry on expressing and bottle feeding, then aim to carry on until I see the plunket nurse again at the family centre, next Wednesday and just play the decision out from there
I so appreciate your support and honesty with experiences, I knew there were some wonderful people on here, I never guessed how wonderful tho Thank you Claire and Fay ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 10:35am
Oki chick ill have a look for it 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 1:12pm
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Just an idea that aimee gave me when I was having problems is to set yourself deadlines. You might say at 2 months (or whatever age) if things are still this bad thats it.
I'm with what everyone else has said do whatever is best for you and don't feel guilty whatever you choose. |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 3:51pm
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Thanx Rachel, I had an idea in my mind to review things at 8 weeks and set an ideal minimum deadline of 3 months to get the best effects of bf. The place I was in yesterday meant that another 3 weeks to get to the review date was just too much, things do seem clearer after some sleep, and I have just some time away from the house on my own, which has helped and cleared my head a bit.
I just want to enjoy Fay and not have her being a chore, at the moment feeding her is just another thing I have to do, not a lovely bonding experience ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 7:53pm
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It was like a lightbulb went on in his head, to be honest. I had a visit with the lactation consultant at home, and she had asked me not to feed him until she got there. I had a bottle, and had unbuttoned my shirt and taken off his, for the skin to skin, and we had taped on a nipple shield. I fed him for a few sucks off his bottle then put him on the breast, and away he went. He never looked back. We used the nipple shield for about a week, and I was going to wean him off it, but in the end I just cold turkeyed him, which I did with the bottle for a few weeks as well. I did have to pump still after feeds to keep my supply up, plus I ate lots of nuts and porridge as well as taking a drug called dom peridone. There are natural milk producing teas and things as well, but I had meds as I never got any milk at all with out them. They will prescribe for little supply, though. Also, i found drinking heaps and heaps of water,a nd eating very regulary helped my supply. it does settle in, and "appear" to become more when you get an established feeding pattern going. Also, my lactation lady said that lack of supply or running dry is often a percieved thing,a s the body makes all the milk it needs DURING the feed, not before, that is just your fore milk, the "thirst quencher" stuff. That said, though, I did still use formula to help in the early evenings when he was cluster feeding.
Also, to end this lovely (and boring) long post, I had a deadline for me as well. Ihad made a deal with myself to stick with the expressing/bottle feeding for 3 months, so when he started to feed at 6 weeks, I felt like I had won lotto. good luck! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 7:57pm
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oooh and that was so not a stick at it post, yes, i am a mad rabid pro breast feeder lady, but I am all for choice and happy mums. I know how hard it is to make the decision, or to be faced with the decision about breast vs. formula, and I in no way judge those who don't breast feed! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 8:45pm
| hehe I think its fairly common knowledge Im pro bottle feeding, well actually Im pro choice so I say do what you need to do. Kobe was 6 weeks prem and I expressed for the first few days because he couldnt feed and made the decision to bottle feed and never looked back. One of the doctors there took me aside (after a fight with a nurse) and told me that it will not harm my baby at all if i bottle feed and it hasnt. My whole family has bottled feed thier babies including my mum and we are all healthy happy children. And also Kobe was the least sick of all the babies that were born around the same time and he was the only bottle feed baby. Not saying that is because he was bottled feed but pointing out that breastfeeding does not necessarily make for a healthier baby. Good luck whatever you decide to do. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 13 January 2007 at 9:57pm
LOL Annie I am a bit ofa mad rabid pro-breastfeeding nut here too, but I have had to eat a few of my words lately with all the problems I've had   ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 14 January 2007 at 4:12pm
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I didn't take it as a pro BF rant, but as an example of things sorting themselves out and that is what I need to hear at the moment. Even at this late stage that it could turn around and BF could still happen. But I have been expressing three times a day for the last couple of days and I am still getting the same daily volumes that I was getting doing it up to 8 times a day. so that is handy to know. I am on Domperidone too (not a French champagne as most peple think), which I have taken for about 5 weeks as well as homeopathic remedies, not the tea as it's disgusting, and I am eating lots of cashew nuts as well.
Thank you everyone for your support, while I have support from my immediate family I will find it hard explaining to other people, and I know it is no one elses business. It has been hard to find information about bottle feeding Claire ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 14 January 2007 at 4:16pm
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If you have any questions (about bottle feeding) I am happy to try and help answer them, just send me a PM ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 14 January 2007 at 7:00pm
| Yeah same, any info you need |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 14 January 2007 at 8:09pm
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i just managed a 15 minute breast feed with no tears from me and minimal screaming from Fay, it was loverly ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 15 January 2007 at 12:23am
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Yay, well done, good luck for more! ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 15 January 2007 at 11:41am
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I had a tough time with BF for the first 4 weeks. Joshua would not open his mouth properly, and most feeds it would take us at least half an hour to get him latched on each side. Then, I discovered that one of my nipples was slightly inverted, so used nipple guards, which were great but he didn't feed as well from them. It also hurt really badly, I would dread every feed, and cry and cry and cry everytime he would try to latch, my toes curling and tensing every muscle in my body. I don't know what kept me sticking at it through that tough time, and funnily enough it never crossed my mind to bottle feed, but seriously like the others are saying, a happy mummy and baby is the MOST important thing - you are not a bad mother if you bottle feed your baby. You are a wonderful mummy who gave it her best shot. All the best
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 15 January 2007 at 2:43pm
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Hey, a wee note, you get about a 10 week window to get them to "learn" to b/f, after that, it becomes harder. Once she is feeding off you more, you will notice the volumes you are expressing gradually increase too. Good luck!! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 January 2007 at 8:34pm
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I found the same thing with expressing - the first couple of weeks I expressed religiously every 3 hours and thru the night so build up my supply, but I discovered when I started thinking about weaning that even if I went 5-6 hours, or even overnight, I still got the same amount. So if I expressed 3hourly I got 120ml per side, but if I expressed 5 hourly I got 240ml per side. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 18 January 2007 at 1:08pm
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Just wanted to say a big thank you to you all for your support and help.
I went back to the Plunket Centre again today for another crack at BF, but have made the decision to give myself and Fay a break and stop trying. for many reasons. Firstly I feel like I am going mad..... I have turned into this depressed stressed emotional wreck, which is so not me...Plunket nurse is concerned about this down ward trend in my mental state continuing if I don't make some changes Secondly Fay is still making little effort to latch and suck properly, she holds her tongue up to latch and also when bottle feeding her suck is inefficient at best, I didn't realise that those big sucky noises she makes on the bottle are not normal and mean that she is not even latching to a bottle teat properly. so it is off to a speach therapist we go in the near future. I am seeing Plunket next week prior to 6 week check, so that she can judge if I have moved on from this, and talk to my GP if needs be. I think I needed someone to be this honest with me, else I would still be trying this in 18 months time. I will continue with the domperidone and expressing for as long as I can and am able to do, so that she is still breast milk fed as much as I can. I never considered through my pregnancy that I would not be able to feed and never had the information that it is not always possible. we had the shock of Fay's early arrival against us, as I was completely shell-shocked for the first week and we were separated for the first week or so, not the ideal combination for establishing BF. so I now have to focus on my gorgeous wee girl, who is a whisper away from smiling and has outgrown her first set of clothes today, she is growing and putting on weight and is generally happy, except at midnight. What I was wondering was, what comebacks do you use when 'well-meaning' people ask you about bottle feeding, other than mind your own business. Plunket nurse has suggested I have something in mind to avoid lengthy and unecessary explanations/justifications ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 18 January 2007 at 1:49pm
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Good on you, I hope in time you feel ok about your decision and you will come to realise that BF is not the be all and end all. Your daughter will still grow to be a healthy happy beautiful little girl.
When people ask if Addison is breast or bottle I just say yes bottle by personal choice with a stern look in my eye and i have never had anyone comment any further. IN fact Ive hardly every had comments at all. Just stick to your guns and dont let them make you feel guilty. If you start explaining yourself (in situations where you dont want to) then they will make you feel worse and there is no reason to. good luck |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 18 January 2007 at 1:56pm
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I can't remember if I had anyone outside of my family and friends ask how I was feeding Andrew. But I would be saying its a personal choice, or make them feel really bad for nosing in and say my dr has told me to bottle feed due to complications at birth. Hopefully you don't have too many random people asking you. Good on you for making the decision after you sought help. The first step is always the hardest to get hel pand you have done that which is great. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 18 January 2007 at 8:06pm
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Good for you for making the difficult choice. I only ever had one negative experience when I was bottle feeding Jake EBM, he was about 4 weeks old, so not BF yet. We were in a restaurant, and this older (45/50ish)were giving me filthy looks, so i said in a loud voice "I wonder if I should tape a sign above my head saying it's breast milk in here, or if they would prefer I just whipped them out for all to see?" I do think it is often "perception" that people are "judging", but like my2angels said, just get a steely "I dare you" lookon for face, and I bet no one says a word! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 18 January 2007 at 9:43pm
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I'd be inclined to say that I can't breastfeed, but probably only to friends/acquaintances, not nasty strangers
Just a note about the tongue-up latching. One of my brothers used to do that and a lactating consultant suggested Mum slide her finger down his tongue right before latching. She was bf-ing so I'm not sure if that is relevant to bottle feeding (as teats are stronger against tongues than nipples!) but may be of help. ------------- |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 19 January 2007 at 9:38am
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Well, how dare anyone question you using a bottle to feed your own baby! I hope it never happens and that you don't get a tough time for it, because you've done amazingly well, you haven't failed at breastfeeding (it just didn't work! No need to blame anyone eh), you're feeding your wee girl the best way possible for the time being, and in my books that means you're doing GREAT! But should you need a comeback - I think the steely 'ask me and I'll bite your head off' look puts a lot of people off asking in the first place (he he... I've been known to use it to avoid bump-touching, and looks for breastfeeding discreetly in public). And if they're still rude enough to enquire, you could try telling them something like "this was the best choice for me to make... you have no idea about the heartache that lead up to it" just to make them feel stink for asking! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 19 January 2007 at 4:47pm
I had thought the 'dare you to ask me' look, would be the way to go, just not very good at that in my current state of mind, but will practice heaps  (OOh that was cross eyed not the look i was hoping for)
funny, Mum commented today that I looked much happier and Fay was responding more to me, with a smile at one point, she knows that her mummy is happier even if she is not 100% happy with how things have panned out, I think it will just take time now to come to peace with my choice thanks guys ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 19 January 2007 at 6:07pm
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Great, I bet you feel like a weight has been lifted!! You could always try the ....."It was better for Fay's health and my mental health to use bottles ... but thanks for asking!" most people will walk away in shame for asking ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 19 January 2007 at 9:19pm
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I like that one, thanx.
And yes i feel so much better today, I just needed someone to 'give me permission' to stop really, so I knew it was OK not to bf, even though in my head Iknew I had to, my heart wasn"t ready to stop I tried some orthodontic teats today and she went much better and much less messy ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 19 January 2007 at 9:25pm
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Good on you for giving yourself permission to give yourself a break! (wow that was a mouthful!)
I have luckily not had to fend off breastfeeding Nazis coz nobody really expects you to breastfeed twins, but if they did I would point out that breastmilk has made all three of my girls sick, so I do actually know what I'm doing! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 20 January 2007 at 8:06am
| Isnt if funny the whole breast is always best thing yet as you said Emma, because you have twins people dont expect you to b/f two babies. If its really such a bit deal then shouldnt it apply whether your feeding one or five (crikey imagine that) |
Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 25 March 2007 at 2:00pm
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Bump for yummymummy ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 25 March 2007 at 5:17pm
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Thanks Claire! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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