Trying too hard?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=5629
Printed Date: 10 October 2025 at 1:01pm
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Topic: Trying too hard?
Posted By: busymum
Subject: Trying too hard?
Date Posted: 09 February 2007 at 11:14pm
I'm still trying to figure out where I'm at. But I have a 3yo who wants to learn and be stretched, a 18mo who is a bit of a mischief, draws on books  , and generally tries to copy or get into the stuff off Miss 3. Then I have a 4wo of course as well, who isn't all that demanding but does require energy, long hours and bf on demand.
Add to that a 5 bedroom house on two storeys, washing, dinner, dishes, you know all that stuff, and there's just something I can't put my finger on. I pretty much am keeping up with housework and kids, and DH helps out with the kids in the evenings, bathing and the dishes too. But even so, it feels like I have bone-deep exhaustion. Or sleep-deprival (although Krysti is not waking much during the nights). Or maybe I just have too high expectations of myself a month after having a baby? It just feels like a whole lot of the pg stuff is still there. General clumsiness like banging things on the hall wall when carrying them, feeling not as alert as I should be when I'm driving, I can't think of any other specifics at the moment. I wouldn't say I'm depressed (I keep thinking of PND cause I've just had a baby - not that I've had PND before though). I'm happy, but I'm brain-tired. Ideas? Suggestions? I thought about having an "afternoon" off but I don't think that would do anything. I'd still be on call for feeding Krystiana (not gonna introduce expressed milk just for a day!) and what would I do anyway? Then I thought of just getting a bit more involved in music groups etc for the older girls, but hopefully that doesn't lead to exhaustion either. Hmmm the musings of a SAHM I guess. Anyone else in the same boat... or still reading for that matter? -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 09 February 2007 at 11:23pm
All I have to say is - Geepers creepers you are doing well surviving all that! I'd be crumpled in a heap somewhere on the floor sobbing my little heart out at the injustices that I have to deal with. (Little bit of a drama queen, yes  )
Is there anyone that can take the girls out and "stimulate" them for a while, and regularly? That might give you a 'mind break' from feeling solely (sp?) responsible for their education, as well as a physical break... hopefully teamed with a Krysti nap, where you can perhaps have a nap of your own! You are doing amazingly well 
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 09 February 2007 at 11:26pm
Go to bed woman its after 11pm!! 
Thats step one in getting over the exhaustion. Other idea is the same as Nikki's - anyone that can take the older two when Krysti is due a nap so you can have some rest? And yep, you are doing so well with three littlies, I'm surprised its taken 4 weeks for you to post this!! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 09 February 2007 at 11:26pm
 Big hugs to you. You are obviously doing a great job, I admire anyone who has more than 1child under 5 at home. Sorry Im not much help in the way of suggestions as I have never had anymore than 1under 5. You do sound tired thou and anyone would be in your position. Do you have family/friend that will care for your older 2 so you could have a break? (hoping of course that Krysti is settled this particular time) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 09 February 2007 at 11:52pm
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Congratulations for doing as well as you are, I only have 2 and I still can't get on top of everything!! Just remember you don't have to be sad to get PND, but it sometimes just feels like you are walking round in a fog or the clouds are hanging around head height and you cant see thru them. I went the whole day yesterday walking round my garden in a stupa, backward and forwards past all of my lovely flowers and beautiful apricot gladdies and didnt "see" any of them till today and I made this comment to my mum and she said to me that today was another day, today was a good day.
Take it easy on yourself and don't beat yourself up if you give the older girls a slack day - it wont harm their education, they will be able to entertain themselves for an hour or so. ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 8:06am
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OMG you have three kids under 5 (under 4!) and you wonder why you feel like this??? Go figure chick???
I say take a break - and breath and look around at all you have accomplished....Im stressing about keeping a house with one child coming...let alone doing it with three!!!! Youhave done so well....but take time for yourself...and hope you do get your haircut today....amazing what even a half hour or so break will do for you...can someone take bubs for you while you are there even??? You have done amazingly well.... |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 8:23am
i remember feeling like that too hun!!! my 3 year old (nearly 4) was wanting to learn,and my 2 year old drawing on things too!! and with the demands of my new baby... and housework...it wasnt easy, but it has gotten easier.it hasnt gotten less busy, but we are getting into a routine and understanding. all i can say is try to take some time out. i make hubby give me time alone even if its just letting me have a 15 min laydown on the bed while he entertains the girls, he often offers now or picks up on how im feeling and tells me to go!!! look afteryourself you are doing an awesome job, and i know how hard it is with 3 under 4 (even if i only had 3 under 4 for a few months!!!) 3 under 5 is really hard work but so rewarding 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 9:17am
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Thanks ladies, you made me cry! Aimee part of the problem is that I can't get to bed until Krystiana does (usually 10pm), then there's up to an hour feeding at around 3am and then DH and the older girls wake up at 6am or just after.
Hannah has a friend's place she can go to for the morning or whatever but they have been away. I kinda wish I could get over my I'm-married-without-kids-but-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself sister over but she has a huge lack of understanding and I don't really want to invite all the smarmy remarks that come with her Now if I knew a couple of clucky late-teens... ------------- |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 9:59am
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He he he... we both know someone who is as clucky as a very clucky duck these days and she's GREAT with kids of all ages! But dag nab it she's working plenty long hours. Ah, I think you're doing a great job. It sure doesn't look easy, having 3 all so young, and I don't think I'd manage in your shoes, but it's going to pay off when you see your 3 teens all getting along marvelously (fingers crossed!!) and you and hubby can go away together and do child-free stuff while you're both still young. Woo-hoo! And you can look at your friends still changing nappies and dragging strollers around and toilet training and doing emergency bonjela runs and silently think very smug things! he he he. OK so that's a long time away, but I do think that it'll get better. And hey - good on you for saying how hard it is... even that's really difficult to do when the going gets tough! Big hugs to you, girl. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 3:19pm
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Mike used to come home some nights and while ayja was down for her late arvo nap - he'd tell me to go for a sleep - I'd wake up once ayja did and he'd have bathed paris, and have the dinner cooking. When hubby's home grab some times like that. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 4:02pm
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I only have one but we go to play group for 4 hours once a week and I think I enjoy it more than Jack you can just let the kids run riot and play with other kids and new toys. You can just sit back and watch and I'm sure there would be plenty of other mummys who would love to hold Krysti. Jack always goes to bed early and sleeps so well after as well. Just an idea anyway.
I'm not surprised you are so tired but it will prob get easier as Krysti gets into a routine. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 10 February 2007 at 4:43pm
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Hugs Teresa - your life sounds like mine a few weeks back - and you're not screaming on the driveway at 6pm so you're doing better than me! I remember being told I had PND and thinking - WTF, all I need is some sleep!
Hang on in there, it does settle. Krysti will get more efficient at night feeding so the feeds will take less time, and she will start sleeping longer so you get longer sleeps. The first 10 weeks with the gremlins I never had more than 2 hours sleep in a go, and I was amazed how great I felt when I finally got 6 hours consecutive sleep. As for the older two, I've found with Maya that paper and pens will keep her entertained for hours, and if all else fails I put on a DVD for her and shut myself away for 1/2 an hours peace. Hugs again! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 14 February 2007 at 8:57am
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An update on where things are at...
My biggest thing seems to be the nights when Krystiana feeds for an hour and these days I don't get a guarantee of a sleep during the day. When I try, it usually becomes 20 minutes 
But DH and I had a good talk about things over the weekend. He's actually been feeling a bit the same but not so much from tiredness as discouragement from his work etc. But the biggest thing for both of us has been a feeling of isolation and not having support. Just talking this over with each other really helped lift our spirits and then we realised that we haven't had all that much time together lately - partly because of a new baby in the house but also because there has been no "incentive" to set time aside more regularly.
DH's making changes with his work but the biggest change for me is getting a bit more involved in mums' groups. Let's face it - if you want support as a SAHM you'll pretty much only find that from other SAHMs. Music group started back last Friday and I just started a coffee group at my place on Tuesday. There's one other group I've been looking at but will probably wait a bit first so I don't overcommit. So things are looking up and I can handle a bit more wall-climbing by the older girls now too. Is it my imagination or are they a bit more settled? And I know that Krystiana's occasional 3am cluster feeds won't last very long. Thank you all for your kind words. It helped me to sit back and appreciate the big job I am doing. I still don't feel like our family is complete and when I feel overwhelmed the first thought through my mind is often "how will I ever cope with four?" But considering that won't be til next year (I hope!!) I've just gotta sort that out when it comes, not now! ------------- |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 14 February 2007 at 8:57am
what a novel writer!  ------------- |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 14 February 2007 at 12:17pm
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and a hero - youre going for four??? Ok gotta say it - are you trying for a boy???
(come on like you havent heard that before!!! LOL)
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 14 February 2007 at 12:32pm
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Actually Bombshell, no one *asks* anymore - every time I'm up town I get "Another girl?" and then something *consoling* (yea right) such as "Well I had 3 boys before my girl, It's amazing how many people have 3 of one before having the other". Yep I got that today and all we did was walk to the end of the road to post some letters
As for numbers... we actually are thinking of 6 but in reality we just keep going for "at least one more"... here's hoping it doesn't turn out Emma's way though!
I guess I should add that DH is one of 4 and I'm one of 10. ------------- |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 19 April 2007 at 7:34pm
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Bump for SB and all the other new mums ------------- |