How do I know?
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=5728
Printed Date: 07 October 2025 at 2:15pm
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Topic: How do I know?
Posted By: Kellz
Subject: How do I know?
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 10:59am
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If Im depressed or just plain exhausted?
Isla is a very unsettled baby, and I am still getting up between 3-5 times a night, and since christmas often she wont settle for up to 2 hours at one of the times in the night. On the occasions when I do get more sleep I feel fine,..but more often than not these days I cry easily, get grumpy (at dh) easily and generally feel exhausted and blah. Friends/family/plunket ect have asked if maybe I have PND, but I keep thinking im just tired, but am I or not? How would I know? |
Replies:
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 12:04pm
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Oh hun, big hugs ! Sometimes you just "know" but sometimes you don't, it can be difficult to tell.
However, here are some of the common "symptoms" that indicate PND: - headaches - panic attacks - uncontrollable crying - less interest in baby - more anxiety about baby’s health - anger towards baby - less motivation - less self esteem - irritability/hostility - loss of memory - loss of concentration - Poor sleep patterns - Altered eating habits (up or down) - Withdrawal from friends & family - Inability to cope And that's just the tip of the iceberg. If you're comfortable talking to your Plunket Nurse I would suggest doing so, or maybe your GP? I'm not saying that you need chemical help (ie: meds) but they would be able to suss out how likely it is that you have PND. You could also ask for a referral to Maternal Mental Health from your doctor, they are fantastic at helping and finding other resources that can help you - although I don't know for sure if they operate in your region or not. Anyway, feel free to PM me if you need to, and best of luck honey !! ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 4:12pm
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Oh Kellz, sounds like you are having a rough time of it! I can kind of relate coz the gremlins were really hard work in the beginning and it got to the point where people around me were whispering "PND" behind my back when I was/am convinced that I was just really, really tired.
I agree with Jax about seeing your GP or Plunket nurse, doctors have a thing called the Edinburgh Scale that they use to help assess whether or not you have PND. In terms of practical stuff I found that I felt a million times better after I had a decent sleep. Is Isla still fully breastfed? If she'll take a bottle of expressed milk/formula is there any way DH (or someone else) can pick up a night feed so you can sleep thru? My mum refused to do night feeds but she did get up and do the first morning feed at 7am so I could sleep from when they went down after their night feed at around 4am till their next feed was due at 10am and I felt so much better afterwards. I also found that fresh air helped - cliched I know but I could guarantee the girls would settle if I threw them in the buggy and went out walking with them. Hope this helps - will be thinking of you when I get up to feed the gremlins at 4am, so you're not alone! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Myamy
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 6:33pm
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O Kellz, i no its hard. Mya has been terrible sleeping at night the past 2 weeks (and only 2 weeks, i dont no wot id be like after a few months of this!) and i found myself asking the same question as i felt like a completly different person but ive managed to get a bit more sleep (nappin with Mya during the day,and DP getting Mya from her cot during night so i just have to lie there to feed her) and im feeling ALOT better.
Anyway i hope that you have alot of support around and both Emma and Jax sound like their giving good advice. Good luck!! |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 8:15pm
Oh Kelly i know its hard but its still horrible to read that your feeling down especially as i had just come over to your house just before you posted this and now i wish i had of stayed and helped you out a bit im really sorry please let me know if you need anything because i am more than happy to come and watch Isla so you can get some sleep or just be an ear so you can vent .
Please take care and feel free to ring me whenever 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 8:29pm
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Well I think I'd have lost the plot after disturbed sleep for that long and the hard work of colic... You're bound to be bone-weary after 4 months of it all, and I take my hat off to you! And in my humble opinion, such extreme exhaustion looks a heck of a lot like depression, and it's really hard to tell the difference. And yeah, I do think a lot of people are too quick to assume someone has PND, when it could be that, or could be exhaustion. Talking to a GP or a good Plunket nurse could help with an answer, if you're wondering if PND has struck or not. And if it has - it doesn't mean you're crazy or a weakling! Experiencing depression seems like a perfectly legitimate reaction to going so long without decent sleep and all the dramas that go along with baby being unsettled so often. Anyone else walking in your shoes would be feeling just as lousy. It's not your fault, not Isla's fault, it's a case of bad things happening to good people. Biiiiig hugs to the three of you. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 9:14pm
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Thanks so much everyone.
Im taking Isla back to the Dr tomorrow, so will have a chat with him. I have "fired" our plunket nurse cos she was useless. I left 3 messages on the answer phone a few weeks back (on wed, thurs and fri) when things were getting desperate, and didnt hear back til the following tues. By that stage I was already up in Auck (4 hrs away) staying with my parents getting support from them, and great help from a plunket faimly centre up there. Would have been better if i had been able to get the help we needed here. Jax- Thanks for the list. I can tick off 12 of those things at the mo,...but when I get rest I feel ok. Emma- Yep Im still fully b/f , but am finding it too exhausting to bother with trying to express very often. DH work performance is being effected by his stress/ tiredness, and he has been told he could lose his job, so I cant expect him to help in the night. Was great when I got help from Mum and Dad in Auck tho, and they will be able to down in a few weeks again,..or if things a real bad mum will take time off work. The girls in my coffee group are being great and have babysit for us a couple of times, and are going to have her again soon too. Myamy- thanks you reminded me that I really must look after myself and force myself to take naps! Amber- Dont feel bad. I should have just told you I felt like crap! My fault! Thanks for your continues support. Andie - Yep I think the lines are very blurry between depression and exhaustion. I am the only one that hadnt thought I was depressed, so either Im right, or my judgement is foggy! We'll see! |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 15 February 2007 at 10:22pm
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I find that I really have to watch myself when it comes to sleep and anxiety (which is my biggest issue if I let it sneak up on me)... but yeah, rest is really crucial either way, so hope you get some help with that soon hun ! ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 16 February 2007 at 9:49am
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And with the feeding - would Isla take to a bottle of formula from her daddy once a night, to give you a little extra sleep? ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 February 2007 at 10:07am
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maybe you and hubby will just have to decide to let some things slide, like house work, so you can sleep in the day...and cope better with the nights. it wont last forever but it can be hard when you have disturbed sleep. maybe if bub slept with you then you could feed lying down and get back to sleep quicker.? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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