age between your babies
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: age between your babies
Posted By: Brenna
Subject: age between your babies
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:14pm
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Hi,
I was just wondering what peoples thoughts are on the 'ideal' age to have between your babies... (and why). DH and I have been talking about when to have number 2... I was thinking maybe 2 - 3 years??? -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Replies:
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:28pm
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"Ideal" really is whatever seems best for you! Just remember to include the 9 months of pregnancy into your calculations... eg: for a 2-3yr gap, you'd look at starting TTC when #1 is 16mths old. If you got pregnant straight away, assuming #2 doesn't arrive early you'd have a 24mth gap.
For me: Gap between #1 and #2 is 4 years (with extenuating circumstances - Kiya is my daughter from a previous relationship, and was 6mths old when Nat and I met) Gap between #2 and #3 was supposed to be 20-24mths, but ended up being 18mths after I found myself pregnant sooner than anticipated. Gap between #3 and #4 hopefully will be at least 2.5 years - I need a break! I've been pregnant or breastfeeding since August 2004  ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Kelpa
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:31pm
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7 YEARS!!! HE HE HE
And its great....and not great! Paige is like a little mother and soo helpful and so kind and caring to Blake plus she can carry him and look after him while I have showers. On the other hand - it was like starting all over with number one! I would have to agree with the above...its when you feel right (both of you) and of course it depends what number one is like! -------------  
 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:31pm
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We have 20 months between ours. While I do think it is a good gap, somethings I wish I had given more thought (and so think about this alot when I see mums with young bubbas posting about ttc again so soon)to was these things.
1.) morning sickness (I had it for 9 months this time) is EXTREMEMLY hard to cope with when you have a busy busy toddler. 2.) as is the tiredness of the first trimester, which dosen't really go away, cos you can't just sleep any old time when you have a toddly person 3.) if your toddly person isn't walking, think about how hard it is going to be picking them up when you are fatter!!! 4.) your toddly person will grow up that much faster, they're not your baby any more! We haven't had any problems with jealousy at all, we have been very lucky, but I know a few mums with the same gap have. Just different kids, I guess. While it is hard now, I think in a few years, it will pay off, as they will be nice and close in age, and hopefully play well together! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:38pm
i agree with becca- ideal is whatever!!! i have 3 girls my oldest two are 17 months apart and i love it! my oldest was almost 4 and my second was coming up 2.5yrs when i had my last baby. the age gaps are all good! couldnt really say which one i prefer as they all are good. they have good and bad things about each. my oldest are very close friends which is great, my oldest is wonderful with my baby.... even my second is great with bubs, she may be a little bit more rough with her though. i think overall i would choose to have a closer age gap again over a 2+ age gap. whatever works for you though. 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:38pm
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We have 2 years and 9 months between our 2. In a way it is good Andrew is out of nappies and so we only have to buy for 1. But on the other hand he has been so used to being the centre of attention that he demands it all the time and its very hard to give him cuddles when BF. He is old enough to help with Joshua - getting a nappy and things like that, but is still too young to realise that his cuddles are a bit too much for Joshua and also he hasn't mastered holding him yet. I don't think there is even an ideal age gap they just happen. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:41pm
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I don't know if there is any real ideal, just pros and cons all around. So I'll just chuck in some of my random thoughts.
I find under 2yrs of age the older child adjusts far quicker (memory is so short), and the baby "catches up" reasonably quickly so they can play together. But the younger the toddler is, the more it is like looking after 2 babies at once, so that's pretty exhausting. A 2.5yo or older will generally be careful with a baby etc, up to 2yrs requires a lot of supervision. 2.5yrs is also roughly when dressing oneself becomes a reality. I personally like a 1.5 to 2yrs gap but it would be a little easier if I went for closer to 2yrs... but then I'd be so clucky for the extra 6 months in between! ------------- |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:45pm
Big topic... look how many "snaps" there are! And when I started typing, there were no replies!  ------------- |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:48pm
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i dont know if its ideal but our girls are 20mths apart. Some days its great and they play so well together. Other days they dont stop fighting. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:48pm
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Were going to start trying for Number two when James is 2 and then number three when number 2 is five i have no reason why I have chosen these gaps. I think just like to work for a bit before I have number three. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 8:57pm
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Our plan was always to have a bit of a gap. I want my baby to be a baby and not having to play big sis when she is only a year old.
I also want her to be old enough to understand a little bit about the pregnancy and to be a bit more gentle with mommy. Our plan is to ttc when she is turning 3. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 9:36pm
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I agree with what ever suits you, three years was just right for me between the first two. My big girl was very happy to be a big sister at the age of 3.
And now, after a thirteen year gap, my two eldest (17 & 14) are stoked to have a younger brother. They are enjoying him immensely :) I think its all about what you want and can cope with. A friend of mine wanted to get her children all born within 7 years, so she had 4 under the age of 7 and was exhusted but loved every minute of it and coped really really well. Me, I couldnt have done that without loosing my sanity completely! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 07 March 2007 at 10:56pm
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as the others have said...it depends on the individual....we wanted 2yrs between our kidlets as that's what i have (each) between my bro, sis and me and it worked while we were growing up. DH had 5yrs between him and his older bro (+ another 7yrs older) and they had nothing in common while growing up.
jack and charli are so far, coping well with each other and i hope that continues.  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 8:32am
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There's 3 years 8 mths between Maya and Sienna, and 3 minutes between Sienna and Mercedes
I would have liked a smaller gap between Maya and our next baby but it wasn't possible (Willie and I separated for 18 mths, then it took us a year to conceive again). The way things have worked out is pretty perfect for us tho with having twins. I had a shocker of a pregnancy with morning sickness all the way thru (again) and with having twins I was that much bigger and more uncomfortable from far earlier on. With Maya being 3 already she was pretty independent (she used to get up and turn the DVD on and help herself to fruit and biscuits for breakfast on the reaaaally bad mornings where I couldn't get out of bed  . And she is at preschool 3 1/2 days a week which gave me a break. Plus she is TT, doesn't need a stroller etc. And she's great with the gremlins, a little rough sometimes, and sometimes expects them to be a bit more 'aware' than they are but overall she's great. And she likes to 'help' - pick out their nappies, clothes, bath with them etc.
We (read I, coz Willie is not at all keen) would like to have one more, but it will be a couple of years away yet - mostly because with the disgusting pregnancies I have I wouldn't cope with TWO small babies/toddlers. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Katherine
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 8:48am
| Since I only have one baby, I have no expertise in this area, but it's been interesting reading all of your responses, as we've also been recently thinking about how much of a gap there should be between babies (although I still feel that HE should have to carry and give birth to the next one, so there's no way I'm actually ready to make a plan!). I'd love to know your thoughts on potty-trained versus diapers -- meaning, is it easier or harder to have two kids in diapers at the same time (a toddler and a newborn) or does waiting until #1 is potty trained work better? |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 9:01am
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I'm not finding having 2 in nappies that much more work than when I just had one, but then TT might be a bit of a mission if you have a baby on your hands as well. And I don't know if I personally would cope with TT during pregnancy coz I would be too tired and sick (and lazy) ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 10:56am
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I find two in nappies is pretty easy - while you're changing one, you just change the other etc. But toileting training and bf-ing are a bit tricky. However, there's probably no point waiting for that because my Hannah still needs help with wiping the back end and she's already 3... could be a long wait.
I probably should have mentioned that I get fatigued in my pregnancies but not morning sick, so that makes a big difference. When I have got pregnant with the last 2 babies, I've just gone to sleep when the toddler was sleeping. This time around, Hannah got pretty handy with setting up movies too ------------- |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 11:10am
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We have 3 and a half years inbetween Bay and jellybean I wanted at least 3 yrs because i wanted Bay to be past certain milestones such as walking, talking, almost at full time kindy etc, old enough to understand, fully toilet trained,a good sleeper, in his own room, independant etc etc probably just being fussy but those were our preferences
We also want to have 2 more children but at the moment we want to wait another 10 years and then start on the other 2 because these 2 will be alot older and easier and we will have a good 10 years to recover from bulk school fees, school balls, first cars etc etc plus DH and i will only be in our early 30s by then so not too late (im 23 now and DH is 21) oh and il be able to go back to work for a few years before i start on the SAHM stuff again
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 12:18pm
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I find it a lot eaiser that Andrew is fully TT and having Joshua only in nappies. He does need help with wiping the back end still but I make sure that he goes to the toilet before I start BF Joshua as he knows that Joshua needs to feed from me and needs to do it when he wakes up or when ever he wants to. I wanted to have a bigger gap but accidents happen - we were planning on getting pregnant about now so the 2nd one would be born at the end of this year - so its a bit earlier. If we have a 3rd I would like to be TTC at the begining of next year, but that maybe difficult with DH being away from us for a year with his new job so we will be playing it by air. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 2:36pm
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Hmm...
At first we decided that when Zaara is one we will try for another but since we have changed our mind several times. Several reasons: Work, money and time of work etc. And also yes I want Zaara to be potty trained....but I dont think that will happen. We wanna start trying for number two between June - Sep this year and if I get pregnant straight away then the gap between my two will be 2.5 years. The Gap between my bro and I is 8 years. At first it was great as I helped mom heaps with nappies, feeding, putting him to bed etc....but then I became a teenager and he became a toddler and ...lets just say...he was in my space!!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 4:22pm
We had a similar problem with DSD when she was living with us - Maya was a toddler and she was 12... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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roksana wrote:Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 8:19pm
| My son is 11 now (from a previous relationship) and my daughter is 4. When the boarder arrives they will be 12 & 5. I would have liked to have had boarder earlier but it just didn't happen. |
Posted By: Carmel
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 9:05pm
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We are planning on starting for number 2 when we get back from england in january, Piper will be just going on 2 then
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 9:11pm
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I have 5yr between my 1st 2 and 6yr between #2 and #3. It wasnt planned that way, it has just sort of happened ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 10:35pm
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I have 4 yrs 7 mnths between #1 and #2 and 8 years betweens #2 and #3 - not planned that why just as ;ife panned out but as Kels says it really cool having a big age gap as older ones are so much more involved and helpful. I don't know what age gap I would go for if I had planned it either. My kids are now 13, 8 and 31/2 months which is cool.
Ideal is only ideal for you - what suits one doesn't the other. Having kids close in age scares me LOL ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 08 March 2007 at 11:29pm
------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 March 2007 at 11:15am
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Oh no Emma.....it must have been a full on house!!
So do you have any DSD OR DSS living with you at the moment?? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 09 March 2007 at 1:03pm
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Can I just make a request to those with a large gap between kids? Please remember that those older kids have a genuine need for one-on-one parent/kid time too.
I am 10 years older than my sister, and 12 years older than my brother. My brother is special needs (Aspergers and Foetal Alcohol) in addition to being born 13 weeks early. He was adopted by my parents at birth, but as he arrived so unexpectedly early we took a lot of trips from Katikati to Auckland to see him before he finally came home when he was 4 months old. DB needed my parents attention, which was fine. As DS was only a couple of years older than DB, she needed my parents attention too... which was also fine. What wasn't so good was that as we all got a little older my brother and sister still got most of my parents attention. I basically got on with my life (as I was expected to do) and got very little one-on-one quality time with my parents as when they weren't spending time with DB and DS they were spending time with each other. I felt like I got lost in the shuffle. I have a bit of a problem with jealosy of my sister at the moment. She's nearly 16, and getting the sort of one-on-one attention now I didn't get at her age. I'm working on this, and I'm trying not to let it affect my relationship with any of them (as I'm getting on really well with them all at the moment) but its still there. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 March 2007 at 1:56pm
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good point Becca...really good point. I must admit that even tho not intentionally my parents did pay more attention to my brother, I thinks its partly because the of the Indian mentality that Boys are important as they retain the surname blah blah.
I think they thought because I was the only child/niece/grand child I had enough attention for 8 years. But I think I needed the attention...even tho it made no difference to me at the end of the day (I am not scared for life) but it made me promise that I would give same amount of attention to all my children. My MIL Said to me that she wont give as many gifts to my next as that would be my 2nd and I told her that if she decided that now then she should buy stop buying for Zaara now. I want them to get every thing equally...it does not matter boy or girl!! Sorry about the novel! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 March 2007 at 2:05pm
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I have a 15 year old stepson. He was 13 when we had Jacob, and his mother was expecting a baby 2 months after Jacob was born, so it was a double whammy after having his parents and step parents to himself for so long (and being so so spoilt!). He has adjusted very well to all these new additions, but he did have a bit of a hissy when we announced #2 was on the way, he said "there will be no room for me anymore" He did some around, and just loves his sister to bits. Anyhow, I am very very careful to give him and rod plenty of space and oppertunity to have one on one time, although, as he is 15, he is busy doing his own thing alot anyhow, and I always invite him along if I am doing something with his brother (and now sister) and often, he comes along. There is plenty of potential for disaster at this fragile age, so it pays to be aware, as Becca pointed out in her case. Hugs, Becca, i really feel for you! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 09 March 2007 at 3:10pm
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I'm part of a spread-out family too and one thing I want to do is have all my kids well before my kids start having my grandkids... if that all makes sense? I find it a bit difficult sometimes because I have a brother just 15 mos older than my first daughter, so he doesn't particularly feel like a brother but my mum is so busy being a mum sometimes that she doesn't have much time for the next generation yet. ------------- |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 09 March 2007 at 4:40pm
Nope (hallelujah!) ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 10 March 2007 at 9:30am
Yes definitely agree. My older girls need my attention just as much as Alize, Everyday I make sure I have one on one time alone with my separate kids (if that makes sense ) I am also lucky that my girls have their own night at nanas everyweek so I can have a girls night in or out with each daughter to do the mum and girl thing like shopping, out for tea, shopping, listening to the lastest music, shopping, gossiping and more shopping. They are both like chalk and cheese so its great to have alone time with each to choose what they want to do. I also take both girls to their dancing and marching, which I stay and watch and have always helped out with. Alize just fits in and goes with the flow lol. We have our time alone when the girls are at school. Weekend is our family time spent all together and sometimes with Nana too. (unless they are at stayovers, movies with friends etc)------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |