newly single mum
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=6117
Printed Date: 09 October 2025 at 11:03pm
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Topic: newly single mum
Posted By: ellabellame
Subject: newly single mum
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 1:59pm
well, it looks like i'm joining the ranks of single mums. sam and i broke up yesterday. 
i must admit i'm at a bit of a loss as to how to approach this whole thing. he doesn't want to talk to me but i still want him to be around for mikey and to do that we have to be on friendly terms which just isn't happening. any suggestions? ------------- |
Replies:
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 2:10pm
No suggestions, but lots of hugs!  ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 2:13pm
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awww hunny lots of hugs maybe give it some time ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 2:24pm
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Just give it a bit of cooling time and then see if you guys can perhaps sit down and have a chat about the future and your roles as parents and how to go from here.
Hope you will find some happiness real soon. Hugs. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 3:08pm
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Big hugs Ella! Have been there myself and it is very sucky!
I found that I had to let Willie have his space - if I tried to force a relationship between him and Maya he got very defensive. I made it as easy as possible for him to see Maya (letting him know when we were visiting friends in the area where he lived, inviting him to things like her birthday party/christening etc.) and if he did want to see her I didn'y go out of my way to be difficult (altho sometimes it was very tempting to say "you can see her only on MY terms, in reality that would have meant he didn't see her at all). I also learnt very quickly when she was a bit older not to tell her when he was coming coz he would often not show up and she would be really disappointed. More big hugs - try not to worry about him and what he's doing and focus on getting you and Mikey thru it - the rest will come later. PM me if you need anything. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 4:17pm
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sorry ella i cant offer any advice, but sending you some cyber hugs
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Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 4:26pm
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thanks guys, it's totally sucking here today but i guess it will get easier (it'd better!!) with a bit of time. ------------- |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 5:02pm
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------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 7:17pm
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My friend broke up with her partner and they found living apart really helped them grow closer.. not sure if that's what you want, but they still live apart and they have done since their daughter was quite little.. she's the same age as Ella..
maybe after things have calmed down a bit you could have a talk to him and see if you can work out times that he can see Mikey.. like he could have him on the weekends or something like that. I'm really sorry Ella, I've come close several times to being a single mum myself  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 7:56pm
I'm sorry to hear your news  I was going to suggest giving him some space to cool off before discussing him and Mikey but it looks like Emma has all the advice on this one!------------- |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 7:58pm
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not sure what to say but i am sorry to hear you've broken up. I guess just as Emma pointed out, try to keep it as nice for Mikey as possible. I have such horrible memories of my parent fighting. Oh and the not telling him his dad is coming is a very good tip. I remember sitting on the steps waiting for dad soooooo many times and being in tears when he didnt turn it.
Big hugs |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 8:50pm
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Sorry to hear that things are a bit crap for you at the moment. Hope he bucks up his ideas soon. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 9:07pm
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http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/">
 http://lilypie.com">
  http://lilypie.com">   |
Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 9:25pm
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I've been here too, although we did get back together and I agree to let him have some space just as the others have said, big hugs ------------- 
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 10:28pm
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Hey im sorry. I know its not the nicest thing to go through.
Hang in there, hun. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 10:32pm
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oh dear big hugs... all that ppl have said are true. Men go into their caves and they just don't talk like we do. As I do not know all about your relationship I feel I can't comment too much. I have been a single mother it isn't easy but it is soooooo worth it. I was the leaver rather than the left so it was my decision to go alone.
As for Mikey things do work out and I am sure if he wants to see Mikey time will sort it out. and if he doesn't it is a huge shame but you can't make someone do something. As Emma has said Pm if you have any questions or need to vent/ adivse etc.. and that goes for me too. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 11 March 2007 at 11:13pm
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very sucky, sorry to hear it.
def give it some time, but in that time look into your rights re access and child support and anything else important. When you do see sam keep it as civil and polite as posssible and if you are polite then he will have to do the same too. oh and i agree too not to let mikey see you two fighting or play the blame game or make mikey feel like he has to pick... and remember if you are feeling bad mikey might be too, its going to be rough on both of you, but i am sure it will get better, hopefully sooner. take care... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 12 March 2007 at 9:01am
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i've been trying to keep it as civil as possible around mikey but i think he still knows something's going on, he was running around the house yesterday calling for "dada" and waiting at the front gate for ages. it's strange because as sam works away from home mikey's quite used to him being away for long periods of time and suddenly he's decided to be worried when sam's not here.
he also woke up heaps last night wanting cuddles. i'm just going to give sam some space and when he's ready i'm sure he'll come and want to sort something out so he can see mikey. my friend says that he's probably just hurting and he wanted to say the thing that would hurt me most when he said that he didn't want to see mikey, so i don't think he really meant it........i really hope not, they love each other so much! ------------- |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 March 2007 at 9:30am
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Really sorry to hear that things are so yucky for you I hope you are doing ok.
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 12 March 2007 at 9:38am
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All i can say is huge hugs from us!
My best friend broke up with her partner a year ago (she was the leaver) and her ex said that he didnt want to see their daughter anymore (she was 2 at the time) but that only lasted a few days because he was only trying to say whatever to hurt her And id amagine that saying something like that must hurt the men just as much!!! especially if they are close. I guess he just needs a bit of time to air.
Hang in there and you know that you have all the lovely ladies here for support also
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 March 2007 at 9:43am
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Big hugs chick, I hope things work themselves out. Like the others have said, I'm sure when it is not still so "fresh" Sam will come round. Take care of you. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |