BS vs BSDH - our debate - help!
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Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: BS vs BSDH - our debate - help!
Posted By: Bombshell
Subject: BS vs BSDH - our debate - help!
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:39pm
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OK I say it is too early and she is too little, and he is too unsure of her in many ways yet.
DH (BSDH) says he will be fine and she is not too young to do it IT - being have a shower!!! I dont agree with it this soon...he does...I am also scared he will drop her, she will be slippery etc and he would never forgive himself! She is a total wriggler. HELP - what do others think, how did u feel if DH did shower with bubs etc soo young....this debate is turning into a mega argument now!!! |
Replies:
Posted By: thunderwolves
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:45pm
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We showered Ethan from about 4 weeks, and he loved it, I was also paranoid about DH dropping him, but he never wriggles much there, just chills out over daddys shoulder. Also get a non-slip mat for the floor, it made me feel better, just incase of any soap or shampoo on the floor. not taking sides, thats just what we did, but we were both ready. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:46pm
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I think the littler they are the better it is to get them used to it. Charly been having showers with me for about 3 weeks now? so about the same age as Gabriella is now. We never took Jake in, and he HATES them now, so I regret it. That made it mega hard when we were on holidays for 2 weks and only one motel we were in (and only for one night) had a bath! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:46pm
Yes she will be slippery, but BSDH has giant hands so he should be right! And the water won't do him any harm. I've never showered with mine (and Willie can't coz of the chemicals he is exposed to at work) because I find it tricky trying to hold them and wash them at the same time, but I bath with them all the time (or whenever I can convince Willie to dress them - they play up for him something chronic, clever wee girls 
But at the end of the day Mum has to have the final say! If you don't feel comfortable then she's not ready yet! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: thunderwolves
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:51pm
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another thing we do is not really wash him in the shower, I wont let DH use soap on him, so then bubs is not super slippery. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: hailstones
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:55pm
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I'm too nervous to head down the shower road yet too bombshell, and agree with Emma, only do it when you feel comfy!!!!
In saying that I know heaps of people who have done it pretty much from the word go and love it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:09pm
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we used to shower gabriel when he was only a few weeks old. they only need a couple of minutes and i used to just give him to my hubby when he was in the shower with a flannel to wipe him down then i would take him. no soap needed at that age. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:14pm
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oh and it will prob help BSDH with bonding and getting to know her better. you have to let him know you trust him now. or later he wont want to do stuff cause he wont feel he can. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:17pm
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DH showers with Brenna, but I wont cause too scared of dropping her!! I have heard of people who wear a t-shirt in the shower to help with 'grip'??? Don't know if this would be helpful or not?? I agree with Emma - do whatever YOU feel comfortable with... ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:27pm
james has been in the shower since he was 3 months old if you are worried about bubs sliping get hubby to wear a old t-shirt helps stop[ bubs sliping and let him try things with bubs bombshell it relly will help with bonding i was worried my dad would not bond with james but as soon as he strarted doing things for james the bond grew and grew ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:54pm
We've both had showers with Ella from when she was little, and she still has a shower each morning with one of us. She sits or stands (we have a shower over a bath) and plays with her toys. If you are going to have a shower with bubs, make sure the other person is there to take the baby from you when you get out.. it's pretty difficult (but can be done!) to get out of the shower while holding a slippery baby!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:57pm
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Oh yeah, and you say that your DH is unsure of your baby.. that's because you spend most of the time with her. I had to learn to let DP do things without telling him what to do, he got so frustrated with me hanging over his shoulder telling him how to do things. Eventually I decided it was better to let him do things his own way than to worry about whether he was doing things "right". ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 9:59pm
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Hi, Nathaniel used to shower Hannnah (didn't/doesn't so much with the other two babies) and it was fine. We didn't use soap, just a flannel to wipe her all over, and I was on hand to get her out when ready. Just watch the water temp, cooler than usual for adults, and if you are there when your DH is showering her then you won't need to worry (I hope). ------------- |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 10:06pm
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We have showered with Erin from the very start, we had no choice really - as we don't have a bath ! I mean, we had a plastic baby bath, but it was just as easy to go in the shower with her (or DH). Her being slippery was more of an issue when she started to grow for us, and now we sit together on the floor of the cubicle and I clean her that way since the showerhead is on one of those removable flexi hoses. ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 10:20pm
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Isla had her first shower when she was less than 24 hours old, with me, the morning after I had her!
We dont use soap on her, and maybe he could sit down the first time he showers her if it would make u feel more happy about it? I have found that Isla really relaxes when she's under the shower and stops wriggling around. |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 10:57pm
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I'm too nervous myself - I've decided to wait until Gina can support her head well so there will be less things to worry about. We are OK with giving her baths for now in her baby bath.
I think you should do what you feel comfortable with - maybe try showering with her first before letting BSDH? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 06 April 2007 at 11:00pm
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do it! go for all the help you can get!!!!! he may not offer again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay can you tell ive been drinking????????? anyay id be all for it, my dh NEVEr bathes our kids and if your dh offering take him up on it! ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 7:22am
Put him in a t-shirt, hand him the baby in the shower...then run away as fast as you can for a sit down and enjoy!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 9:38am
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Alize haas been showering with me or my eldest daughter since he was 2mths old. He loves his showers and baths. Like everyone has said "mummy's choice" ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 9:41am
I dont completely agree with this. She has two parents, a mum and a dad. and if you exclude the dad in the beginning or say your judgment is better than his then you run the risk of him withdrawing. like i said earlier tho, soap isnt needed at this age and she should only be in for a minute or two. i always found with gabriel too he was mega relaxed after wards. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Maya wrote:Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 9:49am
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ok i am going to let him read this and we will go from there....
We have a seat in shower corner which may help. Also have a long corded shower hose, but temp will need to be watched as it is gas hot water. He does have a problem with her when she throws her head back suddenly even when holding her normally so i want him to reassure me he would handle it if she did this in the shower as he damn near loses her (and his cool) when she does this "on land" let alone in shower....and i know he would never forgive himself if anything happened while he was showering with her... will let u know what we decide....yes it is "we" despite him often thinking it is all coming from me...!!! |
Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 10:50am
| You do over rule me a lot of the time. It's something I have done before I have thought about how I would do it. I don't need to wear a Tee shirt I'm hairy all over except my head and Emma is right I have huge hands |
Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 10:53am
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I think it would be better if I was holding her face out ie with her back against my chest and sitting on the seat then I have control of BBS and as I said from the start you would be there to take her as she only needs a minute or two.....
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 10:55am
| I don't know if anyone has said this but you could try having a bath with her first to get used to slippery baby. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 11:48am
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possibly easier if you held her with her stomach to your chest and one hand coming up as if it was in a sling with your hand on her neck and head and the other hand can have the flannel to wipe her down. her head will be over your shoulder then and even tho most babies like the shower they dont like the water spraying in their faces. there is a pic of my hubby in the shower with toby when he was a baby - get BS to show you - its on page 10 but doenst show what i mean about the hold. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 11:51am
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We had this debate when Bay was a NB and i didnt want DH to feel like i was telling him what to do with his own son so i stood beside the shower as extra hands incase things did go haywire! and of course DH did find him very slippery but he would just try new ways to hold him everytime he had a shower and found the most comfy - i dont think he had a favourate but when i showered with Bay i would hold him with his back to me. DH never dropped Bay although i almost did! and he mastered the washing body, hair etc things after only a month or so.
I agree that the earlier the better so she can get use to it because from experience with my nephew who started having showers at 3 months old - he is now soooooo scared of them! and bubs is going to be slippery and auckward no matter what age really so best to try when she is liter (SP??). |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 1:48pm
Mmm...I strongly disagree with this. Mum's tend to be overprotective of their kids. More often than not, the kids are ready far before the mums are.
From my experience with showering with Hannah, yes they can be slippery. However, if you "hug" her (hand under bottom for support, and arm across her back holding her right arm for bracing) it wont matter how much she wriggles. (I'll try to explain the grip more. Chest to chest. Your left arm supports her. Your left hand holds her under-leg near the knee. You right arm around her, across her back, holding her right arm near the armpit.) To Bombshell I'd say ease up. It'll help BSDH to bond and you to gain confidence in his ability. If you're really worried about him dropping her, put some towels at the shower base, watch what he does but dont say anything.
To BSDH - grip. And forget about Bombshell watching.
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 2:07pm
Waaaaay TMI!
------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 2:10pm
That's true, I probably AM more overprotective of my kids that Willie, but I am also a total control freak which doesn't help his odds when it comes to decision-making! Sometimes I do have to bite my tongue and reserve judgement and remember that he is a fully-functional human being and probably *almost* capable of looking after his kids ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 3:38pm
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the bath is another hard option...it is HUGE, spa bath...very deep takes 40 mins to fill and has tiled area with steps up into it and then you step down into bath...think this worries both of us!!!!
DH thinks i am being overprotective but Im not...Im just being cautious and also asking him to respect my views on it....he had only bathed her once until i forced him to last night...and she wriggled!!! He says he doesnt like doing things with people (ie me and mum) watching over him and telling him what to do...so left him to do bath last nite mainly and just sat back... DH is a wonderful man but has a bravado about him that needs to be set aside now where it comes to Gabriella I think...being staunch and manly is not what this is about...and that can sometimes get in the way making things unsafe....I just dont want any accidents so hoping he takes on board all your suggestions..as i have!!! promise!!! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 3:39pm
Are you guys distantly related to us? The argument is sounding familiar (about all manner of situations lol) ------------- |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 3:41pm
hehe Bombshell, it's tricky but I have had to let DH do a whole lot of things with the girls that I wouldn't have dreamed of in my wildest dreams! And the girls were fine and loved it! I'm usually the cautious one by nature too. I have found that DHs are usually better than we give them credit for  and also that they never, ever do it the way we expect but it still works out okay ------------- |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 3:49pm
I agree!! I was the same at first....now I've learned to just ignore the wild shrieks coming from both of them from other rooms in the house! (it really is better not ask!!!!)  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 4:05pm
| BS as I keep saying I'm not a completely usless and do know what I am doing sometimes. As I keep telling you if you go away and leave me alone to to do it get's done!! I hate people watching over my sholder. You just have to trust me!!!!!!! |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 4:25pm
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I have to say My DP was the one washing Jack at the start and the first time I did his face went under
I agree with what others have said sometimes its better just not to watch. The kids love it. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 4:41pm
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Willie won't bath the girls - his excuse it that it hurts his knee (he had a total reconstruction a few years ago) but I think it's more like his bones are too old and creaky to get down that far
And he used to dress them so that I could bath with them but they've learnt to put on a performance for Daddy and scream when he's dressing them so now he won't volunteer for that either. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 4:53pm
Hehehe B did all the bathing of Maddie too until I actually had a bath with her...to this day I still haven't bathed a baby in a baby bath - only in the bath or shower with her! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 5:02pm
| The bath thing is easily solved - we just use to yell out when we (either me or DH) were in the bath and ready and the other would bring Bubs in and hand to whoever was already in the bath then after, we would yell to come get and whoever would come get him and dry and dress him. When DH wasnt around i would undress Bay and wrap him in a blanket on the ground in front of bath and then get in and lean over the side while still sitting down to grab him then when i was done i would (already having the towel layed out on the floor or pram as it was nice height) i would place him over the side and quickly jump out and wrap myself in a towel while dealing to Bay. |
Posted By: Chovynz
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 5:43pm
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lmao to the posts after mine.
------------- Defending the male species since 1980
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 5:53pm
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BS - hubby has been showering with Noah since day dot and they both LOVE it. I was worried at first for all the reasons you are but just had to let go and it is all good now. Its something special that just hubby does with him and I think he likes that he hasa special job.
Hope you are happy with your decision - whichever way you decide to go. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 6:53pm
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bombshell i,m not trying to upset you in anyway and i do no how you feel re looking after bubs but i,m sure he (bsdh)can do the shower thing accendents do happen but thats a part of life and it relly will help with the bonding ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 7:07pm
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Nat showered with the boys from at least as young as BBS is now, if not younger. Babies are only slippery if you soap them up... what we do, is I strip off the child and pass them through to Nat, then lather up my hands. Nat holds one half, I soap the other! That way, only part of the child is slippery and it's not the part Nat is holding.
Nat's comments: "Is it worth involving the rest of New Zealand in your guys issue? The original question was fair, but now you are having an online argument. I fear involving so many other people in your issues could be a danger to your relationship. This is a decision you guys have to make privately. There is no point in involving other people in it. Think about it." ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 7:14pm
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BS think of it this way - when you had bub did you know how to do anything? were you an expert at bathing, feeding, sleeping cues??? etc...
No?! But you learn as you go dont you.? so surely BSDH should have the same opportunity to learn the best way to do things for himself also.? i just asked my husband how he would have felt and he said "odd". and when i briefly xplained why he said "shes a bit insecure then?" so -not a criticism or anything just thought i would tell you how it looked to an outsider. I would say let him do it. he and bub will both be fine and you will eventually too. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: BSDH
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 7:45pm
Na We're not it's all good BS'll come around to my way of thinking when BS is good and ready.... Gotta put some contrvercial comments in or it wouldn't be any fun but the question and BS's concern is very geniune and it's nice to know other peoples thought. We arent fighting over this we just cant agree right now and want input which has been helpful |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 April 2007 at 7:46pm
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In your defence BS I don't think your reaction has been odd, but males/females generally parent quite differently and different people have different expectations etc, and this one has obviously caught you by surprise.
But I also think the "other" Nat has a good point. Now that you guys have got your advice, it may be good to talk to each other in person instead of via us ... I mean that in a nice way of course.------------- |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 08 April 2007 at 4:48pm
My DH says this about most things on here!
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 April 2007 at 7:59pm
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Mine has no idea what goes on here - altho I do get some funny looks when he sees me sitting at the keyboard cracking up ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 08 April 2007 at 10:27pm
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we werent arguing on here...and was kinda upset to see that comment! Im glad DH is taking an interest in his daughter and i think he has taken on board a lot of what the mums (and a few dads) say on this site
there are some good points on here....and we have discussed it...DH is going to wait til im ready - and im sure in next week or so I will find a time when i am....Im glad we got some pointers on stuff like no soap etc...that is exactly why i asked this....and Im glad there was input for us both to take on board. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 09 April 2007 at 9:48am
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 09 April 2007 at 5:18pm
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Well said, BS! Well I missed the boat on this thread! (Ella's been showered with her Daddy from the start. Seems to be her favourite time of the day. If I bathe her, it's in the bath 'cause I just feel all thumbs trying to shower her, but hubby's pretty good at it). Anyway, looks like you guys will sort out something that suits the both of you, so it's all good! ...and I think it's true - us mum's can be "overprotective" sometimes but someone's gotta do it!! It's out job and we're like that for a reason! Just like dad's tend to be a bit riskier and more fun!! It all balances out and the kids benefit from the variety IMHO. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Deez
Date Posted: 09 April 2007 at 6:50pm
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JK showered with Lycan from two weeks old. He used soap and shampoo and dropping him ws never a issue. He would hold him so he would be lying with his back on JK's forearm and against his stomach, same as a BFing position. Lycan loved to shower when he was that young but now he has a bath because he likes to play.
-------------  
Lycan and Peyton = Moon and back!! |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 10 April 2007 at 2:15pm
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Ok havent read what others wrote re this...and looks like a heated issue.
My here is my my 2c worth. Atish is very old fashioned and refused to bath with Zaara. He says ..I am guy she is a girl!! YOU bath with her!! I will do it when and if I have a boy!! So I do shower with her...occationally and not when she was little. but when she was older like 5 months or older. It all depends on you!! I am going to go and read the rest of the thread and see what happened!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 10 April 2007 at 2:32pm
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Oh and after out shower I call out to Atish and he comes and grabs her and then wipes her and puts lotion on ....while I finish my shower.
I do soap Zaara and some times I had close calls where she was slipping out of my hands etc....and once she was sitting in shower ...got up and before I could catch her she fell and true these things happen and its all good...but again, Zaara was much older and at could stand up!! I dont see a problem with you guys coming on here and talking about things. Some times this site can work like a counsellor (SP??). If you feel happy to talk openly then good on you! We (or should I say me) dont judge any one..... I think both of you are great parents!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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