The One that got away....
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=6682
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Topic: The One that got away....
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: The One that got away....
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 12:43pm
| Maybe it's just me, but there is a guy from my past who I think of a lot, and always wonder how he is, where he is, what he's doing etc. I don't wish I was with him any more, but I do have a little bit of a... hmmm... dunno what the right word is here, but a special little place in my heart for him. I haven't seen him in 6 years, and today we both happened to be on MSN for the first time in ages, and he tells me he's just moved to Montreal to be with a woman. Whilst I am so happy for him to have found someone wonderful, I feel a little bit sad too.... What on earth is that about???! I have my wonderful man, and my wonderful son and everything is wonderful.... so why do I feel a bit sad?? Anyone else ever experienced this kind of madness before?? |
Replies:
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 1:17pm
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He's your 'what if' guy Clare, and it's not madness.
I think most girls have a 'what if' guy ...someone from their past who they think of every now and again, maybe even someone who nothing happened with, but who is there nonetheless in a little corner of their hearts for whatever reason. I also think that you can be perfectly happy and content, and still, sometimes, wonder 'what if' about some things ...and sometimes that can leave us feeling a little sad. It's not madness 
------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 1:19pm
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You are so not alone Clare. I am from Australia, been here nearly 8 years. But I do think of two men from my past. One I haven't seen since High School and the other since I moved over. Both will always have a special place in my heart. I think that it is because I expeirenced "growing up" phases while I was with them. I will always wonder if I should have stayed with the one that I haven't seen since High School. I do feel sad sometimes...... But I am in NZ now, married and have a son, ttc#2.
I just try to remember that I made the choices to move on then, and it must have been for a good reason. Sometimes those Rose Tinted Glasses can be really annoying, well for me anyways! Chin up, you are not alone with your feelings. ------------- formerly known as "Bee" Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy! Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones! |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 1:34pm
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I agree with the others, unless you've married your first love, I think everyone has someone they wonder about.
A guy I was with and haven't seen in years had a son around the same time that we had Benjy and I felt really funny about it. Not jealous or pining or anything like that, just odd and what-iffy. So yes, completely normal and not bad for feeling that way  ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 1:36pm
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Even tho I dont have the "what if guy".....I can see how that could effect you the way it has. Mind/heart is a funny thing.
But like you said, you have a wonderful life with your man and son......dont try and analyse this feeling too much I think!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: thunderwolves
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 1:49pm
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I have a "what-if" guy. (drifts off into a day dream) and I think it is completly normal, I think the trick is not to think about it too much, have your little what if thoughts and leave them at that, dont try to figure out why you have them, enjoy them, then snap back to reality. oh and i saw my what if guy at pak n save when i was pregnant, i spent my entire shop trying to avoid him, dont ask why, maybe i didnt want him to know i was having a baby with some one else.hmmmm ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 2:16pm
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I've got a what if guy as well. I do think about him alot. We kept in touch after I moved up here almost 9 years ago now, he went overseas, and we kept in touch then as well, and he came all the way up here just to see me when he came home. I really really loved him. he wasn't keen to move here and I wasn't keen to go back to invercargill, so it was a stale mate thing, really. Not long after his visit, I met Rod, and we broke up twice, Rod was very gun shy. The last time, I was really crying on Vinnys shoulder about why nice girls get thrown over for bad girls all the time and he was lamenting the nice guys thing as well, and we decided to meet up in chch 6 weeks down the track, and have a boozy weekend. During this time, Rod and I got back together for good, and we moved in together. After I told Vinny, I have never ever heard form him again. All my ph calls, texts and emails have gone un answered. I feel awful that I hurt him so much (did I though?) and so much want to share everything with him, as more than anything we were best best friends. Hmmm. Sorry for the thread hijack Clare. Am plesed to see I'm not the only one who has a "what if" guy! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: jax
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 2:23pm
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Yup, I have a "what if" guy here too. I hear from him every so often, and my heart always races a little bit when the txt or email comes through... I try not to overthink it though, because I'm more than happy with where I am in my life now. ------------- Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater 
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~ |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 2:42pm
| I have 2 guys that I often think about,..I think its more an unfinished buisness kinda thing with them, no racing herat or anything,..I think i just want answers,..that Im never gonna get!! The first was a highschool thing. He was a good friend at the time, and I would just like to know how he is,..what he's up to etc. The second one really broke my heart,..I thought he was the love of my life,..then one day after we had been together 6 months, he phoned me and said he didnt want to see me ever again,..and that was it,..he wouldnt explain a thing,..it was 7 years ago,..but i would still like to know why. |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 6:07pm
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Yep - I have one of those too. It's nice to sit there and think about them sometimes. Last time I saw mine was when I just found out I was pregnant and was feeling like crap!! LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 7:57pm
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Im the same (hope hubby doesnt read this) I saw in the paper about a year ago that he and his wife had a baby and when i read it my heart stopped, and it was funny cos he named his wee girl something very similar to what i have named Addison (already had my name picked out so wasnt copying!) I have been with hubby since this guy and i split up and he has been with his wife for the same amount of time (12 years) but whenever someone mentions him or I hear his name it always makes me a little sad. This will sound really odd but sometimes I well kind of crave just tracking him down and seeing what he looks like these days you know. I remember running into him once when he was with his wife and we just looked at each other, it was kind of weird considering we are now adults.
Its a strange thing aye. |
Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 8:16pm
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Clare - you are definatley NOT alone! I think it is normal for people to always think "what if"... -------------  My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 8:44pm
| I think it's normal. I have a "what if" guy, 2 days after we got together he moved to Aussie and he couldn't move back, and I couldnt afford to move there, so yeah. I still wonder "what if". We are still in regular contact which is a little hard, makes me feel guilty sometimes, because the 2 days we had together were the most magical, amazing days. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 9:41pm
yep i have waht if guy aswell i was so in love with him and he will always have place i my heart but he went to london and i couldnt handle him being so far away and even now i think of him 4 years later its ok hun its tottaly normal and your not alone ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 11:27pm
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I don't want to be the cold water bearer but I think you need to be really careful about the "what if" guys so that you can be totally committed to your (now) man, for better or for worse.
Just my 2 cents, I don't mean to offend. ------------- |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 11 April 2007 at 11:27pm
I think how you're feeling is totally normal! If not, then there are alot of us out there who are abnormal 
------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 April 2007 at 9:53am
Awww, you chicks rock  It is so nice to know that other people feel like this sometimes. I guess it's easy to forget someone who you have a bad break up with, but for me and this guy we only broke up because we had different agendas in life - we met in London, and while I was preparing to come home, he still had years of travel left in him. We had agreed from the start that there would be no holding each other back from following our individual dreams, and that if we wanted different things then we'd just have to deal with it. I guess I kinda hoped he'd decide that I was the "one" and follow me..... but it didn't happen, and I didn't follow him either.... Ah well, melancholic moment over! Thanks everyone for sharing your stories
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 April 2007 at 1:32pm
You are so right there. I know that I am incredilby lucky, in a stable, loving relationship with a fantastic man and 2 beautiful (and well behaved, lol) children, and there is nothing I want more. If I hadn't felt that way about Rod, I wouldn't have gotten back together with him. Been almost 5 years now.  ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
busymum wrote:Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 12 April 2007 at 6:59pm
I'm now with my 'what if' guy (except that I always have a few more than just one!) 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 12 April 2007 at 8:30pm
WOW!! there are lots of what ifs here!! so glad to know!!. I have a what if guy that i so thought i loved!!! i thought he was my soul mate and we even shared the same birthday!! (even the same year) and man he was sooooo hot!!!! and im forever having dreams about him!!
BUT! i met my now DH when i was good friends with what if guy and well im still with DH certainly dont regret it as i have the greatest DH and son (although in saying that im giving DH the pregnant wife snub right now for p*****g me off!!!  ) and i hear from friends that what if guy is now unemployed, still living with his folks and kinda a dud now!! so im real glad i have my DH!!lol
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