What is wrong with her?!
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7086
Printed Date: 11 April 2026 at 7:48pm
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Topic: What is wrong with her?!
Posted By: mamanee
Subject: What is wrong with her?!
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 5:46pm
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My MIL that is.
My MIL rang me a few days ago and said that they were coming over from Thames to see us and drop some things off this afternoon. I stupidly assumed that this meant that they would arrive in the afternoon, so I invited my mum over for the morning so we could cluck over the new cot and just hang out, as you do with your own mother. Mum said she would come over late morning, maybe stay for lunch and then go home. It's not that I don't want my mum and my MIL in the same room, I just wanted to spend a bit of time with my mum by herself. Well.. MIL and FIL and SIL and her two kids and MILs mother show up at 10am, with lunch and other assorted junk that we don't need. So they start taking over the whole house. They had bought some baby clothes, a change table and a baby bath which was really awesome. So my mum comes over and I take her into the babies room and we stand in there for a bit looking at the cot and talking and looking through all my baby things. My mum likes to potter around and pick things up and sort things but was in no way rearranging anything.. Anyway.. MIL pokes her head in the room and says loudly 'What are you doing in here Fiona?' (my mum). My mum then says 'Oh just pottering around, looking at all the lovely stuff you bought over (being a nice person, as my mum is). Then MIL starts loudly saying things like "Well, I don't think you should be moving anything around as it's not up to you to rearrange the room, it's up to Renee and Murray and I don't think they want you interfering". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. My MIL is the most interfering, overbearing rude woman, which is nothing like my own mother who is a lovely, kind, caring woman who has every right to be in my house, in her grandchilds room. I was so angry. Then a bit later when we were all sitting down to have lunch, MIL says to my mum 'Oh, were you just wandering in the area and decided to show up here?' Ah no, I invited her over because I like to spend time with her you rude bitch. Would anybody blame me if I murdered her? She is just so rude, so loud and so arrogant. She has this stupid idea in her head that she is the best parent in the world and she helps her children out so much that nobody elses parents could possibly be as helpful as her and makes it known! My mum has bought us a pram, a car seat, clothes and spends time with me, because she loves us and enjoys helping us, not because she thinks she's better than everyone else.. Wow, I bet none of that even made sense. I just had to get it out. 
I'm sure some of you with MIL problems will be able to relate. |
Replies:
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 5:49pm
Sorry everyone. This is not photos. In my rage, I put it in the wrong thread. 
Some nice person might be able to move it. Thanks 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 7:24pm
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All moved
And your MIL sure sounds like high maintenance! What does DH think on the subject? If it were me I'd be telling him to tell his mother to pull her head in, before I tell her myself and all hell breaks loose. But bear in mind that I am one of the lucky ones who has no MIL.... -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 8:28pm
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well - it prob wasnt a good idea to invite your mum over on the same day for a start and secondly i think you should stand up to your MIL if she is being rude to your mum, but in a nice but firm way. ie, please dont speak to my family that way, she is a visitor in my home, as are you.
i think your MIL asking your mum if she was just in the area was a reasonable question, after all (in your MIL's eyes) you knew she was coming. i think sometimes that when family give things wether it be for a wedding or a baby or whatever they then feel they have certain rights over you. |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 9:07pm
| I think it was completely unjustified for her to make those comments as they did state (I read the first part correctly I think!) that they would pop around in the afternoon. Well I don't think 10am is anywhere the afternoon?! If I was you I'd just go nuts and then later on blame not being able to keep your mouth shut on being preggie - surely you can use that as an excuse?! (Maybe not for murder though!) |
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 9:17pm
Well .... my dh knows a man who knows a man...who knows a man who can get things done!!!!! 
my mil is in Auckland so we are a long way away .... & my mum is not often here when dh is here (she doesnt want to get in the way) so I guess im pretty lucky eventhough I do get on with mil Hope it gets better for you!! ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 9:26pm
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God, how rude!! If you're not comfortable confronting her about it I'd at least talk to your partner and if he agrees that she was out of line, he can have a word to her about being respectful.
IMO, just because she'd arranged in advance to come and see you, doesn't mean you shouldn't have your mother to visit as well. She sounds like a right pain in the butt Renee, and I totally sympathise, SIL and I are constantly asking the same question about our MIL!! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 9:30pm
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Oh I can sympathise with you!! Since Brennas birth sh*t has hit the fan with my MIL and I ended up telling her so!! (Something I do not normally do - I generally stew on things and don't get it out). Anyway..it was the best thing I could have done. She now doesn't judge me and tell me what I should do with Brenna -she has even told me I'm a good mum... woo hoo!!!
Maybe try talking to you MIL. Even though she might get upset (as my MIL did) just stand your ground and explain how you want you and your mum to be treated. It's a hard thing to do, but at it's better to get things sorted now than doing it when the baby it here cause you don't need any other stress. Big  !! I really hope things can get sorted out------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 29 April 2007 at 10:04pm
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My MIL passed away, very unfortunate as she was a lovely lady.
I do know what you mean about WOMEN LIKE THAT ###VENT### This awful woman that is a friend of my step-mum. She is one of those RUDE people that never has anything nice to say to anyone. She has always belittled me in front of people (as I am NOT step-mum's blood - AT ALL!) and OMG I nearly exploded at her this one time... but I wont even got there! Anyways! LETS NOT GET ME WELL AND TRUELY STARTED! After having Olivia she has softened towards me and I am a person who greatly believes in the humanity within. She is so kind to Olivia and delights with her, much nicer to her than I have ever seen her be to anyone besides my half sister. The other week, I am changing Olivia's nappy on the floor and I was chatting to her about Olivia not lying still when she gets her nappy changed. She said to me : "Just give her a smack on the leg and say NO! I can do it if you like." OMFG! Did you see my face turn purple and me hug my half naked child close immediately. "No thanks"
B#tch! And what I can identify the most with is the whole, she thinks she is the best parent in the world. All her boys have fled as far away from her as humanly possible at age 16. One has even run to the other side of the world. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Katherine
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 12:01am
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Aww, Renee, I hear ya. (See my own MIL rant a couple of threads down!) I seriously want someone to invent Mother-In-Law Boot Camp. I think they would need to pass a Sensitivity Toward Your DIL test before they'd be allowed to graduate. Also, When To Keep Your Thoughts To Yourself would be a good course. How about, Interfering: What It Means and How To Know When You're Doing It? (I could go on ALL NIGHT... Can you tell I've been dreaming about this for a loooooooong time?)
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 8:05am
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i wrote a long post last night -but had to delete it as realised i wrote it under DHs login...not great when talking about MIL!!! LOL
My MIL hates my mum and mum lives with us so hence they cant get over themselves either (something happened that meant they have hated each other since when DH and i first met) - my mum has invited her here for lunch a few weeks back but that is the first time MIL and FIL have been here since my bridal shower in Oct 05 and pre that my engagement (9 months before that!!!)..seriously!!! and i am soooo sick of having to go up there all the time....none of DHs family comes down here...he did manage to get them to go meet us for dinner down this way a few weeks back but they never come to the house....Ummmmm I own the house with mum and DH and i plan to live this way for a along time so they should get over it!!! and so MIl never rings DH here (she calls his cell) doesnt come down here (they live 30 mins drive away -thankfully) and despite adoring ella she has been a pain in the %#@ to me at times and i just wish she and mum would get over themselves. I am trying soley for Ella really....but she still does things to Peeve me off a lot....or doesnt do things (like get involved in our wedding, buy stuff for Ella pre being born, come to our house unless a specific planned invite etc etc..) - and this attitude drives me insane... ok rant over....SEE i share your pain...and katherines too of course! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 8:42am
hmmm, i must be the only person then who would rather my MIL and mum werent in the same room at the same time... 
i dont think just because someone is a MIL they should be allowed to be rude, manners should apply to everyone. i dread the thought of being the horrible MIL when my boys grow up and get married.
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 10:18am
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oh no! gandt i dread when my mum and MIL are in the same room!!! many bad things have come from it so i try to avoid at all costs!!
Renee you MIL sounds like a real B***H!!! (sorry) me being the big mouth that i am would tell her where to go if she overstepped the mark like that!!
So not the kind of stress you need so close to popping!!
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 10:41am
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I think you should stand your ground with you MIL. My mother never got on with her MIL (didn't approve or something) as a result when us kids were born we had very little to do with our grandparents as they made my mum uncomfortable, and my dad spent the best part of 15 years not having much to do with his own family.
I don't have a mum and MIL is lovely, and i wouldn't want my kids to miss out on having a nana just cause i didn't like her. |
Posted By: luna
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 12:44pm
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As some wise person once said .. who DOES get on with their MIL?
Actually, I get on with mine ok, but she has peed me off no end at times, but not to the extent of yours. And I don't mean to belittle what she did/said, buuttt you are pregnant and therefore every little thing can and will annoy you! ------------- Selina http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 3:01pm
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Well I get on with my MIL OK, but I can feel a stomach ulcer developing when she and my mum are in the same room. My mum and MIL both seriously misunderstand each-other - comments, jokes, not jokes, opinions - they all get royally twisted into something else. We thought our families were going to come to blows at a lunch we all had for Ella's dedication! Not great to combine them, but hey - a new baby will force you to sometimes. ------------- Andie |
luna wrote:Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 3:40pm
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It's not just my mum I don't want to visit at the same time as my MIL but it's everyone else too. I get embarrased when my MIL meets anybody because she is guaranteed to say something offensive, judgemental, rude or all of the above, and I would feel awful saying something to her because I know I wouldn't get anywhere. She honestly doesn't think she has a problem and bringing it up would really throw a spanner in the works and make things even more difficult!
On this occasion I had invited my mum over before I knew MIL was coming over. MIL invited herself over, and then arrived at a different time than she had said she would. Rules or boundaries don't apply with this woman, she does whatever she wants and would make my life hell if I stood up to her. My mums MIL is the same, my mum spent years and years never standing up for herself and unfortunately I take after her. No balls when it comes to this sort of thing. 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 4:35pm
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Did either you or your mum say anything to her when she made those comments?
Now might be a good time to start letting her know that you are the boss in your house not her... and anyone who is in your house is welcome - and if she doesn't like it she can leave. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 5:27pm
Sorry - just had to say - me!! i love my MIL, but I think that it is more than made up for by the relationship I have with my mother, which is now nonexistant. And this is much better for me and bubs than trying to have one for the sake of what society thinks. The only good thing about having a manipulative psycho mother (rather than MIL) is that you can end the relationship as you don't have to worry about the effect on DH! -------------  
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 30 April 2007 at 7:51pm
I loved my MIL too, there are nice ones out there. I hear that my Dad's mother was an absolute perfectionist cow. But my Dad was her favourite and she loved my Mum. There are good MIL's out there  ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 01 May 2007 at 12:03pm
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Oh no....I am one of those that try and avoid getting my MIL and MUM in the same room. They are two head strong ladies and both can say things that would offend the other (and have done in the past).
It end up coming back to us and DH and I end up fighting over it!! unless it is Birthday's and other family occation...those to dont meet. They fought over Zaara when she was born...and then DH and I fought over this issue. I was sooo sick and tired of it. The problem is that my DH gets influenced by my MIL alot and yet he says that he doesnt. We nearly split over this. My MIL was jealous that my MUM was there when Zaara was being born (or pre C Section) and she was not allowed....hello I didnt feel comfy!! So she had a massive party at my place and forgot to invite my mum!! ...OH I could go on and on......but I wont. I get along with my MIL but tell her how it is, she likes it or not!!
You should do the same!! honestly she has no right to talk to you or your family in such a manner. I wanna move to Australia so that I can get away from all this dramas!! LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 01 May 2007 at 12:27pm
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I use to hate my MIL and Mother in the same room becasue you could garantee my Mother would say something really stupid. My MIL has passed away and I miss her terriblly she was so wonderful to me treated me like one of her own. My Mum was so rude one day at our wedding she went up to MIL Mum (nanna) and said oh I can really see how alike you and J are now she is so sick. My MIL died 3 week's later oh and then there is the time she came up to me at my wedding and told me she was so sick she should be in hospital and then went on to complain to my MIL who had been in hospital the day before and was back the day after. So yeah I would love to have my MIL back. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 01 May 2007 at 1:29pm
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My MIL & I were fairly close TILL I had kids! I always knew she was a controling person & always liked to get her way, but she made a real effort with me & we did have a good relationship. But I had a strong feeling that ONE DAY we would have a falling out due to her very strong-minded personality & noseyness in our lives.
The minute I fell pregnant with Rico she thought she could tell us what to do! We told her if it was a boy he'd be called Rico. She DID NOT like the name & later went to my DH & told him we shouldn't call him that. Then proceeded to come to me & suggest other names. She also wanted us to have a girl & was buying pink clothes! We didn't know the sex. She then asked if she could be at the hospital when I was in labour. NO WAY IN HELL!! When I straight out said NO, that noone would be there she went to DH & asked him! Thankfully we'd discussed it previously & so told her noone would be there but us two, & she moaned to him about it. The minute she knew we'd had Rico she was up at the hospital & stood at the end of the bed (I was trying to breast-feed him) & just steered at us & cried! I felt so uncomfortable having her steering at my breast! I ended up putting it away & passing Rico to her as I knew she wouldn't go til she'd held him. Honestly I could sooo go on about all the things she did & we had many an arguement after he was born. She could never see what she was like & always defended herself. Unfortunately DH didn't see my point of view either so we too had many arguements over HER! Since having Gia I have relaxed a bit & she has compromised a bit too so get on much better, but if she ever crosses the line I WILL say something as if I didn't she'd think she could get away with it & do it again. Also to make things easier they moved to the the Sth Island so not seeing her has helped as well!! Although she rings most days just to speak to Rico, & in the 8 months she's been gone she's been up to stay twice & we've been to see them once. I was exactly like you, would bottle things up instead of having my say or standing up for myself, but I've grown BALLS since having Rico!! This is my family - not hers & I have the final say on what goes. I hope you are able to talk to her & put her in her place at some stage even though she may not like it & it could cause tension, but she's the one causing you tension to begin with. All the best!!  ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 01 May 2007 at 6:56pm
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Oh wow, I didn't realise there are so many problems with MIL's out there! I have wonderful relationships with both my Mum and my MIL and even better still, my Mum and MIL have a wonderful relationship with each other. I guess I am VERY lucky
I think its a real shame that mothers and MIL's can make life so unbearable, we are all here to live life, make the most of life and enjoy it, do they not realise this???? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AN E
Date Posted: 01 May 2007 at 8:24pm
I miss my MIL  . She was my MIL for only 1 week. We found out that she had cancer 1 week before our wedding, and was they said she might have a month left. She made it to the wedding - which was awesome. I was able to put some of my flowers from my wedding on her casket.
My mother on the other hand.... Well, I must admit she has got a lot better now that she knows I do what I say, no matter what she 'thinks' I should do! But no way is she coming to the hospital when I'm in labour. Yah for security! Anyway - enough about my story - hopefully you can stand up to your MIL and tell her what you think. I'm sure it will come out one day ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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